JOB APPLICATIONS


These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in the July 21, 1997, issue of Fortune Magazine:

01          I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
02          I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.
03          Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
04.          Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
05.          Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
06.          Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
07.          It's best for employers that I not work with people.
08.          Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience.
09.          You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
10.          Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
11.          I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
12.          Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.
13.          I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
14.          I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
15.          I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.
16.          My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stoke brokerage.
17.          I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
18.          As indicated, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
19.          Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
20.          Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
21.          Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job.
22.          Marital status: often. Children: various.
23.          Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions.
24.          The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
25.          Finished eighth in my class of ten.
26.          References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.