"Now and then it seems worse than it is, but mostly the view is accurate." - Something Vague, Bright Eyes "I spent the afternoon musing on Life. If you come to think of it, what a queer thing Life is! So unlike anything else, don't you know, if you see what I mean." - "My Man Jeeves", P G Wodehouse "Right, here's the plan. First, we go in there and get wrecked, then we eat a pork pie, then we drop some Surmontil-50's each. That way we'll miss out on Monday and come up smiling Tuesday morning." - Withnail, "Withnail and I" "And Alice picked up the little cake and on it read, 'Be yourself.' 'How funny,' Alice thought, 'What else could I be?'" - Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll "Vig used to call me ‘Elf boy’, and I’d call him ‘filthy human’. As an Elf, I never got a scratch on me, never got dirty. And Vig would come out with blood a sweat all over him. And he’d say to me ‘Oh, go manicure your nails.’ - Orlando Bloom on pet phrases used while filming LOTR "From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere." - Dr Seuss "Who’s been thinking of leaving?" "I have." "Well that's just stupid, you’ve got a job here for life." "Yeah, actually I don’t want to spend my life answering phones in some crappy sub-branch paper merchants." "Dawn, work hard enough, and you could be answering those phones in head office, or a better paper merchants." - Tim, Dawn and Gareth, The Office (Series 1 Episode 4) "In the country, the darkness of night is friendly and familiar, but in a city, with its blaze of lights, it is unnatural, hostile and menacing. It is like a monstrous vulture that hovers, biding its time." - Somerset Maugham "Nursie: Another good idea. You're so clever today, you'd better make sure your foot doesn't fall off. Queenie: Is that what happens when you have good ideas? Your foot falls off. Nursie: Oh yes! My brother had this brilliant idea of cutting his toenails with a scythe, and his foot fell off!" - Blackadder II, Beer "Everyone's afraid of their own life. If you could be anything you want I bet you'd be disappointed. Am I right? No one really knows the ones they love. If you knew everything they thought I bet you'd wish that they'd just shut up." - "Your Life", Modest Mouse. "Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so, it might be: and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." - Through the Looking-Glass, Lewis Carroll "Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate." - Craig Schwartz, "Being John Malkovich" "They're coming to get you, Barbara." - Night of the Living Dead "I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest." - Mr Turkentine, "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" "Are all your family wizards?" asked Harry, who found Ron just as interesting as Ron found him. "Er - yes, I think so," said Ron. "I think Mum's got a second cousin who's an accountant, but we never talk about him." - "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" "I got a lot to say, I got a lot to say, I got a lot to say. I can't remember now, I can't remember now, I can't remember now." - Ramones, Got Alot To Say "The last mosquito that bit me had to book into the Betty Ford clinic." - Patsy, "Absolutely Fabulous" "Oh, I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now. I feel that in my weakened condition I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further school absences." - Ferris, "Ferris Beuller's Day Off" "Blofeld: They told me you were assassinated in Hong Kong. Bond: Yes, this my second life. Blofeld: You only live twice, Mr. Bond." - "You Only Live Twice" "I wonder'd lonely as a cloud. That floats on high o'er vales and hills When all at once I saw a crowd A host, of golden daffodils; Beside the lake, beneath the trees. Fluttering and dancing in the breeze. Continuous as the stars that shine. And twinkle on the Milky Way, They stretch'd in neverending line. Along the margin of a bay: Ten thousand saw I at a glance, Tossing their heads in sprightly dance. The waves beside them danced, but they Out-did the sparkling waves in glee: A poet could not but be gay,In such a jocund company: I gazed - and gazed - but little thought. What wealth the show to me had brought: For oft when on my couch I lie. In vacant or in pensive mood, They flash upon that inward eye. Which is the bliss of solitude; And then my heart with pleasure fills, And dances with the daffodils. - Daffodils - William Wordsworth "I don't advise a haircut, man. All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. Hairs are your aerials. They pick up signals from the cosmos, and transmit them directly into the brain. This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight." - Danny, "Withnail and I" "I fight cynicism. It's too easy. It's really boring. It's much harder to be positive and see the wonder of everything. Cynicism is a bunch of people who aren't as talented as other people, knocking them because they make them feel even more untalented." - Ewan McGregor "The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. "Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?" he asked. "Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop." - Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll "What ho!" I said, "What ho!" said Monty. "What ho! What ho!" "What ho! What ho! What ho!" After that it seemed rather difficult to go on with the conversation. - "Carry On, Jeeves", P G Wodehouse "One always tends to overpraise a long book, because one has got through it." - E M Forster "Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about." - Willy Wonka, "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" "If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts, but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties." - Francis Bacon "Luke Skywalker: Listen, if you were to rescue her, the reward would be... more than you can imagine. Han Solo: I don't know. I can imagine quite a bit." - Star Wars IV, A New Hope "I didn't want to harm the man. I thought he was a very nice gentleman. Softspoken. I thought so right up to the moment I cut his throat." - Perry Smith "I'm melting, melting! Who would have thought a little brat like you could destroy such beautiful wickedness." - The Wicked Witch of the West, "The Wizard of Oz" "I've got a black woolen hat and it's got PERVERT written across the front of it. It's the name of the clothing label. And I was with my wife and my baby at the supermarket and I didn't think. I just put my hat on Clara's head, because it was cold. And the looks. I couldn't figure out why I was getting death looks. And then I realized my 10-month old baby's wearing a hat with the word pervert written on it and these people were like, 'There's Satan! There's Satan out with his kid!' And then I made a point of her wearing it every time we went there." - Ewan McGregor, on an experience during filming A Life Less Ordinary in Denver, Colorado "People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening, People writing songs that voices never share, and no one dare disturb the Sound of Silence." - Simon & Garfunkel, "Sounds of Silence" "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." - Oscar Wilde "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain." - The Wizard of Oz "Humour is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place." - Mark Twain "Well morning came and it dressed the sky in a lovely, yellow gown." - "I Won't Ever Be Happy Again", Bright Eyes "Pray you, stand farther from me." - Shakespeare "Antony and Cleopatra" "If another century began and I was still alive, it would really be more than the English could stand." - Oscar Wilde "So, the school train isn't good enough for the famous Harry Potter and his sidekick Weasley. Wanted to arrive with a bang, did we, boys?" - Professor Snape to Harry and Ron, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" "You're a creature of the night, Michael. My own brother, a goddam shit-sucking vampire. You wait 'til Mom finds out!" - Sam, "The Lost Boys" Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art - Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night, And watching, with external lids apart Like nature's patient sleeping Eremite, The moving waters at their priest-like task Of pure ablution around earth's human shores, Or gazing on the new soft -fallen mask Of snow upon the mountains and the moors - No - yet still steadfast, still unchangeable, pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast, To feel forever its soft fall and swell, Awake for ever in a sweet unrest, Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath, And so live ever - or else swoon to death. - Last Sonnet - John Keats "You should be women, and yet your beards forgive me to interpret that you are so." - Shakespeare "Macbeth" "Tread lightly, she is near, under the snow, Speak gently, she can hear the daisies grow, All her bright golden hair, tarnished with dust, She that was young and fair, fallen to dust." - Oscar Wilde "Requiescat" "Nothing is so aggravating as calmness." - Oscar Wilde "What I like about Clive, is that he is no longer alive. There is a a great deal to be said, for being dead." - Edmund Clerihew Bentley "Since my baby left me, I've found a new place to dwell, down at the end of Lonely Street at Heartbreak Hotel." - Elvis Presley, Heartbreak Hotel "When on my day the evening shadows fall, I will go down to where a quiet river flows, Into a sea from whence no man returns, and there embark for lands, where life immoral grows." - Thomas Tiplady "All things must pass, all things must pass away." - George Harrison, All Things Must Pass "There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." - Unknown "When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton." - J R R Tolkien, opening line of "The Fellowship of the Ring" "It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known." - Charles Dickens, end of "A Tale of Two Cities" "Cheshire-Puss," she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider. "Come, it's pleased so far," thought Alice, and she went on. "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat. "I don't much care where-----" said Alice. "Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat. "-----so long as I get somewhere ," Alice added as an explaination. "Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough." "All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by frost." - J R R Tolkien, "Lord of the Rings" "Getting out of bed in the morning is an act of false confidence." - Jules Feiffer "I'm a neurotic nut, but you're crazy!" - Felix Ungar, "The Odd Couple" "A cat improves a garden wall in sunshine, and the hearth in foul winter." - Judith Merkle Riley "Razors pain you, Rivers are damp, Acids stain you, and drugs cause a cramp, Guns arn't lawful, nooses give, Gas smells awful, you might as well live." - Dorothy Parker "Enough Rope" "When I am dead my dearest, sing no sad songs for me:Plant thou no roses at my head, nor shady cypress tree. Be the green grass above me, with showers and dewdrops wet: and if though wilt, remember, and if though wilt forget." - Christina Rossetti - "Song" "Yet each man kills the thing he love, by each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, some with a flattering word. The coward does it with a kiss, the brave man with a sword!" - Oscar Wilde "Cats are kindly masters, just so long as you remember your place." - Paul Gray "Sleep is a death; oh make me try. By sleeping what it is to die, And as gently lay my head, On my grave as now my head." - Sir Thomas Browne "Religio Medici" "The public is wonderfully tollerent. It forgives everything except genius." - Oscar Wilde "Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast." - Oscar Wilde "Cats like doors left open in case they change their minds." - Rosemary Nisbet "And don't tell me God works in mysterious ways", Yossarian continued "There's nothing mysterious about it, He's not working at all. He's playing. Or else He's forgotten all about us. That's the kind of God you people talk about, a country bumpkin, a clumsy, bungling, brainless, conceited, uncouth hayseed. Good God, how much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatalogical mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements? Why in the world did He ever create pain?" - Joseph Heller, "Catch22" "No one feels another's grief, no one understands another's joy. People imagine that they can reach one another. In reality they only pass each other by." - Franz Schubert "Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness; however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo." - "Pooh's Little Instruction Book", inspired by A A Milne "A commander can be wrong, but never uncertain." - Arthur C. Clarke "Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light." - Dylan Thomas, "Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night" "April is the cruellest month, breeding Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing Memory out of desire, stirring Dull roots with spring rain. Winter kept us warm, covering Earth in a forgetful snow, feeding A little life with dried tubers." - T S Eliot, "The Waste Land" "Nature always balances her books." - Arthur C. Clarke "The idea of calm exists in a sitting cat." - Jules Reynard "Rough wind, that moanest loud Grief too sad for song; Wild wind, when sullen cloud Knells all the night long; Sad storm, whose tears are vain, Bare woods, whose branches strain, Deep caves and dreary main, - Wail, for the world's wrong!" - Percy Bysshe Shelley, "Dirge" "I remain just one thing, and one thing only, and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician." - Charlie Chaplin "The trouble with cats is they've got no tact." - P G Wodehouse "Don't talk unless you can improve the silence." - Laurence Coughlin "Since the day of my birth, my death began its walk. It is walking toward me, without hurrying." - Jean Cocteau "Nigel gave the lamp a cautious buff and small smoking red letters appeared in the air. "Hi," Nigel read aloud, "Do not put down the lamp because your custom is important to us. Please leave a wish after the tone and, very shortly, it will be our command. In the meantime, have a nice eternity." - Terry Pratchett, "Sourcery" "... but there are always some lunatics about. It would be a dull world without them." - Sherlock Holmes "Who are YOU?" said the Caterpillar. This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, "I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then. - Alice in Wonderland "Survival kit contents check. In them you'll find: one 45 caliber automatic, two boxes of ammunition, four days concentrated emergency rations, one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills, one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible, one hundred dollars in rubles, one hundred in gold, nine packs of chewing gum, one issue of prophylactics, three lipsticks, three pairs of nylon stockings. Shoot a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff." - "Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb", spoken by Major T J "King" Kong