JJ: Well fans here we go once again, Fear is expected to address everyone here today about what happened between him and The Rage.  As you recall Rage put Fear through a table with a DDT!  With that Fear is in a foul mood.  I don't think I've ever seen Fear so determined and so confident to take care of business.

Max: JJ, I thought it was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life!  Rage would never do something like that if there wasn't a reason for it.

JJ: What reason Max?  These two superstars made an electrifying combination. They ruled as a tag team. 

Max: Well its all over JJ so get over it.

JJ: Ok fans here we go, Fear is on his way out, and with no music I may add.  Man he is focused and ready.  What's he going to say.

Fear: You know something. For a long time my mom use to say, son you need to make friends with people. You can't be a loner all the time. Then I would tell her, "Mom there just back bitters and I don't want to deal with them". Well whose right again mom?  It never fails does it?  As you can see I got screwed once again by a so called friend!

( a very long pause)

Fear: Hahahahaha When I was just a little boy I use to play with my Tonka truck.  I can remember I use to love to run over snails. To see them get squashed was exciting for me. To see them die was something I could never understand. Mommy why do people have to die? Daddy come home I miss you.  

(a very long pause with tears in his eyes)

JJ: What the hell is wrong with Fear?

Max: Uhhh! 

Fear: Do you guys remember the TV show Three's Company?  Remember when Jack Tripper use to run his restaurant and his boss was always on his ass about something?  Then he would come home to deal with those two censored (roommates) that never had a life.   Not to mention Mr. Furley who was some jacked up piece of censored on Viagra!  And, and Larry who I admired the most. He just wanted to get laid, that's all.  Poor sumbitch used his hand for a long time...

(with a sad look on his face)

Fear: By now your wondering what am I getting at.  Have I forgotten about Rage. Well no I have not!  Rage, you really did it this time. You have created a different person in me. Quite frankly I kind of like it!  Am I going to stand here and wine and moan, bitch and complain?   NO!  It doesn't matter.  What matters is this.  Listen now.  I will not let you get away with what you did.  As a matter a fact I've got something for you.  In time you will see what it is.  Patience is the key my friend because you don't even know what you've gotten yourself into.  JJ!  JJ!   Max I'm going home.

JJ: Uhh Max um …….. What the hell happened here.  Did we all miss something. Fear what's going on?

Max: Fear!  Fear, come back!

JJ: It's too late Max, he's already left the Arena.  That was the strangest announcement I've ever heard.

Max: What do you think he meant when he said...

JJ: Wait a cotton pickin' minute, what's he doing out here?

Larry: Uh yeah!  Uh, Fear if you can hear me, I just wanted to let you know that I heard the kind words you say about me.  It means a lot to my that you are a fan of mine, and admired the TV work I did all those years ago.

Max: JJ, He's not the Larry from Three's Company is he?

JJ: He most certainly is NOT!   I don't know what's going on here!

Max: Now I'm really confused.  First Fear and now this!

Larry: And I just want to say that I cried myself to sleep the night Rage DDT'd you through the announce table.   So I was thinking, now that we have so much in common, and were both big fans of each other, how about you and me becoming a tag team?

Max: Oh No!

Larry: So what do you say buddy.  Let's go down to the "Regal Beagle" just like old times, have a brew and talk about it!

WHACK!

JJ: Oh My God!  What a chair shot!

Max: It's The Rage!

JJ: It most certainly is!  He is one pissed off SOB.  Business is about to pick up around here. 

Max: I have a feeling were about to hear his side of the story.

Rage: Am I in the right place here?  The sign outside says "IWF Arena", but I think I just walked into the Funny Farm!

Max: This is going to be good!

Rage: Before I answer the question that is on the mind of each and every one of you, I would first like to say something to all of the young people who are logged on right now.

Rage: Kids!  There are a lot of fake things in this world, and I'm here to tell you that, "Wrestling is NOT one of them".

Max: Preach on Brother!

Rage: So when you see a superstar like your hero, "The RAGE" subject some poor fool to one of his signature moves, just remember that the damage I do is "REAL" and "PERMANENT"!  Take that loser Fear for instance.  Before I DDT'd him through a table he was able form complete sentences.  He never really made a lot of sense, but at least he wasn't the babbling idiot you saw a few minutes ago.   Wrestling is all about brain damage, if the juice doesn't get ya, the tables and chairs will.  So remember kids, wrestling is a beautiful thing, but please leave it to the professionals.  Thank you!

Rage: Okay fellas, I am ready for my interview.  Ask away!

JJ: Well Rage, I think you know what I'm going to ask, but let me remind you that this is a serious matter.  You not only turned on your best friend, you destroyed our announce table.  But even more importantly the shockwave from that DDT shock the arena and caused our brand new IWF sign to fall down.  Someone could have got hurt.

Rage: It's all part of the business! 

JJ: Well that's fine and dandy, but why Rage?  Why did you send Fear head first into the table?

Rage: Simple!  He had it coming!  It makes me sick to my stomach when I hear you refer to him as my "best friend".  He was never my best friend, he was never any kind of friend.  Fear, for as long as I can remember has been my worst enemy.   Look at our history together.  This is a man that fried me with a flame-thrower.  I sandwiched him in-between the steel step and starting jumping up and down on them.  We have hurt each other in places we didn't even know we had.    And stooped to levels I'm embarrassed to admit.  No, we were never friends, but we did have a business arrangement.  It was an arrangement that was suppose to boost my career.  But he never kept his end of the bargain.  And now my personal and professional lives are in shambles.

JJ: Now what do you mean by that, you are more popular than ever!

Rage: Popular?  Have you seen our ratings? 

Rage: They're in the toilet!  No one is logging on.  People want to see a Champion.   And Champions wear belts.  Do you see me wearing one?

JJ: Well, oh, no Rage I don't, but...

Rage: That's right!  So tell me this, if I'm not wearing it who is?  Who do I need to wrestle to get it back?

JJ: Well that's a tricky situation.  You see...

Rage: Yeah, I see alright!  I see that ever since I associated myself with Fear the IWF championship belt along with my car has been destroyed.  I have to take the bus to the Arena everyday.  You know what that's like JJ?  DO YOU?

JJ:Well, uh...

Rage: It's sucks!  That's what it's like.  You ever hear that song by the great Weird Al Yankovic, "Another One Rides The Bus"?  That's my life!  I'm a superstar, I shouldn't be riding the bus, but I am.  I'm a champion, but I have no belt!  I'm the most popular wrestler on the planet but no one wants to be around me because Fear follows me everywhere I go.  I don't even have entrance music anymore.   All I have is that stupid BOOOOOM that I'm suppose to come out to.  I'm a walking contradiction!  But that all ended the moment I put the so called meanest, badest, most electrifying human specimen on this plant Earth through a table!

JJ: Well I think I speak for everyone here when I say that I am very sorry to hear that.   The two of you formed the most electrifying combination in the history of this sport.

Rage: Yeah well let's just say I got tired of carrying him.  He's on his own now, and it will soon be obvious to all of you that he is not quite ready to embark on a singles career.  He may be mean, because he kills snails.  He may be bad, because he is the worst wrestler I have ever seen.   And he is no different than the specimens I submit in a jar every week to the IWF doctors to make sure I taking enough Juice.  But electrifying???  I don't think so.  I was the one who brought passion and energy to the ring.  But I'm not entirely insensitive.  I realize that we had some great moments together, so I put together a little video tribute for all of you.

Crowd: YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Rage: Let's all take a look at the Titan-Tron.  Lisa, roll the footage! 

Rage: Okay here's me and Fear calling the worst match in wrestling history.

Max & JJ: Hey!

Rage: Okay, here it comes...BOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!

Rage: Let's see that from another angle.

BOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!

Rage:: Oh yes, and one more time in slow motion.

B  O  O  O  O   O  O  O  M  M  M  M  M  M  M!

Rage: There it is folks, Rage & Fears greatest hits.  I hit him, then he hit the table.   And now lets see a shot of Fear in the hospital after they chain-sawed him out of the table.

Rage: Another classic moment!

JJ: Come on now enough is enough!

Rage: I'll be the one to say when it's enough.  Fear, you nearly bankrupted this company with your antics and now you are out here talking about a TV show that got canceled 20 years ago.  You made all these people sit there as you went on and on about Jack and Mr. Furley and Chrissy and Janet and even leisure suit Larry.  But I find it very interesting that there is one person you failed to mention...and that is Mr. Roper.

JJ: What is your point?

Rage: Well the evidence speaks for itself.  As some of you may remember Fear was not always the long haired pretty boy you see today.  Do we have a shot of the old Fear?

Max: Yikes!  I remember!

Rage: Okay, now let's see a shot of American's favorite landlord!

JJ: My God! Are you saying that Fear is Mr. Roper?

Rage: No, that's not what I'm saying at all!  What I am saying is, "Mr. Roper is Fear"!  You can't deny the resemblance.  Think about it!  Mr. Roper was always in a foul mood.   He was overly homophobic, yet he hated having sex with his wife and spent all of his time hanging around with Jack who he thought was gay.  Much like Fear hung around me these past few months.  And that must be why when I rearranged his face at "Rage in the Cage" and he needed to have plastic surgery,  he chose to go with that sissy look.  I don't know for sure, but I think this might have something to do with his big surprise.  I think he might be coming out of the closet!

JJ: Fear said you have to wait.  What are you going to do until then. 

Rage: Nothing.  Fear is not a threat to me.  I mean look at him, he's an old man for Pete's sake.  I have bigger goals achieve.  I need get the belt back into the IWF and establish myself as the champ.  But I do believe there is a conspiracy going on here, and I think that it's the duty of every IWF Fan out there to call the Art Bell show and expose Fear's cover-up!  When that time comes you guys better move out of the way because Fear will once again be going through your shiny new table.  So FEAR, whenever you're ready, it's like the song says, "Come and knock on my door, I'll be waiting for you"!  Now hit "MY" music...

IT's THE FIST OF RAAAAAGE!

Max: Is he gone?

JJ: Yeah he on his way back to the locker room.  I thought he was never going to leave.

Max: Hey JJ, is it me or is Rage just a whacked out as the rest of them?

JJ: No, I'm afraid your right.  Rage is really off the deep end this time.  Maybe they should require the wrestlers to were protective helmets.

Max: How boring is that?

JJ: I guess your right.  Well folks stay tuned, because things are going to get very interesting in the coming weeks!

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