The Defeating of Evil Mrs. Noslohcin
“Based on a True Story, Actual Experience”
Literature was almost over and it was time almost for Evil Mrs. Noslohcin’s class. The three of us looked at each other. The bell was about to ring, so we quietly packed up in preparation for the five-hounded-thousand meter dash to her class. We have to do it in just under five minutes, which meant that we had to double the old school record. We were in the farthest class away from Evil Mrs. Noslohcin’s class and it didn’t look like we were going to get out early; it looked like we were going to be late. “Ring” there it was, the bell had rung. So we immediately got up and began our long journey. We began to approach the dreaded “math hall,” and made our way up the stairs. I was almost ready to collapse. I took a quick glance at my watch and I decided that if we were ever going to even think about making it, then we were just going to have to keep on moving. As we ran, I thought about how much I wished I had worked out over the summer. If I had only been in better shape. My backpack just kept getting heaver and heaver. “We have to stick together” I exclaimed. We were almost there. I could see it now, far off in the distance. Then suddenly “Ring” the bell rang, and there she, was paper in hand at the end of the hall waiting, giving us her evil glair and showing us her evil laugh, holding out our first two hour community-service slips. “Welcome to my class,” she snarled as she handed them over.
This same process seemed to repeat its self on a regular basis, day after day. After a couple months we had had enough. So the next day during lunch the three of us attempted to do something that had never been done before. We marched down to the counselor’s office and gave our story. Just see what sympathy we could get. He of course was no match for the evil Mrs. Noslohcin, and was of no help at all. He only sent her an e-mail asking her to not be quite so evil. What a fool asking a evil teacher to make an exception on one of her most prized students and to cut them some slack, what was he thinking. That only made her mad and contributed to her evil powers. Now she was giving three hours of community service out to us each day.
Suddenly out of nowhere Ramo came up with a brilliant idea: we would clime to the top of the chain of power, and talk to the principle. Surely the principle had some power-leverage over evil Mrs. Noslohcin. Surely the principle would know what to do. But we were wrong. What can I say . . . we never heard from the principle again. Evil Mrs. Noslohcin got the best of him.
Now what to do? Well we thought about our parents, but no, it was too risky. We might lose them just like we did the principle, and that wouldn’t be good. Or would it? No, instead we thought, and we thought, and we thought, and we thought some more. Until finally I came up with an ingenious idea. www.askjeeves.com, yes this is it: Ask Jeeves. Brilliant. Jeeves knows everything. If there were anyone who would have a solution, it would be Jeeves. We were running out of options. This was our last frantic attempt to go on living. I don’t know how much more of this community service we could take.
So we decided to give it a try after all, what did we have to lose? So after school that day we all went over to Hsoj’s house got on the Internet, and went to www.askjeeves.com. We were all nervous; this was like life and death, heaven or hell. “What if the server is down?” I asked scared as ever. “Haimerej, don’t even think such thoughts,” replied Hsoj. “Sorry,” I replied. There we were, Hsoj had already typed the web-site in, now someone just had to press ENTER. But who? “Not me,” I exclaimed. Ramo, fingers trembling said, “I’ll do it.” A sigh of relief came to Hsoj and me “few.” The web-site popped up, and there it was “Ask Jeeves” so we typed in our question for Jeeves. “Our Geometry teacher is evil; she finds joy in giving us community service. We can’t seem to make it to her class in time, it’s not our fault.” Maybe Jeeves will tell us what to do. “Who can help us?” We finally finish typing in. This time I hit ENTER, for I was now over my fear of evil Mrs. Noslohcin. We waited patiently as the web-sit loaded, I could tell Hsoj was now regretting getting a 56K modem, and wishing he had gotten cables. The wait seemed like it took days, weeks, or even years. Really the clock, which I was sure was broken, said it had only been a few seconds. Anyway, finally the answer to all our worst miseries was there. Sitting in front of us. We were so excited we could hardly read it. After our third try we finally got it. It read; well I am not sure what it read, maybe Jeeves had had a little too much to drink or something. But somewhere in the pile of what seamed like random words I saw the words, “Ask the president for help.”
So we did. Right then and there we went to www.priceline.com and named our own price. Hsoj grabbed his dad’s credit card (he knew his dad would understand). He quickly punched in the card info. And that was that, three first class tickets aboard Delta airlines nonstop to Washington DC, where Jeeves insisted we would find the president. We heroically went to Washington DC and persuaded the president to once and for all fire evil Mrs. Noslohcin. And finally we, as well as the rest of Htuos Enegue High School, were able to rest from all our community service. To evil Mrs. Noslohcin I say, “ba humbug“. Can you believe it, three normal guys attending Htuos Enegue High School, and we had defeated evil Mrs. Noslohcin. We were heroes. You don’t even want to know about the substitute.
Literature Paper | By Jeremiah Mondello | September 12, 2000