April 29, 2006
so i finally got a straight answer out of him regarding this whole thing. conclusion: "i see you as MY girl... but not exclusively. I'm just happy when you choose to spend time with me instead of the other people that are tryin to get to to you." So no label as of now... but we'll see how things change. he's already planning weekend trips out to san diego from when he leaves for school out in Arizona beginning in August. which, i didn't even seem to realize is less than 3 months away.

we spent another great night together. just aimlessly driving, and finally parking atop a secluded cliff overlooking the ocean. The view was BREATHTAKING, to say the least. and we fell asleep under the stars listening to my ipod. it was nice.... innocent... nice. the sun woke us up... and from there we got breakfast at Konos (very yummy, BTW), took a stroll on the boardwalk and the Farmer's Market.... then more sightseeing in La Jolla until we finally found the park where he used to play as a kid. And we parked our asses underneath a tree and sat there and talked for HOURS.

i'm over the physical bullshit. I'm over the standards. This guy knows EXACTLY who he is, and i admire that. And it helps that he's an absolute sweetheart! so bottom line: i DO like him. and i intend on letting him pursue me with no hesitation. this guy is amazing, and what i can take from it, i will.


April 28, 2006
apparently, people have been asking questions.
1) erik calls me and asks about who the new boyfriend is? and he gets this from EMIL!?!?! of all the people in the world. good grief.
2) roche is asking who this person is on my top 8, and proceeds to tell her roommate... whoooo....
3) works with me. and apparently has heard from an assistant manager FROM ANOTHER STORE about what's going on.
4) and my big sis has been trying to slyly ask what's going on.

okay... TO CLARIFY THINGS... i have a few comments. 1) yes, we are dating. but not exclusively. 2) he's good times. and i think that time with him will do me good. 3) i already freakin know he's not my type. i KNOW that. and you know what i say to that? BIG FUCKING DEAL. that shit's superficial.... deal with it. 4) at least warren's been asking about me... which keeps me grounded. 5) nothing has happened... despite how whore-ish and slutty you think i am. 6) we spend A LOT of time together. and it usually involves a lot of talking, and nothing else.

and i could just be lying to myself, and telling myself that this is just for fun. When the truth is... i actually like the guy, but i know that in the end nothing is gonna happen. which really sucks... cuz i think he really likes me. and i think this because he often expresses how he feels.... in which i politely pretend not to hear.

does that make me a horrible person? it probably does, doesn't it?


April 25, 2006
dear big bro, THANKS SO MUCH for being the only person not to flake on me! I really appreciate that. and thanks for letting me take your Petco virginity. and as dirty as that sounds... we've never really had an appropriate bigbro/lilsis relationship anyway. so in the end... it's all gravy. but i hope you enjoyed yourself. houston is in SD in about a month and a half, so i'll give you more details as the day gets closer. LOVE YOU BIG BRO!!!!

dear erik..... i posted more of that conversation. it's classic. and BTW, i finally received a letter from my lawyer. and it contains the details of that incident... and apparently... i was completely beligerent! hahahahaha! but those sea-men were LYING!!! but at least i got off with "Reckless Driving" and i have to attend 16 AA meetings. which isn't as bad as it could be. Wanna come with me to the AA meetings? i think it could really do some good! hahhahaha! but i'm not gonna be as fun when i'm thru with them. .... at least not until you get back down here! MISS YOU, fool. hurry up and graduate so you can move back HOOOOMMMMEEEEE, homie.

and as for today.... i spent a WHOLE day with him again. start time 8am, end time: 1130pm. activities::: breakfast @ Broken Yolk; childhood memories of the childhood hood; world famous san diego zoo; hiking in balboa park; movie; met the uncle; coffee shop talk; sunset @ the cove; long talk..... i'll spare you the details. just know that it was a wonderful day.... and one that i would have never expected from the person that it was spent with. ut it did open my eyes to a lot of new things... a lot of different perspectives. it's a good thing... and i'm not sure i'll be able to handle it... but i'm up for the challenge.

but at this point... my biggest concern is one person in particular that i may be leaving in the dust. and it's one person that i really don't want to hurt... or lose from my life, for that matter. because he does mean the world to me.


April 24, 2006
he called me his girlfriend? and then asked if he was getting between me and someone else? WTF?!?!? i'm so confused.

someone needs to clarify. especially with all the handholding/cuddling/time together. I just do NOT get what's going on. 'specially when it's a completely different tune at work. and then there's the flaking from tonight?!?!?

seriously, i just want to get to the bottom line, or find some balls to talk to him seriously about what's going on. but everytime we start, everything turns into one big joke. or he gets all creepy serious on me. and you know how i like to avoid all things serious. BAH!

curses this superficiality! and even moreso this damned triangle! i know where i stand with one... the other not so clear, which blurs the lines between me and the first. does that make sense?

but it just feels nice to be in that special place again... the comfort of being in someone's arms.... it's been a while.

and maybe that's been my reasoning? but maybe not. because it does go beyond that.... at least i think so.

so officially... the only thing i know is that we've moved beyong the "hanging out" stage and have officially started dating.... but beyond that.... i'm not so sure.


April 22, 2006
so have i told you that i have my own space now? and included is a recent blog entitled "the story so far." about how my weekend has started off... and how wonderful it has been so far. and only functioning on about 2 hours of sleep total in the past two nights... and still GOING!!! hahhaha. it's 9:18am, btw... and i just got home about an hour ago... from the beach. you should read the blog. it doesn't explain the $200 tab, but it's pretty good..... for being written on no sleep.

i was going to cut and paste the entry... but there's something a little bit more pressing that i need to vent about.

it's this whole thing w/ Pane. I just don't understand what's going on. one day we're good... the next day we don't talk... and then yesterday happened. we spent 22 hours together. by accident. how?

it started off innocently enough... i came in to work, and we had overlapping shifts. it happens pretty often, so we joke around. it was pretty slow, so we were just goofing off for most of the shift. one joke was about how we should go to CPK after work because he was having the biggest craving for Tequila Fettuccini. i didn't think anything of it.... we always joke around about how we should do things::: e.g. how we should run off to vegas together and get married.... or how we should just go ring shopping at Tiffanys. he was off an hour earlier than i was... so when he left, i thought i wouldn't see him til monday. well 4:15 comes around, and he strolls in... all dressed up and smellin good. he was serious about CPK... so he's clean... and i smell like coffee and steamed milk... and i'm in my gnarly uniform. but we go anyway.

so CPK.... it's set-up like a date. we rode in the same car, he picked up the tab, put away my menu for me, ordered for me... the works. i didn't think much of it at the time. then we start walking around the mall.... goofing off. and shopping for rings... ?!?!!? for some reason, he's looking for a ring on his left ring finger. why? i couldn't tell you.

we decide that he's coming with Gina & Ha and I to Crudo for Hermie's birthday celebration. ... and he almost didn't because Brian was gonna be there. hrmph. so i drop him off, shower & get dressed, and i pick him up again. mind you, this is after i finally got him to agree that i was not bringing him home with me so that i wouldn't have to drive so much. it would just be too weird at that point. so i pick him up, he's all about the hugs and the compliments... and when we get to Gina's... he offers his arm (and i'm not one to refuse an arm). and off to Crudo we go, arm in arm.... and it was almost awkward because the crowd that was at Crudo was mostly Brian's friends (well... my friends too... but you know how "friend custody" goes after a breakup).

after a lot of dancing... a lot of drinks... and somehow he got a flower for my right ear? we were outta there..... and this time not arm in arm... but holding hands. how that happened? i'm not too sure. and how a stolen kiss happened on the corner of Hawthorne and Columbia... i'm still not sure. but at this point, he's completely plastered, and i don't think he remembers doing it. off to Denny's we go.... and he takes one bite of his food and we're outside ready for him to barf. he never did.... but there was a lot of hugging going on. (actually... it was more like him using my body to keep himself propped up,and me using his shoulders as arm rests). we drop off Gina and Ha, and he's still queasy in my car. so i pull off to the side and park, grab the blanket from my trunk and let him know that there are bushes to his right in case he needs to yak.

so ofcourse i use this time to catch a quick little nap. so i play the "Slow Jammin" playlist on my ipod and knock out. a few minutes later... and a few degrees colder, i wake up, grab some of the blanket, and all of a sudden i'm sleeping in his arms?!?! and it's nice until about 5am, when i wake up to realize that it's 5AM.

so we start driving, hands interlocked, and he starts asking about my plans for the day. i had plans to go to the beach w/ my sisters... but seeing as how it might be a gloomy day... i might just go to art walk w/ gina. So he offers a ride to the beach. And when have you ever known me to turn down a trip to the beach? exactly... never. so i park my car, we get all his riding gear, and we're on his crotch rocket going 125mph on the 52 on our way to La Jolla. ... where he takes me to his little hideaway... an abandoned lifeguard tower with an amazing view. so we talk, i took a nap in his lap, and since it was FREEZING... we kept each other warm. 8am rolls around, and we called it a day. 22 hours together after only knowing each other vaguely from work.... seemed like a stretch.

it just leaves me confused with all the hand-holding. and the date. and the stolen kisses. it could have been the alcohol... or maybe not. i don't know what to think of it anymore. actually... it feels all too familiar at this point, and i don't know how far i'm willing to take it.

....especially since we work together.

and BTW.... he's WAAAAAAAAAAAY off target. this guy is just not my type at all. but you know how it is when you meet someone that you click with.


April 20, 2006
the dilemma of the moment::::: get drunk w/ my sisters for Ro's birthday, or hang out with the underage and get HIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHH...... we'll see what happens after class. hahahahhaaha! i'll let you know tomorrow morning.

so yesterday... out of boredom and cravings.... Brian and i decided to go to Broken Yolk for Brunch. the pictures speak for themselves....



so we ended up finishing the bottle of champagne... then had to walk off the drunkness. that was GOOOOD times! hahhahahaha. getting smashed before noon is ALWAYS a good idea!


April 18, 2006
post script::: written @ 7:15pm during class
should be interesting. Sunday's game consists of me, Brian, my big sis, her best friend, and my myspace roommate. everyone else is either working or completely flaked out. thanks guys... you rock! haha.. just jokes. less people to buy drinks for. and it all comes down to that, doesn't it? hahahahah.... all about the alcohol... the "blood" in my veins.

warren has the most amazing eyes. *SWOON* think Ryan Reynolds w/ Brad Pitt's jawline and body. nice height (six-footah!), usually a morning person (always comes in between 8:10-8:20am), and wears a suit to work. honey, i think i'm faaaaaalling!!! (yeah right) and he's such a SWEETHEART! a great tipper, and is nice and chummy. he pulled aside my primary supervisor to ask him something personal... so... it got the ticker goin a little bit. dum dee dum dee dum dee dum....

anyhoo.. .out of sheer boredom yesterday, i posted my resume on monster.com just to see what kind of responses i would get. i really didn't expect anything spectacular at the moment.. but we'll see. today during work.. my phone was goin off the hook...

yeap... you guessed right... JOB OFFERS GALORE! management positions... but were with companies i would rather not be with. i didnt expect that to happen... but i'm glad to see that it's working. but for now... i love my job. so i'm stayin put.


April 17, 2006
hopefully everyone had a wonderful Easter sunday. guess what ya'll.... LENT IS OVVVEEERRR!!!! how many days did you stray? hhahaha! i can count my cheats on one hand. and if i include sundays, i only really cheated once. sucka! hey. i know it's a step back... but i did the best that i could. and as for my easter... it was uneventful... but very good. i got to spend some quality time with my younger brother, and had a good conversation with my older brother.

i was gonna post a picture of my rabbit just hanging out on her fat belly... but it was erased. poopers.

anyhoo... lately, alcohol has really been upsetting my stomach. and i wake up at tooo early in the morning, and go to bed waaaay too early in the evening. see that? in the EVENING... not even at NIGHT. poopers, i've become a senile old woman.


April 15, 2006
figured out what was going on with my internet. my browser is an idiot. basically, for every site i've previously visited, i have to REFRESH as soon as i re-enter. why? i have no idea. it's like whenever i re-visit a site, all my browser does is pull up the old window. stupid. whatever. so it explains why "traffic has been sucking." if i even bothered to look at the date, i would have realized that the stupid thing didn't update for hella long. bah humbug. whatever, yo. but it's hella affecting my blogspot. from this point on, if i ever update blogspot from this computer, it will be forever from April 9th or something like that. i dont remember.

Tail finally responded. i'm getting butterflies. for no reason, ofcourse. but i just miss getting butterflies.


April 14, 2006
boo. nobody loves me. not only has traffic SUCKED for the past few days, but also:
1) one person in particular hasn't returned my message.
2) only 7 people are coming with me to the mets game (from the 30 that were invited)
3) nobody loves me

bah humbug. and my internet has been really really slow lately. and doesn't show updates. so is it me? or is the internet trying to tell me something? (i.e. stop going online so much>

i could just be paranoid. at least i felt the love last night. met my two gran lil bros. saw a lot of people from back in the high school days. random ROTC people that knew me. hella of bri's friends. bla bla bla. you know the story.

the other night i went to the starbucks on plaza blvd to kill time while waiting for my baby brother to get out of class. so i ordered, gave my partner/employee numbers, and
he asked "Alejandrino?"
me: Yeap. that would be me.
him: didn't you go to morse?
at this point, i just thought he was just another morse person. but i didn't recognize him.
him: you were in rotc, weren't you?
GREAT. another ROTC person that i used to yell at that i dont remember. so i was thinking "get over it. it was a million years ago. my yelling couldn't have scarred you that much!
me: yeah. were you one of my cadets? sorry, cuz i dont recognize you.
him: no. i went to scripps.
me: oh. i'm sorry. were you on batallion staff?
him: no. i used to hang out with Llanes. i was the other chris.
me: oh. HEY! we didn't hang out, did we? sorry. my memory sucks. it was a million years ago.
him: no, it's cool. we only met like once. but i remember your last name. you were commander a lot, weren't you?
me: yeah. sorry. great memory! i can't believe you'd remember something from that long ago.
then it was just awkward from there. that was a little random. so i grabbed my drink, dropped a tip, put my hood on, adjusted my earphones, and sat in the corner to read my book. last night, a friend from high school said he saw me there but didn't say hi because i looked like i wanted to be left alone.

geez. i guess i have become standoffish.


April 12, 2006
wow. traffic really sucks. WTF?


April 11, 2006
today i was called "the one that got away." i've heard that a few times. and you know what i think of it? It's a LOAD OF SHIT. people act like there's no future ahead. and they live their lives on the basis of "what if." been there, done that. learned my lesson.

i'm too nice to say it... but i know i really should. "no honey, i didn't get away. i just wasn't that into you at the time. and you just didn't try hard enough. get over it. i have." but that's just a bitchy thing to say..... or think, for that matter.

that's what second chances are for, right? and there always way to amend things. because that's what time is for.

someone needs to talk me into moving into jeanelle's place. because i know i can. i just need that extra push.


April 10, 2006
Oreo told me i've become stand-offish. but when you're in a sea of drunken faces, and to know that one of those faces is one that you dread seeing, that's how you get. and when crazy, one-liners try to grab you and grind on your behind... you develop a thick, bitchy skin. so if i've become stand-offish, then so be it.

and i was on my rag, bitch.

another thing he brought to light: i've been single... like REALLY single for quite some time. Jeanelle brought that up, too. and it's true. i've always been one to retreat into a relationship. it's just easier for me, and for everyone around me. i'm a commitment person. so it's easy.

but that's a good thing.

p.s. Big Brho, thanks for the music suggestions. i owe you a drink on wednesday.

and to the rest of you... meet me at the comedy store this wednesday night. it's a comedy show, and all proceeds go to MS research. (multiple sclerosis, bitches. not MicroSoft) call me for info.


04.09.06
A Shallow Existence

what is that, really? and what constitutes the difference between being called shallow and just having fun? or is it one and the same? and if so, then why do we even bother trying not to be shallow? there always seems to be a happy medium between being shallow/having fun and living a life that's entirely devoted to a higher being.

i've been out a lot. my account balance is a constant on my mind, along with how i appear to others, what i sound like, where i will be eating, and my lifestyle i the future. i talk a lot about boys, material things, having fun, and a lot of shit. does that make me shallow because that's what is projected? i certainly hope not.

but it sure sounds like it, doesn't it? and no matter what... people are going to think what they want to think. especially the ones that have already judged you simply for the way you carry yourself or because of the material possessions that you are carrying. or even what you have on your face, your expressions, and what you say. in my case, i'm being judged based on what i type.

it's sad because a majority of the time, this is being read by people that are close to me, or were at one time, or are people trying to get to know me. now granted, often times, people that read here are using it as an update on my life (in which case, i can't blame you, b/c i SUCK at calling people... back or otherwise). but there are certainly others... others that use my posts as fuel for their hatred. some that use it to judge or criticize. to nit-pick and wonder "what happened to this girl? when did she become so superficial and shallow? at what point did her life begin to evolve around alcohol and nonsense?"

and i have news for you: i'm Libran. i live my life along a happy medium. well balanced. i sin. i pray. i repent. i have fun. i help others. i'm being irresponsible, but only to a certain point, because i know that in the long run, i have a long life ahead of me, with a past that i would like to look back on as something that wasn't a waste of time. i don't need to justify myself to anybody except myself. i know myself, i know my friends, and i do have my priorities straight. but a little fun doesn't hurt in the long run, and i certainly deserve the playtime.

it's all a balance, folks. learn it, love it, live it.


April 9, 2006
so lately, i've been having a lot of dreams about China. why? i have no idea. maybe because i miss him. maybe because he was just hot. maybe because i regret not really pursuing it as much as i should have. BAH. whatever the reason, he's been on my mind.

so can someone please tell me why i ran into him last night... While he was with another GIRL?!?!? fuck me. so needless to say, i had a lot to drink last night, just to cope with the stress. what makes it worse? the girl was just UGLY. not just ugly, but U-G-L-Y, she ain't got no alibi.

in any case, at least i ran into my Oreo. whom i haven't seen in the past 2 years (maybe 3). and he's lookin better than he used to. he's coming back down from the bay in 2 weeks, so the plan is to spend some time together when he's back down.

UGH. stupid China. and his birthday is coming up soon. that mother-effer. needs to get off of my mind NOW!!!

but there are pics on the imagestation. just click on your right. =) BAH. i'm tired of getting hit on by guys that look gay. or guys with apparent alcohol problems. or guys that THE WORST PICK UP LINES EVER!

in other news.... i woke up at 7pm this evening and started freaking out because i thought i was late for work (at 4:15am tomorrow morning). this time change is not working for me.


April 7, 2006
i've been listening to a lot of dean martin. i like... i like!

check this out....
My Personal DNA report


I'm a BENEVOLENT LEADER. apparently. bah. even tho i dont want to be.

you can get this about me by scrolling over the blocks (it's a meaningful pattern... not just there to be pretty). but i figured you're a little on the lazy side. so here's what the block says about me:
*Very High Confidence
*Very Earthy (((earthy??!?!! are you calling me a hippie?)))
*Very High Femininity
*Very High Attention to Style
*Slightly High Trust
*Average Openness
*Slightly High Empathy
*Slightly High Spontenaiety
*Average Agency
*Slightly Low Extroversion (((unless drunk!)))
*Slightly Low Authoritarianism
*Functional (((like most robots)))
*Low Masculinity


April 6, 2006
BOOOOOO BARRY BONDS! i can't believe that big fat cheater only lasted 6 innings. and i can't believe he has to have a security guard ON THE FIELD to "protect" him. what a fucking PUSSY.

so the padres/giants home opener was fun! always good times to go to a game. woop deeeee doo! and i ate way too much, and got drunk way too fast. yes folks.... got a little drunk. a LLLLIIIIIIITTTTTLLLE drunk. so almost just a good buzz. but that good buzz made me waste a LOT of money. bah humbug. this is why mar should not drink.

i had a dream about China the other night. it was a FEW nights ago, actually. we started seeing each other again (in the dream, folks... just in the dream), and we were hanging out at a party one night. one of my RobMay buddies asked me to go into the room with him, and i did... we hugged, he threw me... and left the room. the next thing i know, China rolls out from under the bed wearing navy blue scrubs, and swoops me up, and drops me on the bed. then he hands me this HUGE envelope, in it there is a big fat wad of cash and a discharge letter. The letter says he was released, but still would receive a full pension, and a weekly paycheck until he is re-established in another field. then he tells me, "isn't this great? now i can spend all my time with you, because i dont have to work anymore! MOVE IN WITH ME!"and i just sit there, looking at him confused. and i tell him i have to think about it. he gets upset because he thinks it's finally "our chance to finally be happy," and he storms out. i chase after him and explain that we JUST started seeing each other again, and he has a tendency to leave me hanging. i just wasn't sure if i was ready to take such a big step. so we start fighting about it, because he thinks that we never stopped "being together"... even tho he left me for a month, then after we stopped talking, never even bothered to call on chinese new years. BAH! and i told him that he was using me as an excuse to stay in san diego and not move back to new york. he told me i was being paranoid and i just didn't want to commit. then we kissed and made up, and decided to take it slowly. but i would just move in for half of a week at a time, and then we were both happy.

yeah. that's a BIG "what the fuck." its such a disappoinment that we didn't click as well as i would have liked. he was such a GOOD FIT! bah. but not the man for me. boo on China. and his tall, sexy, chinese ass.

anyhoo... anyone feel like going to the cubs game with me?


April 4, 2006
as far as the whole unemployment thing goes: i've filed for government assistance, i've finally finished my resume (and i just sent it to a friend to spruce up with her graphic design skills! hooray!), i mailed in my employment packet to estee lauder (i'll be doing regional artistry for Lauder.... so if your local department store(s) will be having a makeup event anytime soon, expect to see me there! hahhaha!), and i'm in the works for trying to get my resume on monster and all the big searches.

i've finally got my finances semi-stable, so hopefully, my credit score will take a leap within the next year or so. but with the schedule i'm on, i will be free of all credit card debt within 3 years (yes, my balances were THAT high). and hopefully my student loan will be paid off within 8 years. (after the 3 years, ofcourse. which means... i will be DEBT FREE within 11 years! unless i buy a house... but we'll get to that when it happens)

speaking of which... a good friend of mine is looking for someone to rent out a room in her townhouse in long beach. it's a pretty ghetto area, but it's right next to the hospital, a few blocks from downtown LB, and it's right off of the 405. so if you're interested give me a holler.

opening day at Petco park was awesome! here's to hopin to another divisional championship! too bad the trustfund babies were taking up all the space. they wouldn't let us on the western metal balcony because too many snooties brought their friends. BAH. they shoulda just gone to a bar. they weren't watching the game anyway.

but i dont care, cuz that was FUN! and wednesday will be less crowded and more fun cuz less snooties. hooray! next year... i get a season pass. and freebies! woop dee doooooo!


April 2, 2006
i feel like i'm missing someone's birthday today. i probably am... but i guess we'll see... right? hahahaha. what a loser i am.

i've been wanting to upload a few pictures from my camera... but it's just entirely too time consuming to save it on the little disk, and then have to upload from the little disk. my phone is tooo freakin slow. so i just leave it all be. BAH. i need a real camera! as not-so-bad as a camera phone as it is (it's 3.1megs, so comparable to my previous POS digicam), it still takes forever, and tries my patience every time. the world will just have to wait for the mar/ha boobie pictures until another lifetime.

the weather out in sd is on crack. what are we? the rest of the nation, now? what's this i hear about us having seasons?

all i know is... it better not rain on monday or wednesday nights... cuz the giants are in town, and i dont want them to feel like they're at home in sd. GO PADRES!