Wifespeak <-> English
 
* You want <=> You want  
* We need <=> I want  
* It's your decision <=> The correct decision should be obvious by now  
* Do what you want <=> You'll pay for this later  
* We need to talk <=> I need to complain  
* Sure... go ahead <=> I don't want you to.  
* I'm not upset <=> Of course I'm upset, you moron.  
* You're ... so manly <=> You need a shave and you sweat a lot.  
* You're certainly attentive tonight <=> Is sex all you ever think about?  
* I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! <=> I'm on my period.  
* Be romantic, turn out the lights. <=> I have flabby thighs.  
* This kitchen is so inconvenient <=> I want a new house.  
* I want new curtains <=> and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....  
* I need wedding shoes <=> the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white  
* Hang the picture there <=> NO, I mean hang it there!  
* I heard a noise <=> I noticed you were almost asleep.  
* Do you love me? <=> I'm going to ask for something expensive.  
* How much do you love me? <=> I did something today you're really not going to like.  
* I'll be ready in a minute. <=> Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.  
* Is my butt fat? <=> Tell me I'm beautiful.  
* You have to learn to communicate. <=> Just agree with me.  
* Are you listening to me!? <=> Too late, you're dead.  
* Yes <=> No  
* No <=> No  
* Maybe <=> No  
* I'm sorry. <=> You'll be sorry.  
* Do you like this recipe? <=> It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.  
* Was that the baby ? <=> Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.  
* I'm not yelling! <=> Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.  
* All we're going to buy is soap dish <=> It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGIOD there's a sale in lingerie, and wouldn't these pink sheets look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?  
------------------------------------
/* in answer to "What's wrong?" */
--The same old thing. <=> Nothing.  
--Nothing. <=> Everything.  
--Everything. <=> My PMS is acting up.  
--Nothing, really. <=> It's just that you're such an asshole.  
--I don't want to talk about it. <=> Go away, I'm still building up steam.  
------------------------------------