I Will Remember You

©2000 Robin

Genre: Drama

Sex Content: none

Violence Content: none

Language Content: just fine

Characters: X-MEN Characters

~ oh and every time I'm close to you

there's too much I can't say

and you just walk away

and I forgot to tell you

I love you

and the night's too long

and cold here without you

I grieve in my condition for I cannot find the strength to say

I need you so ~

~~ "I Love You" ~ Sarah McLachlan

Rogue was supposed to be resting.

Instead, she was pacing back and forth in her room while Logan lay unconscious down in the lab.

Her head hurt, but she had insisted to Jean that she was fine. Scott had asked her if she was sure, and she had snapped at him, informing him that she would know if she needed help thankyouverymuch. Jean and Scott had exchanged a look, and nothing more was said. They wouldn't let her stay in the lab, but they had agreed to get her the moment Logan came to.

Rogue wandered into Logan's empty room and decided to sit on the unmade bed. She tried to clear her head of the anger and frustration she was feeling. She hated how she couldn't do anything to help Logan. She had taken so much from him... What the hell was he thinking, touching her on purpose? It saved her, but at the expense of his own life!

She was starting to see red.

Rogue squeezed her eyes shut. Suddenly, an image flashed into her mind, and emotions that weren't her own rushed forward.

She was submerged in a tank of liquid, looking out at a dark lab.

*FLASH*

Lights faded above her as the feeling of being pulled apart overwhelmed her dulled senses.

*FLASH*

Waking in the snow, cold and disoriented.

*FLASH*

Running in a field, while gunfire blasted, felling men all around her...

Rogue's eyes opened wide in fear, and the images disappeared, retreating into her subconscious.

That Logan's memories - they had to be his - were still so fresh in her mind was unnerving. With Cody and Magneto, their memories had assaulted her mind the second she touched them, but they were gone in a matter of minutes. Even when she tried to access them, they stayed out of her reach, hidden in the back of her mind. When she'd met Logan's claws the previous night and been forced to use her power on him, all she had focused on was his healing ability saving her.

But tonight, Logan had practically offered her his life. Magneto had gone to great pains to only pass on his mutant power to her, unlike Logan, who had willingly given her *everything.* Now, Rogue carried all of it inside her, and it scared her...

Her nose wrinkled involuntarily as a familiar scent neared -- Ororo.

Rogue looked up and Ororo was indeed standing at the door.

Ororo smiled at the young mutant. "He's awake."

***

Jean was just finishing some tests on her patient when Rogue arrived. She gathered up some charts and told Logan that she'd be back later.

"I'll be counting the minutes until then," he told her, and grunted when a sweatshirt hanging on the wall levitated and hit him in the face.

Rogue felt a twinge of jealousy as Logan watched Jean leave, but pushed it away when he caught sight of her standing in the doorway. He was sitting on a metal table, looking a little tired, but well on his way toward recovering.

"Hey kid," he said, pulling the sweatshirt over his head. "C'mere, I don't bite," he teased when she visibly hesitated.

Rogue went to his side, and stared at all the machines around him, wondering which ones he had been hooked up to. He was watching her, clearly relieved to see for himself that she was ok.

Something inside of her suddenly broke and the words tumbled out in a rush; she was terrified when she was taken away and the pain was unbearable when she was stuck to that horrible machine and she was grateful because he saved her and then she was so worried for him when she woke up and Jean kept telling her not to worry but she didn't believe her and now he was awake and she was so glad...

"Whoa," he soothed gently and took one of her trembling gloved hands in his, quieting her.

He placed her hand on his chest, over his heartbeat. Its rapid beat was strong and steady.

"See? I'm fine now, so you can stop worrying," he said softly.

And then he stood up and she was pulled in for a careful hug. She made sure to angle her head so that it rested against the soft cotton of his shirt. When was the last time she'd had a proper hug? Not since her mutant power surfaced, that's for sure.

She could feel his warmth, through his shirt, and the thin layers of her robe and nightgown.

Rogue closed her eyes and wished for the moment to last forever. Why was it that she felt so safe in Logan's arms? He knew what she was, what she could do, but he still wanted to hold her, still wanted to protect her.

She almost cried out when Logan pulled away, taking the warmth away.

His gaze held hers, and she hoped he didn't see her disappointment.

"You should rest."

It was a simple statement, and if he hadn't looked away, Rogue wouldn't have been sure.

He was dismissing her.

Feeling awkward and confused, she turned and walked away.

When Logan looked up again, she was gone.

***

Rogue closed her fist over the dog tags.

He was really gone.

He'd left during lunch hour, when she was in the middle of playing Foosball with her new friends. He would have left without saying goodbye and that hurt. It hurt more that she would have expected.

She had swallowed her feelings and confronted him. He had given her his dog tags and walked out the door.

Slipping the cold metal into a hidden pocket in her dress, Rogue had rejoined the others in the rec room, and laughed with them, as if nothing had happened...

But it was night now, and she was alone, in her room.

She didn't have to pretend anymore.

The tears she'd been holding back fell freely. She clenched her fist even tighter until the metal bit into her skin.

God, she missed him already.

It had been such a comfort to know that his room was just a few doors down.

For the first time since she ran away from home, she had been sure she would be able to get a good night's sleep. She'd spent nights on buses and in the backs of trucks, allowing herself to fall only half asleep, as she had to stay alert in case someone came too close. One night she'd found an abandoned warehouse to sleep in, but the rustling of rats had frightened her, and she ended up wandering the streets until dawn.

When she had arrived at the mansion, she knew she finally belonged and was accepted, but it was still new to her. Knowing Logan would also be at the mansion had eased her mind.

With Logan gone, she couldn't help feeling apprehensive again. She had to keep reminding herself that she was safe here; Logan had made sure she was left in good hands...

Much as she hated to admit it, she understood why he had to leave. The part of him she carried told her that he couldn't face the future without knowing his past.

She opened her fist and stared down. She was holding one of the few tangible pieces of Logan's past. He would return for it.

She put the chain around her neck and noticed she had held the tags so tightly that the name WOLVERINE had been imprinted onto her palm.

It would fade, just as *he* would, in her mind; she knew it.

As she closed her eyes that night for some much needed sleep, she prayed he would find his answers soon, so he could come back before she lost him forever.

The End