Bad boy, bad boy...whatcha gonna do?
John Walsh: Hello, I am John Walsh from America's Most Wanted. This week on the IWF we bring you a chilling story about what happens when a good wrestler goes bad.
JJ: Wait a cotton pickin' minute. What the hell do you think you're doing?
John Walsh: This is a very important community service opportunity. We have commandeered this website to tell the story of what happened last week when one of your wrestlers was hauled away to jail. The following was filmed on location with the men and women of Laaaaaw Enforcement! Let's take a look...
Officer Davis: Yeah I've been driving this beat for 15 years. I've seen it all, nothing phases me anymore. This use to be a quiet neighborhood until someone decide to build that damn IWF Arena. I don't know who watches that crap, but one things for sure...
Police Dispatcher: <static> Base to all units in the vicinity of the IWF Arena <static> Report of a code 4310 in progress, over! <static>
Officer Davis: Well, uh it was a quite night, my partner and I where driving our beat when we got dispatched to the 20 of the IWF Arena. Apparently there is a 'code 4310' in progress...you know, 'wrestler acting like a butt monkey'! Okay here we are, there is definitely something going down.
Officer Davis: <static> this is Davis, base I have arrived and the 20 have a visual on a potential suspect. <static> Do we have a description of the perpetrator, over <static>
Police Dispatcher: <static> Roger. Suspect is a white male long hair, incredibly muscular, goes by the name of Rage. <static> Could be armed with a steel chair, proceed with caution. <static>
Officer Davis: Looks like were not the first ones here, let's go see what's going on. Hold him...Freeze you scumbag!
Whack Whack Whack Whack
Officer Davis: Alright, I think he's had enough. Let's cuff this scumbag!
Camera Man: So, tell us what happened!
Officer Davis: <pant> phewww <pant> That wore me out. <pant> Well, as soon as a saw him I knew he was a trouble maker and needed to be taught a lesson. <pant> He looks like every other piece of trailer park trash that gets busted on this show. Long hair, no shirt, sunglasses at night. I clubbed that poor SOB like a baby seal. Damn near broke my baton.
Camera Man: It didn't look like he was putting up a fight.
Officer Davis: That's because I never gave him an opportunity to. That's how you survive out here. Those wrestler types like to pretend there tough, sometimes the just need a little "REAL" pain to bring them back to reality. That young man will thank me someday for the lesson I taught him. Now excuse me, I have to go talk to the victim in private.
Camera Man: Sure thing officer.
Officer Davis: Uh, Mr. Gruberman, it looks like we have a problem. We reviewed the website, and apparently there are no grounds to arrest this man. It seems that he was lawfully attending the wrestling event and was invited into the ring where he was attacked by your men. He was only defended himself.
Gruberman: Tell me Officer Davis, do you like wrestling?
Officer Davis: Uh, I guess so. The wife has been begging for me to take her, but The IWF is always sold out and I can never get tickets.
Gruberman: I'll tell you what...if you take that SOB Rage to jail and throw the book at him, these VIP tickets are allllll yours.
Officer Davis: Gee, Thanks Mr. Gruberman!
Gruberman: Please, call me Ed. You and the misses have yourselves a good time.
Officer Davis: Are right people stuff that punk in the car. He's goin' down town. Book 'em and cook 'em!
Camera Man: Shouldn't we stop at the hospital, that guy is hurt pretty bad?
Officer Davis: HELL NO...
Officer Davis: Uhhh, you guys were filming that?
John Walsh: Well, looks like were out of time.
JJ: My God, this is police brutality.
John Walsh: He had it coming. After all, what kind person uses a steel chair as a weapon? In my day the only damage a steel chair caused was hemorrhoids from sitting on it too long. And while I'm on the subject, don't you have more comfortable chairs around here? I mean really, how can you sit on that thing?
JJ: I'm sorry your Lilly ass can't handle the luxury of steel. Maybe you should have thought of that before you took over my show. Let me tell you something TV boy, real men sit on steel. I sit on a steel chair, here at the announce table, our webmasters sit on steel chairs when they write this stuff, and I'm not sure but I sincerely hope that the millions and millions of fans out there are sitting on steel chairs when they access this page. Why you ask...I'll tell you why. Better yet, I'll show you...
BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM
JJ: Any questions?
John Walsh: <unconscious>
JJ: I didn't think so. I'm going to bail Rage out of jail. You better be gone when I get back!