Joe walks into a bar with his pet monkey on his shoulder, sits down at the bar, looks over to the bartender and orders a sandwich and a beer. The bartender sees the monkey and tells the fella there's no animals allowed. Joe explains that he hasn't eaten all day, the monkey is harmless, please can I stay long enough to eat? The bartender agrees to this and brings him his order. As he returns with the beer, the monkey jumps onto the bar and runs over to the peanuts. It quickly shoves several into it's mouth and swallows. The bartender is a little mad and asks Joe to control his monkey. Joe apologizes and calls to the monkey. But the monkey jumps off the bar and runs over to the pool table. He jumps onto the edge just as a shot is made. The cue ball rolls up to the monkey, it picks it up, shoves it in it's mouth and swallows. The bartender, at the top of his voice, demands that Joe leave. Joe is already walking to the door, with monkey in tow.
Next week Joe comes back to that same bar with his pet monkey. The bartender asks him to leave the monkey outside. Joe explains that the monkey has learned its lesson, it doesn't do that anymore, please can it come in? The bartender agrees to this and Joe sits down at the counter. Before Joe even has time to order his beer, the monkey is running down the bar towards a bowl of cherries. Before anyone is able to get the monkey, it grabs one cherry, shoves it into his butt, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is too stunned to do anything but ask Joe why he said his monkey didn't do that anymore, when it's obvious it does. Joe replies,"Oh no it doesn't. Now it measures it first!"