MYSTERIES



A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station ...
And whose cruel idea was it to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"?
As I said before, I never repeat myself!
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Clones are people two.
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
Go ahead and take risks....just be sure that everything will turn out OK.
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they were cramming for their finals.
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him....is he still wrong?
If a mime is arrested do they tell him he has the right to talk?
If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If butter knives are used to slice butter, why aren't chain saws used to slice chains?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?
If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles
away?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide....is it considered a hostage situation?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
Is a shell-less turtle homeless or just naked?
Is it true that cannibals won't eat clown because they taste funny?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.
No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
Think "honk" if you're telepathic.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
VENI, VEDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens
to the other penny?
Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
Where does your lap go when you stand up?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they worried someone will clean them?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do...write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Would a wingless fly be called a walk?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

(PS--as to the cat question. Researchers have found that the cat falls butter-side down, but then turns within inches of the ground. There the cat rotates for years and becomes a possible source of energy which can replace fossil fuels over the next decade.)