Disclaimer: The Family Circus was created by Bil Keane and is disturbuted by King Features. Please take this as a work of parody and not as an insult against Bil Keane. If it weren't for him I'd have to burn down buildings for fun.
This fake interview did not appear in Othelo, the offical magazine of Women Who Look Like Thel, May 2003 edition.
Hysterical Woman: Welcome to the Hysteria, Ms. Jolie.
Angelina Jolie: I'm glad to be here, woman whose real full name I don't know.
HW: Well, let's get down to business. Now, about a Mrs. Thel Keane...
AJ: We're just friends.
HW: Really? Because I heard...
AJ: JUST FRIENDS.
HW: Oh.
Pause
HW: Would you befriend me?
AJ: No.
HW: All that whip cream gone to waste. (shuffle cards) So, I heard that you're going to be filming a sequel to Tomb Raider, called Circle of Life thelfuckersayswhat?
AJ: What?
HW: I knew it! You aren't just friends!
AJ: (Starts to get up) That's it! I didn't come here to talk about my private life!
HW: Don't leave! I'm sorry, Ms. Jolie! I was just joking around!
AJ: (Sits back down) Okay, but no more questions about Thel. She doesn't deserve this.
HW: Yes, I'm sorry about that.
AJ: I'm glad. So what's your next question.
HW: (shuffle cards) Well...have you ever slept with Fox Mulder?
AJ: (gets up) Good bye.
Angelina Jolie leaves.
HW: Come back! That was a serious question! Fine, I can have a fake interview with someone else. (looks around) Something else...
Next Month: A Fake Interview With Mr. Pencil.