Weirdoes in Paradise
By Hysterical Woman
Disclaimer: The characters and settings depicted wherein were created by the Brothers Chap. The actual story was written by me. The characters and conception on the Isle of Pom were created by me as well, though you can borrow them with permission. If you want to use this story for MSTing purposes, please e-mail me at hystericalwoman at yahoo dot com.
Chapter 2: Coming to Free Country
Pom-Pom, Crown Prince of the Isle of Pom, the eldest son of King Pom-Pom XX and Queen Pomera, and heir to the Ocenia Dynasty, sulked by the window in his room. His room overlooked Coral Cliffs, one of the most beautiful beaches on the island, but he wasn’t looking at that. He only looked at the horizon.
Opposite of his French windows were maps and pictures of foreign lands. Images of places he’d never been to covered the smooth white walls. The light airy room was overburdened by his posters.
An embarrassingly polite knock came from the door.
Come in, said Pom-Pom dully.
A little Pom boy cautiously entered the room. He looked almost exactly like Pom-Pom, except his stripe was red, not orange. He looked at Pom-Pom, who did not turn around to meet him.
Orange, the boy said to Pom-Pom, using his nickname, Aren’t you going to come down to your party?
Leave me alone, Pam-Pom, he answered.
But it’s your 15th birthday! You should go, for everyone’s sake.
I don’t need a lecture from my little brother.
Father will not be pleased.
Pom-Pom turned to his kid brother. He had a point. He couldn’t say no to his father. Anyway, it would be rude to ignore his friends and family on this special day. He had been ignoring them too much as of late.
All right, I’ll be down in a second, he said.
Pam-Pom nodded his head and left the room. Pom-Pom looked out the window a little while longer, than went downstairs to his party.
In the parlor next to the dinning hall Pom-Pom saw his mother. She was sitting in a polite rage. She stood up when she saw him.
Go inside quick, your father has something to tell you, she whispered to him.
Pom-Pom grudgingly entered the lavish dinning hall. The room hushed as the guest of honor walked in. Pom-Pom felt as if a hundred lasers were trained on him. He just wanted to find his girlfriends and sit down. His father, the King of Pom, stood up to make a speech. He looked over at his eldest son. Pom-Pom stopped, and quietly prayed for a lighting bolt to end it all.
My son, the King began, Prince Pom-Pom, today you are fifteen, an auspicious age.
The people clapped wildly. The King continued.
You should be happy today, but I see that you are miserable. Tell me what would make you happy and I promise I will grant you it.
Pom-Pom did not have to think twice. He knew what he desired.
He said, Father, I wish to travel the world. By myself.
Everyone gasped. How could the King let the Crown Prince leave the island unprotected? The King could not renounce his promise though, not in front of all his subjects.
Are you sure this is what you want? asked the King.
I am surer of this than I’ve ever been, replied Pom-Pom.
The King looked at the determination in his son’s eyes and knew he had lost. He gave in.
You may leave on this trip. I will give you money and anything else you may need. But you should keep your true identity a secret, for some might mean you harm, the King told him.
Pom-Pom agreed to this. So he kept it a secret, until now, when he just told his friends.
So that’s the story, finished Pom-Pom.
Everyone was silent. Finally, Homestar spoke up.
“Hey, your story’s like that Eddie Murphy movie where he’s this African prince whose coming, like, to America, to find a burrito or something. I think it was called, um, Shrek,” he said.
You’re not angry at me for keeping this from you? Pom-Pom asked.
“Naw,” said Homestar, “I mean, I never told you what really happened to your goldfish.”
Before Pom-Pom could ask, the King of Town spoke up.
“I wish I had known you were royalty like me,” he said.
Me too, answered Pom-Pom.
“Wow,” said Strong Bad, “I always thought you were weird for leaving an island with 27 girlfriends. But now that I’ve heard your story, I think you’re totally insane. Leaving an island with 27 girlfriends and you’re royalty? Get away from me, psycho.”
“I think we’re all surprised,” said Marzipan.
“I’m not,” said Strong Sad.
“But I’m glad you told us,” she continued, “Even though you waited till the last moment.”
“Three cheers for the Prince!!” cried Coach Z, “Hip horp…”
Cries of “Hooray!” “Meh!” and “Witch’s Brew!” filled the air. Pom-Pom looked down bashfully.
I feel like I’m home already, he said softly.
Home would have to wait awhile as preparations were made for the Prince and his friends. The regular passengers were allowed to disembark first. After that, the Free Country residents were escorted to an open stretch limo. They became part of a huge motorcade.
The motorcade slowly went up the hill through the ecstatic cheers of the people. They filled the sidewalks, balconies, and even roofs of the capital city of Pomopolis. The air was colored with rainbow confetti. Everyone’s heart soared. The Prince was home!
The Prince wasn’t the only one getting cheers. Some people were cheering for Coach Z, of all people. His hit single, “These People Try to Fade Me”, blasted from the windows and balconies. Some of the youth wore Z medallions or even green jumpsuits. The ladies screamed with joy when he went by. It was if he was a prince as well.
“Whoa,” said Strong Bad, “It’s like The Land Good Taste Forgot.”
Coach Z looked thoughtfully for a moment. He reached into the old couch cushions of his memory and picked out a crusty dime from the past.
“I remembers,” he said, “My agent told me to release an album in the Isle of Pom. Said if I made it here, I could make it anywhere.”
“I hope you fired him,” quipped Strong Bad.
“Didn’t have to,” explained Coach Z, “Which reminds me of another story I cans’t remembers.”
Bubs put his arm around Coach Z’s shoulder.
“Coach Z, if you need an agent,” he said, “I’ll be there to take 10%.”
“Gorsh, you’re such a good friend,” said Coach Z.
The motorcade continued its climb up the hill till it reached a cast iron gate. The gate was opened by two soldiers, leading them into the fabulous Pomopolis Palace.
The Pomopolis Palace was a grand light blue stucco edifice, wider than it was tall. It had three stories, the bottom two having an arcade of basket handle arches that let in the light to the lovely verandas. On the third story was a red and blue brick turret with a flag pole on top, which crowned the palace. The flat roof was decorated with a wavy red crest, as were the corners. A small set of stairs led to the portal where Pom-Pom’s parents stood waiting under a decorated arch.
King Pom-Pom XX was somewhat larger and rounder than his son. His colors were darker, but for the most part he looked like his offspring. The traditional Cloak of Many Feathers was draped around his shoulders. On his head was a golden crown that glowed in the sun.
Queen Pomera was more down-to-earth in western-style clothing. She wore a classically beautiful violet dress with matching shoes. Her hair was black with some grey hairs, giving it a frosted look. Her face beamed kindness, despite its obvious lack of expression.
Pom-Pom and his friends got out of the limo. Pom-Pom slowly went up to his parents, who he had not seen in so many years. He was so nervous he could have exploded.
Mother, Father, he said, These are my friends. This is Homestar Runner, my best friend.
“Welcome to Homestarrunner.com!” the white armless guy yelled.
Pom-Pom added, This is his girlfriend, Marzipan.
“Sometimes girlfriend,” the broom-like added with a Southern twang, “How many birds were murdered for that cloak?”
Um, said Pom-Pom, There’s…
“Strong Bad,” the short Mexican wrestler said, “Ruler of Strongbadia and coolest guy ever.”
His brothers…Pom-Pom continued.
“STRONG MAD!” yelled the crazed muscle man.
“Hi,” said the sad elephant boy, but his greeting was drowned out by everyone’s self-introduction.
“Coach Z is in the house!”
“The King of Town! The KOT!”
“Mehmehmehmeh!’
“Come to Bub’s for such fine products as…”
“…meat takes 10 years to digest in the colon so…”
“Me llamo es futbol!”
The Queen spoke up.
It’s a pleasure to meet you all, she said.
Welcome home, son, the King said majestically.
The King slowly bounced down the steps to greet his son, but something went wrong. He fell awkwardly, losing his crown in the process. Pom-Pom and his mother rushed to the old King’s side.
Are you alright? bubbled Pom-Pom anxiously.
I just lost my footing, the King said weakly.
I think this is enough excitement for today, the Queen said as she helped her husband up and put his crown back on, Orange, please go inside, you have some more people who want to see you.
Pom-Pom and the gang stepped into the veranda and opened the ornate wooden door to an impressive foyer. The foyer was larger than some people’s apartments. The golden walls displayed the island’s history, or at least the parts involving people hitting each other. Even though the peaceful island had few wars, they wanted to show they were ready. This room was meant to impress, so it was unashamedly gaudy.
The Pom girls in the foyer wanted love, not war. Gather here were Pom-Pom’s 27 girlfriends. Despite all his time away from the island, he had kept close to them, even getting more girlfriends. They ran over to him and embraced him. Everyone bubbled together excitedly.
Pom-Pom’s cell phone rang unexpectedly. He got out his phone and answered it. He heard a familiar voice.
Amber, Pom-Pom said, I’m in the same room. You don’t need to call me.
Sorry! said the curly haired brunette on the other side of the room, I’m just used to talking to you this way.
That’s okay, replied Pom-Pom, as he put away his cell phone.
Orange? cried Amber, still on the phone, You’re breaking up!
Pom-Pom turned to the rest.
Let me introduce my girlfriends, he said, as he pointed to each one in turn, This is Mopa, Mira, Pamy, Popa, Mia, Pomy, Mara, Pamora, Pie, Paia, the twins Pi and Mi, Opa, Mimi, Amber, Pomia, Miopia, Mila, Pipy, Marla, Pamla, Paka, Marka, Parie, Pomko, Peke, and of course Alice.
“Alice?” asked Homestar, “Who the fu- ow! Marzipan, why’d you hit me?”
An old blue dog then came bounding into the room with the energy of a puppy. Pom-Pom kneeled down as the old dog licked his face. It was Trivia Time, who hadn’t seen his master in so long. Pomera came in to watch the happy tableau. Everything seemed perfect.
Pom-Pom looked up and asked So where’s Pam-Pom?
His mother looked embarrassed for a moment.
He’s busy setting up for the gala tonight, she apologized, but I’m sure he misses you.
“Gala?” Homestar asked.
Yes, the Queen said, At six, here in the palace. Formal wear, of course.
“I knew it was a good idea to pack ten formal gowns!” Marzipan said.
“Wait, you mean a tux and stuff?” asked Strong Bad, “No way man.”
Come on, pleaded Pom-Pom, You’ll be like James Bond.
“I said no.”
Pom-Pom tried a different approach.
You’ll be like a valet at a fancy restaurant.
“Oooh, like those guys that get to park those expensive cars and a maybe take them on joy ride? Awesome. I’m in.”
You can freshen up for the party in your rooms, the Queen said, The butler will show you the way. Your luggage is already there.
As if summoned telepathically, the butler came in at that moment. He had a black and white design that made it look like he was born to be a butler. He nodded his head and showed them to the stairs. Pom-Pom’s friends from Free Country followed. Soon Pom-Pom left with his girlfriends to walk Trivia Time in the gardens. Queen Pomera was left only with her thoughts.
She sat down on a couch, looking at the weapons of war around her.
She whispered to herself, I hope Pam-Pom calmed down.
Next: Chapter 3: The Prodigal Pom
Author’s Notes:
Updates: It will be a while till my next update. Sorry about that, but I have a thesis paper to work on. I have started on the first draft of the next chapter, so don’t worry about me forgetting.
Coming to America: The movie Homestar was talking about was “Coming to America”, in case you couldn’t figure it out. In it, Eddie Murphy plays a prince who goes to Queens, New York to find a bride, not a burrito. “Shrek” is another Eddie Murphy movie, and only Homestar could mix the two up.
Royalty: Though I consider myself an anarchist, I’m not opposed to any sort of government as long as it’s on a small scale. The government of the Isle of Pom is a parliamentary monarchy though, similar in some aspects to the British version.
Strong Sad: His line is just a throwaway joke. Don’t worry about it too much.
Futbol: From an anecdote from my sister’s Spanish class. She beta-read my story, which I am thankful for.
Alice: A reference to a song, by Gompie.
Girlfriends: I actually drew them all (or at least their heads) and gave them a short description, even though they may only be mentioned once. I also drew a floor plan to Pomopolis Palace, which I promptly discarded.
Thank You For Reading This Far!