Where, oh where, could UCLA celebrities have gone? Where, oh where, could they be?
Welcome to the educational column, where we usually expand the silly putty that is your mind. However, today's column must be interrupted for a special news bulletin. That's right, we are taking time out to cover the controversial search for Elvis Costello, who has been missing since he became UCLA's Artist in Residence.
I'm at ground zero, the UCLA Guest House, where Costello apparently disappeared one day after having taken the prestigious UCLA position along with one of those minty chocolates on the pillow. Police have speculated kidnapping or excessive obsession by a psychopath groupie who has taken Costello, bound and gagged, to a ranch hideaway.
However, crack investigators at UCLA's very own Daily Bruin believe Costello's disappearance may be just another case of celebrity snobbery, taking the benefits of UCLA's good name while not giving back. Of course, the ultimate test of Costello's whereabouts will be to see whether he shows up at his concert in Ackerman Grand Ballroom tonight. Trust me, the Daily Bruin will be there to bring you the truth!
Costello's concert will be his second on campus since receiving his UCLA position. His other engagements have been most recently at Berkeley and Saratoga, and his recent interviews run the gamut of top media, from the Associated Press to Rolling Stone to Entertainment Weekly. Yet for all his visibility, he remains curiously out of reach for Daily Bruin interviewers, who think that this crooner might make a pretty interesting story. His behavior does not seem to befit someone in the role of Artist in Residence, who is supposed to, according to Performing Arts programs, "create new works and collaborative pieces and will involve themselves with the UCLA program throughout the year."
The truth is that the Daily Bruin gets the shaft sometimes. We're seen as being a campus paper and therefore somehow immature. Who can blame people? After all, half of you think we suck anyway and get the Daily Bruin simply for the crossword puzzle.
But, in my moment of heartfelt idealism, I feel the Daily Bruin must be at least capable of covering on-campus events and personalities. It would be a shame if the UCLA basketball team decided to reject interview requests because they were too busy studying.
Sure, Michelle Kwan may have given us the shaft when we asked for an interview, because she was busy preparing for the Winter Olympics. But her Feb. 18 appearance on the cover of Newsweek, in an exclusive article that followed her around for a day, showed the Daily Bruin her true colors. It's a pity that she fell in competition.
Other musical acts, from Joshua Bell (Elvis Costello) to Michael Nyman (Elvis Costello), have made Royce Hall appearances but disappear without a trace when it comes to interviewing them for an article to promote their shows. What this amounts to is a sideline blurb mentioning that they came, they played, they fled (they Elvised).
UCLA is our territory, our bag. Oh, Elvis, can you hear us? If artists come to UCLA but don't give us the time of day, then we can't do our job, which is informing the campus of what is actually going on, rather than just the events where people were happy to get interviewed. Don't shut us out, Costello. You live here, man.
One last note: don't be a Spalding Gray, who stiffly gave me one-word answers for my questions, because he found out I didn't see his films but only read his book. All I can say is that I'll never waste my time paying attention to anything he does ever again.
As for Costello, he apparently has decided to continue his stints as Artist in Residence at prestigious colleges like the Sorbonne, Oxford and Heald, which essentially means you can look for Costello to be vacationing in the Bahamas next year. Costello still has an open invitation to talk to anyone here at the Daily Bruin – we'll see if we can pencil him in.
The sad thing is that we like his music. We think Elvis is cool, but he needs to get it together. He could have been a kick-ass Artist in Residence and set the tone for the program to prosper in the future, but he destroyed his opportunity and now will suck heinously forever.
