American Pie-     I'm going to have to say that this movie was funny.  Even though it deals with kids that are just getting out of high school, and I graduated almost 10 years ago, it still deals with humorous timeless material.  It centers around 4 high school friends that all make a pact to have sex before the end of their school days.  The problem is, they're seniors, and the prom is right around the corner.  Well, I won't give any major plot points away, but you can be sure that hijinks ensue.  I would rate this as a matinee feature.

I give American Pie 3 skulls

Batman and Robin -(on DVD)  Well what can I say about the fourth installment of the Batman movie line?  I can say a lot about it.  Problem is, almost all of it is bad.  I'll start with the performances by the cast.  Clooney is just bad as the Dark Knight.  I'm sorry, but I just can't stop picturing Doug Ross in the ER.  Arnold was OK as freeze, but they gave him the corniest lines.  Uma was sexy as ever, but I think the film could have been better with just Freeze or Ivy, not both.  Bane seemed to be added as an afterthought.  Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl: uh...no.  Definitely should have been someone a LITTLE thinner and more athletic.  I think the best acting performance was from the guy who played Alfred. (That's kinda sad ain't it?)  One of the saving graces of the film was the special effects.  Although even those were overdone by the end of the film.  Oh well, I guess if you're aa fan of the Bat, then maybe you can stomach this flop, but if not, avoid it at all costs.

I give Batman and Robin 1 skull

Muppets From Space-    Kermit, Gonzo, Miss Piggy, and the rest of the Muppet gang are back in the latest installment of the Muppet line of films.  Added to the bunch are some of the newer Muppets from Muppets Tonight; the unfortunately short lived series on ABC.   Overall I found this movie to be on par with the other Muppet films.  There were a lot of laughs and inside jokes in this film.  They managed to parody just about every big name Sci-Fi movie and series out there. 

The movies basic plot is that Gonzo feels that he is all alone in the world since he doesnt know what species he is or if he has a family somewhere.  When signals from space start appearing to him, he figures that his family must be trying to contact him and tell him that they are on their way to come and get him.  Unfortunately these signals are also picked up by a top secret government agency and the director will stop at nothing to find the source and also who is receiving them.

This movie is definitely a sound choice for a kid or any Muppet fan.  My recommendation:Hi Ho! This is a good picture.

I give Muppets From Space 3 skulls

Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels- (on video)  Can anyone say "British Pulp Fiction"?  Even though a lot of elements of a typical Tarantino flick were used in this movie, it still presents us with a funny, and for the most part, violent film.  The characters are an ecclectic mix of blokes.  You have the four main characters that are all friends.  Each of them has their own distinct personality and charm.  From a straight-laced cook to a shady con-man these guys get into a load of trouble when one of them enters a poker game where it takes $100,000 alone just to enter.  Hijinks ensue and they find themselves up against drug dealers, hit men, and one very pissed off crime lord.  Parts of the movie are narrated by a voice over that gives insight and background info on the characters and their lives.  This is just one of the wacky elements this movie contains.  If you're in the mood for a fast-paced, action-filled, plot twisting comedy then pick this one up at the video store.  My recommendation:  You bloody wankers better see this one.

I give Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels 4 skulls

The Sixth Sense- Well I'm not one for scary movies, and you may think that this might just be another movie like Mercury Rising, but I did like it, and it is a lot different than Bruce Willis' "Save the kid" movie.  Bruce plays a psycologist that must help a troubled young boy who says he can see dead people.  The movie kinda drags in some spots, but the suspenseful scenes more than make up for it.  Willis actually plays a non-action hero role well in this one.  The big draw to this film I'd have to say is its ending.  I mean it totally floors you.  My recommendation: If you want to hear Bruce say "Yippee-Ki-Ay MotherF****er, then see Die Hard.

I give The Sixth Sense 3 1/2 skulls

The 13th Warrior- This movie based on the Michael Crichton novel Eaters of the Dead, is full of violence, gore, and lots and lots of swordplay.  The main character played by Antonio Banderas is forced to leave his Arabian homeland and become an "ambassador" to the Norse tribes of the far north lands.  While in one of the villages, he is chosen to be one of the 13 warriors that will go on a quest to rescue a settlement that is under attack.  At first he doesn't fit in, but soon he learns their language and becomes a comrade in arms with the rest of the motley bunch.  Soon the group finds itself trying to defend the settlement from an ancient and horrible evil.   This movie has several well choreographed fight scenes and plenty of bloodshed.   My recommendation:  An all around good time action and suspense movie that seems to star half the cast of Braveheart!

I give The 13th Warrior 3 1/2 skulls

Superstar- Hey watta ya know!  Another skit character turned into a movie from our friends at Saturday Night Live!  Well, this one is actually funny!  This time they chose Molly Shannon's Mary Katherine Gallagher character for the big screen.   Seems that Mary wants to become a "Superstar" so the most popular boy in school will notice her and give her a kiss.  On her way to accomplishing her goal she is helped by a motley bunch of special ed kids, her grandmother, and even her version of "God".  I was definitely amused by this picture from start to finish.   We'll just see if SNL can do it again with the Sprockets movie that is supposed to be made.  My recommendation:  Get your hands outta your armpits and see it!

I give Superstar 3 skulls

Trainspotting- (on DVD)  Good acting, good soundtrack, and lots of DRUGS!  This film follows the life of a heroin addict (Ewan McGregor) in Scotland.  Let me tell you, it ain't pretty at all.  But it does make for a very interesting movie.  This movie has a lot of different aspects to it.  It has some qualities of a comedy, but at the same time it's a hard hitting drama that peers into the life of a junkie and the friends and family around him.  My recommendation:  It's Obi-Wan strung out on smack!  My the force be with you!

I give Trainspotting 4 skulls

Fight Club- A very clever movie starring Edward Norton and Brad Pitt.  Norton plays Jack, a typical nine-to-fiver that's fed up with his life and needs a change of pace.   That's when he meets Tyler Durden(Pitt), an enigmatic man who sells soap for a living.  The two collaborate and form Fight Club, a place where men get together and fist fight.  This provides Jack with an outlet for his emotions.  This movie is incredibly long at two and a half hours, but it is worth it.  The film is an ecclectic meandering into madness culminating in a HUGE plot twist.  My recommendation:  DO talk about Fight Club!

I give Fight Club 4.5 skulls

The Prince of Egypt (on Video)  This animated version of the story of Moses and the Exodus from Dreamworks Studios is a visual masterpiece.  The landscapes and special effects are totally AMAZING!  The characters are animated in a life-like fashion, although they probably were rotoscoped(traced from real footage of people), but still the animation is breathtaking.   The best scene in the movie has got to be when Moses parts the Red Sea so the Hebrews can flee the pursuing Egyptian army.  The movie is entertaining without being religiously preachy(since it is a story from the Bible, it is kinda hard to avoid it at times).  My only real dislike is the fact that the movie studio feels that since it's animated it MUST have people singing songs in it(along the lines of a Disney film).   I don't know about you, but I don't jut break into song on a whim and sing about my experiences at McDonald's or at the ATM.  My recommendation:  The 11th commandment: Rent this for a biblical good time.

  I give The Prince of Egypt 3.5 skulls

The House on Haunted Hill- When they titled this film they left out an important "H" word.   That word would be HOKEY!  This film is a remake(Wow, what a surprise! Another remake!)of the old Vincert Price horror flick.  The film's plot is basically the same as the original:  Eccentric millionaire throws a birthday party for his wife, while at the same time giving away a lot of money to five people if they can stay the night in a supposedly haunted house.  Well this time it's not a house, it's a long abandoned asylum.  And instead of $10,000 in prize money, it's $1,000,000.  The scares and imagery are frightening and disturbing for most of the beginning of the film.   However, in the last half hour the shock and horror degrades into mediocrity and in one scene, sheer stupidity.  One person that was in the theater was so disatisfied he started yelling at the screen and got up and left with five minutes to go.  If you do go see this film STAY UNTIL AFTER THE CREDITS!  I have heard that there are two minutes of footage after that help explain the ending.  Why they didn't put these two minutes into the film is beyond me, but then again, I didn't stay through the credits myself, so I really don't know how much they help.  My recommendation:  Old spooky haunted asylums are only scary until there's a half an hour left to live.

I give The House on Haunted Hill  2.5 skulls

Dogma- Not many movies garner 5 skulls from me.  In fact only one has so far and that's been the new Star Wars movie.  Well, this movie by Kevin Smith, I think one of the greatest directors of all time, is a 5 skull movie.  Once you get past the fact that its one of the most blasphemous movies ever made, you realize that this movie is HILARIOUS!  Smith leaves no stoned unturned when he makes fun of the Catholic church.   From the "13th Apostle" to Jesus being black, this film satarizes Catholocism at every turn.  As usual, Silent Bob and Jay (played by Smith and Jason Mewes) return in this film.  This time they are modern day "prophets", spreading the word of God, or in Bob's case the silence of God.  The storyline focuses on two angels that have been banished to Earth (Matt Damon and Ben Affleck) and have discovered a loophole to return to heaven.  Unfortunately, upon doing this all existance will, well cease to exist.  The voice of God, Metatron (Alan Rickman) charges Bethany (Linda Fiorentino), a mortal, to stop this.  Along the way she meets up with Bob and Jay, the 13th Apostle (Chris Rock) and a the muse Serendipity (Selma Hyack).  The ending is definitely a shocker, and I won't tell you who the get to play God.  My recommendation:  See Dogma, but make sure to say your rosary afterward!

I give Dogma 5 skulls

City of Angels (on Video)  Ok, I think I have finally found a movie that rivals the depressive nature of Legends of the Fall.  I usually don't give away endings to movies, but I have to say that this film has one of the MOST DEPRESSING ENDINGS EVER!  The plot of the movie revolves around Nicolas Cage who is an angel.  In fact the whole city is full of em.  Only the living can't see these angels unless they are about to die or unless the angel wishes to be seen.  Cage falls in love with a human played by Meg Ryan, and he reveals himself to her.  After a whirlwind romance, Cage decides to take the plunge, literally.   It seems that angels can become mortals if they fall from heaven.  Well he gives up his angelic status to be with Ryan, and what do you know...SHE GOES AND GETS HIT BY A MACK TRUCK WHILE OUT RIDING HER BICYCLE!  Well, she dies, and there's Nick, a mortal now, and he can never go back to being an angel.  MAJOR DOWNER!  Ya know, I like to watch movies to escape the woes and pains of everyday life, not to be reminded of them.

I give City of Angels NO skulls!

Sleepy Hollow - Tim Burton serves up his take on the Washington Irving story, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.  This time around Ichabod Crane(played by Johnny Depp) is a detective from New York sent to Sleepy Hollow to investigate the recent rash of slayings.  The manner in which the victims meet their end seems to be decapitation.  Also the heads of the victims have been taken.  The townsfolk all blame the spirit of the Headless Horseman.  The Horseman(played perfectly by Christopher Walken) was a Hessian soldier that was beheaded for his crimes and brutal wartime atrocities.  Apparently he has risen from the grave and is now collecting heads of the innocent townsfolk.  Crane doesn't believe the stories of the Horseman until he himself witness him firsthand.   With the help of Katrina VanTassel(Christina Ricci) he starts to uncover the secrets and motives to the current events.  This movies is chock full of both decapations and well known actors.  The town doctor is played by Ian McDairmid.   We know him better as Emporer Palpatine from Episode One: The Phantom Menace.   This movie is a frightful good time for all.  It's a shame though that it wasn't released around Halloween.  My recommendation:  You'll lose your head over this movie.

I give Sleepy Hollow 4 1/2 skulls

9mm (on Video)  Nick Cage stars in this disturbing movie of underground snuff films and alternative sex acts.  He is hired to find a girl who could have possibly died while filming a "snuff" film.   A snuff film is a movie in which the actors are actually killed.  He sets off on the trail of discovering who made the film, and if the girl really is dead or if the tape was all a hoax.  He descends into a world of bizarre porn and unspeakable acts of violence.  This film is not for the faint of heart and is loaded with very graphic images.  My recommendation:  Beware people in leather masks bearing knives.

I give 9mm 2 1/2 skulls

Toy Story 2 -I thought the first Toy Story was amazing.  This second in the Toy Story series from the computer animation giant Pixar is leaps and bounds above the original.  The animation is phenominal.  Now you can see details on everything right down to all of the textures on fabrics.  All of the toys from the first movie reprise their rolls in this one.  Tom Hanks is still the voice of Woody and Tim Allen plays Buzz Lightyear.  They added Mrs. Potato Head and a bevy of Barbies.  Also appearing are Woody's Round-Up Gang; his horse Bullseye, a cowgirl named Jessie, and the Prospector Stinky Pete.  Buzz Lightyear's Arch Nemesis Zurg shows up and causes some problems too.  I would say that this movie is suitable for kids of any age, but many of the references only adults will understand, so adults will enjoy it just as much.   My recommendation: Just try to count all the Star Wars references in the first 10 minutes.

I give Toy Story 2 5 skulls

Wild Wild West (on Video)  Ugh.   Folks who are expecting that Wil Smith can strike gold again with his latest movie are in for a sorry surprise with this flop.  As usual the special effects take center stage in this movie based on the classic western TV series of the same name.  The acting definitely rode off into the sunset for this film.  Smith plays James West, a kind of "bounty hunter" that works for President Grant.  Kevin Kline plays Artemis Gordon, a U.S. Marshall, and West's clever sidekick.  Kenneth Branaugh plays the villain Dr. Loveless.  God only knows why a man would make a four hour epic movie of Shakespeare's Hamlet, and then stoop to playing the baddy in a big budget special effects driven underacted thin plotted piece of $h!t.   Selma Hayek rounds out the cast as the eye-candy and flirtatious showgirl.  My recommendation: a Wild Wild Flop

I give Wild Wild West 1 1/2 skulls

Being John Malkavich -Okay, if you get easily confused with movies that are a little out of the ordinary, then definitely don't see this one.  This movie really assaults you mentally.  John Cusack, one of my faves, plays a down and out puppetteer with high aspirations.  Unfortunatley he isn't going anywhere fast.  He is forced to endure his wife, played by a rather frazzled looking Cameron Diaz, and all of her pets that she nurses back to health.  One day at his new job one the 7 1/2 floor of a downtown office building, yes i did say 7 1/2, he discovers a small door.  To his surprise when he enters through this portal he winds up in the mind of the actor John Malkavich, who by the way plays himself.  He can see everything that John sees for 15 minutes and then he is ejected onto the side the road leading from New York to New Jersey.   Soon he and his rather good looking and savvy co-worker, played by an actress I don't know, engineer a scheme to make $200 a pop to let people go inside and be John Malkavich for 15 minutes.  Well things go out of control of course, and you can't even guess the kind of situations that occur.  I won't disclose any of these, you'll just have to go see the movie and find out!  My recommendation:  You don't have to "be John Malkavich" to enjoy this movie.

I give Being John Malkavich  4 1/2 skulls