THE TWELVE DAYS AFTER CHRISTMAS
By Frederick Silver


                              The first day after Christmas my true love and I had a fight
                              And so I chopped the pear tree down and burned it just for spite
                              Then with a single cartridge, I shot that blasted partridge
                              My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me
                             
                              The second day after Christmas, I pulled on the old rubber gloves
                              And very gently wrung the necks of both the turtle doves
                              My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me
                             
                              The third day after Christmas, my mother caught the croup;
                              I had to use the three French hens to make some chicken soup
                              The four calling birds were a big mistake,
                              for their language was obscene
                              The five gold rings were completely fake and they turned my fingers green
                             
                              The sixth day after Christmas, the six laying geese wouldn't lay
                              I gave the whole darn gaggle to the A.S.P.C.A.
                              On the seventh day what a mess I found
                              All seven of the swimming swans had drowned
                              My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me
                             
                              The eighth day after Christmas, before they could suspect,
                              I bundled up the eight maids a milking, nine pipers piping,
                              Ten ladies dancing, 'leven lords a leaping,
                              Twelve drummers drumming and sent them back collect
                              I wrote my true love, "We are through, love",
                              and I said in so many words,
                              "Furthermore your Christmas gifts were for the birds!"
                             

http://www.osmond.com/chill/christmas/carols.htm