So I guess I must have been pretty hammed when I wrote that last one. cuz i sure dont remember. woke up this morning with that dull white noise buzz a line of blow will do to ya first thing. I dont really dig the stuff too much but Footy presented some in the alley on the walk to my place when we were all drunk so I figured why not. Slept in MY OWN ROOM tonite on the psychiatrists couch. My parents are fucking bastards they ripped down all the shit on my walls and theyre gonna paint today. My moms bitching at me to pick a color when I JUST FUCKING WOKE UP. God damn that woman pisses me off to no extent sometimes to the point where you just wanna grab whatever is at hand and see how far in her skull you can insert it. Like yesterday after my tank broke im sitting ther trying to get the fish out. While shes just standing there. I go to hand her the sift and she freaks out and starts screaming. That pissed me off an awful lot. Like what the fuck are you doing in here in the first place if your just gonna stand there. If your not gonna help than get the fuck out of my way and let me do what I have to do. Screamed and shook her arms in the air... what a useless bitch. oh no im afraid of the quarter inch feeder fish im afraid they will bite and kill me with their NON EXISTANT TEETH. So ya this fuckin sucks. I really would have liked to box someone last night and I still do now. WOw another argument this place is a fun house for sure. I wish it was Saturday morning. I think I might knock someone out today. Im goin to get high lets hope nobody finds out. bleh
::Saturday, October 25thrd, 2003 12:14PM::

I dont really know what to write about. im feeling pretty crappy at the moment. Just read an email from my dad and yeah im still hackin up stuff. Went to bed DAMN early last night. Yesterday of 5 people in my house I was the only one who smokes. As I said Im sick so that kinda fucks around with my lungs. tonites mission get drunk and try to stay warm. are you trying to piss me off?
::Thursday, October 23rd, 2003 1:41PM::

Seriously what the fuck is the deal with this. Lately everyones getting on my ass about the stupidest shit and i swear to god im about 3 fucking seconds away from jabbing a fucking pen into someones throat. Seriously if you cant tell im pissed off why would you keep at it? Im glad you think your smart enough to object and pass judgement on every little thing i do but maybe you should look at yourself. The way you spatter on aimlessly about the most painfully unimportant and meaningless topics you so love to never shut the fuck up about. if i only had an atom bomb. so ya jim keeps talking about how were going to move, my mom keeps talking about how she thinks we should put the dog down. my dad emailed me today saying i should go see my grandpa in the hospital in haliburton. Probably not going to get to see Lamb of God or Primus. fuck. bad last 2 weeks. so im sitting here with a beer. just ate a sandwich which is pretty customary around this time as breakfast(its 1:30) I dunno i just cant eat in the morning. i feel sick and if i forced anything down it probably would come backup somewhat quickly. so ya everyone can just shut the fuck up pretty much. and if ya dont.... well, dont bother coming cryin to me when you got a severed windpipe and half your god damned fingers missing. ciao piss off.
::Monday, October, 20th 2003 1:41PM::

you think you know me soo fucking well. like you can tell me what im thinking or say to me how im feeling. thats some fucking nerve right there. dont you ever fucking tell me how i feel. your not inside my head how the fuck would you ever possibly even fathom the idea YOU can tell ME how I am feeling? are you inside my head? no and dont ever for a second you could be you stupid snivelling asshole. keep on making all those little observations you deem so level with the thoughts in my head. i cant even begin to understand how you can hear these imbecilic tripe spew forth from your lips and somehow connect it. Oh and atreyu fucking sucks u cant throw in a blatantly stolen megadeth riff along with crappy screaming vocals, even shittier clean vocals and expect people to take you seriously. stop trying to sound like a metal band you guys suck. ''hardcore'' (apparently hardcore nowadays means having a bunch of faggy pre teen skater kids who wear more hair dye than their mothers. yeah i sure wish i was hardcore or metalcore whatever the fuck you want to call it) sucks, at least hardcore bands just rip off each other rather than a different genre. just go back to playing emo for all our sakes.


Last night was Fuct (and not entirely in a good way)
::Saturday, October, 18th 2003 8:08AM::
tunes-At the Gates and Primus

man i dont even know where to start with this one. last night was quite a fucked one indeed. im not gonna go into details but some fuct shit happened and the night was over by like 1 o clock which kinda sucks i didnt get all that drunk. AND I found out this morning Footy did stuff with some girl on my couch.... the one that i am sitting on currently. eck im goin for bong hits and a shower.


Rainy Day Women # 12 35
::Wednesday, October, 15th 2003 9:25AM::
tunes-Pantera-Mouth For War

So I went to bed shortly after 9 o clock last night. Right after Footy, Adrian and myself went to Harvey's. I had a Big Harv. I've been meaning to try one of these. The beef part is pretty good. I just ate dinner before we left so I couldnt finish the whole thing. It rained last night so we couldnt really go out or do anything. So most of the night consisted of attacking each other and getting high. I had a pretty long day at school, I think I have the most classes on Tuesday. Its quite a shitty deal to say the least. So it's all shitty out and rainy this morning. Not boding very well for the rest of the day. I don't have class til 12 today. Then nothing til 4-6 again. I dunno if Im gonna go to that one. Possibly some workin on the bunker tonite. That's if it stops fucking raining. Don't get me wrong I actually like the rain. Just not when it's gloomy and stormy FIRST THING in the morning. I mean waking up is depressing in the first place I dont need to wake up with the edition of the sky being black. So I'm goin to visit my bong some more. There was a bunch of roaches left here from Doug, Footy and Adrian (thanks guys ;) and I dont have class til 12.... Soooooo.... in the words of Bob Dylan in Rainy Day Women # 12 - 35 . Everybody must get stoned.


The weekend...
::Tuesday, October, 14th 2003 9:25AM::

I don't know how much of this will come through clearly but here goes anyways. This weekend was FUCKED to say the least. My mind was taken on quite the trip. First off Joshua, Travis and Doug all came home from university for thanksgiving weekend. I figured it would be a weekend of being trashed off my face. And I was but I don't think I got drunk the entire time. You see there were this batch of particularily good shrooms around. Golden caps and such. Man these shrooms took us on quite a mind fuck. The first night we started drinkin a bit and then decided to head to the forests to trip. I dont remember alot of getting there. But I do remember sitting on the path smokin a huge doob and staring up at the trees. Just talking and laughing. Thats pretty much all we were capable of at that time. Adrian and I would just look at one another and start laughing as if there was some kind of inside joke between. After being there for a while the boys decided they wanted to go to the other side of the creek. So we walked around into DHillir and were all very tripped out by the fog and myst that was hovering over the ground. After we made it to the start of whiteface we lost josh. Then 10 seconds later we found him lying in a bush. Regrouped we began to head to the bottom to the deep forests. When suddenly we lost Josh again. We decided to head up top to whiteface to see if we could spot him with no luck. Now alot of the night after this is a blur. Im pretty sure we just sat at the top of the cliff looking down at the trees and the river and the full moon that loomed over us on that eriee night. At points in between retarded giggling and laughter I remember looking down at the worn and eroded cliff and thinking I was at the grand canyon. So we never saw Josh again that night as he ran off or something,, a harrowing tale Im sure. Anyways after that I dont really remember going home or anything, but judging by all the laughing done and the overall group reaction of the night it was ''a blast''. Saturday Night was even more FUCT. It was a mind fuck and a half if I dont say so myself. We had big plans for the night but they didnt exactly turn out like I had hoped. Me and Doug ate about a 20 sack or so each and watched the movie screwed. Now Ive seen this before and its not that great of a movie Norm McDonald and Dave Chappelle are funny but its not enough to save sucha low budget cheesy comedy. Anyways we ate them and about a half hour in they started to kick in. The movie got way funnier, I just wish we had rented something trippier. So after it was over me and Doug sat there trying to wonder what the hell we were gonna do and how to get the dvd out of the dvd player and up to my room without coming into contact with parents. Somehow we made it upstairs without confrontation wondering where the hell footy was (he said he was on his way over before the movie) We figured he was dead and decided to wait it out in my room for a while. Not the greatest idea. It started off alright we threw on Dark Side and just listened to that. WE just sat in the k-hole and stared at the writing on the wall. This pic of Josh that Harmony drew was moving around and doing some kind of dancing shit. All of a sudden I started thinking about a lot of fucked up intricate things. Suddenly as a thought would pass and a new one would enter my head than the music would change along to it and suite the thought. Like if I came to a good happy thought the music would change and become upbeat. If I was thinking a bad thought(which I was most of the night) the album would turn dark and menacing. My mind was getting fucked and i started to get pretty depressed. Thats when a joint was introduced to make me feel a bit better. After which Josh n Travis showed up to chill. THen after that Adrian. Many a large spliff was rolled and smoked. Travis also introduced me to the wonders of the Clove cigarette. It kicks tobaccos ass if your doing bts with it, and the taste is really unique and hearty. I reccomend it to anyone who wishes to find an alternative to tobacco. Sunday was spent chilling with Doug heckling and eventually Footy came over. Rolled up a nice big beautiful golden wrap. Man those things are good. But Ive got to run as my class starts in like 5 minutes, wow Ive been writing for a while. Off to class I go.

Illin, CHillin, killin time at school
Tunes Pantera on the discman. Trendkill, Great album So I havent written in a while. I guess theres lots of interesting shit I could have wrote about. Like Footy last weekend falling every 10 seconds and breaking a bottle, an ash tray and his knee cap. Man did his body make a nice splat sound on my neighbours driveway. But yeah I guess I've been busy sitting around smokin dope of late and doing homework. I just got out of a law test like an hour and a half early so I have tons of time to kill before next class. Which I also have a test in I believe. Im sitting here wondering why they did the whole computer commons up all nice and high tech yet they left big gaps in the ceiling showing exposed pipes and such. this whole school confuses me still. so yesterday i walk into class all hungover for a test and sit down. then like halfway through the test i see kt and try to give er the heads up and she gave me a dirty look:( Then she was saying how I pretend that I dont know her or something?!?!? I dunno its not the first time shes said ive ignored her. She seemed kinda pissed but we went to subway after and it was all good. specially the blt. i dunnoabout their buns tho. they just taste a bit off. still good shit tho. Me and Footy went down to the bunker with Adrian and did some work there. Hid it a bit so its more discreet and no one will find it. Fuck what else is there to tell.. Thanksgiving comin up. Doug n Travis will be down for that. Im grabbin these shrooms IVe heard are amazing and havin a nice little trip over the long weekend. Not to mention the amount of drinking thats mandatory when old drinking buddies come home from school. For a while I was getting these stabbing pains in what I thought was my liver but they stopped and I dont even think it was my liver. Plus Ive drank like 3 or 4 times since then and all was good. Why are people so afraid of death? I realize its the end to all they would know but I mean why not think about it. its there, its enivitably going to happen, why do people get so creeped out by people who think about this stuff. Doesnt make sense to me. Can you tell Ive run out of stuff to write about? I think I'm going to go outside and write in the cold, by myself, cuz I'm so cool. And in the words of Philip ''Yesterday Don't Mean Shit'' I'd die without my discman

kick ass and takin signs
Tunes-Superjoint Ya so Dougs home today so I think were gonna jam and get adrian to sing a bit should be good times.Some death metal covers. Ya so last night we drank at my house for a while then met up with doug while he drove us around as we stole campaign signs. hahahaha i dont even know what we did with them. i think we just took them ripped them apart and threw them out of the moving car. or just threw them anyways. hahaha i ripped one up and threw it next to adrians house hahaha then we dropped him off like 10 minutes later withthe sign all run over and mangled infront of his house. hahah fuck you dennis fox and fuck you too jim flaherty that fuckin asshole had a huge sign on cochrane and dundas. me and footy snuck up on it from saint johns and tried to take it away but we failed as it was bolted on to a metal frame. well get you next time,,, possibly this week. so when we realised we couldnt get it off we just body checked it and threw ourselves at it.from then i think doug dropped us off at the dead end over at welington where some bush jumping was done, where as i hit my head several times. Then we tried to navigate through the creek. My eyes decieved me and I led us was off the path into some dense brush. we were going the right way and i was just like ''footy, no this way'' because i am an idiot. so eventually we found the path. chloe called footys cell and ummm we somehow made it to her house. as we were walkin by she came out and was with some dude waiting for a cab. all these kids get cabs nowadays whats the deal with that my parents never gave me cab money i just had to hangout where it wasnt too far to walk. anyways she was drunk as fuck and almost knocked me over a few times. after her buddy left her dad came out and shook footys hand he was like nice to meet ya now get the fuck off my lawn. hahaha he didnt seem serious, but that didnt stop footy from plotting to kill him on the walk back up to cochrane.haha. ya from then on all i remember is footy doing something weird as i walked through the field at fairman and saw my loser ass gossipy neighbour still standing there talking to some other dumb broad shed been just standing there on the side of the street talking to for like 2 or 3 hours. well before i start cursing people out im gonna go because theres a lot of rants about stupid people *like rich* who call ur house repeatedly at all hours of the night even after nobody answers. ya good job ya limey fuckin cokehead. lates

Drunk as Fuck Tonite, Drunk as Fuck
I remember last week rich was yellin that in the car and some faggot gave us the finger so we drove back and asked the fuck what he thought he was doing. mouthy little fuck he was shoulda ran him over and kicked his bald fuckin head in. aaaaanyways just sittin her having a brew ive been doing the same since it was about 2. its 4 now. big night ahead i believe. got a 28 with my name on it downstairs. well not litterally but you get the idea. so tonite should be interesting.

Im so bored
Bah I should have drank tonite... Im just sitting here doing nothing pretty much and im so bored. nothin to do. got invited to a few parties this weekend. that should be fun i guess. So i havent been updating as much as i usually do. partially from lack of nething good to say and nothing going on. also because seeemingly everytime i write on here someone gets mad at me for something. so ya nothin good to say really just an update cuz im bored.

hasnt been a good time
woke up in a cold sweat last night and remembered how i spent my friday night alone in bed. Can't really remember the last time i was actually happy. Weed brings a feeling of well being and contentment but when i dont have it i still feel empty.lots of stuffs been gettin me down lately. just feel disconnected from pretty much everything. so maybe ill get drunk tonite and everything will feel alright for a few hours. maybe i just need some kind of rising conflict, someone to beat the shit out of me. i could go on bbut its apparent nobody cares or will read this, not even me.

When stupid bitch ex gfs go on ur site talk shit about you and your friends and christine walters is too much of a coward to leave her name


dont you just love when people come on your site and talk shit about you and all your friends but they are too much of a spoiled little pussy to leave a name? *cough* christine walters* does that strike anyone else as extremely cowardly? it does to me. and while im not entirely sure i know who it is(i am now it was christine walters) im pretty sure its this girl who got drunk and decided to shoot her spoiled little mouth off because for some reason she thinks shes better than me and my friends *cough* christine walters because she doesnt use drugs regularily. well shit if youve smoked weed and you drink,, well thats usuing drugs you dumb fucking slut. and alcohol is even worse for you than weed. that just goes to show how smart you are. ya that university education is going a long way to helping you swallow more wads of jit you pathetic little cunt. and guess what shes christian, i bet none of you saw that coming. anyways its 7 17 and i dont have much else to say. heres the ip address 131.104.226.211 because my friends are sooooo stupid for being able to figure out how to manipulate computers, trace where you are and fuck up your computer. something im sure you know nothing about even though you think your some kind of a scholar. i really hope its not who i think it is (it was it was christine walters)cuz she really has NO REASON AT ALL to pull this kind of shit but if i find out its you....(i did you fucking sket) thats it thats all i'll never talk to you again. not like i really do now neways.

just another mourning


tunes-slayer Woke up this morning and didnt know what the hell was going on. i snorted at my now full of drying blood and slightly off centered nose. it hurt like hell.trying to catch my bearings and remember what the hell happened last night. and my head. ringing like hell with a dull throbbing bass beat keeping time at the front of my head. a quelched 26 lay next to me. with its head broken off and its blood sucked dry. i killed him i thought, heh heh. owwww my head, and why the fuck is my nose pointing off to the left. this cant be good. i arose and stumbled my shirt covered in drops of blod and an array of big yellow blotches on me. it looks like a highlighter blew up on me. man what the fuck happened to me. after i did my morning routine of getting yelled at, taking a shit and wiping the drunk grime off me fromthe night previous, i strolled back upstairs and laid down. trying to drive the light from my eyes i gave up and tried to remember again what i had done.i rolled over and saw the same consistent stain of yellow on my pants. looking at the cuts and scrapes on my body i searched for soemone who would be able to tell me what i did. This girl told me i wasnt even speaking in english to her and jacqueline said the only msgs i sent her were just saying ''no''. wow im one articulate mother fucker when im drinking. so doug was down today and i went over to his place and jammed and chilled with him for a while. a good lad that doug, sucks he lives in york. my mom is such a cunt its not even worth going downstairs anymore to endure the pointless bitching and harping thats inevitable. she such a fucking imbecile and she rarely has any idea what shes talking about or point at all. if its not on a tv show it wont get through her head so its pointless trying to explain anything to her. ugh its just constant aggrivation with her im not even in the mood to write nemore.

Life is one big hangover, one big continuos runny shat!


tunes-goat horn(support the local canadian metal baby!even tho their singer and name suck) I took 2 mornign after shats today of 2 different varieties brown and lumpy and black and stringy. needless to say some need for concern. seems netime i drink whiskey lately it turns my shat black. whats the deal with that? anyways im pretty hungover. i havent like really updated this thing with a story or nething in a while. drank at stevos last night with him adrienne n footy. haha some wigger kids walked by and we watched them stash their ball in a bush. so i took it and we popped it and put it back at their spot and waited for them to come back. hha so things were a little slow ok. then footy and steve argued over whos a bigger idiot for a while and i gotta say hands down your both fuckin champions as far as im concerned! then we watched the rest of pantera 3. man that movie is jokes. i wish i were a roadie paid to do stupid stuff all in the name of home video. hmm what else, ive been getting yelled at alot lately. i dont even know why, there are some crazy ladies out there i tell ya. ugh hangovers suck ill have to remedy this with whats left of my 26 and the absolut my parents have stashed in the freezer. everyones prolly goin to the bars tonite so im betting it will suck. then again i thought last night was gonna suck and it didnt it was weird but it didnt suck. whiskey fucks my head right up. its a different kind of drunk, but man am i wishin i had some beer for this morning and some weed. good god yall. gotta find someone to drink early morning styles. i think im gettin sick and that sucks, cuz i dont wanna be sick and i have to hack something up like every 2 seconds. it is now 9 o clock in the morning im gonna go make a steak on the bbq. toodles.

Rest In Peace, The man in black


A legend passed today. Another favourite is gone. Johnny Cash died at age 73. This hurts. Johnny was truely the man in my opinion. So many good tunes. and after recording over 1500 still probably alot more that I've yet to hear. I was really a big fan of hiim and his music to me was like a friend. like i always say youre not ddrinking alone if johnny cash is on, it makes u feel as if your with a good drinking buddy. even if its just you alone in your room with a bottle of whiskey. I never knew the man personally but the feeling he conveys over the course of a song makes you feel like you do. and damn im gonna miss that music. the country outlaw, the man in black, the legend is gone. tonite to celebrate his life im gettin off school early, grabbin a 26 (whiskey of course) and im drinkin like only an angry german can. Here's to you Johnny.......

Early morning Styles


tunes-Pantera-live at ozzfest 2000 vid Its 843, tryin to figure out how to get to school today. Hittin the old reaper. Watchin this vid. Man I love Pantera. Me and Footy drove around listening to Pantera most of tonite, and i need a couple daily fixes of them. fuckin shame they wont be regrouping anytime soon. oh but the sex pistols are back together. shooot me in the fuckin face. anyways i wish i could sing, like really sing. i can do a pretty sick growl and some nice death metal screams but my clean voice certainly leaves something to be desired. Phil from Pantera has the perfect voice. i wish i sounded like that. i wish i lived that life. getting wasted all the time n goin fucked out of your mind onstage. and nobody cares how drunk you are because its still a sick show and everyone else wishes they were as drunk as you. ahh the life of a young metal god. i got the drinking thing down its the being in a kickass band n goin on stage thing that still needs to be done. imagine people throwing joints, panties flashing their tits at you just because you tell them too. he says ''fuckin make fuckin noise now'' and they do or ''were the kings of metal and aww shit were great lets here it for us ahhh shit were good''and no one disagrees with it it, ''whoooolleeefuckinheartedly brother'' damn i miss jammin with doug

no class til 12 tmw


tunes-shadows fall drove around for a long time with footy tonitewent to pickering to meet julian but that never materialized. so we went to drive back to whitby but there was some accident and we had to find an alternative route home which was a fuckin adventure and a half. rossland was half driveable til after we got through all the shit to a dead end sign:S good job city of pickering workers. my arm still smells like this lip chap shit lindsay put on my arm. oh well jokes on her i got the hep c hahaha. hahaha today in class this huge dude read the most jokes story ive ever heard in my life. like it was a good story and all but you gotta see this guy and how he read it. pretty fucking corny. i bet the girl in the story was prolly made up or some internet buddy. anyways kt started giggling and then that got me going. which turned into a continuos laugh spree which i could only jab my pen into my leg to help contain.then later i wrote her a note to stop talking about it cuz it was makin me laugh . what about how him and his truck of a woman were absolutely inseperable and months turned to years. hahahah i guess you had to be there haha. thats a note im keeping

orange pop


tunes-dayglo abortions i love orange pop especially fountain pop, the way it smacks your lips after you feel the bubbles on your tongue. mmmm. so i got that new triple cheeseburger ive heard so much about from a certain fast food place. it was pretty small and chuncy i must say. not what i expected. today was a good day anyways.finished up a creative writing assignment after my first class and saw westbrook. talked to him for a while, westbrooks a pretty good guy. haha he used to do the best slash impression back in the day. i stole my moms lighter and she got me some binders n shit for school. i also talked to travis for a bit which was cool. and the best for last mr. metcalfe. man i missed talking to that guy. metcalfe is the man i gotta say. hmmm what else... well we'll see later tonite.

the weekend


went up to dougies res at york this weekend. pretty good times. i really like his place. laid back atmosphere with a lot of cool kids around. makes me regret not moving away for college. i forgot the beer bong so i had to construct a new one for doug to keep there with a few inovations to reduce head, increase blockage, and make it easier and faster to guzzle. it was the standard camp trip design with a 4th bottle added onto make pouring and the drinking angle easier. nice campus too. some very nice looking young ladies there and theyre not soo stuck up that they wont talk to you. they almost werent going to let me stay due to my lack of photo id. luckily all thjat was solved and i woke up on sunday and went to breakfast with doug n his mom. after that i got a ride back home with dougs mom and had a nice chat on the way home. shes such a groovy lady. i always feel like some type of dumb schmoe talking to adults tho. like im going to say something wrong. monday came and i had creative writing again. yay. so im not really meeting any new people at school which is weird cuz i somewhat expected too. oh and kt and lindsay had a real treat for the ride home some cd that was filled with happy music that still sounded like crying or a yelping dog caught in a bear trap. ive never heard more 1,2,3's as actual lyrics before in my life. why not throw in an abc or two has just as much relevance to the subject at hand. depressing stuff to say the least. if i listened to that i not only would have severed my penis by now (isnt that a prerequisite to this music) but i prolly would have killed myself as well. its soo emo to cut off ur dank and then send it to your ex gf in the mail. hahahahahaha im quite sleep deprived. speaking of which i was talking to chrissy the other day n she told me to call her. i figured she was just drunk or delusional or horny or something, she claims she wasnt but i dont know what to think. i mean i cant understand why she would want me of all people to call. we werent exactly on good terms and this whole thing was kind of out of the blue. i mean ive been a pretty big dick to her and she a bitch to me so i dont know what wed talk about really. her new boyfriend perhaps or school. ya that sounds probable. i was thinking about her the other day admittedly. and since she told me to call ive been thinking about her alotmore again. which i dont think is good at all, nope nope nope gonna have to combat that somehow. im all weirded out. n some girl kept trying to hold my hand n kept giving me her room # at dougs res. why you ask? i really wouldnt know. i was disturbed in ne case. quite deeply disturbed. footy ccame over after school and i made him stay for dinner so i didnt have to go down for my grandmas bday. i feel bad but i was all burnt out n shit at the time n i get really paranoid around family, im pretty paranoid in the 1st place. but ya thanks for savin my ass footy, your a good man.ooooo im pretty tired now n my back is killing me. yawn mission accomplished im ready for bed.

tripping without drugs


-right now id tear out my insides myself just to be alone. finding nothing but the same, every day petty squabbles, phony smiles and fake hellos, reach up and rip it out that cold dead lifeless heart keep it, it wont beat for me nemore. you ripped it all up long ago. its rotted and blackened, i won t need it now that ive shown you this i know youll run, i would too seems like i havent stopped in years really just as far as my feet will take me before they weigh me down like cinder blocks tied to me as i sink into the ocean to ''sleep with the fishes'', too heavy to run i fall face first to the ground. and hes always there. watching me fall, grinning and laughing. trying to pick myself back up all i wanted was a hand, instead i feel a push from behind as i fall face first the skin seal on my lip taking the fall and breaking and bleeding again. fingers wrap around my neck. pushing me down again, stealing my breath. bringing on cool numb blackness. give in, lie back, let it take you. if you wanted out so bad then let him pull you down. take me under. embrace the black the more i fight back the deeper i sink. elbow high in shit fighting to stay above and falling further with every thrashing limb. what was it you said to me before you left? its all so far away. im flashing back and its all so far out of reach. theyre listening, inside of me. you cant see their faces but you know theyre there. you hear them whispering to each other. plotting and laughing as they please. in between cackles they spit in your face and dare you to do something about it. dont look now but theyre on the roof, screaming for blood. all your short comings all your misgivings all your mistakes. all return at once to help fill that shallow grave you were digging. theyre back for what they see as rightfully theirs. ''baby'' she says ''i never want to hurt you'' as she twists the dagger round in you laughing and jutting the blade around gutting you like a fish. 'boy'' he shouts ''you've just got to trust me'' as he dashes your head off the ground leaving you for dead like some limp rag doll without an ounce of strength or ambition to rise again. ''friend'' they say as they tell a lie right to you, spit in your face and kick out the back of your knees when youre turned around. the dull, cool blade lying next to you on the table looks warm and inviting. bathed in the new moons light and shining boldly. laughter you hear and its all around you, pointing at you, staring deep into your eyes. how can it be that it all turned out like this. everything u scraped your fingers to the bone and worked for have slipped unssen through broken cracks underfoot. and pain is nothing, your too numb or was it dumb to see its effects. its like screaming at a wall, nobody around to hear me even if they were they wouldn't listen. but no ones there and no one cares.so ill just keep screaming til my voice gives out and the inside of my mouth tastes of blood. it doesnt matter because youd rather never have it happen again. everyone else sees it as a game and well i guess im just not that lucky. id shed my skin if itd make a difference now but its just too late.remember the time we stayed up til the sun came up. just you and me,nothing else mattered but us and our hopes and dreams. kind of funny how it all went to shit, the one thing i truely wanted. the only thing i ever wanted. i wish now i hadnt tried to burn you from memory but i did and i failed just the same. all ive got now is these 4 walls to trap and punish me. all of me is at war with myself and them and dope. everyone hates everyone, an inner conflict ever divided. she beckons to me ''come sweet prince'' ''fall back, lie down, rest.'' as she jabs the final dagger in my side. consumation of someting more. i fell once i wont again without a foothold. but it doesnt hurt, the dagger feels like release and you twist it round yourself to get the full effect. if only theyd come back then id have someone to talk to someone to hear me. but theyre all gone now, miles and miles away respectively, all in a dream. you wipe the morning fog and sleep from your eyes and awake. but she always beckons, she always draws me back, ''sleep my sweet prince, lie back, sleep''. so tired from the conflict and the struggle i lye back and give into my sweet demoness. but its always the same you always wake up the next day.
a take home do it yourself lobotomy.......

friday


-tunes-SLAYER!!! so today started out pretty shitty. got an email from my dad who i havent talked to in a while but that wasnt bad. when i asked my mom for weekend money which she owes me for my ass of a stepdad returning 40 dollars worth of bottles that I DRANK NOT HIM. she refused and tried to rationalize it. so lemme get this straight you guys doo nothing at all and somehow i get screwed and you get 40 dollars? no sorry not gonna happen like that. so obviously i fought that and now i have 40 dollars in my hands which is rightfuckingfully mine thank you very much. then when i was walkin with kt n linds they stopped following me into the comp lab for break and thought i was all mad at them or something. i donno either. so i sat n talked to some ppl for a whilein there had some nice chats talked to a dude i worked with Steve, nice guy. Then blah blah blah blah blah met up with that diet pop chugging ho chelsea n went outside for a butt with her cuz my hands were freezing. Then after I went to my next class. i was kinda surprised to see kt n linds there. anyways this is my favourite course so far creative writing. i thought the teacher gave us alot of really gay topics to write about until i started writing one about ''this is how my heart was broken'' it seemed really dumb at first. but once i started writing words just kinda poured out and i didnt want to stop. unfortunately we had to cuz class was over. but that type of assignment is right up my alley. i really love writing and she started off talking about holden caufield and catcher in the rye and you really can't go wrong with that. she said she doesnt care what we write about or nething and can write pretty much whatever comes to mind. she encouraged us to go to the ''scary places'' well lady lemme tell you my mind is a scary fucking place to be indeed. you really have no idea what your about to hear. i hope i don't give her a heart attack or anything that would be a shame. one of our topics is to write about a wound. some sick battlescar story is going in there i can tells ya, or maybe just about the time when i fought justin and he BIT ME. so this log has gotten me into some kinda trouble lately guess i shoulda known. kt and linds think im mad at them or something but the only thing about them that actually really pisses me off is listening to their music on the way home. most of its all twinkly poppy alt punk kinda shit. i dunno how to describe it. it sounds like a bunch of girls being raped or crying or soemthing, the guys are all either screaming like women or moaning and making that stupid voice. you know the one its like halfway between a yelp and a cry. granted some of those bands have some pretty solid drummers but other than that its pretty weak on the guitars, ughh and those horrid vocals, its pretty depressing stuff. i know im always thinking of throwing myself from the moving car while listening. my headphones blaring megadeth doesnt even come close to how loud this shit is blared daily. oi vey. 1 decent band i heard on there was Caliban at least. i couldnt believe kt listens to them. a sick band indeed. BRING ON THE HEAVY SHIT KT! keep it up.

booyaaa


-tunes-SLAYER!!!!!!!New Faith and Read Between the Lines -440-had best convesation ever with dougs cousin. while all high and shit. as follows £åü®êñ.. says: so hows college hahahaha im in college hahahahahaha oh man says: £åü®êñ.. says: that sux hahahaha im in college hahahahahaha oh man says: i know hahahaha im in college hahahahahaha oh man says: trust me hahahaha im in college hahahahahaha oh man says: i know £åü®êñ.. says: ha, k well im off £åü®êñ.. says: cya later hahahaha im in college hahahahahaha oh man says: i bet you are you streetwalker £åü®êñ.. says: what the.. £åü®êñ.. says: yes i often walk the streets... hahahaha im in college hahahahahaha oh man says: ya you go work the streets ya snatch spreading hoochie mama! £åü®êñ.. says: thats me cya! hahahaha im in college hahahahahaha oh man says: ya waht are you gonan do with that thumb? hahahaha im in college hahahahahaha oh man says: are you gonna ejaculate an old man for money with it? I BET YOU ARE! if theres a better use of computers and technology than this i havent heard about it. -445Y-a 2nd post im feeling prolific today. right now i have commandeered footys skor bites to go. they are good -448-continued eating them -450-stopped eating that shit. my mom is out for the night what the fuck am i gonna do? a)jank off all night, havent had a good jank night in a while haha. b)Smoke crack and snort cocaine while having sex with drunk midgets. c)watch judge mathis,judy,people's court and judge joe brown in a row or at least until operas on. d)molest neighbourhood childen and sacrifice them to satan. e)make up cool rap jingles look booooyaaaaaa what up bra stab in the neck da face n kill yo brothas bang bang shoot you all dead what you think bout punch me now punch in da head. i sware i heard that in a reggae song once! f)i couldnt think of anythign to write here. g)same thing as above h)chill with footy and help him ''dispose of the garbage'' from his trunk.

BR>

uhhhhh...i uno


-listenin to:falling off the edge of the world. dio era sabbath. so i started college, bah i dont even know what to say. seems pretty boring. most of the time im there i just long to be left alone to listen to my headphones. saw a few people i know that go there which was decent. I saw the man himself ANDREW YEARWOOD. This guy is the man. i dont respect many people but i respect him which is weird cuz hes one of my peers. he said he was gonna call me had it not for my friends sayin the phrase ''yeeeeeeeeeeeeeewoood'' all the time. i couldnt believe it was him at first, but id recognize that shining black mini fro anywhere!!! soo good to be at school with him, even tho he thinks im just some druggy slacker, which i guess i kinda am. saw this girl i used to work with allyson which made me smile. it was weird cuz i was thinking about her the other day, thinking id never see her again, and there she was. its weird a lot of times when im thinking of a certain event or person i wonder if theyre ever sitting there thinking the same thing about me. but ya im sure that doesnt happen. oh ya i saw ash there too. today i counted 11 fat punk chicks. WHATS THE DEAL PEOPLE?!?!?!?! another thing footy and i were discussing is how many ugly people constantly and consistently have a bf or gf. like all the time.where as me and footy suposed 'norms' get squat. how does this work exactly are they just really slutty and easy. like i saw this girl today with flab on her flab walking hand in hand with a pretty normal looking guy. i know how people say you should go out with the person because you like the person and i couldnt agree more but how could you fall in love with jawa the hut. i mean really now people, come on, your makin me sick. and a lot of fugly guys are always walking around with hot girls on their arm. god damn is there not 1 good looking girl out there who isnt crazy and doesnt act differently in every situation, all this mothafucka wants is some comfort. one good thing about school tho getting to listen to my cds again all the time. yesterday had on vulgar display of power and good times ensued. I even got a compliment(one compliment compared to eight turn that downs) and today was the rust in peace (in my mind the most essential thrash album written) by the allmighty and also disbanded megadeth. wow the 2 bands i started off with are done. MAYBE ITS A SIGN! naahhh im not that lucky. w0w lots of writing come to think that i didnt actually have nething to say at all when i started this. the things u can come up with outta nowhere.

BR>

college.....


im pretty blitzed just sitting here at 10:46. i have class at 12 n i gotta leave at like 11:15. that grim reaper bong has had some kinda resurgence. it hits like a motherfucker now. ugh my stomachs starting to make noises and im at the point where im hungry but if i eat nething i ll prolly spew. doug called me today when i was in the shower so i missed it which sucks. he probably has some kind of crazy hijinks planned he usually does. fuck i think my aunts here and i have to go downstairs and make fooD! SHIT! its now 11:18 im going to play guitar.

summer is finally over


Man has this day snuck up quickly, and it really sucks. not only are my carefree do nothing days over but alot of cool people have moved away. Thinking back i didnt accomplish very much. Me and Doug wrote 3 pretty cool songs and got decent by the end of the summer. and i did get really drunk, a lot. Man that first month of summer is just once huge drunken blur. The camping trip was just pure hecticity(is that ever a word? no) Me and Doug had to smoke a spliff before we jammed just to kill the hangover EVERYDAY of the 1st month. eventually we stopped bunning til after practice so we could actually play. the second month wasnt as good i got fucked over alot come to think of it ive been called an asshole so many times for no good reason at all the word has lost all meaning. its funny when u talk about catholic girls they all think your talking to them personally. as if there was only one crazy nutty catholic girl. hahahahahaha you kids make me laugh.But ya 3 really good guys are gone Doug, Joshua and Travis. Thats gonna suck. I hope they come back and visit often so I can pour liquor down their throats. but ya lost some good friends and some ppl i really cared about just in time to start over at a new school again. like theres even a bar on campus but im still 18 til fuckin november that all im looking forward to and seeing lots of hot girls daily. neways im fucking bored n nobodys gonna be around today. so i think im gonna snag a pizza n watch a bunch of episodes of duckman n seinfeld. ooohhhh ferris buellers day off is on... yay! hahaha the pricipal got arrested for being a child molestor, now THAT is gold. neways goodbye

the sun is out and there are birds chirping, i should prolly go home.


everybodys listenin to my jammin beats, i got dreads in my hair, gold on muy fingers, so much cocaine the bitches always linger, err soemthing like that. ya i had a really late night last ngiht. last friday before i go to school so u gotta beleive i be tearin that shit up. so ya i didnt get home til like 7 or so in the morning. chilled the early part of the night with rich footy n douglas. then we went to make some chops and smoke a blunt as i rememeber. then we met up with lindsay and kt, which was fun. then we went to jesses and well the rest is ummm ya didnt get home til 7!

Joshua's last night in whitby.





Ya so Joshuas moving to North Bay for university. seems everyone is. that sucks a lot hes a cool kid hope he comes back to visit lots. but ya we went to the physch and good times prevailed. we went to the lcbo and got footy to drop us off nearby the building in the new subdivision. and went in behin cover of the new houses. we sat, drank and waited for the rest. joshs parents wine was pretty good. after both of us sitting there pretty paranoid thinkin we heard shit the group arrived.purchase,alycia(sp)alyson,travski,ryan,purchases little sister, purchases little sisters hot friend, n this dude ervon who i found to be pretty cool. neways they walked right infront of the building so we told them to come in and stay awhile. it was the old building we always used to chill in back in the day. all the writing and blood on the wall is still all there. neways wee got nice n drunk then josh opened the 26 of whiskey and from then its kinda blurry. i remember the objective of getting travis wasted was completed. he said he was more drunk than hed ever been in his life. so im satisfied with that. seeing him ralph was pretty cool too. except when the smell of the puke drove us from the room hahahahahhahaha. well never chill in there again i can tell you hahahahahaha. travis man high fives on the nasty smelling puke hahaha. ohhh man. travis had to be helped home with Joshua as a cruthch. i told em to slow down but they didnt listen!!!!Then they went for a walk so i sped up,& all the girls there told me how i give dirty looks and they think i hate them. do i give dirty looks? i dunno. but a lot of people said a lot of nice things about me last night:) which cant be bad. i think i might be a stand up comedian after all(do you have any idea how hard it is to say that sounding serious and with conviction?)who knows i wanna try n give it a try in a few clubs or something i just need to write a set. tricky stuff. and then
this morning i got a nice unexpected email. saying things i never expected. a nice surprise to wake up to. today looks really promising, Jims not home, good start to the morning, footy gets off school at 1 and wants to start drinking right away, im gonna make my mom smoke a spliff with me, im gonna get drunk as fuck and somehow convince this girl to come hang out with me, and i hear theres a kegger tonite. mmmmmm commander cool is alive and well.

doctor tongue is in.



Hey there I just felt like updating... lyin in bed hittin a bong just relaxing. im at peace right now. so laid back n relaxed. heres whats on my playlist right now. -down-losing all -cryptopsy-mutant christ -Yngwie Malmsteen-I am a viking(hes such a sick guitar player!!) -Pantera-Great Southern Trendkill -Slayer-Aggressive Perfector Minor Threat-I dont wanna hear it In FLames-Bullet Ride NOFX_Fun things to fuck Metallica-53rd and 3rd and a whole lotta Superjoint! Phil is the man.

Hello, Its me how are you.



woke up to some really weird dreams. I hate when their so vivid that you wake up and you can't distinguish whether or not what you just dreamed was real. aaaannyways went to this weak ass party with adrian and doug, which refreshes my old saying dont ever listen to anything adrian says. that kid is a damned idiot. its pretty funny when hes drunk because hes more of a friendly obnoxious asshole who just says and does tons of stupid shit. its also funny when a big group of kids calls you a pussy when your alone for no reason at all. well kiddo if i find ya when ur not with your friends your gonna see what a pussy looks like alright. stupid ass wigger kids thinking their tough cuz they travel in herds. everyone at my house is mad at me.. AGAIN. i dont even wanna talk about it nemore im pretty sick of this. at least jammin with doug should be good since hes not sick nemore and we can get back to the regular jammin schedule til he leaves. thats gonna suck cuz dougs a cool kid and one of the few ppl i can stand to be around alot. neways this sucks im goin to get high. later.

sittin around


just spendin the saturday morning doing the usual. recovering from a hangover and trying to piece together exactly what i did last night. my room really smells for some reason so i sprayed a bunch of cologne around but i used too much and now my room reeks like 50 year old man. i feel like i should be at a country club drinking scotch on the rocks or something. had a bunch of ppl over drinkin last night. good times prevailed. unfortunately i cant remember most of which. the day started off with me n ryder drinkin early styles. i think it was 3 when we started, well he stole some of his parents wine and we drank a bottle of that. then we met up with rich and went to the liquor store where we met footy with whom i had the funniest phone conversation with earlier about him wanting to buy peach shnaps and me calling him a women and asking if he was going to get some wine coolers and white zinfandel with that. hahaha aahhh footy. then later on doug n cat stopped by. which was cool cuz Cat is awesome n i havent seen her in a while. she wrote a pretty picture over one of the depressing lines on my wall. yay cat. then later on the sultan of grease came down with Bondage(Steve came down with Steph). we drank on the back porch and i think everyone went to the bars or something im not really sure. all i know is i woke up at 7 45 in the morning. tonite im supposedly going to some party with adrian and if it sucks im gonna piss on the floor and leave. maybe take a dump in the sink im not sure yet. ive really something today. every catholic girl ive met in my life has been a nutcase. not just like kind of weird or nething like that. theyre seemingly normal actually until you actually talk to them or get to know them. DONT GET THEM MAD. thatswhen they really turn on the charm:s im not saying all girls arent nuts just that catholics seem to be a lot more fucked up than most.

Todays Rant:Liars and people that make shit up


I really don't understand this. why people feel the need to make up shit for no apparent reason at all. are you impressing anyone? no not really your just making them think your more pathetic than you were before. you know the kind of person im talking about the one who tells a retarded story that has no revelvance to anything nor is it anywhere remotely believable. or the person who just seems to pull random phony facts and quotes that are blatantly made up out of nowhere just to continue the argument because they're too stubborn to admit their wrong or listen to what anyone else has to say. i think thats pretty sad. its even sadder that i know more than a handfull of these types of people. its almost as bad as the people who have no argument at all and just try to raise their voice above yours as to not let you get your point across. why are the stupidest people always the ones with the loudest voice. its some kind of a cruel joke. and i seem to be the only one not laughing. i dont understand how things keep getting worse. at least theres new superjoint ritual and armored saint out. and its goood stuff. Chris told me awicked joke yesterday:what do you call a fly with no wings: a walk thats all folks...

the weekend. n footys 19th


k i dont know how much of this i will remember, which right away tells you it was a pretty regular weekend. on friday me n doug jacked some NASTY champagne from his parents and drank that while in wait for the others. now im not much of a wine drinker or nething like that, but this shit tasted horrible. but the good thing about it is the sugar content which makes u get drunk A LOT faster. we poured some tall glasses and about half way down without even noticing i was getting a nice buzz on. then later we went to steves kept drinkin then everyone went to the bar at like 12 or 12 30. so we just went home for the night. now the next night started out with me havin a few brews with the rents watchin some jackie chan. wondering where the fuck everyone was. so i called footy and then went to richs. good times prevailed after they all left i went home for some reason then got a ride down to krystle n jesses. while i was there i pretty much just drank n talked to ppl n shit. although one person pulled me to the side and started telling me how this girl i really liked well that i should go after her. after i havent talked to her in like 3 or so weeks, and yeah it just didnt make nesense at all and there was no way i was taking this advice. shes moving in 2 weeks neways shes forgotten about me im trying to forget about her. its pointless. neways i dont even wanna write nething more come to think of it. fuck, deja vu, again.

haunted by the past


tonite was totally fucked up for me. i think i got bugspray in my eye. and im almost sure i made a shitload of bad decisions/choices. ran into two old 'friends' tonite. one of which asked me to come with them. i only wish i wasnt so anti social(sometimes). missed being around her. guess its too late to change anything now.... way to fail again kalinski. hip hip hooray!!

po'd


ok this is how retarded my house is. normally we have like no food but when my mom finally gets up from watching tv and decides to actually get groceries oh lets say once a month we end up with the following 2 packs of hotdogs - no bunns 2 packs of hamburger buns - no hamburgers no propane to cook the shit in the first place(oh yeah well do it tommorow means it wont get done). 4 packs of kool aid no sugar. 4 boxes of kraft dinner-no butter or milk 1 26 of londons dry gin - with club soda martini mix etc etc now tell me ive no reason to be pissed off. they can get their booze EVERYNIGHT yet i cant get a fucking decent meal here. im seriously wondering how theyve managed to ''run a household'' let alone make it out of the driveway. ahhh the joys of being white trash. i seriously hope they die. at least that way id be able to eat like maybe 2 square meals a day. ya that would be sweet. who the fuck drinks gin anyways stupid ass fancy drink making motherfuckers. i still wonder how the fuck it is they can say i have a drinking problem when they drink EVERYNIGHT regardless. next time i hear that im gonna hook whoevers saying it across the face. ohhhh and have a nice day:|

pure gayness... lookin up


ya so geocities hasnt worked in a few days because of some crossdressers convention im sure they were at. and the durham college ppl had my birthdate wrong so i had to go through a bunch of shit and phonecalls just to fix that. at least im registered for my courses now. what else is new??? hmmmm well chelsea came over yesterday, chilled with her for a while, beat her at checkers haha. we pretty much just sat around which was cool cuz thats usually pretty boring but it was actuall some decent times. she wrote ac/dc on my arm.:| why are rocker girls soo much sexier? neways yesterday b4 that i just smoked a doob n was walkin up dundas when harm caught up to me.(which was weird cuz i called her like 2 minutes b4 i went out for that doob. she showed me her new apt> n i helped her move some shit in there. nice place. its the bottomfloor so its all dark and dungeony. my kinda place. but ya i have to call her n wish her a happy birthday soon. i wonder what ill do today. oh and to those people who say paul dianno was better than bruce dickinson all i have to say is.

friends dont let friends fill fishtanks.,hahhahhhahaha


cant remember a fuckin thing my night is ablur dave rich footy chloe and lisa came over and we were drinkin. next thing i know i wake u with all this microwaved food all over my place. must have been a good night. but still wtf who didnt eat all this shit? my msn name was soo fucked up in the morning and it didnt make any sense, even to someone who is still half drunk. and im pretty sure rich took like 4 beers limey bastard. i always said you couldnt trust the brits ;) oh well i dunno what happened. jims off til monday:S good times (big thumbs down) and chelsea thinks the only reason i wanna chill with her is to get piece not cool chelsea. defintely not cool. i think im gonna go smoke some roahces and fall asleep now. oohhhh footy got the campin pics done and their awesome ill have em up soon.p.s my mouth is all cut up who the fuck punched me? UPDATE: Steve came out i just remembered, that suave motherfucker. UPDATE 2:Footy called and said he left a bag of weed outside while i was in the middle of smoking those roaches/passing out on my snare drum. 10 minutes later my mom brings the bag of weed upstairs. hahahah good job footy. Update 3: I realise i REALLY like using the word retard.. retard retard retard hahahahhahahahahahaha. good fun Update 4:Dave really does dig the cougars. like REALLY haha lindas a sexy name right dave?

Sketchy Sleep


woke up this morning to a hearty bud just sitting on the ground which was nice. rolled a little 5 chunk doobie n smoked it outside. heres the kicker, i actually got my mom to hit it. now i was a lot more excited about this earlier before i went back to bed, but still truly a milestone. she said that it tasted ''good'' and ''sweet''. ah what peer pressure from a son can do. i guess it its from a son its not really peer pressure. had some pretty fucked up dreams last night that didnt help me to do anything but think about a certain someone more. which is bad very very bad. like poison or kryptonite if you will. i wonder how the hell im gonna stay awake today, need more drugs. last ight the drinkin session ended early last ngiht and i fell asleep soon after. at least i got to slap adrian. my drinkin streak is on its 5th day today. cheers to alcoholism. youd be surprised how many ppl call me an alcoholic on a daily basis like its a bad thing or some kind of insult. haha an insult im proud to be an alcoholic thank you very much 12 stepper. while your slitting there all glum and half stoned i'll be drunk off my ass wearing my bloodshoit eyes and drunken grin with pride. now heres a list of some other proud alcoholics:

late night wandering the streets full of revisited thoughts.


a late night drinking session at 241 and the dank has brought little drunkeness to my heavy head. so its 3 o clock and doug goes to bed. so i meander the streets alone just walking, nowhere in particular just wanting to go as far as my legs will take me. these bare empty streets only help to solidfy these feelings. the street lights bathe the road in an eery glow. only makes me feel more alone. but i dont care right now i just try not to think about it and keep walking until my legs give out. had to go the long way home to avoid the ''walnut st neighbourhood watch''. i see a bench i want to rest but my legs keep pushing me on. nothing good has come of tonite just some old wounds re opened to start bleeding again. and i heard some things you said, but their so contradictory, you couldnt have said them. it makes no sense. no sense makes sense. i am really confused and all i have to go on is heresay from what other people are telling me. that im the one who upset you. i think they must have it the wrong way around because thats not how i see it at all. thats probably what got me into this mess in the first place. damn taking advice from people and the stupid advice they give. they say all you need to do is try but sometimes effort isnt always the smartest thing to do. sometimes trying is the first step towards failure or rejection in this case. looks like another drowning tonite. finally im home my weary brow heavy and wanting sleep. i hear a rustling i look over hear it again. coming from the garbage bag. suddenly a skunk crawls out and starts spraying so i run inside to end my night. pretty fucked up night in the end not what i expected at all.

untitled.


head trip, fat lip, i thought i had this all under control. black eye, but inside im telling you that im fine after all, and so i lay there bleeding, no one to clean me up, i hang my head ive lost all hope, i have seen enough..

my second night getting better aquinted with old milwakee tall boys.


feelin nice n good not think bout shit the way it should be my mind as clear as a bell. moving on feeling well. why the fuck do they call it old milwakee if its brewed in guelph ontario neways???? same with budwieser king of american beers yet brewed in canada *(note:budweiser aint king of shit i dont even have to spell it right let alone bother mentioning the tons of other beers that are far superior, king of beers my ass. got called an alcoholic like 4 times today maybe its a sign wooopeee. i dont think i have nething else to say

hiding out in my room.


feels like ive been holed up here for hours, or is it days. hiding here forever im not sure what from. anything outside the door is beyond me, two faced liars and cowards, id like to see you speak the truth just once to watchyour lips fall off as the lies seep thru your rotten teeth. just sitting here by myself, again. my brain running thoughts over and over in my head, again. make this stop, please stop. my head aches. feels like i havent got a friend in the world im just talking to myself, over and over again. i cant see past tommorow because its just the same as today. the child has grown, the dreams are over, hope is long dead. wishing there was someone to pull me out or pull me under, barely floating on my own. i tried for your hand but you slipped away just like everything and everyone else. im always left behind.... and i miss kate:(

aftermath of the fence attacks.


remember that story i told you about me and doug attackin the fence of that asshole. well apparently adrians woman ass stepdad called the cops on some kids tryin to steal a stop sign *(note: i fucking hate adrians stepdad he is the biggest fucking dick alive and he deserves to live even less than adrian, who knows adrian might not be so much of a blatant asshole if it wasnt for this pudgy ass faggot blonde preppy piece of shit little girl. he honestly acts like a little fucking woman. like the other day adrian was in his kitchen makin food with the stereo on. his stepdad gets home and takes his cd out and just throws it over at the table then comes in the living room where i was sitting and just goes and turns the tv all the way down without saying a word. he never says a word he just gives u these faggot ass disaproving looks. if this guy was ever impressed by anything i bet it was the size of some black dudes dick before he swallowed a nice wad. fuck i get pissed off just thinking of that bitch. youll get yours one day faggot. trust me everyone does its just a matter of time >:| neways he called the cops. and that fag whos fence got wrecked called the cops and apparently so did the dude who yelled at me for knocking down the mailbox that i called on *(note: this guy is a big huge fireman that was a stupid ass thing to do haha. i mean adrians stepdad is pretty big to but hes a fucking little baby hewy bitch so nobodys afraid of his faggot ass.) so ya this has prompted more cop cars and some sort of ongoing investigation of all the vandilism in my neighbourhood. which im proud to say most of which is caused by us haha. ahhh alcohol where would i be without you. ya im starting to get pissed i need a punching bag. i brought my drums and my weights up to my room so theres really no reason to leave nemore. smashy smashy

mornin workin out.


so i had a kickass review of the maiden motorhead and dio show up the otherday but fucking crossdressing cocksuckers at geocities cant seem to get shit all to work right lately so it has been lost. dumb ass motherfuckers fuck you. in anycase the show kicked some serious ass. the show of the summer for sure. maiden was incredible. even better than ac dc BY FAR!!! woke up this morning and walked out into my backyard. i love the smell in the morning just after it rains everything smells so fresh and new, like a new beggining, a new begining to the same old shit and the moisture of the rain will make it muggy and hot all fucking day but none the less for those few minutes in the morning its almost worth waking up. worked out all morning pretty much, just waiting for dougs nigger ass to wake so we can start jammin. chelsea sent me this quote from this movie 25th hour it was pretty bad ass, i gotta see that movie now. i think thats all. except a big fuck you goes out to a couple ppl who im sure are to self absorbed to realize its directed at them haha. well fuck you TWICE!

broken fences, getting a job, beer bongs and carnage.


woke up pretty late today at 9 something which is really good for me. yay 5 hours sleep. last night was pretty fun got trashed with footy, dave, purchase then later on gud n rachel showed up n chilled. then later on i met up with doug and we got better aquainted to an old friend le beer bong. after some beer guzzling carnage we destroyed some fences that belong to this asshole on my people to kill list. hahaha i wanna go see the damage now but im not wearing pants. who says u cant hold a grudge for 8 years? note to everyone dont piss of kalinski for he is a vengeful king and never lets go of a grudge! then we went down to 241 and i think i got hired there by damian. which is sick cuz i need a job. i hope they dont want me to close and work weekends and shit. in anycase money = becoming even more of a drunkard. which is the main objective anyways. added a whole slew of names to the people to kill list. watch yourself people :|

just sitting here.


woke up this mornin watched some oz. good times. had a bunch of ppl over last night and just drank in the backyard and smoked many a spleef. it was cool to see gudgeon and rachel havent really chilled with them in a while. and had some decent conversation about music with this dude ali who is friends with travis. it was jeffs birthday he was supposed to come out and get hammed but didnt call back he said tonite hell come out tho. hopefully steve comes out too cuz steve is just jokes and makes me laugh more than anyone else.

Sars-stock a reason to wake up.


FINALLY!!! I've waited for this day a long time my friends. I AM SOOO PHYSCHED FOR THIS SHOW. AC FUCKING DC!!! FUCK YEAH. RUSH MAN FUCKING RUSH!!!! and THE STONES (ive seen them already tho.) Hopefully i'll get there in good time to check out blue rodeo and the guess who as well and to huck bottles at justin timberlick. Seems like almost everyone i know is going to this show. and those who arent? well your losers and you suck you'll never see a lineup this good again. unless of course its maiden, dio and motorhead, in 3 more days. (NEED FUNDS FOR THAT CONCERT!!!) but seriously this is going to be a rockin day. i already started on my beer which me and footy made a serious dent into last night. ive got enough left for the day tho and i gotta figure out how to get my whiskey in there:S its perplexing. apparently theres gonna be a big party in whitby after the show so that should be cool more reason to make an ass of myself and get really hammered. AC FUCKIN DC!!! ive been listenin to stones n rush n acdc the last few days to get me ready for the concert and it worked. i cant remember the last time i was this excited. lamb of god prolly. now that was a kick ass show. i'll write up a review of the show hopefully, since i wont be drinking that much as to remember the concert entirely. ROCK ON!!!

1 more reason to be pissed off.


Your the one who causes all the fucking problems here. you have the nerve to call me a mistake and a failure? a 3 page letter detailing it all. i dont know whho the fuck you are with ur little angry letter writing campaign but fuck you what the fuck do you know anyways its not like your capable of anything more than screwing up and making inane painful small talk conversation. its funny how Im the failure and yet my last job i made more than you, not to mention i got accepted to college through less than minimal effort. you fat fucking self righteous pig. i think the 12 hours of sitting on your fat ass and watching tv all day has rotted your tiny brain. you stupid bitch, call me a failure i dont fucking care i wish i was adopted i think i am im fucking nothing like you nor will i ever be. so keep pissing on me and blaming me for problems other people start and you have no spine to stop. FUCK YOU I FUCKING RENOUNCE YOU.

3 more reasons to be pissed off.


alright this is prolly gonna be pretty short. kind of a slow night last night, took some shroomies and chilled with adrian, and seriously he is the most fucking annoying person alive. like he seriously is more worthy of death than anyone else i can think of. the worst thing is he thinks hes intelligent when hes the biggest failure/idiot/penis look alike that ive ever met. and the way he can call everyone else an asshole when he goes around yelling at ppl in wheelchairs and ppl getting put into ambulances. fuckin stupid ass stuttering hypocrite. but as soon as something is done to him he fuckin cries and calls the person an asshole. boo fucking hoo why dont you fucking cry about it you fucking woman. you wonder y ppl wanna beat on you all the time well thats why! haha. oh ya and ppl who make plans with you when their all drunk, but their morons so they dont remember it. fucking annoying. oh ya 1 more. ppl that call me to phone talk when i clearly state at the start of the conversation that im doing something, but they just keep on talking interupting 'oz' thats like my favourite show u cant do that. ur lucky it wasnt seinfeld. in anycase stop wasting my time you assholes. ill posoin the water supply. the funny thing is im not even that pissed off right now. hahahaha.