Marie's Diary: Wish You Were Here

©2000 Robin

Genre: Drama

Sex Content: G

Violence Content: G

Language Content: G

Characters: X-MEN Characters

Dear Diary,

Scott usually brings in the mail ten minutes before classes are over. He sorts everything in the front hall and when the bell rings, he starts calling out the names of people who have mail.

I never hurry to leave class the way some of the others do. They expect letters and packages from their families and friends back home. No one outside of the mansion even knows I'm here - well, almost no one.

Today, I was in no particular hurry, as usual. I stayed after class to ask Ororo about one of the problems she'd assigned for homework yesterday. She's always so patient with me and she doesn't mind explaining stuff when I'm having trouble. She answered my questions and told me to see her if I needed more help.

I was walking out of the classroom when I almost crashed into Jean. I started apologizing, but she said it was ok; she was looking for me. I got kinda nervous then because I wrote her Biology test today and I'm *sure* I screwed up. I haven't been sleeping well the last couple of nights, but I didn't want to give her that excuse again.

She knows I'm still having Logan's nightmares, but there isn't exactly anything she or the Professor can do about it. Besides, I hate seeing the pity in their eyes when I tell them about the extra intense nightmares that I get sometimes. I've been getting those recently, which is the reason I've been having trouble sleeping again.

Jean was looking at me with the same pity in her eyes and I got even more nervous. She was holding a small postcard in front of me... and then I just knew it was for me and who had sent it.

Jean confirmed what I was thinking when she said sort of quietly, "It's from Logan." She held it closer to me and I took it from her slowly. I just stared down at the postcard - it was a picture of waterfalls - because I couldn't look at Jean. My eyes were starting to sting. I said, "So he finally decided to write, huh?" and I tried to sound casual like it was no big deal, but I could hear my voice shaking.

Jean put her hand on my shoulder and asked me if I was ok. I told her I was fine, but she didn't look like she believed me. I made up an excuse about having an English essay to work on, and she let me hurry away. I'll bet she was watching me, wondering if she should come after me.

When I got to my room, I closed the door and dumped my books on the desk. I was holding the postcard and god, I was still shaking. I managed to finally turn it over to read what Logan wrote...

*

Marie,

I'm still out here. Haven't found much, but I'm gonna keep looking. Those geeks better be taking good care of you.

Logan

*

I wanted to tear it to shreds.

He's been gone for over a year and this is what he comes up with!

No "How are you?" No "I miss you." No "I'm coming back soon." No "I'm sorry I left you behind when I promised to take care of you."

No.

I don't hate him.

I don't think I *can* hate him.

I don't know... I just miss him so much.

The small part of him I still have inside tells me I'm lucky he wrote at all.

I remember reading somewhere that when you write, the spaces you leave between your words represent the distance you want to leave between yourself and others.

Logan's definitely a loner because he's got wide spaces between his words. Which probably means he won't be back anytime soon... But then, I knew that already.

The front of the postcard has a picture of some huge waterfalls - Niagara Falls, Canada. They look real pretty with all this white mist rising from the bottom... I sorta wish I could have been there with Logan.

I almost laughed out loud when I saw the "creative" caption at the bottom: Wish You Were Here!

I wondered if he had picked this postcard out on purpose; did he really want me to be there?

But then I noticed that all the corners are bent and the stamps are American, so it could have been awhile since he'd bought the postcard and decided to send it.

I guess it doesn't matter. It sounds foolish, but I'm just glad I've got another piece of Logan to hold on to...

Marie