The Crisis of Forest Hills
by Neal Hutchinson
Scene 1
Setting: apartments Illusion. The front of the building is full of garbage as well as all the other buildings on the block. Johnny is on stage with bob.
Johnny: This garbage has been here for 2 months.
Bob: Garbage trucks don't roll round here no more.
Johnny: How do we get rid of our garbage?
Bob: It's Bill!
Johnny: Who's Bill?
Bob: The sanitation manager of Brooklyn and queens in N.Y.C.
Johnny: So he cut off forest hills from garbage trucks.
Bob: Yeah!
Johnny: I hate forest hills, but I can't afford to leave.
Bob: Who can, if I had the money, I would have been left or get a lot of people to protest with me.
Johnny: Why can't me and you do that?
Bob: I ain't got no money to move.
Johnny: no!, Get people to protest with us.
Bob: For what?
Johnny: Ugh , to get the garbage trucks back.
Bob: How?
Johnny: We can get Carl, He knows everyone in the hood.
Bob: Word!, Let's go to his crib.
Setting: The biggest mansion in forest hills. Johnny, and bob are on stage. Carl enters.
(Johnny rings the bell)
Carl: Who's there?
Bob: Your mama
Carl: What up herbs, if you're for money, I'm poor.
Johnny: Can you help us protest, to get the garbage trucks going through forest hills once again.
Carl: Bet, I'll send 300 people down there at bill's office, to protest.
Bob: How do you know It's bill's fault?
Carl: I got garbage to, you dumb ape.
Johnny: Thank you Carl, we gonna show bill he's messing with the wrong people.
Bob: yeah!, We gangsters.
Carl: Yo, don't go without me, I'll pick you up at 11am tomorrow, you heard?
Bob: Bet it's a date.
Carl: I'm married I don't date people.
Scene 2
Setting: Apartment illusion. It is 11 am, Bob and Johnny are standing outside waiting for Carl as a limousine pulls up. Bob and Johnny stand there in shock, as they see Carl coming out of the limo. (Johnny, Bob, and Carl are on stage)
Carl: Hop in!
Johnny: Nice!
Bob: A bat mobile! Johnny! You're Robin and I'll be Batman!
Johnny: Shut up!
Setting: Sanitation building illusion. A lot of garbage trucks in the parking lot, as Carl, Johnny, and Bob stand outside.
Bob: Yo, Johnny! Where is the three hundred man clique?
Carl: They're comin'.
(There's a big rumbling sound as if there was a big parade)
Carl: There they come!
Bob: The last time I saw a big crowd like that was when the police was off duty for one day!
Johnny: I remember that, I got three tv's that day!
Carl: I made a million dollars that day!
Bob: I made love with a Barbie doll that day!
(Bill walks outside and looks around)
Bill: What is going on, I'm calling the police.
Bob: I cut the phone line.
(Protesters begin chanting "Pick up our garbage")
Bill: Whine and cry all you want, you're not getting that wish.
Johnny: Carl, I thought you said this would work!
Carl: Wait and see, he'll crack by the end of the day.
Setting: It's now 10 p.m. and Bill still isn't listening. The protesters left three hours ago.
Johnny: I think he means what he said.
Bob: I told you, if I was Batman and you were Robin, he would listen!
Johnny: Bob! You're a genius!!!
Bob: I've been telling you that since Kindergarten, but I'm not mad because you've always been slow. It's going to take you a while to notice my genius.
Johnny: He'll listen to the mayor.
Bob: The mayor of NYC is my cousin.
Johnny: Why didn't you tell me this before?!
Bob: You never asked.
Johnny: Carl, bring the protesters back in two days, same time and same place. Bob and I are going to bring the mayor, to Bill's office, then he'll listen . . . he has to.
Scene 3
Setting: Outside of an apartment building illusion, It's 1 p.m. and bob is standing on the corner with johnny, waiting for the bus.
Johnny: Bob I can't believe your cousin is the mayor.
Bob: Why?
Johnny: Forget it, here comes the bus.
(the bus pulls up as johnny and bob gets on)
Johnny: here you go, ms.
Bob: let me on the bus, I have no money, I have to feed my kids and wife.
Bus driver: You are the ugliest man I've ever seen, I don't see why any women would want to marry, much less look at you. Now pay or get off the bus.
Johnny: here's the fee for him.
Bus driver: damn right!
Bob: I showed her who's the man.
Johnny: When do we get off?
Bob: In two hours the bus stops right in front of his mansion.
Johnny: good
(A big mansion illusion. Fine cut grass, a big gate, 5 dogs at the front gate. Johnny and bob approaches the gate)
( The security guard asks for their name)
Bob: Bob
Mayor: Bob the jackass?
Bob: no one smarter.
Mayor: open the gates security
Johnny: Come on bob, let's go in, the gate's open.
Bob: RUN!!
Johnny: why?
Bob: DOGS!
Johnny: ahh!
Mayor: dogs stop it!
Bob: billy
Mayor: damn right!
Johnny: Mr. mayor, we need your help, bill the sanitation manager of queens and Brooklyn, cut off forest hills from garbage trucks.
Mayor: that's illegal and uncivilized
Johnny: I know, will you help us?
Mayor: yeah!
Johnny: How's tomorrow at 11am ?
Mayor: great, I'll be there. Ah yeah, you got two minutes to get off my property or the dogs will get you.
(Bob and Johnny are running for their life)
Mayor: I was only joking.
Scene 4
Setting: Sanitation building illusion, a lot of garbage trucks in the parking lot, as Carl, johnny and bob are standing outside.
Johnny: Where's all the protestors ?
Carl: the whole town of forest hills is coming
Bob: That's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 dang !, that's a lot of people.
Johnny: plus the mayor is coming to talk to bill
( the floor rumbles as thousands of people approach)
Bob: earthquake!, the last time I felt an earthquake like that, was when johnny's mother tried to exercise.
Johnny: Don't make me use your head as a punching bag
Bob: I dare you
( johnny and bob face-off to fight, as bob swings and misses johnny, johnny then punches him in the lip)
Carl: break it up, the mayor is coming.
Carl: How is the mayor going to through the crowd?
Bob: easy, all he has to do is bring his dogs.
Johnny: But aren't the people on his side?
Bob: I don't know.
( Carl slaps bob in back of the head, the protestors start cheering)
Bob: did you have to do that in front of all these people?
Johnny and Carl: yeah
(a limousine parks in front of the building).
Mayor: throw your hands in air, wave them like you just don't care.
( the crowd starts cheering as they see the mayor, then bill walks outside of building)
Bill: mayor tell all these people to go home?
Mayor: who made you president, you better recognized.
Bill: what's the problem?
Mayor: why did you cut off all these people in forest hills from garbage trucks?
Bill: Because there are only blacks in forest hills.
Mayor: what does skin color have to do with it?
Bill: When I was a kid, a black kid stole my bike, and beat me up for my basketball.
Mayor: if it was a white person who did it ,would you stop sending garbage to them ?
Bill: no, because not all whites are like that, and all blacks are.
Mayor: I hope you know that you're going to get fired for what you did, and to make things worse the reason why you did.
Bill: Mr. mayor I'll give you a million dollars to pretend this doesn't exist.
Mayor: I make more than that in that in my sleep off selling illegal drugs, but the point is I became mayor for the people and not the money.
Bill: Fine! Be stupid.
Mayor: Johnny, call the police.
(The police came to arrest Bill. He has to go to court in a week.)
Scene 5
Setting: One week later. In side of a supreme court illusion. Like on Judge Judy, a court room.
Judge: Did you or did you not cut off Forest Hills from garbage trucks?
Bill: I did.
Judge: Why?
Bill: Because I hate blacks.
Judge: Are you racist?
Bill: I only hate blacks.
Judge: Because of their skin color?
Bill: Yeah, you being a white judge, you should hate blacks.
Judge: I judge people by their character and personality, and not their race. Did you ever hear of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr?
Bill: Yeah, he gives my children a day off from school every January.
Judge: Do you know why?
Bill: It's his birthday.
Judge: If only you could go to jail for being stupid.
Bill: I'm never going to send garbage trucks to Forest Hills.
Judge: Alright, then I can't complain with that.
Bill: That's what I'm talking about.
Judge: You're fired.
Bill: What?! You can't, I'm white.
Judge: I am too, I'm not whining.
Bill: Haha, you can't replace me, I'm the best.
Judge: Mr. Mayor.
Mayor: A lot of investigators and I have been studying this case for a week and have come up with a conclusion.
Bill: Boo!
Mayor: Don't make me go over there.
(Bill is cowering in terror)
Anyway, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, the new sanitation manager of Brooklyn and Queens is Johnny Johnson.
Bill: What?! He can't fill my position!
Bob: You mean it was your position.
Judge: Congratulations Johnny, you can't screw up more than he did.
Johnny: I'll do my best to be a great sanitation manager.
Judge: As for you Bill, you are sentenced to 40 years in jail for what you did.
Bob: He's movin' on up, in the his house, movin' on up.
Judge: Case dismissed.
(Johnny walks outside the courtroom)
Protesters: Go Johnny! Go Johnny! It's your birthday! It's your birthday!
Bob: Isn't that the girl you went out with in college?
Johnny: Yeah.
Francesca: Hey Johnny, remember me from college, I just came back from France!
Johnny: More than ever.
(Johnny and Francesca start kissing as the crowd cheers and fireworks are bursting in the air because it's July fourth)