Chapter Thirty-Five

“You gonna stick by me?”

“Maybe…”

**

“So, is Letty gonna try to kick my ass when she sees me, or did you manage to explain to her what the fuck you thought you were doing sticking your hand up my skirt?” Amber asked as we got into the car.

“Nah, she won’t try to kick your ass,” I answered. “At least…I don’t think she will. She’s just…she’s a little upset about all this…seeing us together and all. Just give her some time…”

“Great,” Amber muttered, turning to stare out the car window. “You know, Dom,” she continued after a few minutes, “I never would have agreed to this if I thought it was going to hurt her…”

“Don’t say that,” I protested, looking over at Amber. “You know, if it weren’t you, it would’ve had to have been someone else… But there isn’t anyone else who could do this. So I would’ve had to end up actually cheating on Letty… I don’t know… I don’t think either one of us could’ve handled that. This wouldn’t have worked without you. I would’ve had to fight Johnny, and any way it ended up, he would’ve won. Either I’d be dead, or I’d be back in jail… So thank you. For me and for Letty.”

“I don’t really think she’d want to thank me right now, Dom,” Amber sighed.

“Nah, she would,” I said, trying to reassure Amber. “She likes you, you know. And Letty doesn’t like anybody. It’s just… You just gotta understand her. For most of her life, everyone she’s let herself care about has ended up leaving her. So it’s almost like she expects that from people now…like she acts tough to push them away before they get the chance to hurt her.”

“Yeah,” Amber laughed a little. “I know what that’s like…”

“Well, uh…here we are…” I said, pulling up in front of Leon’s place.

“You coming in?” she asked as she opened the car door.

“Uhm…nah, I don’t think so,” I mumbled, looking up towards Letty’s room.

“I bet she’d want to see you…” Amber said, trying to convince me.

“Yeah, so she could beat the shit out of me,” I laughed.

“C’mon, Dom,” Amber pleaded. “It’d make me feel better…make me feel like everything really is okay with you guys…”

“Okay, okay, fine,” I finally agreed.

“Hey,” Leon said as we walked into the front room, Amber immediately burying herself in his arms.

“Hey man,” I replied, nodding towards the stairs. “Is Letty…?” All of a sudden I was glad Amber had insisted I go inside. Right then, I wanted to see Letty so bad I could practically taste her…

“Yeah, dawg,” he answered. “She’s upstairs…I think she’s sleeping.”

“Okay,” I replied, looking towards the door. “I’m just gonna go check on her…then I’ll take off.”

“Sure man,” Leon grinned at me. “We’ll see ya tomorrow…”

I was actually nervous as I walked up the stairs, wondering if Letty’d calmed down yet. I sure as hell hoped so…didn’t really feel like getting my ass chewed out yet again that night.

Turned out, I didn’t have to worry about getting yelled at. Letty was asleep, just like Leon’d thought. She was lying on her stomach, sprawled across the bed, the blankets thrown down to the floor. Letty sleeps weird…when we‘re in bed together, she barely moves. But when she sleeps alone, she thrashes all over the place, takes up the entire bed, and God help you if you even think about trying to move her.

I just watched her for a few minutes from the doorway, before going over and kneeling on the floor beside her. I remember, she looked so beautiful… Well, she’s always beautiful. But that night, watching her lying there in her bed… It was one of those moments when you look at the person you love and your breath just…catches in your throat because you can’t believe they actually love you back.

I could’ve stayed there and watched Letty all night, but I didn’t want to leave Mia at the house for too long with none of us around. Even though there were still tons of people there, they weren’t friends. Hell, most of them were barely even acquaintances. And I knew none of them would step in if Johnny showed up and tried to start something.

I reached down to grab a blanket off the floor, draped it loosely over Letty. Leaned down to kiss her cheek, then forced myself to walk out of the room. Leon and Amber had disappeared somewhere - probably into his bedroom. I didn’t bother looking for them to say I was leaving.

Took the long way home. Which, since Leon lives about five blocks away from me, meant driving halfway to Hollywood, just to kill time. Even though I wanted to get back to the house to check on Mia, I couldn’t have it looking like I’d taken Amber home and just dropped her off. Finally let myself go back around two, walked through the front door trying to swagger in like I’d just had the best fuck of my life.

I checked on Mia, then planted myself on the couch with a Corona, trying not to laugh at all the bullshit. Those parties are always like a fucking soap opera, but Letty usually drags me upstairs before too long, so I don’t have to suffer through most of the shit that goes on.

I finally went upstairs around four in the morning, after everyone had gotten the hell out of my house.

“Just fuck me…” I heard Letty moan as I walked into my room.

“That an invitation or a demand?” I growled at her, laughing as I quickly stripped down to my boxers, trying to figure out how the hell she’d gotten there.

“Ugh,” Letty groaned when I sat down on the edge of the bed. “Stay the hell away from me, Dom,” she said as she rolled away from me. “And turn off the fucking light,” she added, pulling a pillow over her head.

“You do know this is my bed, right?” I asked slowly as I reached over to turn the light off, wondering what the fuck Letty’s problem was. She couldn’t still be mad about earlier…I thought we’d worked all of that shit out before she left the party…

“Yes, I know this is your bed,” she muttered, throwing the pillow at me. “But it’s bigger than mine, and more comfortable, and it smells like you, and I couldn’t sleep…”

“Oh,” I said quietly, still trying to figure out what was up with her. “I thought you were asleep hours ago.”

“I was,” she replied shortly. “Woke up, couldn’t get back to sleep. Figured if I was gonna be miserable, you might as well be too…”

“C’mon, baby,” I said lowly, reaching over to brush Letty’s hair back from her face. “Tonight went good, I thought… just like we planned. So what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Dom,” she finally answered, rolling over to face me, her eyes dark and shiny. “Nothing except me having cramps so bad I can barely fucking breathe. Add that to the rest of the shit going on and I’ve just had the best fucking day in the history of the entire world.”

“Oh,” was all I could think of to say to that as Letty closed her eyes. “You want me to leave?” I finally asked after a few minutes of just standing there. “I could sleep on the couch… don’t think anyone puked on it tonight…”

“No…you don’t have to leave,” Letty said, like it was her room or something. “Just…don’t touch me.”

“O-kay then,” I thought as I settled myself onto the floor next to the bed. I was almost asleep when Letty started crying.

I was up and on the bed next to her in less than a second. Letty never cries…

“Letty, baby, what’s wrong?” I asked, scared to death to hear the answer.

“It just…I just hurt so fucking much, Dom,” she said, her voice sounding almost dead.

“What can I do to help you, baby?” I asked, running my hand lightly over her belly, feeling completely helpless. “Do you want me to get Mia? She might have some Tylenol or something…”

“No,” Letty sighed. “Tylenol wouldn’t help. Besides, I already took something earlier. Muscle relaxant.”

“Didn’t work?” I asked, immediately feeling like a dumbass. Obviously whatever painkillers Letty’d taken hadn’t worked…

“Nah,” she muttered, and I could feel her muscles clenching under my hand. “I think I’m just thinking too much, or something…”

“What are you thinking about?”

“I’m thinking… I’m thinking I’m a fucked up head case who’s gonna wind up in the psycho ward of our friendly neighborhood nut joint any day now…if Amber doesn’t kill me first, that is…”

“C’mon, baby, it couldn’t be that bad,” I said lowly, trying to soothe her. “Tell me… It’ll make you feel better. I love you…”

She didn’t answer…stayed so quiet I might’ve thought she’d finally managed to fall asleep if I hadn’t already known that Letty never sleeps on her back.

“I was late,” she said, almost twenty minutes later.

“Late?” I echoed, wondering if I was supposed to know what the fuck she was talking about.

“Not that I’ve ever been normal,” she continued like she hadn’t even heard me. “But I always was regular…fifty-two days of nothing and then four days of bleeding like you wouldn’t fucking believe…”

“Oh shit,” I thought to myself, suddenly realizing exactly what Letty was talking about.

“Anyways, I’d never been late once in three years,” she said, staring at the wall like she’d forgotten I was even in the room, like she was talking to herself. “And then…nothing, for nearly three months. And the only thing that’d changed was we’d… well, you know…”

“Oh shit,” I thought to myself again, remembering the first time Letty and I’d had sex, right after her birthday…just a little over three months before.

“At first, I didn’t even want to think about it… I couldn’t even believe it was possible. I kept telling myself…‘One more day…just wait one more day…’”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked quietly.

“I didn’t know, Dom…” she whispered back, still staring at the wall. “I wasn’t sure or anything… I told myself I’d wait another week, and if I hadn’t started by then I’d get a test. And if it said I really was…then I’d tell you…”

She stopped talking then, and we just sat there for a few minutes. I wanted to ask Letty so many things, but I knew if she felt rushed she wouldn’t say another word. So I just sat next to her in the dark, rubbing her belly, waiting.

“I was freaked out,” she finally continued, “but somewhere along the way I got used to the idea. I mean… I’m not saying I started hoping I was… I’m not ready for that, nowhere near ready… But, if it turned out I was pregnant with your kid…somehow, that wouldn’t have been the worst thing in the world, you know? I would’ve almost been happy, even… Crazy, isn’t it?”

“No baby…it’s not crazy,” I murmured, trying to reassure her.

“And so finally last week I bought a test. And it turned out negative. And I was relieved…like beyond relieved… But then this whole thing with Julie happened… And I know she isn’t really having your kid… But everyone thinks she is. And I’m just like… it should be me. It’s like she’s stealing something that should be mine… And then I finally started bleeding tonight… So I’m all bitchy and hormonal to begin with, and I feel like someone is ripping my guts out with their bare hands. And then having to stand there and watch you and Amber… And it’s just like…every single thing is a reminder that I’m not pregnant. And some very small, very fucked up part of me desperately wants to be… I guess…I realized this week that I want to have your babies someday, Dom. And…some part of me is disappointed that it isn’t happening right now. And I’ll totally understand if you think I’m a complete freak and you never want to touch me again…”

“Letty,” I whispered, leaning in to kiss the tears off of her face. “I love you… I want you to have my babies…someday. Now…why don’t we go see if I can make you feel better?”