Online Journal for February 2002.

Thurs, Feb 28/02 3:10pm
No! I want to be *miserable*!! Ugh.
Okay, here's the scoop. I'm having a really clumsy day. Bumping into things, knocking shit over, slipping all over the place. Got three of my exams back, and I did pretty badly. Well, okay, actually I didn't. I did badly for *me* though. Mair blew me out on *all* three of them, which was bad. But the thing is... our answers were pretty much the same. I think it's just that now Carmen expects more out of me because of how I did last semester, which blows. If anyone else had written the exams that I did, they would have gotten fantastic marks, because it would have been a gnarly improvement for them, see?
So that bummed me out, and so did the other turkeys in class, of course. It's affected me much more than it should though, and I just found out why. First though, other stuff.
I'd decided I'd drink my sorrow away. Pretty responsible, eh? Yeah. So I caught JC and Jason on the way out, and JC gave me a lift to the liquor store. I picked up a 4 pack of Mikes iced tea, and a big bottle of Irish whisky, and a sample of Southern Comfort, and walked back.
And now, obviously I'm back, and mostly through just one iced tea. I wanted to be miserable, but I find I just can't be. This is because A) my DK pins came today, B) I'm talking to Zoey now, which I always like doing and C)... shit, what was C? Oh well.
But anyway, yes, the reason. I'm picking up Zoey's frequency, it would seem. I don't think I've mentioned this before online, but it happens from time to time. To go into the concept too deeply sounds both ridiculous and insane, so I won't bother. Sometimes I just get into people's heads though... or rather, their heads get into mine. Things get mixed up. It happens.

Thurs, Feb 28/02 12:32am
I'm SICK. I fucking knew it would happen, I just knew it. That stupid little fat kid at the laundromat, I knew that kid would infect me. Couldn't stay home with one of his daddies, could he? Oh no, that kid HAD to be at the laundromat.
In other news, ahh... I enjoy drunk chicks. After not going to school today, and logging on sometime in the afternoon around 2, I picked up a couple of drunk messages from an unlikely source. Seems Dirtmonster had come back from the strippers last night feeling a touch randy, as any of us would. Yeah, so she left me a couple of messages on icq, and I got the 'you were added' message too, which was dated today, rather than last night.
So... we had a short and enjoyable talk. I don't know, I'd felt things might have been building up to it since the start of the month, but feelings can be misleading, you know? Anyhow, I think that's all I really have for that story. Kinda tame n' lame, I know, but it's something.
Oh, I had a lot of phlegm today, is that any better? I was eatin' vegetable crackers today when I got up, and nearly spit a huge wad right into the bag, just narrowly avoided that.
My weird dream last night had Zoey in it. I had this place I was living in under the old Harveys store on Colborne street, and I guess the Harveys had been converted into some kind of club or bar or something. Well, I'd been out driving around, and pulled into the parking lot of my home/the bar. My car had this cow-catcher looking bumper on it, and I dented another car with it as I pulled in. Well, someone in another parked car saw it, so I pretended not to notice, and pretended to go into the bar, so that person would think I was going in to apologize or something, and as well so they wouldn't know where I lived... and since my car didn't have licence plates, no one would know it was mine. That was kind of weird. So I went out to the front of the store, and walked up the street to kill some time. Then I found some change in the gutter... but there was other stuff too. I changed my angle a little, and there was someone there, under the sidewalk in the sewer/gutter. I poked it with a stick to see if it was dead, and it moved around. It was Zoey. Her face was blue with paint. I told her to come out from there and that she could stay at my place. She refused, and I told her if she changed her mind it'd be okay. I went back home, which was just down the street, and called her cell phone. She'd changed her mind, but didn't know where I lived. I told her to just walk down the street towards the old Harveys, which she did, and I poked my head out my front door and waved her in. And that's when I woke up. I think in was headed towards x-ratedness. Well, I woke up with a boner, anyhow, so it's not a bad guess.

Tues, Feb 26/02 4:35am
Okay, whoever the fuck keeps sending me greeting cards to my craplover mailbox, it ain't working, okay? I can't pick up the cards because of all the profanity in them. I'm fucking serious, that's what the message says when I try to pick them up! It says it's either profanity, harassment, spam, or some other crap. This does have me really curious though...

Mon, Feb 25/02 12:24am
It's weird that whenever I've got the computer on, and I want to know the time, I still turn my head to look over to my alarm clock, rather than shift my eyes to the corner of the screen. Hmn.
So I called home again today, my mom's place. It was kind of nice, actually. Nice place to visit, wouldn't want to live there kind of deal. Turns out I was wrong again... my sisters birthday actually was on the 23rd. Damn, I knew that too. Anyhow, I guess I'll look for something for her tomorrow. She had a couple of books she'd wanted, expensive ones though. I think a nice Animal Farm or Clockwork Orange would probably do her a little good, maybe I can pick one of those up tomorrow. I'm also going to send my dad that $40 for the phone bill. Apparently he's been yammering about it, which is no surprise. As well, he's been dead drunk, and still has Mary around, though she actually has her own apartment now. As well, a huge surprise. Other stuff happening at home includes the Sears Festival, which I'm missing this week(dammit!), and... was there something else? No, guess not. Oh, well there was actually a 'reason' for my dad's intoxication. I guess his mom's niece... that'd be his cousin, I think... well, she died. I met her once, I remember that she was in rough shape even when I was a kid. I think I remember him being half in the bag when we went to see her, too.
Hoover and Jason came back today, I can only assume redheaded Chris'll be back tomorrow. I think I had a good run this week. I realized that when Hoover got back, and the phone line was no longer mine alone, but actually more like his 83% of the time.
In other news, I wish I was this chick:

I'd be playing with myself allll dayyyy lonnnggg. Yowza. Imagine looking like that? You'd fucking want for nothing, for real. Be alllll set, yep yep. If you too want a little more of her, go here.
I think tomorrow's going to be a fishnet day, despite that I misplaced the ones I wanted to wear. I hope my mom can find me some new arm ones like she surprised me with 2 Christmases ago, that'd be boss.
I keep forgetting to watch American History X. I have to watch it and analyze certain parts for this assignment in my crim. class. It's sitting right here next to me, and I realize other people need to watch it too, but... well, but I have it and probably won't give it up til I actually have watched it.
How about that Canadian Olympic hockey team, eh? Do I mean the men? The women? BOTH! AHAHAAHAHA! That was a pretty sweet game this afternoon, watched it upstairs with Jason and Hoover with a mouth full of ketchup chips.
Man, this is getting to be a rapid fire journal entry. Uhh, what else? Really, I'm just writing because I'm fairly bored. It's going on one o'clock, no one's online, Hoover's in bed, don't feel like tv or video games... what the hell do I do? I'm leaning towards beating off, actually, but that won't take all night. Ehck. I'm going to be tired in the morning for nothing. I have what equals a 3 hour break tomorrow, if I don't go and write the sociology test for kicks. And even if I do, that'll only be about a half hour at the most. I don't think I will. I might go to the mall then rather than after school. Yeah, that's a good idea.
Now I'm bored of writing too. Time to take a piss and find some porn.

Sun, Feb 24/02 1:31am
Okay, it wasn't her birthday. That was weird how that just came to me though, from looking at the date. I knew there was *something* in February, just couldn't remember what. I thought I'd forgotten to do some test or assignment or something. Anyhow, yes. Her birthday is actually today, I think... the 24th, rather than the 23rd. No one was home when I called, besides. Wow, she's 17 now. That's so weird.
I've managed to stave off the effects of... well, of whatever it is that's been tormenting me lately in the chest-al region... until about 20 minutes ago. Ehn.
I was just scratching my hand, and pressing hard, and it felt nice. I went into more depth, like a hand massage. I'm surprised how good that feels, it's quite something.
I'm pretty bored. That's what weekends are good for around here, I guess. Just... deprogramming and eating. Most of the weight I've gained is most likely a result of weekend bingeing.
Jackie was over for a little while today. She had a similar story to my own. Mine went like this: I fell asleep last night with my desk lamp and tv on, and woke up to them both being off. Now, obviously I turned them off, but normally, even if I do it after a weird wake up, I still remember doing it the next day. My short term event memory is pretty good when it shouldn't be, and bad all the other time. Jackies story was about her being the last one to go to bed, being the last one to use the bathroom, and then getting up this morning to find the toilet seat up. I didn't exactly know how to react to a story like that. I don't recall hearing too many girl-bathroom stories. Her obvious solution was that JC got up in the middle of the night to take a whiz. And, heh, she said that when she asked him or told him about it, he said that he 'woke her up and told her and everything'. What? What I got from that was that they were both asleep, then JC felt the urge, so he layed there, shook Jackie, whispered, "Hey, I'm going to take a piss. Hey, you hear me? I'm going pee! In the potty! All by myself!", and then got up and went. I wonder if he told her when he was done too, if that's the case. Does that sound funny to anyone else? Hmn.
I managed to snap a good shot of her while she was over too. She wasn't paying attention, was watching tv, and the extent of her focus was just perfect for a picture. I had my camera upstairs to take a shot of my fruit cup filled up with my morning vitamins... well, 3 ibuprofen for my headache, 1 multivitamin, 1 stress vitamin, 2 herbal relaxers. I think that was a better concept than picture though. Ehn, oh well.
I'm feeling far too tired for a guy who got up at 2:00 this afternoon. It just hit 2:00 am. I've been up for 12 hours and it's time for some sleep. A nap would be nice, but I have a funny feeling that I won't having just a nap once I get offline and lay down for a bit. Too bad too. I'm feeling kind of poetic. I suppose we'll never know what kind of hack crap I could have come up with, had I napped earlier...

Sat, Feb 23/02 10:30pm
My sisters birthday! That's what it is! Shit! Gotta call home!! I'll be back.

Fri, Feb 22/02 8:13pm
Booya. Here I am again, schleppin' out the schlop. Big day today. Couldn't sleep last night, felt like I was going to die. Hence, woke up late for class today... up, dressed and was out the door in two minutes, rather than my usual 28. At first I thought, "Ahhhhh... there's another bus in a half hour...", but then I remembered the exam I had first thing. Great. So I kicked it out into hyperdrive, forgot my bag, didn't bring a sweater and ran. Caught the bus, noticed not only did I not bring my bag, but there also wasn't a cd in my discman for the long ride. Froze my nuts off at the bus station, and had to talk to Steve while there. Arrgh. So then I get to school, cant find Mair anywhere to brief me on the exams contents. So I went in cold, but that was okay, because it went true/false, multiple choice, short answer, essay. A good progression that I was able to work with quite well.
So, the exam finished itself up, and we still had almost 3 hours til the next class. Went out for lunch, me, Mair, Christine, Justin, and Troy, in Troys enormous van. I guess I had a local delicacy, 'Ivans', it was alright. Nothing special, and I was tasting those onion rings all day. But, as usual, all the eating did make me feel a little sick. But, then there was class again, with Tom this time. Abnormal psych, in a chapter Mair titled 'Jack's Chapter'. I actually forget what it actually was called, but it was interesting. Manias, disorders, phobias. Near the end of class I got Tom to talk about social anxiety disorder, which he said was actually a phobia. He ran down the list of symptoms and, well... yeah, I had every last one. It was soothing as it was disturbing, and if I wasn't sure about it before, yeah... I'm headed towards medication, definitely. Well... *probably*. After class I asked Tom who'd be qualified to assess and medicate a social anxiety phobia. Well, he said it was more likely to be 'treated' than medicated, perhaps through some kind of non-medicinal therapy, I can only assume. But anyhow, he said he knew a couple of people who specialize in anxiety, and that he had a really good book on it too, in his office at the other campus.

I felt so much better after talking to him about it. I'm glad there were two other girls there after class still, because if there hadn't, I probably would have broken down crying out of relief. I guess I've underestimated the goodness of talking about things to someone. I mean, that was only a minor, minor step, but it was overwhelmingly good. Hope this leads somewhere, I really do. As well, I hope it doesn't cost me anything/much, or else I'm just as equally screwed as if there was nothing I could do about any of this to begin with.
And that was about my day. Went to the mall and got a lightbulb for my little lamp. The... end.

Fri, Feb 22/02 12:15am
I want to bang a figure skater. Not one of the jailbait ones, no, I'll let them age a bit, yeah... but regardless, I repeat: I want to bang a figure skater. Preferably short-haired, moustache-free and who speaks another language. I imagine it'd be like taking the beef to gymnast. Sort of.
Finished Icewind Dale today. It took a little cheating, but there was no other fucking way anyone could beat the end bosses under regular circumstances. So now, the expansion, which is starting to frustrate me already. It's fucking hard, and there's at least one area where everything moves and loads so damn slowly... arrgh. It really tries my patience.
I've decided the new girl on Muchmusic is a waste. She ate peanut butter from Ricks foot, between the toes even. I couldn't let her mouth touch mine after that. Blecch.
Now what? Well, I promised myself, and Wendys too, I suppose, that if I let myself have a spicy combo today, that I'd actually study for tomorrow's midterm. I suppose it's a win/win situation at heart, but it just doesn't feel like it. For on, I was severely gyped on my chicken slab. It was pretty small. Bastards. And now, well, I don't want to study. I think what's going to happen now is that I'll be going upstairs to shower, leave the face the jury and icq on, and hope someone's up for yappin' with me by the time I get back. Mmhmn. Lets test that out, shall we?

Tues, Feb 19/02 1:15am

YES!

Mon, Feb 18/02 10:44pm
Wow, I forgot how good the old Indiana Jones movies actually are. They're friggin' fantastic! I hope Harrison Ford chokes out one more before he croaks, that'd be sweet. I mean, every lame ass movie has a car chase... what other movie has a mine cart chase, other than Temple of Doom? And where else can you see someone's heart pulled right out of their chest? Those writers were fucking onto something, let me tell you. And Short Round? I love that kid! What a great name... Short Round... superb. So in conclusion, all Indiana Jones movies get a standing ovation from me. Oh yeah.
I like the new girl on Muchmusic. Well, she's probably actually really annoying, but she's a doll. I just asked Zoey if she knew anyone who was goodlooking, abrasive and loud. Man, I'm really starting to round the bend...

Mon, Feb 18/02 7:14pm
Porno porno porno! Every time I go to my mailbox... bam! It's a frontal assault of porn, I can't even believe it. I unsubscribe and block addresses, unsubscribe and block... but it seems to do no good.
Haha, there's a female firefighter on tv. Yeah right, like there's lots of *those*. Especially not ones *that* old. Sheesh.
Wrote one of Carmens exams today, the counselling one. It was a lot of repetitve answers, I found, all the subject matter overlapped. Bah. The only day I don't have some form of testing this week is Wednesday... Human dynamics tomorrow, uh... frig, I don't know what the rest are, besides next Tuesdays policies and procedures exam with Claude. Hmn.
Got some groceries. Just finished off a damn fine chicken caesar salad. Wrestling should be good tonight, I've got both dill pickle and bbq chips to take my pick from. *And* I figured I'd try some dill pickle crispy minis.
Anyhow, I want to eat some other stuff, so I'll leave off now. Oh, plus I want to beat off too, yeah.

Sun, Feb 17/02 4:30am
Bam. It's 4:30 in the mornin', and I'm kind of tired, soon to be tired enough, I suppose. It's nice not having anyone around. I was artsy today, doing some drawing and writing and creating. I put together a really sweet creating upstairs on the footrest table, and just left most of my junk splayed out up there so I can get back at it tomorrow. I also almost blinded some guy JC brought over to get fishing stuff and have bitten my nails down to painful nubs. Oh, and there was the spontaneous bleeding. Yeah, at one point I scratched at my ankle... and realized there was caked and dried blood all over it. So I grabbed my camera and got a few shots before wiping it off. I assume I must have nicked it on my Xacto knife or something while creating. What else? Oh, there was this picture Zoey sent me of her, and I'm re-creating it out of different coloured construction paper (red, black and pink or orange... maybe green). It's going a lot better than I thought it would, it should turn out to be killer in the end. I hope I finish it up tomorrow, but also kind of hope that I don't.
Not only have I discovered the joys of using the DND mode on ICQ (it keeps you from getting bombarded with spam and other unwanted dummies), but I had two decent late night ICQ conversations tonight. Not bad. Hmn, stomach rumblin'. I'm going to have to go to bed soon before I get hungry again. Mmm, I had some really good soup tonight. Campbells hearty chicken or something. There were green beans and corn in it! *Along* with the carrots, potatoes and celery! It was amazing, I didn't realize corn in soup was such a good idea! Thumbs up for Campbells... I only wish I had a can of garden vegetable too... man, was that ever great stuff too!
I think the vitamins are working. And if I think they're working, then they're working even more, due to the placebo effect, of course. So the more I think they're working, the more they'll work, and the more I'll think they're working, and the more they'll work! You dig? I'm taking 1-3 of the herbal relaxers a day, feet stink/taste or not. I also have a big fat lump in the side of my cheek/lip that's going to be one KILLER zit soon. It's really bothering me, yowza.
Want to see some pictures? Go here.
Fin.

Fri, Feb 15/02 2:33am
Yo yo. Last night almost killed me. There were cheap pitchers out at the bar I went to, went to go see a show at. I went alone, expecting to meet people there, like Jason, for one. He'd gone out somewhere, and I figured he'd left for the bar, but that wasn't the case. So for the first while, I was there myself. This girl approached me, one Hoover's pointed out before, and shook my hand. She looked at me and says, "Oh, so you won't talk to me at school but you'll talk to me here?", while wobbling, just standing there. She had a friend with her, and I asked the friend if I actually knew either one of them. She said no, but to play along, because she was really really drunk. It was sort of weird.
Eventually Eric the punkguy found me, and that was good. I sat up at the front with him and his friends, and he convinced me that I needed a pitcher all of my own. Ass! I fucking PAID for that today. But more on that later. Eric told me that Alana was in the back, so I went and found her too, and she came up and sat with us. And then I found Shannon and Jason. And then there were two girls from my class there, hooched up and out of place. They disappeared quickly.
So there were 3 bands, and they were all pretty much the same. None of them had the stylings of the ultra-young girl band I saw at the last show, or the power/intensity of the band that sounded like tool at the last show. Kind of a drab outing, really, despite the band with the turntables. I found Jason after and we took a cab back here with some girl he knew. I guess I was pretty argumentative, it was funny. Loud, too. We got in the door and I ended up challenging her to thumb wars, and yelling at her because she was doing it wrong. In doing so, I woke up Hoover, heh.
I stayed up for as long as I could, to try to sober up in hopes that if I did that, then the morning wouldn't be so bad. Well, I didn't manage to stay up too long, and the sobering up concept just wasn't happening. So I went to bed. And surprisingly, the morning was almost bearable. I was still partially drunk, but it was almost bearable. However, all day I've felt really weak in the chest, and as you know, I really really hate that. My chest buggery has gotten out of control as of recent, and I've had just about enough of it. I decided today that when I go back home I'm going to see my doctor and get something for this crap, I don't care if it's antidepressants or what, I'm just fucking tired of fearing for my damned life under the threat of a stress induced heart attack. It's a big decision. Huge. But the way I look at it... I'll be ALIVE. I've been eating healthier, despite going to McDonalds tonight with Hoover, and been trying to actively de-stress. Like, finally today I went out and picked up multi-vitamins, herbal relaxers, and stress-plex vitamins. The herbal relaxers stink like feet, I'm not too fond of opening the bottle, but hey, that's not exactly a big deal. I bought some other things too. See, the deal was that I was watching this video on schitzophrenia for an assignment... and it just... got to me. I got to a point and I couldn't watch any more crazy people. I had to get out of there. My chest congestion was just getting to be ridiculous. So I left, didn't even bother waiting for the bus, and walked to the mall, singing almost all the way. I find singing makes me ultra-relaxed, it's quite astonishing. Doesn't even seem to matter what I'm singing. It was weezer this afternoon though. So in this midst of this condition, I decided it was about time to be treating myself. It'd been a while. I went and picked up a Propagandhi disc, Todays Empires, Tomorrow's Ashes. Then over to Wal-Mart, where I snagged some art supplies, the vitamins, some food, and some toys. Oh yeah, picked up some pizza pringles and a bag of mini Aeros. As for toys, weh-hell! I was just walking by, and I saw this Nerf 'Blast Fire DX 500', for $10! Fer sure! So I picked that up. And I was just walking by again, and saw this Spiderman/Hobgoblin set which was simply *outstanding*, and paled anything I'd ever seen before including the two of them. The detail on the Hobgoblin in particular is amazing. They got his colours *perfect*. I mean, his glider is just a hunk of plastic, but the man himself is incredible. The Spiderman bothers me a little though, because he was never that muscular and huge, and his costume's a little wrong on the forearms. The Nerf gun is a lot of fun too. It has five darts that actually stick to things, and they come out at pretty high speeds. I can fire them off either one at a time or all at once. I almost killed Hoover trying to figure out how to work the thing the first time. I was looking to fire one, and didn't know about the blast option, and when I hit the blast button they all shot at Hoovers head.
But yeah. Medication. I only want to take it for a little while, like til I'm done school or so, so I can still do theatre camp effectively in the summer. I'll only probably need a couple of months worth anyhow... just til I can remember how to laugh at things effectively again, because really, that's all the pills helped me do the first time around. And to not dwell on things, that's a big one too. It feels like not so much dwelling, but... repetition. A lot of my thoughts just keep circulating, and won't go away.
Anyhow... it's 2:30.
I didn't sleep much last night.
It's time for bed.

Tues, Feb 12/02 11:53pm
Fuck man, you live and learn. Something new every day too, like this: most girls don't seem to take kindly when you tell them they should get a sex change. That's the tip of the day, boys and girls.

Mon, Feb 11/02 12:22am
Hey hey, I survived! Well, for now. I'm *still* not feeling too great, and believe me when I say I don't plan on having too many poutines in the near future. I'd like to get groceries tomorrow, and if it goes down like that, there might be a stunning increase in the amount of healthy things I get. I've been saying... I want some salad, I want some salad... well, I'll get some, hopefully. I just hope the weather's better tomorrow... it was pretty wicked today. Snowed all day pretty fiercely, definitely not letting up for *me* when I had to go out and do laundry.
I'm watching this A&E special on Playboy and Hugh Hefner. Damn. I think he's up to 7 girlfriends at once now... and they all look the same! They're all blonde! Why would he do that? Okay, if I was in that situation, I'd want all different kinds of girls, and *maybe* one of them would be blonde. And blonde with hooker hair? No, I don't think so. Them girls would have bobs, oh yeah. I don't know how he does it though... I mean, everyone knows that often one woman is just too much for me to handle... psychologically, of course.

Sun, Feb 10/02 1:47am
Man, chicks in plaid pants are sexy. You know why? I don't. They just... fit very very well... and I think it's possible that they don't make them in fat chick sizes. And plain black t-shirts? They go with everything!!
But yeah, I feel pretty crappy. Last night was a night of some hard drinking, and tonight was a night of some hard eating. McDonalds has this deal on, BigMac and fries for $2. Well fuck, HAD to take advantage of that, right? So I got two sets of them. Plus I had Tillmans' fries too. And now I'm experiencing a fair bit of chest congestion that I really really really really really don't care for, and to tell the truth, has me a little worried. I can't stop coughing up fries, it's fucking gross. I don't know if I'm more worried now though, or if I was last night, when before going to sleep I laid down about 5 plastic bags beside my bed in case of severe vomiting. I learned my lesson the first time, thank you.
Uh, oh yeah. I'm experiencing some also not so great forearm/wrist pain. This has happened to me before, it's from too much computer. I just need to lay off the Icewind Dale for a while, which shouldn't be too hard because I'm at a spot where it's really difficult and it's just frustrating me to no end. I picked up the expansion pack on Thursday, but that hasn't made things any better. Sure I want to explore it all, but it's so damn hard!
So now I have to go and find Natalie a birthday card because I haven't been on the computer all day, and today was her birthday. It's kind of weird, I've spent all day upstairs with the drunks... and have been enjoying it. If I'm not too tired later, or not too dead from a heart attack, I might come back and write about it. Last night needs some writing about anyhow, if not today.

Wed, Feb 6/02 2:05am
Fuck, I think I'm going to call up Subway and tell them I lost 10 pounds so *I* can get on one of their fucking commercials. Doesn't look like there's any end to that shit in *sight*.
Roseanne's really living it up on Conan tonight. They make a good combo, Conan should do some sort of 'if they made it' with the two of them!
So I was talking with Zoey tonight again, and seems she's going to be coming into what I had to deal with at her age... the whole friends going away to school thing. Something that happens to every generation now, I guess. Too bad though, seems all she wants is to go out and have coffee now and then. I can relate. I usually want it in the late hours more than during the day, but it's the same concept though, same drive. She sent me a picture today I'll probably end up using on the site somehow. It's a really nice b&w of her, if I shrink it down just a touch it'll be alright for the front page in a period where I'm feeling like I'm an artsy bigshot or something.
Why don't I get to fuck Britney Spears in the ass like everybody else? Man...
Ehn, I'm going to take a dump and go to bed. Might even skip the dump til the morning. Yeah well.

Tues, Feb 5/02 12:55pm
The only thing this place has more of than fat chicks is snow. Well, now, anyhow. They were were neck and neck for a while, but today caps it. Lotsa snow, oh yeah. Left the front door this morning and *poof* there it was. Still coming down, too. Lotsa snow.
So here I am at school. I managed to shimmy out of English class forver, thanks to my exemption sheet, which means I have a two hour spare today. Tomorrow too, I think. Not bad, it's just that this place is pretty isolated and there's nothing to do... ever. Normally, you know, I end up sitting at my table with Mair and Alana, only today Mair *has* the class that I don't, and Alana is nowhere to be found. Pity, she's missing the pink n' blue Hawaiian iolence shirt again. And I don't know if it's the shirt having an effect on me, or me feeling violent to begin with which ended up in me selecting the shirt, but this thing sure is living up to it's name today. Not that I *am* violent, just feeling it. I don't want to be the poor mofo who fucks with me today, you know?
Someone will though, and it'll probably be Hoover, and then there's nothing I can do because I have to live with the guy. But lately... well, his hardcore internet usage has been bugging me. And today, well I got up early, around 6:30. Not because I had to, or even wanted to, really, but because I'd fallen asleep early last night, and plus the hampster was chewing loudly on it's water bottle all morning and I finally just couldn't try to sleep through it anymore. At first I didn't know what the sound was, but sure enough, there he was in the bathroom, empty water bottle and wanting more. So I filled it up for him, thinking that would end the little bastards noise making, and hence satisfying the both of us, and I could get another hour and a half of sleep before class today (which has been really good, so far). Oh no no no. At first he drank deeply and greedily, which was noisy, but less so... but then he went at it again, chewing on it. Was there a plug in it? No... what the fuck's the deal, little guy? So I let him drink and chew, and drink and chew, until I couldn't take it anymore and... well... I tore the fucking thing's head off. Right off it's stupid little body, I was pretty shocked at myself.
Okay, so that's a lie, had you going though, didn't I?
No, I just took the thing and left it on the sink, so I'd remember to put it back before I left for school.
But by then, I was up. So I layed in bed for a while longer, soaking up the warmth, listening to quietly subdued tunes. Then I realize, hey, I can check my mail! Score!
And I logged on. I had mail! Wow! I was partway into the second email I had in my backlog, when I get a knock at the door. I'm pretty sure my eyes rolled... there was no way Hoover'd want on to talk to his cyber-girlfriend *now*... but no, that wasn't the case, he needed to call his boss. And this practice, I've never understood it. Hoover explained it once, but I must not have been listening or something. Every day he has to work, he gets up to call his boss, and then goes back to bed for an hour or more. Well, anyhow, he said it wouldn't take long. It didn't. I got offline, heard him talking in the other room, and that was it. Knock at the door. "Uh, the line was busy, I'm going to have to call him back in a few minutes. I'll let you know when I'm done." A bit shaken, I say sure. After a half hour, I assume he's just went back to bed, but still don't want to go online just in case. And slightly later I went to school. Well, actually I went to the convenience store to break a $20 on a bottle of iced tea, so the cafeteria woman wouldn't bitch me out again. Fucking bullshit, I say, but that's today.
So for the first time today, I actually saw the fluidic transfer of James' scabs directly to his mouth. Normally when I see him harvesting his body for food, there's a prolonged process. Normally he picks it off, rolls it around in his fingers for a while, or holding it at his side, glancing at his hungrily, and then almost secretively (as secretive as retards get) drops it on his tongue. Today there was no such lengthy routine. From shoulder to mouth, baby. The shoulder ones are my favourite, because he pulls his sleeve up to get at 'em, and has to crane his neck interestingly to see what he's doing too. Of course, the back scabs have their charm too... with his arm barred across the front of his neck, and back over his shoulder through the neckhole of his shirt. Sometimes he'll go under the shirt to get the back ones, but that doesn't seem to be as fun for him. You like how I so non-chalantly described such a disgusting practice? Yeah, me too. Ahh, James, you charmer, you. By now he's... well, almost like a class mascot. the offensive, retarded, scab-eating, guff-talkin', "like-'sposin'" sayin' kind. That's the phrase that always makes me excited with glee, when he says "like-'sposin'". To me, it's just one word now, and I don't know how Mair can still get it wrong. It's "like-'sposin'", not "like-supposing"!
Anyhow, this computer chair is making my back fucking HURT, so I'm off to take a fat dump and see what I can see. English should be getting out soon too.

Mon, Feb 4/02 1:17am
Fuck you McCain!! Look you RETARDED ASSHOLES... no one in the fucking free world will *EVER* mistake your crappy ass frozen cardboard for anything remotely resembling take out pizza!! Fuck YOU!!
So the same chick keeps sending me messages out of nowhere on icq, but with different names and accounts. The worst part is that it isn't just a url with lots of capital letters, but ends up just sending one message, and I find the page in her info. I know because of the webpage that's in the info. Actually, it's not even the same name in the page though, it just... has the same pictures and content. And at the end, there's an ad for adultfinder. I get one message, and that's it. I send one message, and that's it. This is weird, man, weird.
So fucking Krista, geez. Today's her birthday, and I came online to send her a birthday card, and she gets medieval on my ass for not saying hi. 3 restarts later, I managed to get the card sent. We'll see how that goes tomorrow... because I was pretty fed up with it by the time I got it out, so there may have been some inherent nastiness in it. Arrgh.

Sun, Feb 3/02 12:40am
So I did something about my unnamed strangeness this afternoon. Now to see how it turns out, or anything else comes of it. Hmn.
I downloaded and installed new icq in hopes that now if I put myself on invisible, then I actually *AM* invisible to the people on my list. Okay okay, you're saying why are they even on my list if I don't want to talk to them, right? Well, it's not that I don't want to, I just don't want to all the time. There's a couple who escape that, like Zoey and... um... well, Joel, who's never on much anyhow... and Megan too, if she was to actually go on instead of using Yahoo messenger. Hmn, even Matt was kind of bumming me out when he was on a while ago. Hmn. It just seems that people are asking me a lot of questions lately, wanting to know how I'm doing and stuff, and I just don't want to relate any of my mental garbage to them. I'm a better person for not doing it, I think, because people *really* don't want to hear about how you're doing or what you're thinking. At least not what I'm thinking. I'm too screwed up for that.
Haven't done anything all day. Left the room only a handful of times, mostly to go to the bathroom. Got over my headache though. Still, with it being the weekend, there's been this deep eating urge within me that can't seem to be satiated. Especially delectable looking is the can of tomato garden vegetable soup over on the water heater. Damn that looks good, and has since I got it. Thing is, Hoover used all the dishes. And really, he always does. And then never does the dishes. Well, being a lazy dork that I am, I aint about to do them... and he probably thinks that they're *mine*, right... so they just don't get done, and I eat ready-made junk all the time. However, I did just check, and it seems someone did the dishes after all. Maybe someone was just tired of the disgusting build up on the counter... I know I was reaching that point, and Jason seems like the type who'd be into clean more than me, so that's plausible.
I tried to buy my BR ticket online but my browser was being gay, and I can't seem to keep a netscape browser stable any better than I can keep fish, or a relationship for that matter. I guess I'll call on Monday, or even use the computers at school. I'm probably going by myself, since Hoover'll be going to see *Anti-Flag* instead. Anti-Flag, geez. Living punk-rock legendssss... or whiny, no-bridge, off-tempo Anti-Flag? Ehck. But yeah. I don't mind, really... I might actually like it more just myself. I liked the Calgary Warped show best out of the three I saw, and I spent most of that one alone. I don't like conversation at shows or clubs. For one, I just can't hear very well to begin with, and loud music and people yelling at me? Ah, fugedabahdit. I've decided against going to the Detroit show too, if I'm just going myself, though. Too much cash for just me, that's what it comes down to, or else you know I'd be all about it. Anti-Flag, geez. I mean yeah, they're with Good Riddance... which to me would actually be the bigger draw, but BR's playing with Less Than Jake anyhow! Maybe Justin at school wants to go. He actually liked the Process of Belief, I was surprised he did, because he said he didn't like studio sounding albums, and this is one definitely tweaked in a soundproof booth. I told him LTJ'd be there too, and he said he liked them too. I 'spose we'll see. I guess I really would like to go with someone after all. It'd be nice to go with a real fan though, someone who'd come close to appreciating it the way I would. Fuck, this year I'm pretty sure I'll actually send them that letter that I've been working on for... well, years now. Heh.
So what to do now? I actually think I'll try to go on Yahoo chat. It hasn't worked for me in... well, ages... and probably won't now, but it's worth a shot. And if that doesn't work... well, maybe I'll try to install netscape again. Wish me luck.

Sat, Feb 2/02 4:28pm
Okay, *now* what?! Man, am I ever confused. If nothing else though, todays events might lead to a story later on. We'll see. That's all the info I'm giving you right now.
Uh... what else? Oh... another headache. This one's totally from tension though, I can feel it all through my shoulders, neck and back. I've been able to not think about it for a little while now, and I feel a bit better from when I woke up. The damn ASA made my stomach feel pretty bad too. I don't know what it is... I shouldn't be feeling all that much stress here, I just shouldn't. Maybe I need to examine just what's bothering me here in more detail than I have been. Or hell, I could just be sleeping wrong! I just don't know. I do feel better with some affection though, I know that. Llike... last night the neighbours came over for a while, JC and Jackie, and they both seem to like me. I hadn't been feeling too good since then, but they seemed to help out. I mean, JC spends most of the weekend sloshed, and he's often a jerk, but for some reason, and I don't know, maybe it's just north Ontario kid hospitality... but he's always pretty attentive to me... more than most people. His girlfriend Jackie too. She's really nice to just about everyone though, which is really... refreshing. Sometimes it just feels like she wants someone to talk to though, or actually someone to listen, which is a price I'm more than willing to pay for the attention, especially considering how nice she is. Mmm. That JC's some lucky prig.
But anyway...

Fri, Feb 1/02 4:38pm
Uh... shit, forgot what I was going to write about. Oh yeah! No wait. Shit! Anyhow, weekend's here. Saw Eric the punkguy on the bus who I haven't seen in a while... and fuck, finally realized I've been referring to him by the wrong name since I met him. I've been calling him Aaron, not to his face, or to anyone else actually, but in my head. Kinda funny.
Speaking of the bus... the bell on it wasn't working. That was also funny. From the retards yanking and yanking on the ringer to people screaming to be let off... yeah, it was decent.
So what now? Ehn, not much. Gilmore, an old roommate of the guys here is up for the weekend, so who knows... might go out tonight after all.
I got some more of my pictures back yesterday... a week late and at $16 for the set. But... at least they were good. Of course, that has more to do with me and my camera and the ample subject matter in Toronto than the developers. Bastards.