| Abdicate: | v., To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. |
| Balderdash: | n., A rapidly receding hairline. |
| Bustard: | n., A very rude Metrobus driver. |
| Carcinoma: | n., A valley in California, notable for its heavy smog. |
| Circumvent: | n., The opening in the front of boxer shorts. |
| Coffee: | n., A person who is coughed upon. |
| Esplanade: | v., To attempt an explanation while drunk. |
| Flabbergasted: | adj., Appalled over how much weight you have gained. |
| Flatulence: | n., The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. |
| Frisbatarianism: | n., Belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. |
| Gargoyle: | n., An olive-flavored mouthwash. |
| Internet: | n., the web of interns in which Ken Starr has tried to snare Bill Clinton. |
| Lymph: | v., To walk with a lisp. |
| Macadam: | n., the first man on Earth, according to the Scottish bible. |
| Marionettes: | n., Residents of Washington, D.C., who have been jerked around by the mayor. |
| Negligent: | adj., Describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie. |
| Oyster: | n., A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. |
| Rectitude: | n., The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. |
| Semantics: | n., Pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers. |
| Testicle: | n., A humorous question on an exam. |
| Willy-nilly: | adj., Impotent |