Howard Ho Click Here for more articles by Howard Ho

After having waited in line for hours among anxious denizens (actually, I showed up midway through the previews to a half-filled theater), I was able to behold the greatest and most colossal comedy of our time. Certainly Jim Carrey could learn a few tricks from watching the new "Star Wars" and realize that taking yourself too seriously can often be funnier than being self-consciously wacky.

For example, Jar Jar Binks is perhaps the greatest comedic actor since Charlie Chaplin. He has the slapstick grace, the vocal cunning, and the wonderful role as the only interesting character in the entire film. Why didn't we see more of you, Jar Jar?

"Lucas no let meesa. Fans be pissed off," Binks said.

Nevertheless, the two scenes with Jar Jar were the highlights of the film. Who can forget the hilarity of watching Binks say to the Galatic Senate, "Meesa propose emergency powers," which is perhaps the greatest parody of governmental authority since Chaplin's "The Great Dictator."

"Dank yoo. Actually, Lucas makes me speak with this idiotic accent. If I don't, he says he'll kill my family," Binks said, as he broke down and cried.

Other than Bink's storied role in the film, it was a flop. Let's now analyze its floppiness (as if I needed to).

Item one: the love story or "they fall in love in spite of restrictions." In "Titanic," this worked because Jack and Rose's love conquered class distinctions, cultural distinctions, and even a huge sinking ship which symbolized both class and culture. In "Star Wars," the romance between Anakin and Amidala is fueled merely by the fact that they are around each other so much. The Jedi Council even encourages them to be together. Doesn't anyone have a clue that two hormonal teenagers on a planet with beautiful waterfalls and picnic-perfect grassland will inevitably gravitate to each other romantically?

Item two: the setting, or "a huge world of intrigue where the love must be tested." The Jedi Council seems to be about as action-oriented as a group of accountants. They sit in nice circles and talk nonsense while nodding their heads and doing nothing. When Obi-Wan tells Yoda about a possible evil conspiracy, he passively says in bureaucratic terms, "Meditate on this I will."

"Yoda gets on your nerves with that backward speech crap," Binks said as he sucked down a cigarette.

In "Titanic," the people in power actually tried to keep Jack and Rose apart. This created tension, drama, and, dare I say, sympathy for the characters. The Jedi Council, with all its powers of mind-reading and future prognosis, does not detect Anakin's feelings, while he makes unequivocal clichés like "She haunts me. I can't get her out of my head." Lucas should have taken it all the way by having Anakin belt out, "You are my fire, the one desire. I want it that way!" Without restrictions on their love, Anakin and Amidala have nothing to rebel against.

Item three: the conspiracy, or "the men who plot destruction." In "Titanic," this role was fulfilled by the actual sinking of the ship, which represented a loss of aristocratic naiveté and bourgeois extravagance. Everyone scrambles as they realize their very lives are in danger. In "Star Wars," the Sith are overtaking the republic and no one cares.

"I cared. But Lucas cut the scenes where I become a Jedi and save some kids from a bad monster," Binks sulked.

As a result Bink's heroic-themed solo project, "Star Wars: the Return of the Son of Jar Jar," has also been unfortunately shelved.

With prospects dim, Jar Jar remains optimistic that the "Star Wars" franchise and its culturally significant dogmas and characters will always have a place in the film business.

"My next project is an adult film called 'Jar Jar does Naboo.' I think I can prove to Lucas and to the world that I'm sexy, leading-man material," Binks said.