| Adam and Eve Virus: | Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer |
| Airline Virus: | You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore |
| Airline Luggage Virus: | Makes your personal data files and documents disappear hiding them in random locations all around your hard drive. |
| Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus: | Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. |
| AT&T Virus: | Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. |
| Bob Dole Virus: | Old virus and not much of a threat these days. |
| Chicago Cubs Virus: | Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it. |
| Colin Powell Virus: | Makes it's presence known but doesn't do anything. |
| Congressional Virus #1: | The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem |
| Congressional Virus #2: | Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything |
| Dan Quayle Virus: | Thier is sumthing rong with yur komputer, but ewe cant figyur outt watt! |
| Elvis Virus: | Your computer gets fat and slow and then self destructs. Later, copies of your files are supposedly seen at Internet shopping malls, service stations, and Burger Kings across the country. |
| Federal Bureaucrat Virus: | Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer |
| Freudian Virus: | Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard. Or becomes very jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive |
| Gallup Virus: | 60% of the PC's infected will lose 30% of their data 14% of the time (plus or minus a 3.5% margin of error). |
| George Bush Virus: | It starts by boldly stating; "Read my Hard Drive...No New Files!" on the screen. It then proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus. |
| Government Economist Virus: | Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine |
| Health Care Virus: | Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong and sends you a bill for $4,500. |
| Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus: | instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg |
| Imelda Marcos Virus: | Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot-up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy. |
| Jimmy Hoffa Virus: | Your programs can never be found again |
| Joey Buttafuaco Virus: | only attacks minor files |
| Kevorkian Virus: | This virus shuts down your computer permanently and sends an error message claiming that this was an act of mercy. |
| LAPD Virus: | It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense." |
| Lorena Bobbit Virus: | turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy |
| Mario Cuomo Virus: | It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run. |
| MCI Virus: | Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus |
| New World Order Virus #1: | Takes control of your computer and uses it as a platform to take control of computers worldwide via the internet. |
| New World Order Virus #2: | Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it. |
| New York Jets Virus: | Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT. |
| Nike Virus: | Oriental Strain of this virus wipes out all memory of American made products. When famous Computer Scientist Kevin Mitnick was asked how it worked he got close to the bars and whispered, "Just do it. ???" |
| O.J. Virus: | It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it. You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but you just can't prove it. |
| Ollie North Virus: | plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files |
| Oprah Winfrey Virus: | Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB |
| Oral Roberts Virus: | Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, its programmer will take it back. |
| Pat Buchanan Virus: | Your system works fine, but complains loudly about foreign software. |
| Paul Revere Virus: | warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:\ |
| PBS Virus: | Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money |
| Ronald Reagan Virus: | saves your data, but forgets where it's stored |
| Politically Correct Virus: | Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism." |
| Right to Life Virus: | Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives. |
| Ross Perot Virus: | Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits |
| Sears Virus a.k.a. Montgomery Ward Virus: | This is the first corporately written Virus. They tell you your system will die and your data will be lost unless you buy new cables, a new power supply, a new battery, and a set of shocks. |
| Star Trek Virus: | Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before. |
| Steve Forbes Virus: | Attacks your data files. Rewrites them until they are all flat out the same size. |
| Ted Turner Virus: | Colorizes your monochrome monitor with an environmentally safe earth friendly green and destroys your computers ability to eliminate trash. |
| Texas Virus: | Destroys any file bigger that itself, insuring that it's the biggest file on the system. |
| Woody Allen Virus: | bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card |