Road Whore Rage


I’m going to guess that most of Hub-Bub readers are working class individuals. So you all should have at least on good story that you tell your friends about something that happened while you were simply doing your job.

Hello, I’m Jeff Horner (a.k.a. Jess Warner.) I’m going to tell you a story about my experience as a pizza delivery driver. Now I don’t know if you are aware that delivery driving is somewhere among the top 10 most dangerous jobs in the US. I never quite understood why, I had been doing it for years, and then it happened....I got my story!

I was working late one Sunday night. We were due to close in 15 minutes when we get 2 calls for deliveries to the very end of the world, well our delivery area anyway. So I had to take these deliveries wether I liked it or not.

So, I’m on my way, already pissed off because this really sucks, but I try to deal with it by playing my punk rawk player as loud as it would go. I finally get about two miles up the main road when I see a woman standing in the middle of the street waving me down. So I stop and she approaches my passenger side window, with a little bit of drooling and mumbling, she forced her way into my truck. I said “What The Fuck?” then she kind of said “take me to town.” I told her that I wasn’t going to town. She called me a liar and said the pizzas were hers. Yeah right, like I haven’t heard that a million times.

I tried to get her to get out of my vehicle, but she wouldn’t budge. So I tell her I will take her to the end of the road, but I had to take my two deliveries first. She said that was OK.

Now, this woman was straight 100% pure mutha fuckin dirty white trash! She didn’t have shoes on, and she had more scabs than she had teeth. When I arrive to the first house she tries to tell me I don’t know what I’m doing. I told her to shut-up before I put her nasty ass back out on the street. After taking the people their food, I returned to my truck to find this bitch going through my shit. I’m like “what the fuck”, she tries to speak, but her mouth is full of pizza, the same pizza I was supposed to deliver to some person down the street. I told her to get out, she refused, I said fine I’ll take you to the police station hoping to scare her, but she wasn’t scared, She wanted to go there. (Bitch!)

So I stopped and told her to get out or I’ll go to a house and call the authorities. She said “fine (as she struggled to get in her pocket) and tell’em when they get her they’ll find a dead woman in your truck.” She now had something pointed at her head screaming “I’ll do it, I’ll kill myself!” I sighed and said “good, fucking do it, I don’t give a shit!” As I exited the vehicle, she got out and said she would kill me first. Now I couldn’t tell if it was a gun or not, but it looked like it, and it was also very dark. She was totally flipping out, I wanted to hit her in her fucking jaw, but the fear of disease kept me from it. Eventually she got back in my truck and said “now take me to town or we both die!” We yelled at each other the whole way back. Believe me, if this ever happens again I will not hesitate to hit the bitch, rather than stop. The fucking end

-Jeff Horner