Happy Hardcore Holidays
From your friends at the IWF
JJ: Welcome back wrestling fans to the IWF Arena. This is JJ Tough and next to me as always is Max Rukus. Say hello, Max.
Max: Hello Max!
Crowd: Hahahahahahaha!
Max: What are they laughing at?
JJ: Well folks, if you missed our last show, it was a dossie.
Max: That's right JJ, we have a new IWF Women's Champion...CalcGirl!
JJ: Yes indeed! She did a heck of a job defeating Silicon Sally for the belt. Of course you can catch a replay of that classic match on The Archive page, right here in the IWF Arena.
Max: Yeah, I must have seen it a hundred times already.
JJ: Max, do us all a favor and get some help, alright!
Max: Oh look, I have an e-mail from the boss, Mr. Gruberman.
JJ: Hopefully he's gotten around to firing your lazy as...
Max: No! But it looks like we have a new co-worker.
JJ: Let me see that! Hey your right. Well folks, it says here that we have a new member to the IWF Family. Her name is Lisa and she comes to us from the local university. No doubt in the college internship program.
Max: Grubermen you cheap basta...
JJ: Well, I don't know about you but I would like to meet my new co-worker. Hopefully she's going to take your job Max.
Max: The e-mail says that she is here, so let's bring her out in style. Take it away Marv!
Marv: Thank you Max.
And now...Ladies and Gentleman! Please give a warm welcome to the newest member of the IWF Family! Hailing from the college internship program...LISA!
Crowd: YEEEEaaaaahhhhh!
Lisa: Huh, hello! You're not going to make be wrestle are you?
JJ: Of course not! But what are you here to do?
Lisa: Well, I'm a math student, so Mr. Gruberman hired me to be your Statistician.
Max & JJ: WHAT THE HELL IS A STATISTICIAN???
Lisa: Well, basically, I'm going to compile statistical information about the wrestlers and the matches they participant in. I will then process this information and create a database that will interface with the ring side monitors at the anouncers table that can be used to enhance the broadcast quality by allowing you to interject relevant background information into your commentary.
JJ: Young Lady, I did not understand a single word you just said! Did you make that up?
Max: No wait. I think I understand. She's going to fix the monitors. Final, someone came to fix the monitors!
JJ: Really?
Lisa: No, no. I'm going to be the recond keeper.
JJ: Well then, why didn't you say so?
Max: You mean the monitors aren't getting fixed?
Lisa: I'll see what I can do. Oh yeah, I'm also going to help out with your web page. Whoever you have doing it now sucks!
JJ: You got a point there! I mean, how many times is he going to reuse the same pictures? Over and over! And would it kill him to use a little color?
Max: So Lisa; you know my girlfriend, CalcGirl, is really into math too. Maybe the three of us can get together sometime and count...
JJ: Don't be ridiculous Max, CalcGirl wouldn't give you the time of day. But you're right! CalcGirl is a math genius and she is involved with the university. Hey Max is your "girlfriend" a teacher or a student?
Max: How am I suppose to know?
JJ: Exactly! So Lisa, do you know CalcGirl?
Lisa: Uh, uh, no. Never heard of her. Are you sure she goes to my school?
Max: Never heard of CalcGirl? She's the IWF Women's Champion for crying out loud! Hey Marv, let's bring her out.
Marv: No problemo.
And now, ladies and gentlemen. It's give me great pleasure to introduce the IWF Women's Champion. Please welcome back to the ring...CalcGirl!
Lisa: Uh, I have to go. I just remembered Mr. Gruberman wanted to see me.
Max: Wait! Don't you want to meet CalcGirl? Wow JJ, look at her go.
JJ: You heard her Max! She has an appointment to see the boss. I like her work ethic. We really needed someone like that around here.
Max: Yeah whatever. She ain't no CalcGirl, that's for sure.
JJ: Hey, by the way, where is CalcGirl? Do you think she's left the arena?
Max: I sure hope not. Marv?
Marv: Once again, please welcome...CalcGirl!
CalcGirl: Alright fellas, I'm here, this better be good! I hope you didn't book another match for me tonight. Sally's going to have to wait if she wants re-match.
JJ: Oh no, nothing like that. We just wanted you to meet the new stat-as-te, tis...
CalcGirl: Statistician?
JJ: Right! But she had to go. Maybe next time.
CalcGirl: Yeah, whatever! I don't have time for this! Later!
JJ: Sorry about that! We'll let you get back to the locker room. Well folks, I guess that concludes this episode. Please tune in next time. Scheduled to be here are the Pocket Protectors and Nemesis. You don't want to miss that! And, Fear & Rage hit the road to find Hugh and beat the crap out of him.
JJ: Say good night, Max.
Max: Good night Max.