November 13, 2003 >> This week has been... full of drama. And I do say I adore it. But lets skip all the bad stuff and get straight to tonight, which was great. I realy forgot how much I love being with all my friends at Muse. Katie and I really got to talk and everything, and Zack, Val, and I had a bonding day, and I am very happy to say that Zack and I will be ok, argument-wise, for awhile. Jessica and I really had a blast today. And we all have a lovely new inside joke. So really I did have a good time tonight, besides the fact that zack got smacked today and got two teeth chipped. But today on the bus, Elijah and Ben were being all nice to me, because I wasn't having fun at school. And you know, it was really sweet that they both cared so much to ask me what was wrong. Ugh, but I now have to tell my dad I don't want to go to St.Louis for Thanksgiving. And it is something I want to aviod at all costs. But, if I do get to stay here I want zack to come to Thanksgiving with me at my house and play boyfriend. Because it would be fun to freak everyone out. Plus, I think it would be fun for him to meet everyone in my family, I mean I know everyone in his. And I have decided that I want to go choreography for West Side Story, although I would also like to be Antia, so I dunno. But I would really like to choreograph. But I am gonna go now. Night *muah*

November 9, 2003 >> Ok so birthday weekend... Friday I went to Muse and I walk in a all my friends are whispering to eachother, and I am just wondering what is going on, and then Zack comes up to me and is like "Go get my coat." And I am walking to where my usually put my stuff and my mum is standing next to the water fountain, and I am wondering what is going on. And Zack is like "get my coat get my coat!" And I go over to this table and Zack's coat is covering this big cake. So that was fabulous and everyone was coming up to me and saying happy birthday and I was getting all this attention, it was fabulous. So then afterwards Joey meets us downtown and Joey, Zack, Rachel, Jared, Katie, Megan, Jessica, and Shaun all went to karoke. And while Zack, Joey, and I are in the car, my mum is like "I got you a present." And she hands me this new bright red lipstick, because she thought "I used all mine up." So we get to karoke and the machine isn't working. So they couldn't do karoke that night, so we decide to go to a movie, because there is only so much you can do in Ohio at 9:00 at night. And we go to one movie theatre but we can't get into anything, so we end up going to another theatre and see Pirates of the Carribean. Truthfully, it was an ok night. I really really wanted to do karoke with everyone there, and I really didn't get a chance to talk or hang out with anyone. Oh well. Saturday, I got up and went up to Columbus and I had to sit around and watch my sister's cheerleading competition. Which was not fun. But afterwards mum, Maggie, her friend Brittney, and her mum, and I all went to Buca di Beppo, my favorite restaurant EVER... and it is crazy in there. And we get our food and everything and our waiter, is a flaming black guy. So, my mum is saying that is my birthday and he starts talking about what to sing me, and I say I am a big Cher fan, and he asks me my favorite Cher song and I say If I Could Turn Back Time. So he goes and then comes back with these candles, and he get this chair and makes me stand on top of it, and he starts saying that its my birthday and everything and then he tells the whole restaurant to sing If I Could Turn Back Time, so the whole restaurant starts singing it, and I am dying. Then Maggie and Brittney, start cheering and they get a request from another table to do a cheer for this guy's 40th birthday. And it was so much fun. And then mum and I went to go see Rent, which was, if I would die today I would be complete good. The Angel was sooooooooooo good, and the Mark was FABULOUS, and the Maureen was soooo AMAZING, and the Collins was good beyond belief, but the Roger... I wanted to smack. Although I loved him when he sang One Song Glory and Your Eyes and Another Day and What You Own I wanted to shoot him for making the Roger sound like Justin Timberlake. But yeah, so it was a good weekend, besides the fact my father is such a bastard. Did he send me anything? A present? A card? Maybe even a phone call? NO! In fact, I called him because I was worrying about it too much. I am just thinking, "Hello! Sweet 16!" Now I definetly know I don't want my dad to walk me down the aisle or have that Bride/Father dance. I mean, I don't care if he sent me a present or anything, but at least call me! You're my father for God's sake! And you are the reason I was in tears on my birthday. MY BIRTHDAY! And he blames not calling me or getting me anything on him not knowing when I am going to be able to come in. I wanted to shoot him. I have to get out of this house. And I have a project that is due on Wed. Crap...

November 6, 2003 >> So after going to the dentist this morning, I have found that if I go to hell... that it will be one big, long dentist appointment. I loathe the dentist. I don't like having sharp, metal objects being in my mouth. I don't like the sound of drills near my head. I don't like those suction thingies. Oh, and I just got a cleaning. Well in histoire today, we had a lovely discussion. Which was great, because at one point this girl (who is a wigger and has the same mental abilities as a sack of potatos) asked me "how I know so much about that stuff." Meaning history and politics. I said I didn't know and then she asked if I had a lot of time on my hands. I said no, I just do. But in all actuality, I am thinking "Hailey, don't flatter yourself, you are in a bunch of classes with a mass of futile people. Saying that you are smart, is no flattery coming from these people." You know, when I got home today, I just wanted to eat. This is the first time in months that I have just wanted to eat everything I could see. And now I don't think it was such a wise idea. Oh well. 2 MORE DAYS!

November 5, 2003 >> I don't believe he will call. Well he told Brittney to get my number, but I don't think he will call. But hey, he told Brittney I am a good kisser. That makes me happy. I don't know. BAH! I told Zack that he told Brittney he would call me, Zack said "yeah right." Maybe Zack is right. Maybe I am chasing after something that really isn't there. And I was at muse today, and we were getting ready to do Coffee Break, and I smelled him. Not that that is a bad thing. He smelled good actually. But I swear it was so vivid, and so incredibly terrible. And why is it that EVERYONE SEEMS TO BE IN LOVE BUT ME!?! Its not cool... I am going back into being the Sahara... and that's not fun. But Val has this perfect boyfriend, and she is totally in love with him no matter what she says. Zack has the quintessential boyfriend. And that is not an understatement. Elyse has a girlfriend... I am just thinking... why must Aphrodite loathe me so much? Ugh... people get online! Maggie is grounded from the computer and yet, NO ONE IS ON! At least the people I need to talk to... oh well... no muse tomorrow... I'll talk to everyone later. 3 MORE DAYS!

November 4, 2003 >> I see: the computer... I know what you are thinking... I am quite the observant one...
I need: kisses
I find: love is a hinderance
I want: fame...
I have: nothing
I wish: I didn't fear love
I love: *bangs head on deak* I love being loved... not him!
I hate: ignorance
I miss: him...
I fear: being in love
I feel: confused
I hear: Relax - Frankie Goes to Hollywood
I smell: My mum's Dolce & Gabbana purfume
I crave: attention
I search: with Yahoo!?
I wonder: Does he really like me?
I regret: things I say out of anger

When was the last time you ...
Smiled?: earlier this eavning while taking pictures
Laughed?: today at lunch with Kris
Cried?: last week... when I got grounded
Bought something?: lunch today
Danced?: yesterday... although I doubt I would call that dancing.
Were sarcastic?: ummm... sometime today I sappose
Kissed someone?: HA! Friday night... *sigh*
Talked to an ex?: ...yeah
Watched your favorite movie?: a while ago...
Had a nightmare?: don't remember the last one I had

A Last time for everything ...
Last book you read: The Scarlet Letter and The Dark Side of Camelot
Last movie you saw: Texas Chainsaw Massacre... scary...
Last song you heard: Call Me - I forget who it is by
Last thing you had to drink: Pepsi
Last time you showered: this morning
Last thing you ate: rice

Do You ...
Smoke?: never...unless I had a long cigarette holder
Do drugs?: ummm... thanks but no
Have sex?: virgin
Sleep with stuffed animals?: no
Live in the moment?: sometimes
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: no...and it doesn't look good
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: no, and I never have
Play an instrument?: I wish but no...
Believe there is life on other planets?: I guess...never really thought about it
Remember your first love?: have I had my first love?
Still love him/her?: subcontiously... yes... you never stop loving people
Read the newspaper?: I do... usually the New York Times... because it is liberal and I am liberal so hey, it works
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: doesn't everyone know that?
Believe in miracles?: Sometimes... Carly really needs to help me work on the religious aspect in my life... NO I AM NOT AN ATHIEST ZACK!
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: yes... not me though
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: certain people... so... no
Consider love a mistake?: not a mistake... I consider thinking an infatuation is love is a mistake... but love itself is never a mistake... it is the people who you love and how you love them
Like the taste of alcohol?: ummm... well beer...I dunno, I just don't like it much... wine, only white... kinda... although I amnot getting cravings for red wine... and champange I love
Have a favorite candy?: not really. I love expensive chocolate because it is yummy
Believe in astrology?: not really
Believe in magic?: nope
Believe in God?: sometimes yes... like when my great-grandfather died and my grandmother told me about right before he died... (he was dying of heart failure and recently got saved and he could barely sit up he was kinda like a vegetable, and the day that he died he sat up really suddenly and reached for the sky and then laid back downand took one last breath and died.)... sometimes no... like when my life just gets so bad, even when I was a "Christian."
Go to church?: sometimes
Have any secrets?: ummmm... a few... well they arn't really secrets... I mean Zack probably knows EVERYTHING about me... and Val knows a lot and so does Stacy so probably not
Have any pets: yes
Do well in school?: yes... STRAIGHT As THIS QUARTER! GO ME!
Go to or plan to go to college?: yes
Have a major?: of course, but I don't know what yet
Talk to strangers who instant message you?: no
Wear hats?: sometimes... but they become a hinderance
Have any piercings?: my ears...
Have any tattoos?: never in my life
Hate yourself?: at times
Have an obsession?: of course... James Dean... in the words of Zack "And Jimm [cardboard cutout] just keeps on staring and staring and staring and staring. ALWAYS STARING!"
Have a secret crush?: would it be considered secret?
Do they know yet?: good question
Collect anything?: antique hat pins... yes I am a loser
Have a best friend?: yes... a few
Wish on stars?: when that child in me is crying out
Like your handwriting?: lol... only when I write really really slow
Have any bad habits?: ummm... well sapposedly I get too close to people and I am clingy...but who cares!?
Care about looks?: oh yeah... very few people have seen me without make-up
Boy/girlfriend's looks?: oh yeah
Friends and other people?: all my friends are damn hot... wait no... I take that back... 90% of my friends are damn hot...
Believe in witches?: no
Believe in Satan?: at times
Believe in ghosts?: yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

Ugh... I can't stop thinking about him. At school, before I go to bed, when I wake up each morning, at Muse... IT WON'T GO AWAY! It is like this terribly haunting dream that just won't leave you alone. Is this what it was like to truly want someone? I haven't in so long, I have almost forgotten. Or do I even like him at all? I trick myself into thinking that I am in love, but do I remember what he looks like? No. I remember his voice and the way it felt to have his arms around me, and what the sky looked like, and what I was thinking, and how I felt, and his kiss. And no matter how many times I have said it was just ok (of course, trying to supress these amourous feelings) he was a good kisser. Very gentle, like he didn't want to hurt me. But, have I talked to him? No. Has he called Ray or Jessica or anyone? No. In fact he was at school yesterday walking around holding hands with some other girl, so I hear. You know what... fine. I am not about to jurt myself being in love with a guy that doesn't love me back. I have done it too many times. And going back to the question of if I even like him. I am probably just in love with the attention. I mean, everyone who knows me, knows how extremely histronic I am. I think I was just in love with the kissing and the feeling that maybe once someone loved me back. But getting off topic, who's motion photograph is in the display case at school? MINE! I found out about that this morning, and on my way to lunch I slowly passed by it heuresment gazing at it. I do say, it is a fabulous picture. That one I will be scanning sooner or later and putting it on here. Because it is really good. And you know, now that I am in photography, I was thinking maybe I would like to do this for a job. So, I don't know... but yeah... 4 MORE DAYS!

November 2, 2003 >> Technology is a curse. So I wrote this big long entry last night, explaining everything and it took me forever and I accedentaly deleted it. So I shall try to rewrite it. Yeah, so Hailey is now ungrounded from the computer. And eventhough I was only grounded for a week, I missed out on hearing about many things firsthand. So what has happened over the last week?... umm... lots of little arguments that really arn't worth typing about, and really who wants to hear yet another "he said she said" story. I get them everyday. So I will just get to the good stuff. So I am going to jump to Friday night. After muse Zack and I go over to Ray's. And I am dressed as Magenta from Rocky Horror Picture Show and Zack is Emcee from Cabaret, and we looks fabulous, and everything, but as we get there, we realize WE DON'T KNOW ANYONE! And it is dark and foggy and ugh... so we are just sitting around when Ashley *tear* (summer show) comes up to us. And it was seriously really good to see her. I really forgot how much I missed that girl. So, it turns out to be ok, because some muse people are coming and it is cool. And I meet this guy Dean, you know the one that Ray was sapposed to hook me up with. Well, he is dressed as the devil, and from the moment I meet him, be start to stalk me. And so I figure, hey he's stalking me, I KNOW he likes me (thank you Candy Pratt for finding that one out), Zack needs some time alone with his man, why not? So after stalking me he grabs me and starts to take me upstairs, and it is dark and everything and I am thinking "I wonder which room we are gonna go in." But, he isn't taking me into a room. So I ask him what are we doing. And he says... "finding the switch..." I wanted to bang my head against the wall. It was terrible. THE SWITCH!? He was trying to turn on the smoke machine. So we find it, and i am just not happy. I mean, THE SWITCH!?!. Hello, dark, upstairs, alone, rooms, rooms that are empty. Ugh... so I stomp downstairs and find Lauren and I say "He took me upstairs to find THE SWITCH!" And she starts laughing. So I decide I am going to play hard to get, and not pay any attention to him. And hey, I was pissed off. So I go and meet Joey and talk to Ashley and Zack. And after awhile I am in the bathroom with Zack and Joey whilest Joey takes off his make-up (he was a girl), and here comes Dean. So Zack, Joey, and I start to leave but Dean catches me and pulls me into the bathroom and closes the door, and turns off the lights and everything, and acting like a complete dumbass. It surprises me that I could stand him. And then he turns to leave. Well, naturally I am mad so I say, "that's all you brought me in here for? turning down the lights?" And he says "maybe," and then... fill in the blanks... and so I am in the bathroom for maybe 2 minutes and I hear a knock at the door "HAILEY ----- WHERE ARE YOU!?!" It is Zack, and I open the door, and I had red face paint all over my face because he had red face paint. And Zack's jaw just drops to the floor, and he says "Find my gum." So I am looking through his bag looking for gum, whilest Dean hides behind the door. HIDES BEHIND THE DOOR! Umm, excuse me, I am the one with messed up lipstick. So then Ray comes up and he calls me a dirty whore and is laughing. So then, I wash my face and Zack goes back to watch the movie, and we get out of the bathroom and we ask Ray if we can use his room, but he says no, and to go out to the backyard. So I go and tell Zack I will be in the backyard, and he says "I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHY YOUR LIPSTICK IS MESSED UP!" So we go out to the backyard, and yeah... and you know whilest I was kissing him I was thinking "I can't believe I am doing this. I don't even know his last name. Dean. James Dean. I wonder what Val will say. She will be proud." And we start to talk a little bit, because I know nothing, and I still know nothing about him. So then I hear people walking over and it is everyone. And then he has to leave, but do I walk him to his car? No. Do I get his number? No. Do I get his screen name? No. He kisses me goodnight and then I tell him I will get his number from Ray, and he goes. So after awhile, while mum is driving me home, Zack, mum, and I were talking about Dean, and she asks if he had red face paint. Well it was 12:45 and I was really tired, so I say "Why? Can you tell?" Mum and Zack are floored and I felt so stupid. But surprisingly, mum was really cool about it. But she was like, "Were you kissing him," and I look out the window and I start to smack Zack, so he wouldn't tell her that I had been making out with him. And then she asks if I was making out with him and I say no, so SHE ASKS ZACK! And he said yes. So then Zack spent the night, which is a normal thing. And then we got up and went to lunch with mum, and that was fun. And then we went to Muse and spent 3 hours doing NOTHING so we could walk across the stage once. It was really bad. And then, I go home and I sit online and talk to Joey. I like this infatuation. Because I KNOW he won't cheat on Zack or meraculously turn straight. And then Zack and I go to see Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Which was really really scary. Not at all like to original. Yet, there was this big row of black girls in the theatre. And I wanted to smack them. But yeah, so it was a fabulous weekend.