.6 octobre 2004. Saw Chris at the hospital today. It was weird to see him all weak and tired. Since the moment I met him when he moved he here hadn't turned off... I walked in when he was kind of dozing off... his dad woke him up and I gave him a hug and a kiss and held his hand.

Me: Hey honey!
Chris: Hi... *long pause* I almost died.
Me: I know. Thank God you didn't, because I have to take pictures of you!
Chris: Yeah. We were driving home from the skate park, me, Chris, and Cody. And Chris called shotgun and I was like 'okay whatever' and I sat in the back... and Chris died.
Me: Yeah... but we all love you. You know that right?
Chris: *nods* My tooth was knocked out *shows gap* and these teeth are all chipped *shows chipped teeth* so I get all new teeth and they are gonna be all straight and shit.
Me: Lucky! You get new teeth!
Chris: And I broke my pelvic bone and I can't walk and I had surgery on it. *shows cast*
Me: Ow...
Chris: I had physical therepy today, and I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it.
Me: Yeah, but you'll get there. You'll be playing your guitar and everything soon.
Chris: And my hand was really banged up *shows hand*
Me: Ow... hey do you still have my pants?
Chris: Yeah...
Me: Am I going to get them back or were you wearing them?
Chris: I don't even know (He was wearing them when he crashed. They were my sandblasted Abercrombie pants.)
Me: We brought you stuff! *shows present*

By this time, my time was up so I had to go. I gave him a hug and told him that I could ride the bus from Sinclair down there and I would. .24 septembre 2004. Mmm... I'm bored. New creepy guy at work today. He was developing negetives and he was wearing a shirt with spiderman and some other comic book characters on it. He was in his 40s, I think and was balding. He looked like Tim's dad. He stood at the sinks developing negetives all afternoon. Well, my professor (Rick) left me to close and Todd (the 20 year-old obsessive-compulsive developer) also left... leaving me with the creepy guy. Well, one of his 15 rolls of negetives that he developed today didn't come out.
"Oh GODAMMIT! *mumble* BITCH! mother fucker *mumble* FUCK! You spend the whole FUCKING summer on something and it doesn't come out."
I laughed softly
"ITS NOT FUNNY!" Wow... ooookay. I shut my mouth and quickly went into the office. I was scared he was gonna rape me. And I took the long way out to get away from him...

So, I am really tired. Because I stayed up 'til 1 am talking to Tyler (woo woo!) speaking of which, Sari called me a hoe for doing... she is being such a cunt. Then I woke up at 5:45 to go to breakfast at Amy's... which was orgasmic. So, now, since this entry is officially annoyingly pointless, I am going to take a nap before patrick gets over here. .23 septembre 2004. So, there is this guy in my photo class who looks like he is like 40 and he wears those shoes that clicky-clack like high heels and he carrys a brief case around. And I have never heard him talk, and he never has any expression other than the blank one he normally has. But, I swear everytime I walk into a room, I feel him staring at me. I am afraid he is gonna rape me in the basement by the lockers. Erika concurs. He watched me as I filled up the chemicals and he stood behind me when I was doing my negetives. He really really scares me. Like, Erika and I came into class later than everyone else, and he watched us from the moment we got in the room until my professor came in 5 minutes after. He's really creepy and I am afraid of him.

So, I haven't updated in forever. I'm single! No more Tim. No more eating spaghetti every other day... no more duct taped shoes... no more gay-straight ness! I am throughly elated. Besides the fact that he writes mean songs about me. And then sings them. But, I met a new guy so Tim doesn't even really matter anymore. I'm not going to homecoming with him or anything. I'm going with Patrick, and he is gonna be Frank Sinatra and I am still gonna be Marilyn. But, going back to new guys... thank God for Patrick dragging me to the Gathering Grounds every weekend. There was a band I have never seen there last weekend... March And Collapse. And I didn't think anything of it, but I sat on an amp and watched them anyway. And Patrick kept on saying that the guitar player was staring at Sari. And Sari didn't think anything of it... but I thought the drummer was hot. Because he is... *waves* But anyways, so the show ended kind of early so we sat outside and talked and everything, and Patrick kept on pushing me and Sari to talk to the drummer(Tyler) and the guitarist(Justin), but we were pussys and didn't do it until the end of the night, right before we went to Starbucks. But anyways, they told me I am $100 and Sari is $75 and it made me laugh. And at Starbucks I swooned to Patrick about how gorgeous this Tyler guy was. But, then he got my screen name from one of the guys and he inspired me to update my site. And he's really hot. And I want to do him (that was blunt... mais c'est vrai)

.1 aout 2004. STARTING TIME------ : 11:41 pm

a.l.l a.b.o.u.t y.o.u
1.full name - Hailey Marie -----
2.bday - November 8, 1987
3.birth state - Missouri
4.birth town - St.Louis
5.wut hospital - Northwestern? I dunno
6.last 4 digits of cell - 2724
7.house number (last 4) - there are only 4...
8.weight at birth - 8 lbs 4 oz
9.and now... *blushes* 124
10.time of birth - 8:32 AM I believe
11.height - 5'6"
12.eye color - brown
13.tan/pale/black/mixed - tres pale
14.race - caucasian
15.parents names - Jodie and Andy
16.pets - Blossom
17.how many rooms in ur house - 13
18.kinda car u have - I don't have a car
19.kinda car ur parents have - I dunno... a van
20.school - a place?
21.class of.... 2006
22.sport 's - I don't do the sports thing
23.sports played - Soccer
24.grade - 11
25.age - 16
26.sex - girl
27.3 words to describe you - emotional | bombshell | girly
28.siblings-age/name - Maggie, 15 and Cade,5
29.live with - Mum, sister, and brother
30.piercings - 1 in each ear
31.tattoos - ewwww
32.grade school - ???
33.color of room - gold and red
34.color of carpet - off white
35.room size - very small
36.bed size - fully
37.sheet colors - gold or red
38.how many pillows - 4
39.shoe size - 8-9 (depends on brand)
40.pant size - 6
41.shirt size - depends... usually small
42.bra size (girls) - confidential
43.whats in your room - uh... bed, shelf, desk, a bar type thing
44.kinda computer - Dell... Inspiron 5100 notebook
45.color computer - gray, black, and blue
46.color car - no car
47.money in bank account - $500
48.posters in room - Casablanca poster, a couple 1950s tin signs, James Dean antique bookcover
49.hair color - brown
50.kinda hair(curly, straight...) naturally wavy, but I can usually do it any way I want

f.a.v.o.r.i.t.e.s
51.girl names - dunno
52.guy names - dunno
53.song - So Impossible - dashboard confessional, Revolutionary Etude - Chopin (I am a loser), Winter - Tori Amos
54.cd - my various mixes
55.scent - Chanel's Chance... and currently Kenneth Cole's Black
56.emotion - amorous
57.feeling - ditto
58.thing to do - take pictures, play with make-up, dance
59.place - the darkroom... or the MAC make-up counter... or my salon
60.cartoon - I don't do the cartoons
61.book - Angela's Ashes - Frank McCourt
62.subject - Photography or History
63.shampoo - Aveda
64.sport - rugby to watch... none to play
65.color - red
66.food - Buca diBeppo cheesecake and crab cakes
67.drink - Cafe mochas, diet coke
68.alcohol - strawberry magaritas
69.<--- number lol - uhh... thanks?
70.basketball team - ewww
71.baseball team - ewww.... you mean I have to sit outdoors in the hot sun for hours?
72.football team - NEVER!
73.hockey team - umm... I just like to watch it, not pick teams
74.underwear - wouldn't you like to know?
75.store - MAC, Sephora, Baker's, Forever 21
76.fast food - Panera
77.eat in - Buca diBeppo
78.breakfast place - IHOP
79.breakfast food - chocolate chip pancakes, eggs, hash browns, bacon
80.sound - this is so Inside the Actors Studio... "orgasms" - Barbra Strisand
81.car - I dunno
82.show - Sex & the City
83.animal - all except snakes
84.snack - strawberries and cream cheese
85.thing to do with friends - run through fountians...? I dunno
86.thing to do with crush/bf/gf - just hanging out and doing nothing...
87.brand of clothes - I don't rely on brands... but the style... BUT I ADORE CHANEL!
88.brand of shoes - don't care as long as they are fabulous
89.sport to watch - rugby
90.gum - orbit the pink kind
91.candy - tootsie rolls
92.flavor of.... - is that a question?
93.skittles - grape
94.starburst - red
95.koolaid - grape
96.pop - diet
97.jolly rancher - grape
98.person - *weird look*
99.actor - James Dean
100.actress - Natalie Wood, Gloria Swanson
101.female singer - Billie Holiday, Tori Amos
102.male singer - Frank Sinatra
103.rapper - ewww

l.o.v.e. l.i.f.e
104.do you have a bf/gf? indeed I do
105.if so whats their name - Tim
106.how long have you been together - we say 4 months...
107.are you in love? very much
108.have you ever been in love? not before this
109.if u dont have a bf/gf whos ur crush - ...
110.how long have u liked them? ...
111.would u go out with them right now? ...
112.longest relationship - 4 months
113.shortest - 4 months
114.are you a playa? No, I don't believe so
115.whats the furthest you have gone? no comment
116.who was ur best kiss - Tim?
117.first kiss? French kiss... was Dean... peck kiss... Robbie (HI ROBBIE!)
118.grossest kiss - Dean
119.who do u think is the best looking guy/girl you have ever talked to? I dunno... there are a lot
120.same as 105--ever kissed... Robbie, Dean, Tim (I'm a loser)
121.who would u kiss if u could kiss anyone in the world? Chris Carrabba
122.whats ur fav sexual thing to do? no comment
123.if u have been in love (with who) Tim
124.still in love? very much
125.miss em? still with him
126.regret being with them - nope
127.still friends? our relationship is based on our friendship

d.o. y.o.u b.e.l.i.e.v.e i.n......
128.aliens - never really thought about it... it does raise some questions
129.ghost - yes
130.god - kind of
131.satan - no
132.heaven - kind of
133.hell - no
134.afterlife - yes
135.love at first sight - no
136.santa - no
137.wut comes around goes around - yes

w.h.i.c.h o.n.e?
138.gym shoes/sandals - neither... heels
139.dvd/vcr - as long as I can watch my movie, I don't care
140.thong/panties (guys answer) - not a guy
141.boxer/briefs (girls answer) - "Boxers are hot, not the underwear, so get rid of them!" -Carson Kressley I prefer boxer breifs... the inner fag hag coming out
142.summer/winter - summer
143.spring/fall - spring
144.make love/cuddle - YOU'RE MAKING ME CHOOSE!?
145.kiss/hug - kiss
146.chocolate/vanilla - chocolate
147.juice/pop - soda
148.chill/party - "chill"
149.draw/write - write
150.nite/day - night
151.capris/shorts - capris... shorts are trashy
152.make-up/none - OMG! I LOVE LOVE LOVE AND ADORE MAKE-UP!
153.shower/bath - big, long, luxurious bubble baths
154.food/drink - drink
155.drive/walk - drive
156.nsync/bsb - nysnc
157.98/otown - neither
158.christina/britney - HOW CAN I CHOOSE!?
159.nelly/luda - ewww
160.ja/50 - who?
161.pizza/spaghetti - oooh... Timmy's spaghetti
162.chinese/mexican(food) - mexican
163.pink/purple - pink
164.red/blue - red... I hate blue
165.scared/nervous - nervous
166.mad/sad - sad

p.a.s.t
167.best memory - prom
168.worst memory - too many
169.do u regreat anything u ever did? - ummm... writing notes... enough said
170.best chilhood memory? I dunno
171.what were you scared of as a child? serial killers
172.what was ur favorite cartoon growin up? Rocko's Modern Life, Doug
173.favorite stuffed animal/blankie/etc. - Teddy
174.did u suck ur thumb? nope
175.do u still have any of the same friends u did when u were 7 and under? yes, Katie

n.o.w
176.what are you doing right now? typing
177.are you listenin to music? yes
178.if so what song? Summer - Vivaldi
179.what is in your cd player? - no
180.who are you talking to? - Tim
181.if ur a girl are u wearing nail polish? yes
182.what color? clear
183.what are you wearing? clothes
184.what are you thinking right now? my foot hurts
185.what did u to today? church, muse, hung out with Tim

f.u.t.u.r.e
186.what to you wanna be? make-up artist or photographer
187.where do you wanna live? New York or Paris
188.who do u wanna marry? anyone who knows me know I will marry a Kennedy
189.do you wanna get married? TO A KENNEDY!
190.do you wanna have kids? no
191.if so... how many? 0
192.if u could marry anyone who would it be? A KENNEDY!

l.a.s.t t.i.m.e. y.o.u......
193.kissed - today
194.cried - today
195.said something - 5 minutes ago
196.ate - about 8
197.drank - an hour ago
198.excersised - today
199.made love - no comment
200.read a book on your own time - a week ago
201.had a bf/gf - currently
202.danced - today... but truly danced... last September
203.showered - this morning
204.brushed your teeth - this morning

h.a.v.e. y.o.u. e.v.e.r
205.smoked a cigerette - no
206.cigar? - ummmm... yeah
207.black? twat?
208.weed? no
209.been high? no
210.had sex? nope
211.said i hope you die to someone? yes
212.tried to kill someone - no
213.tried to kill yourself - no
214.got in a fist fight - not yet
215.lied to your parents - oh yeah
216.if so.. about what? - a lot of things
217.lied to your friends? - sure
218.if so.. about what? - many things
219.bungee jumped? - never
220.skydive - nononono
221.been drunk - not drunk... tipsy
222.been totally smashed - no
223.farted loud in public - no
224.skinny-dipped? nope
225.driven illegally? yes
226.ditched someone - yes
227.freak danced - yes yes yes
228.stole something - no
229.if so... what? - ...
230.skipped school? no
231.hung up on someone? yes
232.if so.. who? my dad and various other people
233.and why? they were pissing me off
234.wore something revealing (girls) - all the time
235.wore something thuggish (guys) - not a guy
236.kissed someone of the same sex - yes
237.done anything sexually with the same sex - no
238.snuck out - not out of my house
239.been to a school dance? - yes
240.if so.. how many? - 3

w.h.a.t c.o.m.e.s t.o m.i.n.d
241.lotion - legs
242.rubber - band
243.cd - spin
244.bed - sleep
245.paper - airplane
246.run - away
247.candle - fire
248.mouse pad - flowers (my old mouse pad)
249.sweatshirt - trashy
250,door - opportunity
251.pictures - darkroom
252.larosas - restaurant
253.deoderant - armpit
254.pencil - test
255.sex - hot
256.radio - ewww
will finish later

w.h.a.t y.o.u t.h.i.n.k a.b.o.u.t 270.ja rule 271.eminem 272.disturbed 273.boybands 274.war 274.9-11 275.50 cent 276.elton john 277.homosexualty 278.rape 279.abortion 280.aaliyah 281.ludacris 282.concerts 283.love/lust 284.long relationships 285.obsessions 286.smoking 287.drinking 288.these surveys 289.marilyn manson 290.ghost 291.the dark 292.things that make you happy 293.nelly's band-aid 294.britney 295.justin 296.j-lo 4 g.i.r.l.s o.n.l.y 297.boxers/briefs 298.hat/no hat 299.blonde/brown 300.tall/short 301.sensative/tough 302.jock/smartie 303.tan/pale 304.good stomach/god arms (only 1) 305.ugly feet/ugly teeth 306.blue eyes/brown eyes 307.basketball/football 308.golf/tennis 4 g.u.y.s 309.thong/underwear 310.perfume/none 311.long hair/short 312.tan/pale 313.a lil over weight/way too skinny 314.ghetto girl/prep 315.bikini/1piece 316.nail polish/none 317.make up/none 318.tall/short b.e.s.t o.f 2oo3i 319.holiday so far 320.song 321.movie 322.new actress 323.new actor 324.new rapper 325.new singer 326.memory so far r.a.n.d.o.m 327.is this too long? 328.well its longer.... so deal with it 329.what time did you wake up today 330.what did you do today 331.what are you doing tomorrow 332.what quotes do you like? 333.what quotes from songs do you like? 334.what are you doin? 335.are cheezits of cheese nips better? 336.how many nail filers do you own? q.u.e.s.t.i.o.n.s i f.o.r.g.o.t 337.girls-how much nail polish do u have 338.thongs? 339.purses 340.bras 341.bOyFrIeNdS 342.lotions/sprays 344.whats the weather like today? .9 juillet 2004. The Perfect Guy
1. hair color – *shrug* any "normal" color... which means colors that are not found in a crayola box with the exception of brown and black
2. eye color - oooh... blue or green
3. height – as tall or taller than me... hopefully taller so I can wear heels
4. six pack - I am not really into six packs, I am more into muscular backs... yum
5. long or short hair - shorter
6. glasses – if it fits them
7. piercings - ewwwww... no... I might be able to stand lip but, I don't like them
8. scars - Oh please let my guy have loads of scars! 9. eyebrows - I'd like to have two... 10. big butt or little- I don't care...
11. chest hair – oh and with a purple nylon suit!?
12. buff or skinny- buff... but not too buff
13. straight teeth, gap, or braces – I prefer straight teeth
14. funny or serious- both at the right time
15. party or stay at home- both are nice at times
16. should he cook or bake- oh dear Lord... that is a must
17. should he have a best friend - of course
18. should he have a lotta girl friends – as long as their only friends
19. outgoing or shy - outgoing
20. sarcastic or sincere - both at the right time
21. should he love his mother? – of course
22. should he watch chick flicks? – only with me
23. would he be a smoker? – I prefer not... but he can make his own choices
24. would he drink? – as long as I can drink with him
25. would he swear? – if needed
26. would he play with your hair?- yes
27. one or more girls at a time – just me
28. would he pay for dates? – yes yes yes
29.does he kiss on the first date?- if he feels it's right to
30. would you go to dinner? – yes
31. would he bring you flowers?- of course... and diamonds!
32. would he lay under the stars with you?- *sigh* yeah...
33. would he write poetry about you? – oh yeah
34. would he call you hunny, sweetie, or baby? – pet names are fun... but baby of course
35. would he hang out with you and YOUR friends? - sure
36. would you hang out with him and his friends? - yeah
37. will he walk you to the door at the end? – of course... that is the best
38. holding hands – all the time
39. soccer – soccer guys are hot
40. baseball – *shrug* I guess
41. basketball - ditto
42. football – ewwwww... no
43. water – water? water what? flowers?
44. surf – sufer guys are also hot
45. skateboard- if he felt the need to
46. snowboard- ditto
47. sing – yes... either like Frank Sinatra or Chris Carrabba
48. play guitar - oh God yes
49. play piano – ditto
50. play drums- no
51. clean his room – it doesn't have to be clean... as long as I can walk in it... well... not walk...
52. paint, draw, sculpt – sure
53. writes his own music – oh yeah
54. use the word dude – I rather not
55. use the word tight – hell no
56. would he watch the sun rise with you - all the time
57. what kind of car does he drive- a car
58. how old is he – older than me
59. what would his name be - James, Chris, or ______ Kennedy I don't want to talk about it

.7 juillet 2004. Tres boring day. Interview went okay. Although I don't know if I got it, and I don't want to think about it, I don't want to get my hopes up. Everyone was busy today... dammit. I went out avec ma mere. We went to California Pizza Kitchen and I got a Thai Chicken pizza. I began to feel sick as I was eating it and I began to realize how much weight I was gaining. We walked around and I got one of those shawl/poncho things. I love them. We were in the pet store... I really want a little doggie. I am just tired now and I think I am just gonna sit around, watch Bravo! and sit online.

.6 juillet 2004. Nothing much to talk about...

.12 juin 2004. I really fucked up... and I can't fix it...

.10 juin 2004. Hmmm... watching mystic river and I really don't understand it... that could be due to maggie telling me all the details of he latest drama by reading her IMs to me word for word. Umm... hi... I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! Why is J.Lo becoming the next Liz Taylor by marrying a new guy every 6 months? Sorry J.Lo, you will never be as fabulous as Liz Taylor... that is just the way it has to be. Moving on... HAHA! The spice girls are 75 on the top 100 hottest artists on VH1. That's so fun. So, I went to Tim's last night which was fun. We watched Snatch, which is one of the single greatest movies EVER and Brad Pitt is so brilliant in it. We played Axis and Allies with Matt and Kim, which is kinda like Risk. But Matt and I beat Tim and Kim and it was good fun. I always have fun there... like stupid fun. But anyways, I think I am gonna go watch Monster...

.3 juin 2004. I am trying to put off studying... I started to take this massive survey, but I got bored with it...

.29 mai 2004. Hmm... I don't care anymore... at all.

.21 mai 2004. I wish he would make up his stupid fucking mind...


.19 mai 2004. Stupid confusing boys. I want to throw rocks at them...


.18 mai 2004. I took a break to figure out everything. I didn't figure anything out. Everything just got worse. And it blows. Although I don't know what I would do without my dear friends and random aquaintences that gave enough of a fuck to ask me if everything was ok. Espically Val, who sat on the phone with me for hours while I was in tears and telling me that we would not change the subject until she said so and I would listen to 5 hours of Frank Sinatra if I liked it or not and that I should do whatever I felt was right and it was my life not everyone else's to live. Val, Elyse, and I have gotten a lot closer. I love that so much. I love that we can sit around the lunch table with our hands in the shape of a V on our forhead saying "Vagina time." It sounds so completely retarded, but I love that. I love that I can be completely stupid. And I love that I can go down the hallway ballroom dancing with Tim and that we can do the twist while watching Pulp Fiction and everything. I love that I can seriously be myself around my friends. I am off to listen to opera and stuff.