SO YOU THINK YOU'RE COMPUTER-ILLITERATE?


So you think you're computer-illiterate? Check out the following excerpts from a Wall Street Journal article by Jim Carlton... [excerpts]

1.          Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2.          AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on.. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

4.          Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

5.          A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

6.          Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

9.          A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

11.          Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

Others from an unknown source:

·          A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."

·          Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: "I don't have a 'P'." Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob." Customer: "What do you mean?" Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob." Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

·          Overheard in a computer shop: Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please." Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety." Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"

·          I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.

·          Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"

·          I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start something like this: Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"

·          Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to "The Internet."

·          Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?" Tech Support: "Yeah." Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?" Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."

·          Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon." Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows – because of the icons – I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons." Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to --" Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons." Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?" Customer: [click]

·          Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?" Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"

·          Customer: "My computer crashed!" Tech Support: "It crashed?" Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game." Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot." Customer: "No, it didn't crash – it crashed." Tech Support: "Huh?" Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work." Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'" Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"