Hyde Quotes
Fez: In my country I would string you to the tallest tree.
Hyde: We're not in your country Fez.
Fez: Right. Good luck with Donna.
Hyde: Why don't you two get a room.
Eric: We have a room Hyde, it's my basement.
Hyde: Yeah on the plus side, you walk into a liqure store carrying a baby, man, they'll sell you beer.
Hyde: Irony, far out.
Hyde: It doesn't look like a pot leaf. It looks like a hand giving the finger.
Hyde: Kelso no offence, but you sound like a chick.
Kelso: Man I do.
Hyde: Disco is from hell. Not the cool part of hell with the murderers, but the lame part with all the accountants.
Hyde: You saw a keg of beer and didn't say anything? Back of the line!
Hyde: We were put on a farm here by aliens and we're cattle man! We're cattle!
Hyde: Man, my favorite gift is cash.
Fez: I'm so excited about Star Whores.
Hyde: Fez man, it's Star Wars.
Fez: Screw that.
Hyde: Hey Forman, man, this thing better be good. If I don't see some space jugs I'm going to be super pissed.
Eric: Oh hey guys, I heard it was ok.
Kelso: Well, there is no way it's better than the Planet of the Apes. I mean those apes were really good actors.
Hyde: See this is why your country lost the war.
Fez: My country never fought a war.
Hyde: Yeah big surprise.
Kelso: I mean Leia right. She acted like she was mad at Han, but I could tell she liked him.
Hyde: Kelso man are you an idiot? Leia likes Luke. She kissed him on that bridge.
Kelso: Ah, phh, just for luck.
Hyde: If God wanted us to walk he wouldn't have given us Foreman.
Hyde: Well, see there, Bob? You're on your own.
Fez: See how you drive people away.
Lady: Hey those sideburns?
Hyde: Since eighth grade.
Hyde: God, you're noble.
Hyde: Okay. Alright. Do you remember that time when I was climbing your fence, and I hit my forehead on that tree branch,
and I fell into your yard, and your dog Yogi came out of the house and bit me twice on the ass?
Kelso: (laughing) Yeah, you bled and you cried.
Hyde: I bled. I didn't cry.
Kelso: Yeah, you did. You bled AND you cried.
Hyde: And you laughed, man! A lot! While I was bleeding! You see my point?
Kelso: Yeah! It's funny when friends get hurt.
Hyde: Close enough.
Hyde: I read somewhere that people in India fast, man. Yeah. And, that it makes them think better. And, sometimes they can actually
think themselves to death, man.
Kelso: I wonder if that's what I'm doing right now? Sometimes my brain is doing things that I don't even know about!
(Eric is out with Buddy instead of there at school to give Kelso and Hyde a ride home.)
Kelso: I'm worried about him! What if he's lost of hurt?
Hyde: Easy there Lassie I'm sure he's fine.
Kelso: We should check the school morgue!
Hyde: The school doesn't have a morgue!?
Kelso: Well then what do we pay all those taxes for?
Hyde: You know what kills me? You do better in school than I do!
Eric (talking about kissing another woman): No I mean I feel bad I think I've got to tell Donna.
Steven: Really? Well on behalf of men everywhere (slaps Eric in the face)
Fez: Who is the Goddess?
Kelso: The Goddess is Eric's sister.
Hyde: She's not a goddess, she's more the earth-mother whore type, which works well for me.
Eric: Well, it's better than the time the Oscar Meyer weeniemobile drove through.
Donna: They didn't even stop. They just slowed down and threw a bunch of hot dog whistles at us.
Hyde: Two girls driving around in a phallic RV, handing out things you blow. What a great country.
Hyde: Oh, I could write some really great slogan like "I hate the fuzz" on my ass.
Fez: If you hate the fuzz on your ass why don't you just shave it off?
Eric: Hey, did you write "I hate the fuzz" on your butt?
Hyde: Yeah. Donna, here's your lipstick back.
Donna: Keep it.
Kitty: Oh Steven, I have a great idea. You could sell lemonade.
Hyde: Mrs. Forman, I've thrown a lot of rocks at kids with lemonade stands. And lord knows I hate a hypocrite!
Kitty: You could have a little bake sale.
Hyde: I pretty much beat up any kid selling anything.
Kitty: Steven, you could just do a little table with some cake, or some brownies...
Hyde: Oh I'm not much of a--brownies. I could make brownies! Because people love brownies!
Eric: No they don't.
Hyde: Oh they love my brownies!
Kitty: You know what Eric, you just leave him alone. This is Steven's contribution to our garage sale. And I just happen to
know that you put the special ingredient in these brownies!
Hyde: Special ingredient?
Eric: I told him not to!
Kitty: Yes. (small silence) Love!!
(everyone laughs)
Hyde: Oh yeah, there's a whole big bag of love in there!
Hyde: Yeah I'm making special brownies, but I'm also making regular brownies for the "straight folks" or "losers."
Kelso: Yeah, someday I'm gonna own a restaurant and everything's gonna be special. And when people ask me, they say, "hey
Kelso, what's the special?" I'm gonna say "everything!"
Hyde: So Eric, you got your car back. Are we cool now?
Eric: Yeah. I think you learned your lesson.
Hyde: Absolutely man! I learned that if I do something selfish, ill-adivised, and irresponsible, I can get away with it! I rule!!
Hyde: Hey Forman, I want you to feast your eyes on this
very large, flat cargo area.
Eric: Wow, you could haul plywood in this.
Hyde: Right...or Donna.
Eric: Why would I want to haul--oh right, ok! No, she
wouldn't do it in a van, she wants it to be special.
Donna (walks up): What're you guys talking about?
Eric: Uh, plywood.
Donna: Good, good. Cause I would never do it in a van.
Oh, and you know what would make it really special? Not
talking to your friends about us doing it!
Hyde: So, whats new....Kelso?
Kelso: Oh man...I mean nothing. So...Eric, isn't your sister
hot?
Eric: No...in fact Kelso I think you're the only loser here
who thinks she is hot.
Fez: Not true. I have pictured her naked hundreds of times.
Why, just this morning I was taking a shower...
Hyde: Come on Fez man! It is totally innappropriate and
disrespectful to talk about how hot someone else's sister is!
No matter how bad you want to give it to her, right Kelso?
Kelso: Oh man, Oh man!!
Hyde: What is it boy? Is it trouble? Is there something you
want to tell us about Eric's sister?
Kelso: I totally did it with her!! (looks at Eric) I'm sorry
man.
Eric: What?! Kelso: I mean, she took advantage of me. I'm
violated!
Hyde: You idiot, your thumbs are still up!
Kelso: Oh yeah, acting's hard.
Eric: Hey shut up perv, thats my sister! Come on!
Fez: I know. It is forbidden, taboo, titilating...
Hyde: Isn't it ironic that "titilating" has the word "tit" in
it?
Kelso: Oh that reminds me...
Eric: Shut up!!!
Jackie: No Michael, you're coming over to my house tonight, and we're gonna "study".
Kelso: Fine. God, I never get to do anything fun.
Hyde: God you're dumb.
Kelso: I guess that's why I gotta go study.
Fez: People area so friendly around here. Two women on the corner just offered to have sex with me!
Hyde: Yeah, for money Fez!
Fez: I could not ask them for money. Or could I?!
Kitty: If it gets too bad I can always give you a shot of Demoral.
Hyde: You have Demoral?!? I mean, whats Demoral?
Jackie: I decided to go. I thought it'd be fun to surprise Michael.
Hyde: That would be fun.
Donna: Um Jackie, before you surprise Kelso, there's something going on that you should know.
Jackie: What?
Donna: (pause) You know, Vanstock is gonna be really boring and muddy, and there's a good chance there'll be some
Canadians there.
Jackie: Eeewwww!
Hyde: No, you should go, you can't let the Canadians win!
***I personally like this one, because I'm Canadian and proud of it, even if they didn't let 'us' win!!***
Hyde: So you kids having fun? Nothing like a road trip to get to know each other.
Kelso: Yeah, right.
Hyde: Like Jackie and Laurie. They don't really know each other, and yet they have so much in common.
Jackie: Like what?
Hyde: Oh, well, you both have really neat hair.
Jackie: He's right, I love your hair. What do you use?
Laurie: Hot rollers.
Jackie: So do I! I hate styling wands.
Laurie: So do I!
Hyde: See? You two keep talking, there may be plenty of other things that you have in common.
Kelso: No! No talking, it makes the driver nervous. So just everybody not talk!
Hyde: Wow. Vanstock. It's exactly how I pictured it.
Girl: (arms crossed across her chest) Has anyone seen my top? I lost my top!
Hyde: Actually, it's even better than I pictured it!
Hyde: I can't believe Forman missed all those signals.
Donna: What signals?
Hyde: "Oh no, poor me. All alone in my big house. Just me and my nightie. If only there was some scrawny neighbor boy
here."
Fez: Good evening Donna. Which of these ladies are easy?
Tina: Donna, some of you r creepy friends are using dad's stereo.
Donna: You guys, no ones allowed in the house!
Fez: Hello pretty lady!
Tina: Hi!!
Donna: She's not a pretty lady, she's my sister, and she's fourteen.
Fez: You know in my country--
Hyde: It's illegal here.
Fez: Oh I see...
Jackie: You could wear your David Bowie butt huggers.
Hyde: Michael, that would be super!
Kelso: Laugh if you want man but my butt looks pretty good in those.
Hyde: Man, I can't believe they're wasting all their money on the stupid disco when they could buy a really big
bag...of...caramels.
Fez: I tell you, I heard it. The devil is singing backwards on the record.
Hyde: Its not the devil. It's congress, man. They passed a secret law to put backwards messages on our records, man. They
want to kill rock n' roll, because they know it makes us horny, man!
Eric: Doesn't doesn't pretty much everything make us horny?
Hyde: Alright. Now here's how we sneak the devil music past Ozzie and Harriet. Observe. Alice Cooper, meet Pat Boone.
Don't resist me Pat Boone. No stop, you're hurting me! Don't resist! No, it hurts, oooh!
Fez: But what if my host parents hear it?
Hyde: Then Satan commands us to kill them, Fez.
Fez: Noooo!
Eric: All I wanted was a little help with my paper, and you've done nothing.
Hyde: We put your middle name in.
Eric: Jean Claude?
Hyde: Yeah. Two words.
Kelso: But what if he's lost, or hurt somewhere?
Hyde: Back off Lassie, I'm sure Timmy's just fine.
Kelso: Maybe we should check the school morgue.
Hyde: Kelso, the school doesn't have a morgue.
Kelso: Then what do we pay all those taxes for?
Hyde: Y'know what kills me? You do better in school than I do.
Eric: Let's say Buddy made a move on me.
Donna: Eric, he's not gonna make a move on you if he knows you're straight.
Hyde: I don't know, Forman is pretty irresitible.
Eric:I don't think he'll make a move on me again.
Hyde/Donna: Again?!?!?
Eric: Or for the first time...I gotta go!
Hyde: You know Donna, if Forman ever decides to dabble in the love that dare not speak its name...I'm here for you.
Jackie: I just love Christmas. It's all about good tidings and cheer. Oh, and shopping.
Hyde: Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what Jesus was going for.
Hyde: Mrs. Pinciotti, I want to buy a present for this girl, and she's about Donna's age, so I was wondering what Donna likes.
Midge: Perfume. Donna wears White Shoulders. It's not just for shoulders, you can wear it anywhere!
Hyde: Really.
Midge: Yeah, like your neck, or the mall.
Hyde: Well, about how much does a bottle of that run?
Midge: About twelve dollars.
Hyde: Ooh. Well what about a bottle of crappy perfume, how much would that cost?
Midge: Gosh, I don't know. I'll call Bob's mom.
Hyde: Hey Jackie, come here.
Jackie: Why?
Hyde: Just come here.
Jackie: Hyde, if you want to make out with me, the answer's probably no.
Kelso: Guess who made out with Pam Macy behind the gym?
Hyde: Everyone.
Hyde: Hey Donna man, I brought my double sleeping bag. You know?
Donna: Great...can Eric and I borrow it?
Fez: Oh Hyde, watching you fail over and over...it is like Charlie Brown and the football.
Hyde: Yeah man, I just don't get it.
Fez: Yes, because Eric already has it!
Fez: I am freezing! The winter in my country is seventy degrees. We must hold each other for warmth!
Jackie: Stop touching me!
Fez: But I'm going to DIE!
Hyde: Ok Fez, oooh, Ameretto. This'll warm you right up. Take a sip of that.
Fez: Yum, liquid candy.
Eric: No, put it back, I like that song.
Hyde: Pipe down there, backseat Charlie.
Eric: Back seat sucks.
Fez: Welcome to my sad little world.
Eric: Why does Sully have a statue of the virgin Mary on the dashboard?
Keslso: I dunno, maybe he's religious or something.
Hyde: Wasn't Sully in prison for arson?
Kelso: Yeah. People that burn stuff believe in God too, Hyde.
Bob: Midge and I had a beautiful thing, Fezzy. Then it all went wrong.
Hyde: Yeah Bob, women are hell. Why don't you grab us all a beer and we'll talk it over?
Bob: I could get you sodas cause I know you're underage.
Hyde: Bob, this isn't about us. It's about you. And you need friends. And beer.
Bob: How stupid do you think I am?
Hyde: Why don't we grab a beer and talk it over?
Bob: Ahh, no.
Hyde: Well then Bob, you're on your own.
Fez: See how you drive people away?
Hyde: I am here, sans girlfried, to help you guys out.
Fez: Then I have a question. How much masturbation is too much?
Hyde: There's no such thing as too much.
Fez: Then in the dream, two of the three Stooges bring me grapes, while I play them a beautiful song on my accordian. In the
nude.
Hyde: Somehow the accordian part scares me more than the nude part.
Fez: I am so excited to be working in the food service industry. May I cut the cheese?
Edna: Is he kidding?
Hyde: We can never tell.
Edna: Lets do something together. C'mon, I'll buy you a beer.
Hyde: A beer? Well, actually, yeah ok.
Edna: Got your fake ID?
Hyde: You know it.
Edna: That's my boy.
Kelso: Guess who's taking Pam Macy to the prom?
Hyde: Anyone with a quarter?
Kelso: No, me!
Fez: Damn, and I had a quarter!
Hyde: You know Forman, I'm a romantic. So I say you choke him till his eyes pop out!
Kelso: Yeah. Hitting people's cool.
Eric: I don't know. If I hit this guy, Donna's just gonna be pissed.
Kelso: No man, chicks dig that stuff. I mean Leia, right, she acted like she was mad at Han. But I could tell she liked him.
Hyde: Kelso man, what are you, and idiot? Leia likes Luke. She kissed him on that bridge!
Kelso: Just for luck!
Eric: Guys, I have a real problem here!
Eric: Gentlemen, we have finally done it. A pot leaf on the water tower!
Fez: This is the proudest moment of my life!
Hyde: It doesn't look like a pot leaf. It looks like its giving me the finger.
Kelso: Well it doesn't have to look perfect Hyde, it's art!
Eric: Ok, my mom's a nurse, I'll go wake her up, maybe she can fix him.
Hyde: Just don't wake up Red though, he'll kill us all.
Eric: Gee you think?
Fez: These after school specials are thrilling. Who knew it takes only one beer to turn a cheerleader into a whore?
Jackie: You know Fez, this show contains an important message. That very thing happened to a friend of mine.
Fez: Really?
Jackie: Mmm hmm.
Fez: Um, may I ask who?
Hyde: Man, that is one drunk slutty cheerleader!
Hyde: Ok, do you remember that time when I was climbing your fence and I hit my forehead on that tree branch, and I fell
into the yard and your dog Yogi came out and bit me twice on the ass?
Kelso (laughing): Yeah, you bled and you cried.
Hyde: I bled. I didn't cry.
Kelso: Yeah you did. You bled and you cried.
Hyde: And you laughed, man, a lot, while I was bleeding. You see my point?
Kelso: Yeah. It's funny when friends get hurt.
Hyde: Close enough.
Fez: Hello, House of Chicken? How big are your wings?
Hyde: Breasts!
Fez: Oh. How big are your breasts? (pause) This is Fez, who is this?
Hyde: (motioning frantically)
Fez (Hangs up): Whew! my first prank call!
Hyde: I can't believe you're just passing through, man. You're dark, you're obnoxious, you're dangerously paranoid. Until
tonight I didn't even know a girl like you existed.
Chrissie: Has it occured to you that we're on a bed?
Hyde: Oh man this is so perfect. You're easy too?
Chrissie: Yeah. The establishment doesn't want having sex. They know it makes us feel good. So if we can feel good on our
own, what do we need the establishment for? So every time we have sex, its a huge protest.
Hyde: I think I feel a huge protest coming on.
Eric: Why would you want to go to New York?
Hyde: Well it's a big city man, bars are open until 4, it's where all the music's happening. Hey, if I can make it there--
Eric: But you can't make it there.
Hyde: But if I can make it there--
Eric: But you won't make it there.
Hyde: Would you just listen? If I can make it there--Dammit Forman now I lost my train of thought!
Eric: Hyde, you're the reason we do so many stupid senseless things!
Hyde: Yeah, that is true.
Eric: Hyde I've never told this to another human being but I....I can not get Donna's bra off.
Hyde: Hooks or snaps?
Eric: She keeps throwing me change ups!
Hyde: Alright, here's what you do. You buy a bra, and practice on it at home. Then you give it to Donna as a gift.
Eric: See!! That's brilliant! You're like an evil genious, man!
Chrissie: Where's your bag? You're not going?!
Hyde: No. But I'd like to mount another protest if you have the time.
Eric: Look, talking isn't gonna help. What's gonna help me is like, drinking!
Donna: Well now you're just being stupid.
Hyde (comes in the door): Hey Forman, lets go get wasted.
Eric: See, Hyde's a real friend, he's gonna help me get through my grandma's death.
Hyde: Your grandma's dead? Oh man, um, lets go get wasted.
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