CASUAL DAY: HOW TO KILL A GOOD IDEA...



Memo No. 1: Effective immediately, the company is officially adopting Fridays as Casual Day/The UCU Way so that employees may express their diversity.

Memo No. 2: Responding to the question from Corporate Communications, NO, Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles, moccasins, whips or bicycle chains.

Memo No. 3: Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success. You folks in IT - this means YOU!

Memo No. 4: A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday at all facilities. Fashion show to follow. Attendance is mandatory, and Corporate Security will report any unexcused absences.

Memo No. 5: As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, HR is establishing a 14-member Casual Day Task Force to prepare a mission statement and guidelines for proper dress. A special sub-group CDTF will be formed for Aquila Energy Marketing in an attempt to break through the barriers of that organization's unique language and cell-phone rituals.

Memo No. 6: Accounting has prepared a cost/benefit matrix to track individual and departmental productivity outcomes as a result of behavioral changes traceable to attire, and adjusted to account for such variables as time, temperature, cafeteria drink re-fill policies and visceral reactions to the Starr Report.

Memo No. 7: The Casual Day Task Forces have completed a 360-page manual. A copy of "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards" has been mailed to each employee. Please review the chapter "You Are What You Wear" and consult the "home casual" versus "business casual" checklist before leaving for work each Friday. If you have doubts about the appropriateness of an item of clothing, contact your CDTF representative before 7 a.m. on Friday.

Memo No. 8: Because of a deplorable lack of discipline and cooperation, Casual Day/The UCU Way has been discontinued, effective immediately ... What is it with you people?