August 31, 2001
in 12 hours, my brother will be arriving in san diego. we will jump up out of our seats with delight because we were waiting at the airport forever because of my mom's chronic need to be early everywhere. we will exchange hugs. grab some luggage, then head over to Royal Mandarin for some old school chinese food to catch up. even if the last time we talked was about 8 hours ago. we will then head to our humble home. kuya will ooh and ahhh at everything. to him, everything is different because nothing has changed. my mom begins to cook even if we brought home a weeks worth of left overs. she will constantly call me to help her in the kitchen. and the kids will be bugging the living crap out of kuya. my dad, as always, will be lying on the couch in his slacks and wife beater watching CNN and plucking his beard hairs. ahhh. family life. this is how it should be. this is how i like it.


August 30, 2001
my lola told me that i am smart. and its in my GENES! WOOOO! hear that sucka? IM SMART!
no. im serious! well i dunno. at least my maternal side is all brains. cuz my mommy's dad's side was all brains. they were all scholars. one of em was even the valedictorian of her med grad class. wow. so theys were all smarty-pants. (except for my lolo =X) then my lola was all sharp as a whip when it came to studies. she's like me when it comes to learning. all she had to do was listen and she would pick up on it. no extra studying required. and then there's my mom. ms. have-to-be-the-best-at-everything-especially-in-academics. GOD. you have no clue how it has been trying to live up to her standards.
then there's my dad's side. so my dad never finished college. and his mom was a housewife. guess my paternal side is my traditional side. oh yeah. and schizophrenia runs through my blood via paternal genes. fuuuun.


August 28, 2001
i just bounced from this chick named "mar"'s apt107 page. she was playing weezer in the background. she called herself mar. she has my hair. her color scheme was brown and white. and she said it looked like shit... literally. i thought it was funny. but i have no point.
SOooo. moving on.... my nails are getting me so dizzy. i did my own acrylics today. they dont look half bad. id pay for them to be done like that. okay, but not pay much. i was thinking of doing my own highlights. but neevermind. i have a tendency to mess up on hair stuff. remember when i did my own bangs? that was horrible. nails, ok. make up, ok. hemming/sewing, ok. but hair dye? i dont think so. unless i want a purple forehead and black neck. but you already have a black neck. shut up. but anyheez, the chemicals for the acrylics have a realllyyyy strong odor. have you ever passed by a nail place and taken a big whiff? its like that. except the smell follows me everywhere i go.
hey i found out tickets for universal studios are only $27 on base. big discount from freakin $43. but we still have to pay for parking. and the car rental. (weez renting an expedition. whoop whoop!) and food. and some form of entertainment. and gas. and souvenirs. and more food. and more gas. so we should be expecting to pay at least $75 each for this trip. 27(ticket) + 10 (gas) + 25(food) + 30(souvenirs) = $92 goood lord thats almost half a paycheck. (damn. i dont make much do i?) yargh. looks like its gonna be all scrimpin n savin for this month.


August 27, 2001
damnit. you know how when you have some big expectations for something, then somehow everything just falls through? or it becomes one big bore. ughhh. i shoulda learned from the past 19 years never to expect anything great. because i will always end up disappointed. as always. i did a pretty good job up until yesterday. the saga picnic was yesterday. i missed last years cuz of work. i, ofcourse, went with iczer. i thought that we would have this good ol time because southside n northside would come together and be one big fun family for a day. it was high school all over again. with the cliques and the sitting and the doing nothing. damnit. i COULDA had more fun. but i couldnt. because... well just because. oh well. whatever.
now it makes me wanna think twice about this upcoming sunday. me, pooh, kuya, chuck, marlo n greg are gonna head out to universal studios for the first time. hopefully this is the last destination until destination sunday. first we were supposed to take a road trip to bay area. then it changed to six flags. then it changed back to bay area. then to this whole "hoes in different area codes" thing for my kuya. then six flags again. then knotts berry farm. as of now, we will be going to universal studios. drat. i think this whole indecision thing is rubbing off on everyone else. oops. oh well. at least i can kill film whiles my bro is down. ive been meaning to kill that roll off since last october. =X
and this whole aaliyah thing. damn. the first time i watch MTV in years, and the first thing i see is her plane crash. FUCK! dumb plane. i havent exactly read up on the details yet. but damn. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. i remember i was on division st. at the old fourway stop which is now a stop light right before taco bell heading towards the I805... that "back and forth" became my favorite song. and i followed up on her ever since. down to the style, the faux marriage to RKelly n everything. BOOOO. dumb plane.
i think im beginning to turn into wunna those "only post every now and then" people. sometimes it irks cuz theres never anything good to read. but then again... its better than the post-every-day-but-nothing good people. but i dont read theirs anyway. nm. i think its because i started writing in my AE journal. i write in it a lot. cuz its so much more convenient that turning on the computer, then waiting for it to turn on, then signing online, then getting distracted by IMs, then stupid geocities would be down, blablablablabla. you get it. i can write in my ae journal anywhere anytime. cuz it fits perfectly in my handy dandy mini jansport that all the high school n junior high kids are sporting nowadays. yeowell. whuuutevers. i like it.


August 24, 2001
emil's lil bro's name is eric sean. like erection. i have a customer named harry cums. like here he cums. spelled that way too. and then theres dick butkus. how sad were their parents? its okay. jerry was gonna name his kid "Bear." ouch.
by the way, erik is FINALLY leaving on monday. kinda sprung it outta nowhere. but he's leaving. on a jet plane. dont know when he'll be back again. but im pretty sure it will be next week. driving back down in his bro's car. HAH! damn what a stalker.
im hungry. im on this stupid quest to be a size 2 by christmas. im one size away from goal. so alls i gotta do is cut down on the starches and beef up on the watery foods. or just not eat. but that would only be a temporary solution. yargh. and i have this big ass craving for carne asada fries loaded with guacamole and cream cheese and salsa. damnit. size 2 size 2 size 2 size 2 UGH. what a heffer.


August 23, 2001
i went to school today in hopes of actually accomplishing something. in which case, i failed miserably. i was gonna try to get a new picture with my new ID. but i would have to pay. so for now im a big black blob on an sdsu card. then i headed over to the bookstore to see if i would actually be able to afford any books before school started. FAT CHANCE. my books for this semester total $417.50. including tax. and that would be USED books. yippideedooodaaa. im SOOO happy. excuse my sarcasm. i just dont think i can bear all of this joy that school brings. woopee.
at least i got my oil changed. and during the wait, i finished another segment of Cosmo. in the advice column, i found a very interesting excerpt about the difference between nitpicky and analytical. i found it interesting... enough to share at least.
The analytical woman wants to discover how things work- she seeks answers and uses the information she gains to move toward a mature view of life and love. The nitpicker, on the other hand, keeps her head down and counts the pebbles on her path, trying deliberately not to see the big picture. WHy? Because she is afraid if she raises her eyes, she will not like what she sees or be able to cope with it.


August 22, 2001
actually, absolutely NOTHING exciting has happened. ive just been too caught up in whatever ive been doing to actually go online and post something. not like i have anything good to say anyways. and not like theres any room in my room to actually sit down and start typing.
i started cleaning out my closet. when the new ikea catalog came in the mail, i started looking through it and got inspired. so i took everything out of my closet and started folding. half of my clothes were donated to the salvation army. (whats the difference between donating it to goodwill and the salvation army?) the other half was neatly folded. even made my own folding board and everything. im such a retail geek, its nauseating. at least im gonna be a neat geek. better than a neat freak.
erik. damnit i was in a no service area all day. so i couldnt have received your call. and you shoulda left a voicemail. so if we dont kick it before you leave, then its your fault. and you're sooooo right about that WMA thing. they keep calling me and calling me. even had an interview. its GAAAAAAYYYYY. they take you to their little office in clairemont and then try to pump you up by showing you all of the "successful filipinos" in the business. they dont even have their own bathroom. blech. tell emilio NOOOO THANKS man. tell him to stop getting suckered in to all of that networking crap. its just gonna cost you money. even though they say "its a small investment." but then you have to rub elbows with all these other people and convince them to do what you're now. then if you rub the right elbows you might get somewhere. but FAT CHANCE. you'll get some elbow disease before you hit gold.
BUT ANYWAYS.... im off tomorrow (thursday). and imma try to be off on sunday. some buddies are having a big end of the summer picnic. maybe you can stop by before you leave forever and we can actually have some physical "convos" together. *yelp* after 3 freakin years of knowing each other.


August 17, 2001
i got pooh bear's phone today. it took us 6 freakin months to finally clear up all that crap on his credit from experian. and i dont even know how it actually happened. i guess cingular home office finally got sick of me trying to activate a phone for him or whatever. but still... all that work, and he still ended up as a D credit class. aka NO credit whatsoever. and if you get that kind of rating, you have to put down a $975 deposit in order to get your phone. and you still have to pay for the phone on top of that. geeez. how suck. so we decided to get his phone under my account. so i re-ran my credit... HOORAY! C credit class. that means i have a ZERO deposit and i can have up to 3 open lines with a zero deposit. any line after 3 is only $200. YEY!. im just awesome. see? and you thought i had bad credit. I dont damnit.
so now i have the means to create ring tones on my phone. cuz i gots a 3390 now. i was getting tired of DMX, got beef, and barbie girl. those songs are getting old. i think im gonna keep superman and pooh bear tho. you know.. just because. i wanna find the powerpuff girls theme song. if i can find it. yargh. i need to learn how to read music tho. maaaan i feel so jipped being the only filipino kid that never had any piano lessons as a kid.
AAAAGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! EEEERRRRRRIIIIIIKKKKK!!!!! i cant believe you're freakin GONE. damn. it just hit me right now why you were all "you me and emilio have to hang out" DUR! i totally forgot you were leaving so soon. *sniff sniff* you better call me if you come back. even though im not one of your more popular friends. i still think i deserve some kick it time with you. aside from the mcdonalds drive-thru window and the chula vista library. do you have my cel number? you should. well you never called me. i WOULDA hung out if you WOULDA called me. dorko. see what you did?


August 16, 2001
he's Doggpound. im NO Doubt. he's Foot locker. im American Eagle. he's In-n-out. i'm subway. two opposites that were attracted by some unknown force.. well know, but not understood. it just kinda hit me today tow totally white-washed i am, and how different he is from me. from music, to clothes, to mentalities. our personalities clash so much, and yet everything falls right into place. i guess it goes into that whole "contradictions create balance" kind of thing that has become the theme of my entire life. i guess what's keeping us together (other than love) is our Filipino morals. all the traditional crap that you hear from your parents that just get stuck in your head, ultimately deciding your mate, as well as your fate.why we love each other, i will never understand. im just trusting my heart on this one. cu no matter how completely different we are, our hearts are still the same. and thats all that matters.
now how cheesy is that? extremely, might i say. but that was my heart talking. with some input from my brain. i just dont get it tho. and i just dont get why im so white-washed. i guess its too much work and too much tv and too much magazines. you know how minorities are very unrepresented in the media? its starting to get to me. this whole american lifestyle thing. and im not even a citizen. kinda goes with that whole CG-commander-commanding-at-swearing-in-ceremonies-when-she's-not-a-citizen-herself. yikes. i shoulda stayed for the rest of the ceremony so i could be a citizen too. that woulda been awesome. except for the jury duty. and the test. and the voting. yech.
Weezer has the very best album. i can listen to it forever. and cake. i want a girl with a mind like a diamond. i want a girl who knows whats best.... damn. i can never get that song out of my head. ooh. thanks jerome for composing it for me by the way. ohhhhh. and on constant repeat is the American Pie 2 soundtrack. every song (except the last 2 tracks) kick butt. damn. im turning too white. i need to get in touch with the motherland for a while. so i can.. you know.. be fobulous again.


August 14, 2001
i just finished registering. damn. i had no chance whatsoever to get into any MWF morning classes. i could have... if i was a freshman. or if i needed to take classes that i cant enroll in. or classes that start in the middle of the night. wait.. that doesnt make it morning does it? crap. nm. im stupid.
i managed to get T/TH morning classes. i will be at school from 8am til 1:45pm with a 2.5 hour break in between. on MWF i start class at 3pm and finish at 3:50, with an exception to Wednesdays, when i will be attending class until 6:45pm. and wednesday is markdowns day at work. so that means i will be at work from 7am until 2pm and then school and then i get to go home at 6:45 (and then? and then? no and then and then? i said no and then ... running joke. hilarious but not really.) classes i will be taking this semester::: Intro to art; principles of physical geography; world history; intro to philosophy: values; and the psychology of learning. only 15 units. far from the 21 that i intended. oh well. i can graduate in 5.
speaking of which, remember how i changed my major to general management? look who changed her mind again. back to psychology. i dont know why i did it. there are way more upper division requirements. less lower division requirements, but still. my junior and senior year is gonna be hell. well maybe the pooh bear will be on the ship. so i can concentrate more on my studies (even though ill miss him oh so much CHEEZ!... did great in junior year in high school when the honey was at boot camp. yah never know... ) OH THE INDECISIONS. i love being a Libra. i never know what im gonna do next. EQUALIZE! EQUALIZE! KEEP THE BALANCE BABY! YEAH! um. okay.


August 13, 2001
friends and family was a HUGE success! YEY! tiring, but good. very good turnout. good food. good friends. ALLL GOOOOOOD baby. woooo! we took pictures after clean up. man. we were knocked out on the couch. id post them, but no scanner. im so out of it.
greg keeps changing my schedule. so i never know when i work. i just know i dont work when im scheduled. nuts. but what can i do? need the hours and the money and i have to work to get the money. yikes! i feel old. someone give me CANDY!
all these paradise hills people keep showing up at my work. ick. this is my little white-washed world damnit! why are you typpies showing up? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


August 12, 2001
it's 2:37am. do you know what im doing at this very late hour? looking up hairstyles. cuz i need a new 'do. and im so pathetically superficial that this is what i have spent the past 4 hours doing. so sad to lose my soul. and to think that i havent even found at least 5 styles to consider. good Lord, im pathetic. when did this transformation take place? am i really turning into the barbie-girl that i worked so hard not to become? eh. maybe this is who i was to begin with. and maybe those years in ROTC just warped my barbie-brain. YIKES! im scaaaaaaaared!
did you know that if you apply for any kind of credit card, that it stays on your credit report for 2 years? and did you know that experian keeps track of your balances and monthly payments? forever? and that having a clean credit record doesnt necessarily mean that you have good credit? can you tell that i got my credit report today? there was a lot on there that baffled me. companies that i have applied for actually checked my credit. and i have 5 accounts in good standing. and ZERO potentially negative accounts. and fewer credit inquiries than i thought. egads thats great news! but my balances are still too high. so that puts a damper on my credit. BOOOOOOO!
oh yeah. forgot to tell you that i have a blogspot. marfiles.blogspot.com. its when i think i post too much here. or something. or i forget. or i geocities isnt working. bleh. neeeevermind. forget i said anything.


8.10.01
im so exhausted from work. and i come home to a house that smells like old coffee. smells almost like a coffee-holic's poo. *shivers* nasty.
my windows are at a very weird resolution now. not like i touched anything. everything is just HUMONGOID now. one letter takes up half of my frickin monitor. no, not really, but it's really big. why does it keep changing resolutions? WHY? WHYYYYY!!?!??!?!??!?
oh well. at least my diarrhea phase is over. dont have to worry about visiting the john a million times a day anymore. now its just for regular peepee visits.
yakety yak. why does it feel like im talking about nothing? news flash. YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT NOTHING! oh well. its a relief. no big problems to darken my world. no annoying little dipshits for me to teach a lesson to. dum dee dum dee dum. damn. im bored.

August 10, 2001
if it's one thing i will never understand, it would be my own mind. i can understand the conscious part, but what happens in the area of logic and in the subconscious, i dont think i could ever get a good grasp of what is happening in there. its to the point that i was looking through psychology books at Barnes and Noble last night trying to figure out my psyche. even found an owner's manual to the human psyche. but no moolah. go figure.
i dont think ill ever understand why those damn cats outside like to poo right in front of my window so that when the summer breeze finds its way inside my room, it carries a stench of shit along with it.
oh yeah. it was krystle's birthday yesterday. took her out to a movie, we went shopping. girls day out kinda thing. it was fun. its always fun to be a girl and pretend to be barbie. (even got the most comfiestest jeans ive ever felt:: express bikini rise stretch bootfit:: damn those are YUM! feels like second skin). she was treated like a princess by everyone. =) awww. hope my birthday is the same way. hope i actually have friends on my birthday this year. im getting tired of playing the "i dont care that im older" game with myself. i need to be loved damnit!
bay area road trip countdown:: 22 days.


August 8, 2001
can someone tell me why the text on my computer when i go online are so small? they used to be superhuge. now they're supertiny. so supertiny that i had to change my resolution to 800x600 in order to BARELY read text. yargghhhh. there's a beetle in my computer playing with my head. stupid beetle.
i came home sick today from work. i was all throw-up-y and diarrhea-ish. i think i caught something from the emergency room last night. or it could be my rag. i havent been taking in enough iron lately and the massive blood loss = massive loss of iron. damn. thats not good. being almost-anemic and all. damnit... i cant even have a disorder right. almost-anemic. almost-anorexic. almost almost ALMOST!
in one week i would have my phone for 6 months. in one week and one day, i am FREE from the mobile systems wireless $400 contract! I OWN MY 8290! YEEEEYYY! and in 3 months i get a raise. this just keeps getting better and better. because WHO's got the most hours in the STORE???? I DO ! I DO! (that looks like dido).
uyyyyy! my tummy! cramps hurt. feels like a fat midget is stepping on my uterus. and another fat midget is kicking it from the back. uyyyyyyyyyyy!


August 6, 2001
what is it about movie theater jalapenos that just make them so mouthwatering? not to hot. not too mild. juuuust right. like goldilocks should be up front selling them or something.
finally saw rush hour 2. FUNNNYYYYYYYY! so does that mean zhang ziyi is gonna be in more american films? in that case, i think she needs to learn how to speak english. but that whole mysterious no lines thing works for her. but that movie was yaketyak funny.
"poor is the pupil who does not surpass his master." Leonardo da Vinci.


8.5.01BORED!
AE argyle sweater layered with AE stretch striped girly oxford. AE super low rise no waist flares in twilight wash. AE 6-stud leather belt. you cant see it (cuz i didnt have room for it), but there is supposed to be a pair of brown leather monk-strapped oxfords, stretch engineered tank, and striped grey/blue/green/turquoise socks. LAYER! LAYER! LAYER! it's the american retailer's way.

August 5, 2001
weekends off with no pooh bear and no plans suck. im so bored out of my mind its not even funny. all i do is watch nickelodeon, cartoon network, disney channel and old reruns of saturday night live. back when chris rock was still on the show. oooooollllllld school. im soooo bored!
oh yeah.. i still have to post up my favoritest outfit. HOW GIRL!


August 4, 2001
i'm working on a top secret layout. so top secret that i cant even tell myself. well no, not really. i AM working on a new layout, but i have no clue where to begin. my AE leather journal is kinda filled with these vertical rectangles with all sorts of squares and other odd quadrilaterals that are supposed to be tables. i dont even have a color scheme yet. and fall is creeping up ever so quickly.
ive noticed a tremendous change in my personality ever since i started working at AE. you know those girls that are always like "ew, i would not be caught dead wearing that outfit. that is SO last season."? i think ive started becoming one of them. even though its a million degrees outside, i still will not wear clothes from the summer 2001 season... well because.. its SO last season. arghhhhh. believe me.. i try. and each time i put on my cute little shorts with my favorite tank, girly madras and bluebell flip flops just to go out into the summer heat, i always end up changing into my super low rise jeans, graphic tee, leather belt and stacked boots. i die wearing it, but it makes me feel better because i'm wearing what's "in season" as far as fashion goes. YECHT! i should NOT be this way! im turning into a Cher Horowitz or a *GASP* Elle Woods. except without the extravagant lifestyle of a rich daddy. but anyhoo... here's my favorite outfit. TEEHEE!


August 3, 2001
school starts in 17 days. that gives me 17 days to do whatever the hell i want because this semester is gonna be hell. 21 units in order to graduate in 4 years. thats 7 classes per semester. thats around 30 hours of school per week. plus the hours at work. and driving. i should stop complaining because it really isnt a lot. but what a bitch.
and i bet that half of my classes are gonna be at retarded times. because im a sophomore this year. and i get to be the very last person to register. it was hard enough trying to register as freshman... all these other late-ass freshman trying to register at my time. and registering classes for all the seniors and sophomores that want guaranteed classes. i hate crashing. the last time i tried to crash classes, there was NONE. out of all of those damn classes. damnit. class itself isnt the stressful part, its getting into the class and the time it takes up. YIKES! 3 more years to go.


8.1.01
sometimes it gets depressing to read someone else's journal that is all BOOOO about life. you always figure "if this is depressing, then why am i reading it?" it usually comes down to a couple of things: 1:: you are bored out of your mind and would rather be depressed than bored; 2:: you get a kick out of reading how depressing someone else's life is because yours is a pouppuri-scented meadow (sick bastard); or 3:: you feel her pain because you know your life is in the same state as hers. how depressing.
it can only be put in so many words how you can never see the flaws in yourself until you see it reflected in someone else. and so it goes with feelings, emotions, and personalities. i actually found someone that thinks just like me and has gone through the same shit i have. same reactions. same history. except ive gotten a little bit stronger. and she can verbalize every emotion i have ever felt and have never been able to put into words. reading her journal opens my eyes to characteristics of my personality that i have always known were there, but just never came out with. i guess my pride got in the way or something.
what's funny is that everything is a paradox. you think you have it all figured out, and when you think harder, you find yourself right back at square one. not because thinking harder confused you back to your primal state, but because square one is where you were supposed to be in the first place. but it sure seems like it's the finish line. kind of like a circle.. the finish line is square one (or in this case, loop one). so you figure that maybe you should just stop trying because you're gonna end up in the same place anyways. and then you continue because you know that you'll learn something out of it. but you still always end up at the same place where you began. life is funny.

AUGUST!!! 1, 2001
YEY! the ignoramus responded! WOOOOO! this is fun!
Awwwww shit!!!! "how i being a lieutenant colonel in army rotc. or maybe i should start with my 4.2GPA at graduation. or my college life pulling a 3.9. " really!? wow u must be some sorta genius!!!! i mean thats amzing! OoOoOoOoH wuts this!? u've added something new to your page!? awwwwww i didnt know this little mishap we had was so special enuff to make it on your cool PINK webpage......now everyone can see just how dumb u and i are........thats just great....really great.....way to go mrs. LTC with 746,947,486,554.2 GPA.........n-e-wase i vote on squashin this little ordeal.......it was just a misunderstanding that got outta hand.......and both of us tryin to get fresh with one another......it's obvious that you and i can go on but it's gravy cuz i understand wut yer mans and them is tryin to tell me...........then again......you can always post this back up there on your little page....hmmmm but whatevers clever.....i know tha steeeez.....LoLz.....WUN!
hahah. MOOOOOOOOOODED! he knew it too. didnt wanna stand up for it. how does it feel to be moded by a girl asshole? that's what intelligence does to idiocy. like i said.. dont fucking mess with me or you'll get it right back straight up your ass.