A short guide to the charcters of Discworld, accurate up to the book "Night Watch". Minor Spoilers. Read at own expense.
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A young witch from Lanrce, and former singer at the Ankh-Morpork Opera. Inside of her fat body is a skinny girl wanting to come out. Literally. The skinny girls name is Perdita and doesn't like to obey rules like "Don't jump off this high cliff". Agnes is a wonderful singer and can sing in harmony with herself.
Death's servent and the first Archchancellor of Unseen University.
A sergeant in the Ankh-Morpork City Watch and Carrot's girlfriend. During the full moon she turns into a wolf, which ruins her vegetarian diet. She can turn into a wolf at will during the rest of the month, and uses her sense of smell to help the Watch. She comes from a noble family in Uberworld.
The bursar for Unseen University (an accountant). The Bursar was not particually a sane man anyway, but the loud Archchancellor Ridcully drove him crazy. Now he takes dried frog pills and hopes Ridcully will leave him alone.
Captain of the City Watch and Angua's boyfriend. He was raised by dwarfs and when he was sixteen that he was told he was adopted (that fact that he was six feet tall should have been a clue.) He went to Ankh-Morpork to seek his own kind. Carrot is very kind and pure, but is no idiot. He is rumored to be an heir to the throne.
The Disc's Second Greatest Lover (so you know he'll try harder.) Happens to be a dwarf. He plies himself as a soldier-of-fortune wherever great adventure, beautiful ladies, and stepladders may be found.
The Disc's Greatest Hero. Don't laugh at his age. Heroing is a dangerous job and you have to be tough to get to his age. He conquered the Agaetean Empire with his Silver Horde (more old heroes) and recently tried to blow up the gods. I told you he was tough, didn't I?
A sergeant of the City Watch and an old millitary man. He's been in the Watch since Vimes was young. He has a wife and three full grown boys. Not the best copper, but a good man nonetheless. Hangs out with Nobby.
The dean of Unseen University. A great wizard, at least in size, he's a bit too fond of blowing things up.
The anthropormorphic personafication of death, to be precise. Despite the black hood and skeltal body, he's not a bad guy. He likes cats and eating curry. He adopted a mortal girl name Ysabell. She married his apprentice Mort and had Susan.
A sergeant in the City Watch. He is dumb, even for a troll, but is a great copper.
Seller of suspious sausages and freelance businessman. He's name come from his tagline "...and that's cutting me own throat".
A talking dog. Almost nobody notices this because Dogs Don't Talk. If you ever hear someone say "Why don't you give your wossaname to that poor little doggie?" and all you see is a scruffy little dog, it was probably Gaspode.
Genius, inventor, and artist from Quirm. He is now imprisoned in the Patrician's Palace, so to speak, but he doesn't mind as long as he has enough paper, glue, and bits of wood to carry on with. Invented the "gonne" and created the Kite, a dragon-power space-going flying machine. His painting the Mona Ogg has teeth that are said to follow you around the room and sometimes down the street.
The prime ape at Unseen University. He was turned into an orangutan after a magical mishap and has no intent of changing back. A good-natured creature as long as you don't call him a monkey.
A corporal in the Watch. She joined from the Guild of Alchemist and serves as a forensic expert. The she is important, because she is one of the cities first public female dwarves. Dwarves keep their sex private and never use the female pronoun. Cheery calls herself Cheri and wears a leather skirt (but hasn't shaved her beard. That would be wrong). She has caused a lot of stir, but her style is catching on among the dwarf community.
A trunk made of sapient wood, with hundreds of little legs to propel itself. It is murderous but loyal. It use to belong to Twoflower, but he gave it to Rincewind. Whatever you do, don't try to open it!
A witch and now Queen of Lanrce. She is married to King Verence. She is a bit of a wet hen, but queenship and motherhood have toughened her up. Of course, Nanny Ogg and Granny Weatherwax still boss her around.
A corporal in the Watch. Call him Nobby. He is a veteran of many battlefields and has the gold fillings and boots to prove it. He steals everything that isn't nailed down and somethings that are. However, you can trust him with the big things (the ones he can't steal). Hangs out with Colon.
A witch and the matriarch of the Ogg clan. Also called Gytha Ogg. She likes obscene songs and homemade liquor. Hangs out with Granny Weatherwax.
Head of the Seamstress Guild. She owns a house with five lovely daugthers who don't wear much clothes and get gentlemen callers at all hours of the night. By the way, seamstress is just a euphemism for prostitution, hem hem.
Archchancellor of the Unseen University. The high wizards felt like a break from the constant rivalry and so they decided to get a bumpkin wizard whose out of the loop. What they got was Ridcully. He's loud, stubborn, humorless and tells jokes. Likes all nature he can put on his wall. Has a brother whose the high priest of Io.
Failed wizard and now the Professor of Cruel and Unusual Geography. Since he first met Twoflower, he has gone all over the world (including off the edge), met many people wanting to kill him, and has grudingly saved the world many times. Above all else he just wants a quiet, boring life. Has a pointy red hat with the words "Wizzard"(sic) sewn on and a set of Luggage.
A constable in the Watch and a zombie. He heads the Fresh Start Club, an undead rights organization.
Head of the Guild of Attorneys and a zombie. He is as old as the city itself.
Head of Inadvisable Applied Magic and creator of Hex, a magic computer. As the youngest faculty member, he gets little respect. Has no beard.
Death's granddaughter. As a little girl she visited Death until her parents decided to raise her "normally". Unfortunaly, when she was a teenager she found out the truth. She occasionly helps out the family business, but mostly tries to lead a normal life. She's currently working as a schoolteacher.
Now known as Sybil Vimes. Swamp dragon fancier and wife of Vimes. She met Vimes while he was looking for the "noble dragon" that was terrorizing the city. She is very large and commanding woman with a big heart, at least for the easily combustable swamp dragons. Now has a child named Samuel, after his father.
The Disc's first tourist. He came from the Counterweight Continent to see the heroes, villians, and cutthroats of Ankh-Morpork (who all happen to be the same people, conviently). A very optimistic fellow. He is short, bald, and carries an iconograph (like a camera). First owner of Luggage.
King of Lancre and husband of Magrat. He use to be a professional Fool, until he found out he was king (or something like that). Now he's trying to modernize the kingdom, though his people wish he would just leave them alone.
Patrician of Ankh-Morpork. It takes a special person to rule Ankh-Morpork and Vetinari is that person. Though he isn't the most warmest of people, he is a good ruler, having gotting rid of crime by legalizing it. He seems to have no family encept an aunt in Psedopolis and an elderly dog named Waffles.
Commander of the Watch and husband of Sybil. He changed the Watch from a laughing stock to the standard of policing for the Sto Plains. He used to be an alchoholic, but after marrying Sybil he swore off liquor. He is a supicious bastard and doesn't trust "clues". He is now a Duke (against his will) and has a son.
A witch and a leader of witches (if they believed in leaders). Also called Esme. She is a spinster and plans to stay that way, thank you very much. She is very good at Borrowing, where she "rides" the minds of animals. A very stern woman. Hangs out with Nanny Ogg.
Whatcha lookin' at, ya wossaname?