1) "We're America! We can do anything!" -Fr.
2) "Mmm, beer!" -Homer Simpson, American Philsopher
*3) "Her looks alone took five years off my life." -M.B.
4) "Sometimes I don't think their elevator reaches the top floor." -K.F.
5) "No, no, no. You've been drinking." -A.M.
6) "Nuke 'em!" -a student's solution to a certain middle eastern country
7) 'I can read the menu, I just can't order anything." -Fr. H. regarding his
reaction to people's dates at a dance (consequently, when he first came to my school, some found it hard to believe he was actually a priest)
8) "I will not have an only child! I don't care if I have to steal someone else's
kid! I will not have an only child!" -K.F. on only children
9) "I can do everything; I just cannot do it all at the same time." -Fr. H. on
10) "I don't know about you, but I sleep better at night knowing
Luxembourg is there to protect us." -Dr. M. on the benefits of NATO (no ooffense to the great country of Luxembourg )
11) "The world would be better without numbers." -M.F.
12) "Oh crap!" -Homer Simpson
13) "What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is a goin' on here!? I hired you people to try to get a little track laid, not to jump around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots!"-Taggart, from the movie Blazing Saddles
14) "Somebody lied to you sista! You need to sit yoself DOWN!" -An audience member of a talkshow
15) "When the sun goes down and all the hotties come out, the roof shall be raised." -M.F.
*16) "You deisel dike bitch!" -S.J.
17) "Ya' wanna play with fire scarecrow?"-ESPN Sports Center
18) "Drunks are a different breed." -M.F.
19) "Mean drunks are an even different breed." -M.F.
20) "Dad, Dont't talk..." -K.F.
21) "There is no off position on the genius switch." -David Letterman
22) "Who the hell pukes in the 1st inning anyway?" -A.M.
23) "These cookies would be good, except for the sole reason they aren't." -M.F.
24) "They mention snow and people go out and buy bread, eggs, and milk." -KMOX, 1120 AM
25) "Ya' poop head!" -KPNT, 105.7 FM
26) "Let's just say that I can print with both hands." -M.F.
27) "Her ass size exceeds the maximum limit." -M.F.
28) "Don't put it in your mouth, ya' hoosier!" -Mr. A. (a high school teacher)
29) "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -Benjamin Franklin
30) "Hey, its not that bad, we have Wal-Mart here." -C.M.
31) "You know you should dump your girlfriend when she asks 'Um, are you gay?'" -M.F.
*32) "Buckle your pants, fucker." -S.K. (this was said to someone's brother, when they caught him making out with a girl in the front yard, behind a tree)
33) "The drummer from Def Lepard's only got one arm." -The Bloodhound Gang
34) "I hate wearing thongs with soccer shorts, my ass just hangs out all over the place." -K.G.
35) "Why the hell would you wear a thong with soccer shorts anyway? I mean, that would make playing soccer really uncomfortable." -M.F.
36) "She's like a 4th grader with a new jumbo pack of crayons. She doesn't know which one to grab first." -A.M.
*37) "That's right. Keep at it. AA is for quitters." -B.G.
*38) "Ok, if she were my lawyer, I would just crap." -M.F.
39) "She wants to get fucked, but no one will fuck her without putting a muzzle on her." -A.M.
40) "Let's get a shot of the drum players. The drum players are my favorite. They look like serial killers." -M.B.
41) "When the sun goes down and all the hotties come out, the poon shall be laid." -M.F.
42) "There's nothing worse then getting your ass kicked by a big, black queen." -a gay, male warning Howard Stern
*43) "She took full advantage of the 'Freshman 15' and then some." -M.F.
44) "What are you shooting? Their feet?"-a basketball referee asked me this after I went on the basketball court to film cheerleaders cheering.
45) "She's so loose, you could fit a standard, grade A, Mr. Rawlings baseball bat in her poon."-M.F.
46) "Its always great to know when your menstral cycle comes and goes."-M.F.
*47) "Do you already have your trained monkey?"-M.F.
48) "Milk tastes horrible. It has the consistency of cold snot. The thought of that thick white goop sliding down my throat and clogging my esophagus is enough to make me gag."-Gabe Baker of nadamucho.com
49) "While most things associated with boobies are A-OK in my book, milk is not one of them. Drinking milk is, in fact, a sign of a disturbing mother fixation. It�s downright weird. Drinking milk is a slippery slope; the milk drinker often ends up with a deep-seeded infantilism fetish, feeling compelled to wear diapers and receive spankings because he is a �bad, bad boy�. A healthier and more natural way to satisfy your oral cravings is by smoking cigarettes. Cigarettes taste much better than milk, and they make you look cool. Further, cigarettes contain the drug nicotine, which has been clinically proven to increase alertness and creativity. Milk has none of these life-enhancing qualities."-Gabe Baker of nadamucho.com *Please note that i170 does not support or discourage the practice of milk drinking and/or smoking or drinking milk while smoking.*
50) "Girls cannot be understood."-R.W., a female herself, finally admits what men have known for years.
*51) "I'm not a nympho. I just like to play."-K.G., she also does not like wearing thongs with soccer shorts because her ass hangs out all over the place (see quote #34).
52) "You've got big shoes or should I say big pants to fill."-J.W.
53) "Most Etheopians don't even get to eat and he is eating pussy."-W.N.
54) "I could read her 'lips' from across the field."-R.D.
55) "Run cunts, run. Let your hairy gashes sway in the breeze."-A.M.
56) "Nominating your own quote is like kissing your sister. Sure, it is a bag full of goodies, but there is just something wrong about it."-J.W.
57) "Due to popular demand, we will skip the singing of our national anthem."-The ring announcer of the Homer Simpson vs Drederick Tatum boxing match.
*58) "Crest called. They want their demo tooth back."-A.M. (as you can probably tell, this was directed to someone with a crooked tooth)
*59) "Shit: It's brown and log-like."-M.F.
*60) "If she's this hairy upstairs, I'd hate to see how shaggy the basement carpet is."-M.F.
61) "Do you kiss Ray Kroc with that mouth?"-M.B. - There, I added it, ya hosers!
*62) "Well, Merry Christmas Drew... I hope you like jerking off..."-M.B. - No explaination needed!
63) "She's whiter than clean bed sheets in a hospital."-M.F. - In reference to one of A.M.'s hussies
64) "You mean she's whiter than a KKK picnic in Iowa City?"-M.B. - Again, in reference to one of A.M.'s hussies
65) "We wouldn't give Jesus 3 minutes even if he brought his own b-roll!" -A.D.'s reply to the Texas PUC comissioner (and current FERC chairman) asking for more time
66) "We need more fucking quotes!" -M.B.
67) "You don't get married just because your parents got married. You get married because its like WOW!!!!!" -Fr. J. (advice from the holy man!)
*68) "I had sex on the beach last night and didn't even get sand in my pussy!" -R.S. (for those of you who don't get it, she was referring to the mixed drink named sex on the beach, and yes, she was drunk.)
*69) "I'm like the Enola Gay; I just dropped an atomic bomb in the men's bathroom."-M.F.
70) "The combine isn't like a tractor because its a bunch of levers and buttons like a video game." -H.W.
71) "Poop is SO gross!" -R.W.
*72) "She looks like 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound sack." -M.B.
73) "Number 72 is SO gross!" -R.W.
74) "Hey ref! Where did you get your license? In a Cracker Jack box!?" -an 11 year old kid, taunting the referee after a bad call at the last Tulsa Crude hockey game ever
75) "I hate cooking. I'm never doing it again. Martha Stewart can lick my scrotum. Do I have a scrotum?" -Ozzy Osbourne's Wife, Sharon
76) "I'm like Missouri baby. I show you everything!" -Female Competitor on the tv show ELIMAdate
77) "Where did you meet J.D.? In a homeless shelter?" -D.L.
78) "Psycho bitches and non-psycho bitches are all alike. They all complain until you put a dick in their mouth." -K.T.
79) "Come over to the One True Faith and light a candle, you pagan bastard." -M.B.
80) "Without pussies, we'd be sad." -(T.)M.N.II ("we" refers to men, though lesbians would be sad as well...)
**81) "Its ok because I have breasts, I like breasts, and I like anal sex." -C.R. - WOW!
*82) "The moral of the story is, no matter how good of a bj you give, you will not automatically be chosen." -M.F.
83) "She doesn't even fit in my binaculars." (in reference to a large woman)-J.W.
84) "This hotdog is like a colon problem in a bun." -M.F.
*85) "How the hell can that bipolar bitch seriously give someone comfort?" -J.D.
86) "Silly faggot, dicks are for chicks!" -J.D.
87) "I would never touch her; I don't want my wang to fall off..." -M.F.
88) "He has a hard time wiping his own ass; how is he gonna clean up after a dog??" (Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!) -J.D.
89) "That house looks pretty good, it is just tiny, like a cat turd." -M.F.
90) "My standards for food and housing are remarkably low, so I dont use much of my paycheck to stay alive." -(T.)M.N.II
91) "I've got some beers. Let's drink 'em." -D.T. (an oldie, but goodie)
92) "Wow, it looks like someone shit on her face!" -M.F. (on the affects of too much plastic surgery)
93) "How would you like your legal business being conducted at Uncle Bill's Pancake House..." -K.F. (it was a divorce case; they aren't talking to each other any more...)
* denotes an Instant Classic Quote