For reasons too convoluted to go into here, this year's literacy class was assigned to a classroom previously devoted to shop. I spent the first week shifting tools into an adjoining room. It was that or change the class's name to "Lathing for Literacy".

Not being equipped for regular classes, the room lacked one or two desirable features. Like a computer. A phone. Internet connectivity. No matter how many work orders I submitted, nothing seemed to happen. New teachers don't have a lot of "pull".

And then, a month into the new school year, the situation became urgent. Two of my students launched themselves at each other and began swinging, and what was I to do? I had no phone to call for help. I didn't dare leave the classroom. And thanks to the handy soundproof walls (shop room, remember?), no one in an adjacent classroom was going to realize that anything was amiss.

That afternoon I decided I needed to bring the problem to the attention of my assigned administrator. Here is our conversation, verbatim.

ME: "How am I supposed to call for help if I don't have a phone?"

ADMINISTRATOR: "Hit the panic button."

ME: "What happens when I hit the panic button?"

ADMINISTRATOR: "Security will phone your room to see what's wrong."

To her credit, she burst into laughter almost as soon as she said it. And I got my phone the next day.