august00

Sunday, 8/6/00, 11:37 PM

Your page is pretty good, but I think it could do with a few more things on it!

From: Australia
Web Site: Jedi Cantina
E-mail: darth_portman@yahoo.com.au
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Chewbacca

Dear Chewbacca,

          Thank you a million thank yous for saying my page is good. So, you think my page needs more "things" on it. Specify "things." Do you mean pictures? Or do you mean Bantha droppings? You see, I can not be absolutely sure unless you specify, Wookie. Sithspawn, I hate your type; always jumping around in the forests of Kashyyk, carrying Han Solos around in baby sacks. Let me ask, how many Han Solos have died because of this careless routine? My advice: Find a more sensible way to transport Han Solos up trees or I'll put Bantha droppings on my page as I think you asked.

Wednesday, 8/9/00, 2:08 PM

glub glub.

From: The Fish Bowl
Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Vada the beta

Dear Vada the beta,

          Ha! You think of me as a subordinate! How dare you suggest that I, the great Gran... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper, do not understand the ancient language of Glub! I get what you're saying, I catch your drift (pardon the expression). You underestimate me, gilled one. You think just because I am Chiss... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper, that I cannot understand your innocent looking message. Well, I've got you now, shark bait! I will expose you and show the world you are a traitor. Those two simple words will destroy you! I'll make sure you live to regret ever uttering those glubs. My advice: Think before you speak, my finned friend.

Saturday, 8/12/00, 9:04 AM
          I am face with a problem. I revealed that wookies are really two stacked up ewoks wearing a rug. And ewoks are really the owners of the Incom Weapon/starship/droid manufacturing company. And you r not a rebel. And that I can draw a sword. [======}::::::::::::::::::::::::> goodbye

From: endor
Web Site: ewokshrine
E-mail: colina@att.net
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice

Dear AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice,

          Thank you a million thank yous for giving me this vital information. I already knew this fact about Wookies, but you have reminded me and now we can reviel this fact to the world and all of it's occupants, tauntauns, and Admiral Ackbar (with a "k"). As to the statement that ewoks are the owners of the Incom company, I can assure you that this is not true. They are the CEO's of the company. This wealthy establishment is owned by the late Admiral Motti, who specified that even after he died, the company would belong to him unless they could uncover his remains, which is kind of hard if they are scattered into a billion atoms throughout the Yavin system. Anyway, I am an imperi.... I mean, uh rebel and I can find no reason for you to doubt me. And thank you for the sword, it is very nice. My advice: "Faced" is spelled with a "d" on the end, okay?

Wednesday, 8/16/00, 6:06 AM
          Very nice, I sence good feelings about your site, just keep it up! Very impressive! (You'll have to tell me how you did that with you guest book! The cover) BTW I love the fish thing.... Oh and I can draw a light saber as well....so there, neener neener neener! ]######[================= Sorry I had to add that....Ü

From: Just this side of the moon
Web Site: Kneela's World
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): To early to use the brain for this!

Dear To early to use the brain for this!,

          Thank you a million thank yous for using the force to sence the goodness of my site. I plan on using your words to promote my site because as it is, no one is visiting it even though it's at the top of the list! Sorry, I get upset sometimes, but do not fear, the "fish thing" will continue. Anyway, I will never reviel my Advice Corner secret. I am proud that I am the only one to figure out how to do it. It is of course because I am a computer genius as well as a military... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper. The previous lightsaber (one word, ha!) was better than yours. If fact I find yours a disgrace to all Jedi. What did you build it out of, a speederbike handle? I may very well reviel the advice corner secret it you tell me how to put that line over the "U." It's been nagging at me for hours! I can't figure it out! Please help me! But I do not bargain easily, so be warned. My advice: Get some sleep, please, 6:06 in the morning!?

Wednesday, 8/16/00, 4:17 PM
          Hi! Personaly, I think your site rocks! Fish have brain patterns similar to cows, so their intelligence rises and falls like the sun. But these particular fish have an uncommon DNA system operating entirely on lemon strudel.

From: Alderaan
Web Site: The Jedi Temple
E-mail: alynyani@hotmail.com
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Alynyani

Dear Alynyani,

          I am hurt. My site rocks? My site rocks!? Of all the low down insults... Correct me if I am wrong, but doesn't "rock" mean a boring stationary lump of compacted sand? What is my site, then? Metamorphasis? Igneous? Sedimentary? Oh dear, maybe you're right. Maybe my site is boring as a rock. Maybe I should thank you for bringing this to my attention... No. Never mind, let's set aside that comment and talk about fish. You cannot compare fish to cows unless you are speaking of a smart cow. I hope you were speaking of a smart cow. As to the lemon strudel comment, I must disagree. Apple studel can improve brain waves much better than lemon, unless the apples have worms in them, in which case apple studel can be dagerous to your health, but not to a fish's health because it is evedent that fish like worms, except on hooks, which can also be dangerous to your health, thank you. My advice: Get a name that is easier to pronounce, it's taken me five hours to figure it out.

Thursday, 8/17/00, 2:02 PM
          Oh my god, I´ve laughed about ten minutes now!! Have you got this site on the star wars site list? I promise you, you will get the hole world lying down on the floor, kicking into the air, trying to catch their breaths just because the laugh so much. And i´m not just trying to suck up, but this site is SO GREAT!!!! May the force be with you, (i guess you use it in some way, maybe thats why you´re so funny?) /Shiqwan ,Jedi Knight

From: i´m laughing to much to remember!!
E-mail: Zebra_86@hotmail.com
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): AT-St driver, off course great Sir General!

Dear AT-St driver, off course great Sir General!,

          Thank you a million thank yous... I think. I really do appreciate your... enthusiasm. I guess some people are more prone to break down in madness. I mean, why is my site funny? I don't laugh, other people don't laugh. This site is a serious dedication to my favorite character. I is not to be taken lightly. Anyway, yes, my site is on the list of sites (the top, may I add). I seriously wonder how you managed to get to my site without using the list. It's puzzling, really. I've spent the last six hours trying to figure it out, and it's still not coming to me! And what's with your apostrophies? They're weird. I can't find the button on the keybourd! Please help me before I go insane! May the force be with you too! Just don't hog it all! My advice: Calm down and use your Jedi skills to stop your ongoing laughter.

Tuesday, 8/22/00, 4:39 AM
          I luv your sense of humor! It is very self-degrading... similarly like mine! I can only hope that my website will aspire to such wretchedness as this.

From: the confines of a dark dungeon reeking of rot and blood
Web Site: Star Wars Everlasting
E-mail: Lord_Cynzar@hotmail.com
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): AT-ST Driver Cynzar

Dear AT-ST Driver Cynzar,

          Hmmmmm... another one. What is it with you people and humor. The galaxy has changed, oh yes. You can no longer design a serious website. After your entry I have finally realized that. Poor me. Poor, poor me. Self-degrating, am I? Am I?! Huh? Well, I'll give you self-degrating you kriffing little... sorry, lost my temper for a second there. A million apologies to you and a million credits if you can tell me where I got the word "kriffing" from. It just happens it might have been uttered in a certain novel by Timothy Zahn. No, I've given away to much, you'll figure it out, I'm sure. I'll trasfer the credits into your Swiss bank acount, if you have one. And all AT-ST drivers have Swiss bank acounts, so if you don't then you're not an AT-ST Driver like you say. And if you are an AT-ST driver, then we must fight to the death because AT-ST drivers are my mortal enemies, it wouldn't be personal. And if I start another sentence with "And" then I die. And

Sunday, 8/27/00, 7:15 PM
          Cool site. What is so wrong with typing "WOOKIE"???? What is with all of the Suit stuff, and conspiracy, u should be a bounty hunter, or well mb u r, nm. I would also like to know why in the galaxy do u have hit counters everywhere I turn, or r they spy cameras in a hit counter costume?? Oh no, gtg b4 I get too into this whole paranoia thin-a- ma-bob.

From: Hoth Rebel Troopers shouldn't be so nosey, u know I'm begining to wonder about u
Web Site: Star Wars: The Entire Universe
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Fine I don't need any advice from an advisor in a guest book suit in an advice suit in a Hoth Rebel Trooper suit so there, I am Cope Landwalker

Dear Fine I don't need any advice from an advisor in a guest book suit in an advice suit in a Hoth Rebel Trooper suit so there, I am Cope Landwalker,

          Thank you a million thank yous for using the term "cool" when describing my site. I am very glad that in the heat of the summer you were releived by my site's "coolness." I tell you, I can't live on this planet... Hoth, I suppose. The heat is tremendous, and yes I did my research. Hoth is a desert or dessert planet, I should know, I live there... here... yes... I suppose. As to your quadrupled question, I never have said there is anything wrong with typing "WOOKIE." I do believe it is spelled with two "E's," but I like it the other way, and quite frankly, I don't care. I show no respect towards Wookies, so I will misspell their names. I do not use "suits," I use costumes, thank you. Bounty hunter? No, mb not. Maybe=mb, I think. Never mind=nm, I think. You=u, I think. Are=r, I think. Got to go=gtg, I think. But b4 puzzles me. It's taken me seven hours to figure it out. b4=multi-colored fish eggs sprayed with ketchup and toxic cow mucus. No spy cameras here, sorry. Try the FBI's website. My site is better. Your site isn't, but I like it. My advice: Tell me where you live or mb I do have spy cameras, which I don't.

Tuesday, 8/29/00, 6:39 PM
          Yeah, your website was pretty funny. Definitely weird, but funny. But you know, I have this little suspicion. You're not a rebel, are you?

From: A galaxy far, far away...
E-mail: canadiangrrl101@hotmail.com
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): I don't really need advice, but I'm *Jaina*

Dear I don't really need advice, but I'm *Jaina*,

          Funny. Weird. That is what I get. That is all I get. Does no one unterstand that my site is not supposed to be funny?! How many times do I have to say it! 1,000,000 times. And that's not a question. I believe you are number two to say I am not a rebel. What am I then? A bantha dropping? No. No bantha droppings here even after my first advice giving. Now, that was weird! Yes, I do believe Canada is a galaxy far, far away. Jaina is not Canadian, you are not Jaina. Jaina's nicer than you. You're mean. Meany, meany, meany! Sorry. I just get sooooo agravated when people think I am not rebel! I am imp... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper. If you have not noticed already, I do not know where the backspace key is on the computer. I found delete, but it only erases what's in front! They should explain these things better. My advice: Stop being so mean, meany.

Wednesday, 8/30/00, 11:07 AM
          Let's see . . . I'm guessing you like fish. Now, bear with me, this is just some WILD notion that I'm pulling out of no where, put I AM getting "Fish" vibes from ya, pal. I need advice, and only the "Last Hoth Commander"- . . . no, wait, the "Grand Rebel Guy"- . . . uhh, "Mr. High Pantz" can give it to me. And here it is: "If I stuck a T.V. Antennae in my RIGHT ear far enough, would it come out of my LEFT ear?? Or would it just get stuck in all that pesky Grey Matter I've got clogging up my skull???" I've got friends willing to pay me $6.43 to try it out, but I don't want mess up my T.V. antennae unless I really, REALLY have to. What should I do, Mr. High Pantz???? HELP!!!!

From: California
Web Site: Jedi 4 Ever
E-mail: thekrazyjedi@hotmail.com
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Hew-Laa Rayy the Bafoonish, yet Beloved, "AT-ST Driver".

Dear Hew-Laa Rayy the Bafoonish, yet Beloved, "AT-ST Driver".,

          I luuuuuuuuuve fish (that "love" is supposed to look like I'm dragging it on for a couple of seconds). I am very glad you noticed that. Fish vibes are all around us, they penatrate us, they are what hold the galaxy together. Let me state that you are the first person to actually ask for advise. Some people are nice and say my site is good or cool, and some people are mean and say my site is weird, funny, or it rocks. Well, all you said was I like fish, and I thank you a million thank yous for saying that. Anyway I know just the trick to help you in your quest. First, take your antennae and find some margerin (I Can't Believe It's Not Butter works best, some sort of Fabio thing, I don't know). Grease your nose and make sure to get inside (it doesn't sound necessary, but it is). Raise the bet, because you can earn some nice cash doing this! To trick your friends, stick the antennae in your LEFT ear instead of your RIGHT ear. They won't notice, they're dumb, I've met them. And that's about it. I take no resposability for error if you attept this. Only Gungans can do this trick, by the way. I probably should have mentioned that. My advice: My name is not Mr. High Pantz!!!!

Wednesday, 8/30/00, 9:17 PM
          nice little site you've got going here, good stuff, keep it up, it is a little strange, and sometimes freaky, but hey, who am I to judge your site, it's not like I'm working for Homestead and Star Wars and I am a Judge for the Hottest Fan Sites competition, or am I??? you know, I don't even know myself, but I would nominate you in the Humor Section, oh wait, that's over all ready, maybe in the Jawa Finds then, we'll see you there, and if you're not busy swing by my site sometime, you'll have a blast or your money back, wait a minute, it's free isn't it, what kind of scam are you trying to pull on me??? anyways, cool site, Later EH!!!!

From: Canada (North of the Border EH!)
Web Site: Mos Espa Online
E-mail: who wants to know????

Dear,

          Thank you a million thank yous for the nice words at the begining of your letter. I have now decided to give up the fight, you know, the fact that my site is not funny. The struggle was hard, but I failed in the end. Now go ahead and call my site humorous or even freaky. If you really do work for Homestead, then remember I think you are the most wonderful person and I loved your letter and Please, please PLEASE nominate my site for Jawa Finds! Unfortunately, I started this little site just after the humor award was givin. I hope if I don't win Jawa Finds, I will get nominated for the next humor since everyone thinks my site is so funny. It's not. I really don't get it. My site must be some sort of Canadian magnet or something. I didn't even know Canada had internet access before I made this site. Odd, isn't it? I have not visited your site yet (I never visit sites until after I write advice to people, don't want to be judgemental, and beleive me I put the mental in judgemental). My advice: Get a name, I don't want to call you Dear.