IRAQ


Q:          What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving?
A:          Turkey.

Q:          What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
A:          They both have Kurds in their Whey.

Q:          What do Sadaam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
A:          They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from!

Q:          What is the best Iraqi job?
A:          Foreign Ambassador

Q:          How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:          None. They can't turn them on anyway.

Q:          How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:          Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting, and at a cost of $800,000.

Q:          How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:          "We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time."

Q:          Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A:          You only have to teach them to take off.

Q:          How do you play Iraqi bingo?
A:          B-52...F-16...B-52

Q:          What is Iraq's national bird?
A:          Duck

Q:          What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile?
A:          Aeroflot has killed more people.

Q:          How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
A:          Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

Q:          Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper?
A:          They need a map

Q:          Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
A:          So they can see their Air Force.

Q:          Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss?
A:          He elected to receive.


Saddam's latest move to drive the Allies from the Gulf is to announce that spotted owls have been found in Kuwait.

Saddam says that if anybody else compares him to Hitler, he'll gas them.

U.S. Intelligence sources have confirmed that as early as last October, Saddam Hussein planned to launch a SCUD missile attack on the Super Bowl. He knew it was the one site guaranteed NOT to have Patriots.

Saddam is very interested in linkage to Palestine...the Palestinians have been looking for a homeland. The clear solution would seem to be the creation of the new Palestinian Homeland, Iraqestine!

(Picture of an Iraqi on a camel viewed through a gunsight.) Caption: "I'd fly 10,000 miles to smoke a camel."

I heard today that Iraq has developed a special weapon for use against the Canadian Navy. It's called a rust-seeking missile.

Saddam Hussein, curious to see how his newly implemented decree allowing Iraqis to travel abroad for the first time in years heads down to the passport office. Once there he joins the line. One after another the passport seekers ahead of him insist that President Saddam take their place. Very quickly he has moved to the head of the line and he is dealing with the clerk. The clerk issues President Saddam his passport with lightning speed. The president thanks the clerk, then turns around to discover that all those in line behind him have vanished without a trace. Saddam turns back to the clerk and asks what has happened. "Simple," says the clerk, "if you leave Iraq, no else has to."

An Iraqi goes to the bank to get his salary from a French Company. The Saudi manager of the bank asks him to sign on the back of the check. "That's humiliation," shouts the Iraqi, "why should the French sign on the front and I sign on the back. I want my money NOW!" The Saudi refuse to pay him and the Iraqi keeps shouting in the bank. Then the American high manager comes with a 5kg hammer and knocks the Iraqi on the head. After 5 minutes the Iraqi wakes up, signs the back of the check and gets his money. The Saudi clerk goes to the Iraqi and asks, "Tell me why you didn't sign the check the first time but signed it later on?" The Iraqi said, "You missed the point: you just told it to me, but the American explained it."