December 30, 2000
"nothing over 0.99 (& up)" whoa, what a concept! haha. we were taking a drive down university, and we saw a block-sized wall with those words painted all over it, and candy-cane stripes. how CHEESY.
oh yeah... there is often a time when friends come and go. when life offers you a chance to dismiss all of those that brought you grief, by all means take it. because true friends .... well... they dont talk shit and are pretty damn smart when it comes to choosing their words.
"greg, did you just fart?" "nah man, it was the placemat."
"me and jay are gonna split now." "oh, but i only have checks"
"get your own juice" ::rubs throat and shakes head::
"heeeey! i know YOU! wassup... meng?!?!"
a new year is coming, and with it is my life's dawn. 2000 was a time of transition and major changes in my life. the darkness began to fade with the information i have learned and the wisdom i have gained from my experiences. i filtered my life in 2000, 2001 is the time to reap the wealth.


December 28, 2000
a little thing i read offa The Mos Diggable Will Santos on his 12:27:00 entry. i LOVED it. i loved it so much i pooped in my pants because a guy finally understood all this jealousy stuff. might it be because of experience guys? well, enough from me, here's his entry.
To all the fellahs: here's some relationship advice from The Mos' Diggable Will Santos. Jealousy: Just say No. Jealousy is a relationship killer. You must control it. Don't let it control you. It's bad mojo. Bad vibes. Don't hold on to it too long because it'll bite you in the ass. Jealousy is possibly the worst emotion you can feel because it's a combination of negative emotions: anger, greed, insecurity, frustration, fear, etc.
You say that you don't get jealous because you trust your girl. I say bullshit. Everyone gets jealous. Telling yourself untruths is like when an ostrich sticks its head in the ground. Your girlfriend could have the virtue of a Catholic nun and you'll still get jealous when you see her talking to some schmuck off the street. Or worse yet, you'll get so jealous when you see her with the Guy "Friend." This, my brothers, is one of the worst type of Jealousy Beasts: the Guy "Friend."
The Guy "Friend" who always seems to be there to talk to her on the phone late at night when she needs someone to talk to. The Guy "Friend" who picks her up when she needs a ride to the store. The Guy "Friend" who gives your girl gift after gift after gift on every single occasion. Your girl sees him as the male platonic friend. But your eyes are open wider and you see this "friend's" true motives. He's plotting and planning ... planning and plotting for the moment when he can make his move on your girl. The fact that your girl is the most faithful woman in the world is irrelevant. She'll be faithful to you, there's no question in that. It's not about her and him. It's about you and him. It's all about what that guy is thinking. Therein lies the secret to slaying the Jealousy Beast.
When you're jealous, do not take out your frustrations on your girlfriend ... nay, do not do that ... because that's all a part of the Guy "Friend's" plans. He wants you to fight with your girl. Do not play into his hands. He wants internal strife. It's called "Divide and Conquer" and that's the greatest weapon in the "friend's" arsenal. Do not fall for his tricks! You must learn how to deflect the negative energy the Guy "Friend" douses on you. Instead, you must reassure yourself. Reassure yourself that your girlfriend loves you and only you. This will temporarily hold off the Jealousy Beast ... but not for long! Next, quickly, you must put your mind into the Guy "Friend's" mind. Know your enemy. Think like your enemy. Then you must pity your enemy. You must ask yourself, "What kind of man has to make moves on a woman who has a boyfriend?" The answer is simple: a pitiful, desperate, lonely man who has no life and must scavenge from the charity of friendship that your girl gives him. You must pity him. You must pity him just like the homeless people holding up "Will Work For Food" signs on the sides of the freeway. You must pity him like a lepper in the street. You must pity him because men like him are the bottomfeeders of the Dating World. That is how you slay the Jealousy Beast.
My brothers, I hope this little piece of advice helps you in your quest to slay this Jealousy Beast. My next mini essay on this subject will deal with a far, far, far more insidious beast than the Guy "Friend" : the Like-a-Brother "Friend." ::shudder::


December 27, 2000
primadona
well, the new year is upon us and ready to kick some anus. well baby, i'm not lettin it happen again. it's been one hell of a good 2000, and i intend this upcoming year to be bigger, badder, and better::: with a few helpful guidelines:::
2001 resolutions
1. I lag, so this year, i will stop lagging. yes, that includes school, work, and household chores.
2. the reason i learned so much this year was because of all of my huge mistakes. this year, i will continue learning, without all the horrible side effects.
3. Christmas made me realize how precious family is. family it is for 2001.
4. i've also had more chances to be around the hubby's family, and i loved it:::: more time with the in-laws.
5. lagged on pictures in 2000. kodak should plan an increase in profits from me in 2001.
6. i managed to lose 4 inches off of my waistline this summer, but it all came back. same concept, but no return of the fat.
7. plastic? PLASTIC? no more plastic! or at least... ill pay it all off and work on a budget (to include impulse buys and wardrobe).
8. read more of::: Bible (damnation is not something i look forward to), dictionary (i want to be articulate damnit!), classic literary works (the stuff i missed out on in high school)
9. i've managed to keep my room clean for the past week or so::: now imma try a whole year, and maybe itll become habit.
10. i've learned sinigang, adobo, yaki soba, pretzels, pizza, and spaghetti::: i WILL learn how to cook more fulfilling food!


December 26/27, 2000
damn.. i've been laggin. BELATED MERRY CHRISTMAS! sorry i lag.
so how was your christmas? well, as for me, since you so kindly asked, mine was wonderful. it was a lot better than i expected. LOT better. first of all, it wasnt feeling very christmas-y, but once christmas eve hit, it was on. family love in the air, and companionship. it was great feeling. i just realized that Christmas is my favorite time of the year because its the only time of the year that i ever get to really kick it with my relatives. my relatives are my favorite people in the whole world. man. i loved christmas this year. it was 48 hours of family fun. minus 3 hours of sleep. but the rest of the time, it was all family.
oh yeah.. i've been laggin cuz my computer's been down. havent gotten a chance to fix it til now, and damn.. come on.. i dont wanna sacrifice family time to update. i wanna take advantage of each of those moments.
i digress. so ill stop. i wanna shop. but no money. still got presents to buy. payday is on friday. WOO!


December 23/24, 2000
okay, finally fixed my tables, now everything wont be all squishy like before. that sucked didnt it. haha. well, if people really looked, you coulda adjusted the border thing to be able to see the frame even better. TADA! but.. its okie.. its all gooodie good good now.
know what? i did most of my christmas shopping in november. but now, i find myself LAGGIN! laggin like i always do. i dont have J3's, my bro's or my bro's "friends" gifts yet. despite all of the "its okay, dont get me anything"s, its not cuz i feel obligated to, its cuz i actually want to. generosity is one of my many ::searching for a word:flaw? gifts? talents?:: well... i'm very generous. so yeah. that's me, and its hard to take that it. but.. whatever. i have to finish soon, but i'm absolutely terrified of the mall tomorrow at any given time. considering how crazy its been lately, o men o men o men.
i think the airport likes to eat people, chew them up, then spit them out at a later time. damnit.


December 21/22, 2000
so there's my test tube twin. yeah. we kinda think alike. its pretty cool. its funny because we just play a bunch of jokes n shtoof. Dorkos foe lyphe. haha.i think i see this guy everywhere. no, i'm not sprung. there's just a lotta people that go to plaza that look like this guy. see? i'm not trippin. but thanks for entertaining me online all the time.

oh yeah.. thanks for the compliment ross. thanks, but, i'm still not gonna believe it. u musta been irie or somethin.


December 20/21, 2000
OUCH. truth hurts. so does this damn bruise/cut/burn/blister thing i've got on my right arm. it gets in the way. oh. you know what else hurts? the burn on my chest that looks like hawaii. ::i was turning the pan and a little burnt piece of pretzel flew at my chest and sizzled my skin away:: getting dissed by my test-tube double a coupla days ago doesnt heal it either. u suck test-tube-double.


December 20, 2000
"okay, Jay's flight is at 10:48. Go get ready." 11:45 comes around.... Kuya, lets GO! we're gonna be late! "oh, okay let's go." so we head off to the airport, and get a call from Jay. "HEY! MY FLIGHT IS AT 10:48 PM! YOU'RE GONNA WAIT FOR ME AT THE AIRPORT FOR 12 FRICKIN HOURS? GO HOME! GO HOME!" damn. what a waste of gas. idiot.


December 19, 2000
in response
#1:: i see through the eyes of others, i hear through the wind, and judge with the mind of a libra:: just because my physical presence is absent, it doesnt mean i still do not get feedback. i have a source of excellent judges of characters. i trust what they say, and from what i've seen, what they say is right. i only intervene when something is seriously wrong and it bugs the hell outta me.
#2:: leaders give shit in order to accomplish a goal:: it's called tough love. reverse psychology. by yelling and teasing. by bringing you down to a point where you cant go any lower, the only place you can go is up. and by hurting your ego, it should serve as motivation to prove them wrong. by taking this message they wrong way, you screw yourself over. it's nothing to cry about. it's a motivational tool. use it wisely.
#3:: things change, but that is not an excuse for weakness:: if you are strong, if you are determined, if you try hard enough, then nothing can stop you. not even change. that is an excuse for the weak-willed.
#4:: there is a difference between executing commands without mistakes, and executing commands perfectly:: if none of the teams made mistakes, then the winner is the sharpest, most precise, and outstanding team. just because everything was done right, it doesnt mean it was good. competitions are judged based on the number of mistakes you make. the team that beat ben's team looked like shit, but they did the commands "according to the manual." ben's team was BOMB, but they lost because it wasnt by SOP.
#5::kept the trophy, killed the spirit. when my team got that trophy, it was covered in blood, sweat and tears. your tears washed away the glory.
#6:: "stop judging me. i dont judge you...let me be and fuck off":: like i said.. i only intervene when it is necessary. you fucked up. that wasnt a judgment, that was a call on your mistakes. and all that talk about how you guys sucked, you did. deal with it.


12.18.00Gone
bluish gray, suns don't rise, bathing deep in stolen dreams and borrowed times. The morning breaks to vacant signs of you. The shallow pools, as if the tears were mine shade the waves' reflections left behind. I search my faith to never find a clue.
And now you're gone, somehow you're gone. You were my midnight, you were my dawn, you are the shoulder that my life leaned on. you were my world, you were my song, you're everything i could depend on. but now all you are is gone:::
and i passed the blame, and it's passed the time, to cross my heart and walk across that line. Whose will is this, which poets lines pull at you?
and now you're gone, somehow you're gone. you were midnight, you were my dawn, you were the shoulder that my life leaned on. you were my world, you were my song, you're everything i could depend on. but now all you are is gone.....


December 18, 2000
a look into the past
remember when i said "man, i had a weird dream last night. but ill share with you later." well, finally have time, so here i go...
i keep having these weird dreams about my car. last night i had two of them. the first one, i changed the rear of my car. i had an avalon conversion. so i had the front and the body of a corolla, but the butt of an avalon. and i talked to sinh about adding a body kit. i hate the corolla butt:: go figure. my second dream was another hit and run dream. once again, it was in a prking lot. some uncle in his second generation whtie supra backed into my front bumper and messed it up. then he tried to deny it and drive away. but i got him this time, and i asked him for his license and registration, and he gave me the papers and drove off, but when i looked at the papers, they were mine. my registration and my license. i dunno. it was weird.
a coupla nights before that, i had a dream that i was at plaza with Krystle, and we were going home. and when we got to my car, some mexican in his big green van backed up all quick and hit my car. i was like.. WHAAAT!!! and i got out of the car, and when i looked at him, he was makin like he was getting out too. but.. when me n krys were out, he slammed his door shut and drove off. i tried to get the license plate number, but couldnt cuz he drove off all quick. all i could think was "great. now my mom isnt gonna believe me. cant happen twice in one year."
and there you go. not much, but... i was gonna try to interpret it. but.. nah. i'm too lazy. and i have work soon.


December 17/18, 2000
have you ever just sat around at a table one night and talked for hours and hours on end? isnt that the greatest? just sitting around the table and just talking, reminiscing. man o man o man. gotta love it. isnt it nice? just to have a chance to get to know each other better, catch up, laugh til your guts hurt, and cap on each other. the good times were good. the bad times were funny. each memory holds special memories. each laugh makes that special crinkle in the corner of your mouth, that little gasp for breath, and each word has a sentimental tag.


December 11, 2000
i dont understand. i'm supposed to be beat right now. but i'm not. i'm supposed to be feenin for rest. but im not. i think the portion of my brain that requires me to have a certain amount of rest is broken. that, or i'm developing superhuman powers. haha. that's why im superMAR and you're not. faster than microwaving spaghetti... more powerful than a large ego... can drink 20 ounces of black coffee in a single round... it's an insomniac... no.. it's an e-tard.. no.. IT'S SUPERMAR!
um.. no. that was not cool. but for some reason, it's unreal how i've managed to sustain my energy for so long, on such little resources. lemme see... 12 ounces of coffee in the morning, a pretzel for lunch, and half of one for dinner. and i had some spaghetti at about 11:30-ish tonite. or last night. DAMN. it's the 12th already. crap. should i change the date of entry? nah. it's ok. i've strayed again havent i? oh yeah. but ANYWAYS... went to school at 7, stayed til 10. library til 2. picked up my bro, work at 3. got home 11:30. and now i'm doing laundry and my term paper due tomorrow. =) oh yeah. lost in IM land. haha. gotta love it. why am i not tired? oh wait. i should stop.. i might jinx myself.
Oh yeah.. remember Michelangelo? the artist... the one that painted the ceiling of the Sistine chapel. he was gay. just thought you should know. little useless information. but that's the stuff that make people seem smart. =)
oh yeah.. one more thing.... it seems that i'm getting more unique page views. ooh. man. i should advertise. haha.. funny thing tho... i think its cuz i've been inditing so much. HEE. oh well. maybe i should do it more. no. but thanks you guys.. (you know who you are) that visit this place regularly. you truly make me feel special. *sniff sniff* but see.. thing is.. you REALLY should IM me or something. talk to me. otherwise it just feels all freaky.


December 10, 2000
after church excursion
went to Royal Mandarin. best mandarin food in san diego. but.. today... today was odd. scary in fact. things on the table just kept moving around. no catalysts. no wind. the table was level. it was scary. the teapot and my little bowl of egg drop soup just kept sliding around. and then my purse opened itself. good god. and this happening after church.
truth is good. dont you agree? exposing the truth is even better. not many people agree. because many people have things to hide. have you heard that song by TLC... "Case of the fake people." i learned in high school that fakeness brings forth nothing good. know why i learned that? cuz i was some dumb fake shit in middle school. but i didnt know any better. and now i do. but a lot of people still have to learn that. that trying to pull off dumb shit because you think no one will be the wiser. oh PUHLEEEZE! people just have to learn that "the truth is out there," and no matter how slick you are, you're gonna get caught up. "oh what a tangled web we weave when first we learn to deceive." **is that right?**
which brings me to another thought:: some dumb girl tried to be slick at work on saturday. she ran off without paying for her pretzels. got away on the elevator cuz she knew security was looking for her. so when she thought things died down, she goes and tries to steal from the Disney store. idiot. she got caught. what a dumbass.


December 10, 2000
back in regression mode
well, as usual, i find myself clicking links and links and more links. well, i just happened to find my fren rachel's page, and her little tribute to her n lester. *awww how sweet* and what is prominent to me is her style and attitude. dood... this girl is REALLY in love. like.. totally. you can SO see it.
and it got me thinking to how i was. and how i've changed. it's so in-your-face how much i've changed because of love. hm.. im straying off subject completely. where was i going? oh yeah. i remember back in the day, when me n genaro were together... like during the 2 years we were together... that part.
but anyways.... i remember those days... i was so happy. so scrubby. so much hair. and i see that reflected in rachel. like.. the sweats and big shirts. and the long hair. and the neverending time together with the hubby. and i guess that when we broke up... i matured a lot. hmm.. i dunno. it's weird. i started growing up out of the "why should i care" mode. i mean, i know it's like... okay. it's all centered around standards.. namean? eh. i know what i mean. just wanted to reflect on it, but this is such a sorry attempt to. i guess i strayed and found myself... a much better form of myself. someone that was more aware. more independent. more confident. and less fat. HEE. just had to throw that last one in for kicks.


December 10, 2000
LET ME IN BLOGGER! LET ME IN! blogger keeps loading up to 57% and then DIES. shit. and i forgot my old account. shit some more. damn 56k. slow! SLOW! ugh. whatever. i really need to sign off and get to studying for finals. but i dont want to. i think i'm doing good enough, but .. i find that i probably wont be able to make much of a difference with a lot of studying. it's not gonna change my grade. so.. whatever.
dwin, your eyes are tired and packing their bags. dont worry... once vacation starts.. they'll be up to standards again. blushing as usual sweetie pie.


December 9, 2000
good lawd
i'm not one to regress. i'm also not one who likes to dwell on the past. as a matter of fact, i despise dwelling. whatever happened has happened, and nothing can be done to change what has happened. BUT SHIT! what eats at me even more is when peoples' attitudes towards certain events is so WRONG! so where is this all going? lemme tell you...
i was reading one of my DENIED CG great-grand-daughter's page, the blogger part. they won first place at BRIGADE. and they sucked. and they won. and they got all big headed about it. not to mention that they won Lakewood. first. and they cried. and they cried for STUPID reasons. they always cry. they cry for everything. that's so WRONG. they cried. they cried and they sucked. which is basically telling me... SOMETHING IS WRONG HERE! because it takes so much from the prestige of what my team accomplished in the past. if they could have won OUR trophy for some shit performance as theirs, then what does that say about US? it puts my team and my brothers to shame to have those performances "reflect" on what they were taught and what OUR standards are. if how they performed reflects "the best" then that just makes us look like shit. but you know what? OUR team had prestige. we met the expectations of our predecessors... when the name and the team and the school and the trophy actually stood behind those standards. but then again, looking back, OUR year was the only one that actually met those standards set. no one else did. we were the best. WE ARE THE BEST. i haven't seen ONE team exceed US. and believe me, i've been to many competitions. not one team could beat us in our prime. not one team could have been as well rounded as our team. and i'm not talking about ANY team... im talking about LET3CG 9899. not one team can exceed our discipline, morale, obedience, prestige, PERFECTION, drill skills, strength, unity, and friendship. we had the best memories, competitions, leaders, mentors, ... everything.
seeing how much the standards have gone down since then is a real disappointment. it actually makes me cry. it hurts deep down cuz despite my knowledge of our prestige, it still looks bad on US. the corruption now... it's horrible.
and despite all of the words that i have plastered across this page, it still doesnt describe how i feel inside. how disappointed i am. how angry. how sad. how sad.


December 9, 2000
picked up a coupla pairs of pants today. ooh. nice. the ones i got from Express were the indigo 5/6 Long flares. low rise. fits perfectly now, and with a coupla washes, will fit even better. the other pair were from Structure, a pair of khaki warm up pants that i've been putting off from buying. Structure has the best warm up pants. i love how they fit and they feel like pajama pants, but still look nice enough to wear on a day out.
i really think i should wear a big sign on my forehead that says "i have a boyfriend that can hurt you." but.. i think i'd only have to wear it at work. too many miscellaneous guys come up to me and flirt and pester me. i always get asked "do you have a boyfriend?" and i swear, the next guy that works at plaza that asks me that will get something funky in their next pretzel. GEEZ maaaaan. i have a boyfriend. i STILL have a boyfriend, and asking how he is isnt gonna keep him from kicking your ass if you continue to pester me with your insignificance. constantly asking me that wont change the answer either. geez man. we've been together for almost 3 years. he's not gonna o away any time soon. oh. and flirting wont get you a free pretzel either.


December 8, 2000
PMS power
this morning when i woke up, i was cranky as hell. i had two phone calls, lack of sleep, and bad dreams. so when i woke up, i was on a rampage, mutilating what was in my way and yelling at anything that made any sound. i ddint get to study as much as i wanted to, i was leaking heavily, and i was still hella pissed at the events that happened yesterday. so i thought today would be the worst.
but things took a turn for the better. i had a chance to study (although it was at the expense of a comm review), i met new friends and socialized with old ones. i ate at Todai's with Mike the crustacean, and revisited Morse. didnt go for CG, didnt go to advise, just went to chat **in person** with my old buddies that unfortunately have not graduated yet from high school. they keep me happy. just socializing without drama. it was nice.
i guess the only downer for this whole experience is the weather **but that had its perks for my car's torque** and the fact that one of my old instructors **what a bitch** is accusing me of stealing some trophies that my team earned. which by the way is OUR property, and not theirs.
i just noticed that i'm always in a much better mood after associating with friends from high school. it's hard for me to admit it, but those were good days. college brings on solitary drama. even though it's not exactly demanding, the strains it puts on friendships is harsh. i guess i've learned that the hard way, but socializing with light-hearted friends is always uplifting. another visit is scheduled for next friday. and it's my day off. i think it's time to chill. no worries for today.


December 6, 2000
just because i dont have time, it doesnt mean that i dont care. just because i CANT make time, it doesnt mean that the few precious moments of my alone time cant be spent with you. no its not out of obligation... unless you make it out to be like that. self-fulfilling prophecies: if you will it to happen enough, if you keep saying it will happen, then it is inevitable that it will. go ahead and say i am with you out of obligation. say it enough and it will happen. because i will be so sick of hearing that same shit that i will dread HAVING to be around you because you always think that i am around you for the wrong reason.
im getting tired of being fake just to please other people. if it bugs me, it will bug me. im not gonna fake it like it doesnt. FUCK YOU. did you hear me? FUCK YOU. i dont give a damn what you think about me. if you think that shit about me, that just gives me the right to think the same shit about you. you know why? because you believe a fallacy, so that gives me the right to believe a fallacy about you.
wait up.. i just figured it out... i must always have the upper hand.. that is why i do what i do, choose who i choose, and say what i say. that's part two of my personality. part three consists of the fuzziness that's easy and hard to get to. ... considering....


December 5, 2000
why is it that very bad things always seem to happen at the worst possible time? finished my sociology paper today.... my printer died. it wont respond. i have to reconnect everything cuz my motherboard is weak and cant handle the weight. POS Compaq. last night while closing, my store starts leaking on the store below me. had to call maintenance to shut my water off and call a plumber. slit my wrist again on the granita machine. no im not suicidal, the machine is trying to kill me and make it look like im some maniac. i got my rag yesterday while working and it did not feel good. oh well. at least i have a few things to look forward to. my bro coming home. my platinum discover card (wish it was VISA though). my RWS essay that i'm planning to wow my professor with. registration. and opening on thursday. opening means i have study time for my psych midterm on friday. so all in all, everything balances out. ahh... the life of a libra.


December 4, 2000
Frickin Valvoline. they screwed me over. well, i guess it was an accident, but that's still no excuse. today, after i made the deposit, i looked at my car, and my hood was open. it wasnt exactly noticeable, but i saw it. so i pull the hood up, and loe and behold, i have no oil cap. no wonder i smelled oil while i was driving. so i slam the hood down, and it doesnt lock. i slam it again, and still... it doesnt lock. hmm.... i wonder what happened. so i inspect the hook, and i find my oil cap. sitting there all pretty and blocking the hook. i pick it up.. and WHOA! hey... its all broken. nonetheless, i screw it in to its rightful place, and scurry my tired ass home. Valvoline's gonna get it tomorrow.


December 2, 2000
Happy 21st Reggie. maybe you'll start looking filipino this year. or maybe you'll change your name so it doesnt sound so um.... nm. bubble pipe and red velvet robe. that's all you'll be for now. haha. had a good time tho. goooood food. only wish i'd come sooner for the better stuff. that was a pretty good party considering it was sposed to be a fob party. but geez. you coulda gone easy on the alcohol. 21 is a landmark.. but moderation man. moderation.


December 1, 2000
wow. what a night. me, sarah, and elliot went into psycho mode tonite. we were literally on the floor laughing our asses off for no reason and tearing. elliot was on his back on the floor, sarah was screaming her lungs out in the bathroom, and i was in the corner crying and laffing. was it the stress? or the rude customers? or maybe the fact that it was so busy and we were working too hard undermanned. but anyways, we scared away customers and made our friends think we were all nutsoid. BUT.. we were still done on time, no REAL problems tonite, and today we realized that WE ARE DAMN GOOD.
why today? it seems like everyone i know came to get hooked up today. i gave away SOOOO many pretzels that i think i woulda made another hundred in profits if i didnt hook them all up. but its all good. no favor goes unreturned, and hey.. they're just pretzels. so now i got a hook up at VIP and wherever Patty-cake Patrick works. im in the mood of some ice cream tho. but that hook up is long gone. and jerome wasnt working. no cookies. boooo.
finals are creeping up. so that means so is WINTER BREAK! WOOO! i'm gonna go all out this season and have the best christmas of my life. jay and kuya are coming. the whole crew is gonna have a blast. a whole month of just being young and not stressing.