December 31, 2002
2 and a half hours til january 2003. SHOOT ME NOW!!! haha. me and the hip attachment have decided to write out a contract for january. i figger that it's easier to do a month-by-month resolution than to try to work on it for a year. cuz if we fail for a month, its less of a beating than failing after a year. hahaha. baby steps. baby steps! another reason to shoot us? we've become that couple... the kind that makes you cringe when you see them walking past. hugging and walking at the same time... we've seemed to have perfected the art. all kissy face everywhere we go. TAKING OUR LUNCH BREAKS TOGETHER. oh GEEEEEZ. we need to be shot. BAH.

and will someone PLEAAAASE kill this urge inside me to SPEND SPEND SPEND? christmas is over, so why am i still buying shit left and right? BAH. i fell in love with a GUCCI SWISS today. ugh. and im on the verge of getting a bottle of Chanel Chance and Armani Emporio. damnit damnit damnit damnit. oof. these designers are gettin to me. next thing you know, it wont be Abercrombie and Hurley... it'll be SAKS FIFTH AVE.

but first i gotta make a REAL income. bleh. whatever. we'll see what happens in 2003.

til then... have a safe one people. i gotta see if my classes are still open.


December 29, 2002
did ya get a load of my most recent guestbook entry? from "Billy Shakes." goes a little something like this...
I've read your journal on desperate moments for a good hardy laugh. I must admit, you utterly amuse me with your pedantic remarks. Maybe someday you'll be able to love and accept yourself, short-comings and all (which I've gathered from your stodgy dialougue), before you can really start understanding other human beings. Like my friends in Castro say, "Don't Hate, CONGRATULATE!"

yeah. first of all... whoever the fuck that was... coulda been more creative. i mean "billy shakes"? uh. what is that? the wanna-be modern WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE? (and FYI, the "modern" term for one who is really into shakespeare is "SHAX." get it right.) cuz if it was a REAL person, he woulda left an actual email address or contact site. and excuse you, but you are trying WAAAY too hard to sound like you are a step above me on the social ladder. so do me a favor, and grow some balls before you try to pass judgment on me.

so anyhow, ive been WHOARED out this past week between departments. in the past week ive worked in shoes, mens and womens fragrances, juniors, better sportswear, better casuals, and young mens. the remainder of the week ill be in juniors, dresses, executive office, and collections. fun fun fun! whatever. im loggin in a GRIP of overtime. money that i desperately need after this christmas.

p.s. sorry erik. bah. you know me. im a flake remember?


December 26, 2002
BELATED MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

sorry i lag, but ive been HEEEEELLLLLAAAA spending quality time with my family. my bros only really get to hang out like this once a year. so i gotta take full advantage while i can. im only online right now cuz all the bros are watchin Fellowship of the Ring. cuz weeez on our way to see The two towers in about half an hour. gotta wait for the hip attachment (aka sweetest boyfriend in the whole entire world that i love so much that i just wanna squeeze forever and ever and never ever ever let go! >>>>> BANG! hahaha!). he gets off work at 930. the bros recognize that we're attached at the hip. which is a good thing. and also a good thing that he's already found his niche with the bros. YEAAAHHHH!!!!! im lovin it!

did i mention that im the worst friend EVER? i think i called a total of like 3 people yesterday. cuz i was too involved with my family. its okay. ill call around later on in the evening. whatever. nobody called me. makes it just as bad right? haha whatever. but to all the friends that read me, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! i swear i DID NOT forget you in my prayers.

a special shout to JEEEEERRRRYYYYYYY and EEEERRRIIIKKKKK. i think the only two people that actually reciprocate communication. thanks guys. you're the bestest ever! merry christmas and what not. if you want a present, let me know and wait for two weeks and ill get you one. =) sorry. low on funds this christmas. wrote a coupla rubber checks. *boing boing boing boing* hahaha. its okay. whaaatever.

ho hum. okay. can i just tell you?!?!?! working in a department store on christmas eve and the day after christmas SUCKS BIG HAIRY BALLS! ugh. specially when you're workin WOMENS SHOES. fuck that. i only have one more day in that department and its over. then im gettin sent over to JUNIORS. which means im gonna be cleanin up after dirrrrrty ass girls that dont know how to pick up after themselves. damnit. i have a feeling that im not gonna last very long there. they need to stick me in mens fragrances. or womens. im damn good at it now. hahah. and i miss the vendors. BAH. why the hell am i talking about work for? hahah. CUUUZZZZZ.... imma be doin 45-50 hour weeks starting next week. FUN FUN FUN! ive transitioned into being the Athlete's Foot's coffee girl. you know me and my starbucks addiction. and TAF is conveniently on the way over... so i stop by on a normal basis to fetch coffee for the manager on duty. hahah. i guess i hang out there enough that they're comfortable bossing me around. hahaha. PATHETIC i tell you. PA-THE-TIC. geez. i act like a million people work there. uh. no. just the general manager (jerry), the assistant (john), the third key (kyung), my sweetie's ex girlfriend (mae), and the bestest boyfriend in the whole universe (brian. obviously), oh yeah. and some new breezie that jerry hired cuz vanessa quit unexpectedly. hahah. damnit. the fact that i have personal relationships with these people says a lot. fuck me. what a fucking LOSER!

well anyway, i got what i wanted for christmas.... Kurt Cobain's JOURNALS. holy shit. you HAVE to read it. if you have some sort of sense in you. if you have an open mind.... WHOA. this guy was DEEP. and HILARIOUS! a bit schizo, but what do you expect from a druggie. but damn. its a good book. go read it.

that's all folks. if i dont get here before new years, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! be safe please.


December 23, 2002
can somebody PLEAAAASE explain to me why people feel the need to BULLSHIT other people in order to make themselves look better? i mean... especially with OBVIOUS shit. for example... don't tell me you go to school full time AND work full time when you OBVIOUSLY dont because there's no way in hell that your classes are sporatic. if you're at work 24/7 mon-saturday and have different shifts every week, dont you think it's a little fishy that your teachers allow such truancies? cuz i know them community college "professors" like to keep attendance. your classes aint that big.
well anyhow... so WHY?!?! and if you're blatantly lying to somebody that you wanna hook up with... you're just plain stupid. cuz if that person just happens to fall for your bullshit, you're gonna have to come clean eventually. honesty is a necessity for intimacy. if you say you're one person, and turn out to be another, dont you realize that all that shit that you've been shovin is gonna end up back in your face?

bottom line, DONT BULLSHIT people. cuz people find out the truth eventually. and gettin yourself outta that mess is more strenuating than telling the truth. specially if it's to the person you're tryin to hook up with. that's just plain retarded. that's not the smartest way to gain their trust. and please dont pile on the shit. shit stinks. and bullshit just reeks. so trust me on this.... and just dont do it.


December 21, 2002
BRACE YOURSELF. i got time on my hands, and im not afraid to use it. we've got a lot of catching up to do... so let's get started....

oooohhhh!!!! caught up! i decided not to tell my parents of my current employment situation. things always seem to get a little heated when i change jobs. they think it's unhealthy. i think it's all a learning experience. plus i got bills to pay. i decided to come home an hour before work this morning, so my mom got kinda worried. blew up my phone and everything. so she called my previous job, found out that i havent been there for a month, and started questioning those in my household. so tonight i have to come clean. about EVERYTHING. otherwise, say goodbye to the material girl.

if you were wondering why i decided to come home so early, it's cuz i slept over at brian's again. he slept over the night before, and nobody had a problem with it. hmm. sleeping without him at night gets tiresome. i need to hear him snoring in my ear. otherwise i cant get a good night's rest. go figger. we're clingy remember?

anyway, im on "vacation" now. which just means ill be spending more money and more time with brian. hoping to get a REAL job out of retail sometime soon. but let's not get excited cuz we all know how lazy mar can get. i royally screwed myself on my physiology final. i couldnt get the hormones down for pee-ing. sucks to be me, cuz i can hold my pee really well but i cant explain why i can do such things. whatever. hopefully i passed my sociology final. bah. whatever. i fucked up big time this semester. goodbye grad school. guess ill be goin remedial for that.

formals... ah formals. brian didn't do as well as i expected in the greek scene. he reacted with the same silent gape as all other previous boyfriends did. believe me... if you're not GREEK, you'll never understand. no matter how prepared you are for it, no matter how well you get along with all the sisters, no matter how much you love each other... greeks n nongreeks will always have FORMALS to split them in two. ofcourse, we were still attached at the hip.... he did MUCH better than previous dates did, but i think he was still in that "what the hell is going on here" state of mind the entire night.
the after party was shortly broken up by the cops. the hotel walls were entirely too thin. the party was small anyway. overall, this formals DID NOT impress me. i was quite disappointed. i know AphiG girls can throw a MUCH better party. we were just low on funds. damnit. and to think... between me n bri, we must have spent close to $550 just for that one night. i played babysitter cuz i was wunna the SOBER ones. whatever. ive got YEARS with the sorority. there will come better parties.

sooooo..... i work in fashion valley now. in case you havent heard. fashion valley robinsons may. yey for me. i get to see all the superficial typs parade around in their too-high shoes and their too-strong perfume. oh and yes... im working in FRAGRANCES. ive developed an immunity to it, but i still come home smellin like everyone's gramma. sucks that im not on commission, cuz i do DAMN well. id be makin bank if i did... but i dont. so fuck me.
anyway, somehow, a few of my coworkers have developed crushes on me and my female colleagues have been so obliging as to let me know. it's entertaining. nice to know i still possess some charisma.

bah. or it could be just rule number one.

my KUYA IS COMIN HOME!!! yes! i love me my bro time!


December 19, 2002
in the midst of finals (the hardest of my college years as of yet), the holiday season, 45 hour work weeks, and debt crawlin up my ass. i apologize for the lack of entries. but believe me, we have A LOT to catch up on. more details as soon as i have time. just takin a quick break from physiology to empty out my inbox. ouch. 63 new emails in barely 5 days.

anyhoo, life is good. just runnin low on time is all. things will get better soon. but my time management will be greatly tested this holiday with my schedule w/ my bros around n the newest hip attachment. i promise that you wont be left hangin. just be patient and you'll get what you need.

but as a teaser....
FORMALS!
and the after-party.
boys boys boys at work.
drama on the rise?
livin at home.
school n the exam season.


12.12.02.yowzahz
i keep forgetting that it's finals season. always sucks. but at least more starbucks are open later. yippee! anyhoo, just finished my abnormal psych exam. yech. not so bad. but not so good either. whatever. as long as i pass then its all gravy. at this point, i just want school to be over with already. that's 3 down, 2 to go. my two hard ones too. wish me luck.

12.12.02.wow.
in the process of breakdown. but this is the crucial point. the make or break point. i have finals. no car. no money. formals. and a shitload of sorority responsibilities that i have to deal with. time is a bitch if you dont know how to manage it. and bills suck when you have no money to pay for them. fuck. im so thankful that i have brian and my sisters for help. and my brothers. *whew* without them, i have nothing.

cramming for a final. worrying about getting my letters done for formals on friday. still have my dedication page to finish and send. and one of the neo interviews to send out to my big sis. i have until midnight, so i should be fine. damnit damnit damnit damnit. i HATE cramming. but its the only way i can get things done.

oof. i should really be studying right now. but i just wanted to comment that i have been using geocities as my primary server for about 1 3/4 years now. and have only totalled 18,097 hits. what the hell. nobody likes me. =( but hittage should be the least of my concerns right about now. but it takes my mind off things. so fuck it.

FOCUS MAR! FOCUS!!!

praaaaaaaaaaablems.

December 12, 2002
well that was unexpected. we ended up in fullerton today. drove around for a while. hit up a few malls. did a little shopping. built a bear. (BTW, HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY VANESSA!!!) somehow between monday and today, we decided on a road trip. and mind you, we both had school yesterday (err, it's 3am as i type this, so yesterday meaning tuesday) and didnt get to see each other much. just a 2 hour rendezvous in mira mesa before his english final and after our 2pm classes. today was fun. it's been a while since we've taken a road trip. we've been so caught up in studying and working that leisure time must be taken in san diego. =P but that trip was something that we needed. even though it wasnt exactly financially practical, nor was it beneficial to our grades (i have 2 term papers to write tonight and he has another final tomorrow), it was something we needed for the benefit of our mental health.

by the way, did i mention it was 3am? make that 3:26am. i just finished up my term paper for psychology of personality and am SUPPOSED to be finishing up my physiology paper, buuut... i got sidetracked. i needed a break damnit. ....'sides.... i still have an article to find. but eh. i came home at 1am. started at 1:30ish. it took me roughly an hour and a half to do a 5-page paper APPLYING most of the theories we learned in class the entire semester. that's including proof-reading and editing... TWICE. either im gettin PRO at this, or im setting myself up for another C. *knock on wood*

but today was worth it. we celebrated our first month-aversary of being official. hahah. that sounds so high school. being "official." geez dude. just shoot me already. so that makes us 4 months and 27 hours into our relationship. maybe even more. it took us a while for that first kiss. and all of our time that we spend together... accumulated, should equal to the amount of time a normal couple spends together after 8 months. yes... we actually DO spend THAT much time together. connected at the hip. and since there's only a 1-inch height difference, we really ARE connected at the hip.

we're so in love. we were just CHEESE today. i think we made everyone around us choke to death.

p.s. hey DING, i kept calling your apartment today. by the time i got through, you werent home. i left a message with your roomie... but dont know if you ever got it. but anyway, i was in the area. just thought that we could hang out or somethin.


December 10, 2002
we had a nice long talk yesterday. about the whole LOVE issue. turns out that while i was trying to convince myself that i wasnt, he was tryin to grow the balls to tell me that he was. err.... IS. i guess i understand. for a while we were playing a game to see who would crack first. i wanted him to say it to me first because he's pulled all the first moves in this relationship so far... so i figgered that there was no point in me tryin to be the man at this point. but then again... saying it first is the girl's job anyway. but whateva... if you feel it, you feel it. theres no point in holding back. cuz if you're sure of it, then pretty much the other person must feel the same way. our little game continued for a couple of weeks. the both of us were really tryin to grow the balls to say it to each other. yeah yeah yeah, we both felt it, but it's one thing to feel it, and its another to just come out and say it. it sucks to be the first to say it cuz even tho you know that the other person feels the same way, you're always gonna dread those few seconds that they havent replied. and trust me... it always takes a while to reply.
but do you know WHYYYYY they take a while to reply? cuz it's a fucking scary place to be. as much as you know that things will get better.... as much as you know in your heart that this is true... as much as you know that this is what you want to happen... falling in love is scary. as many times you've been down that road, it always feels like its your first time with each different person. and on the receiving end of the phrase... the other person is terrified/happy/unsure/ecstatic/shocked that they're finally hearing what they've been waiting to hear. trust me... when you're THAT full of emotion... and such different ones... it's usually hard to reply coherently. so there's usually a pause... a special meeting of the eyes, and then that one glorious, unforgettable moment when your affection is reciprocated. AHHHH LOVE. it's a wonderful place to be... all it takes is to jump that last, difficult hurdle before the glory of the finish line.

and in most cases... its only the beginning. when it's TRUE, you'll know it. it's something you could never imagine. and even if you've been in love before... its always new and different.

BAH. i feel like a sack of CHEESE. sorry. but life has just gotten brighter and brighter with each passing day with brian. never a dull moment. never any doubts. our relationship just keeps getting stronger and stronger with every obstacle that we've managed to come by. he's been with me through A LOT. every kind of problem, whether it be emotional, financial, physical, and mental. supporting me every step of the way. its not just a bf/gf relationship anymore. its something beyond that, that only few couples can experience.

oh man. are you listening to all this blabber? hahahahahaha! it feels like we're that horny old couple on SNL. ew.


December 9, 2002
PROBLEMS. i just went over my past few entries. here and on my blogspot. fuck me. cuz i make no sense. i shouldnt be allowed to post anymore when im like that. after i got off the computer that night, i gave Bri a hug, and knocked out in one of the cubicles at school. a couple of hours later, i woke up, grabbed him, and off to bed we went. but GEEZ. dont ever let me babble on like that EVER AGAIN!

yeah. like that's gonna happen. take away the babbling in my posts and what do you get? ZIP.

but on to the good stuff.... somewhere within the bodies of my ramblings, i came to a conclusion that the reason that i couldnt bring myself to admit that i had fallen in love (*GASP* yes i said it... LOVE) with brian was cuz i still had shit in my system from mark. as in... i was SOOO not over him. i guess i just had to admit that to myself for closure. i didnt need mark for closure. all i had to do was get him out of my system by admitting that there was a lot of shit that happened, i really did have strong feelings for him, but all of that is over. ITS OVER. and that's the end of it. and that's what i really needed to realize so that i could finally admit to myself that i have fallen for brian. and it's for real.

so i told him. first in a text message. then the night after i told him over the phone. i would have preferred to have told him in person, but it just flowed. saturday night. technically, it was early sunday morning. so december 8th i guess. as we were getting off the phone, i said "i love you." and he replied with an "i love you too." and at that point, i was bewildered. i didnt expect him to say it back. but he did. he didnt have to. and that's something he's NEVER said before. ((cuz the thing with him is, he wont say it unless he really means it. he's had other girlfriends. im the first he's ever felt it with. awwww....!!!)) so that alone was a shocker.

WE'RE IN LOVE!!!!! yeaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh! k. sorry. but im happy right now.

and add to that... i have 8 new sisters!! CONGRATULATIONS THETA CLASS!


December 5, 2002
1am. back in the RBR. we were in the actual LIBRARY part of the library today. i finished up my sociology paper. got the ball rollin on my bio paper. and got my bio notes online. p.s. at this rate, im figgerin on 3 Bs and 2 Cs. considering that i was missing in action or asleep for a majority of the semester, i did pretty well. and considering that a major chunk of the exams were based on book material... on books that i couldnt afford to buy this semester... i did awesome. did a hell of a lot better than those idiots that actually went to class, stayed awake, bought the books, and still had no brains to get a solid grasp of the material. sorry. that's mean.

okay. some guy is ridin around on a RAZOR scooter in RBR and some other guy is frantically chasing after him with no shoes on. what the fuck. finals season has got everyone going MAD. oh well. that was a nice distraction. 1am and RBR is PACKED. as in, we had to WAIT for a table. and we had to WAIT for a computer. for quite a while too. everyone in here is working on term papers and studying for their exams. isnt higher education WONDERFUL?

anyway, i was intending on writing a shpiel about relationships... but nothing's comin out. i think im a weeee bit tired.

im waiting for him to finish the body of his history paper. so i can drive him to his car. and we can go to off-of-greenford-home and knock out. i have class at 930am. work 12-4. class at 4. and sorority obligations immediately afterwards. fuck me. i have class 12-4. what the hell am i doing working? oof. sorry. if my sentences make no sense, blame it on the lack of sleep and the lack of food in my system. lately, i havent been getting hunger pangs. so i havent been eating. if he didnt make me eat at certain times, id probably be passed out somewhere because i forgot to eat. oh shit. that reminds me.... it's about time for meal. its been a few hours. err... few? no. its been MANY hours. but you'd be surprised how long you can last on a banana and 2 liters of water. ((holy shit that guy is HOT! i wanna go talk to him. but im afraid that anything i say outloud will come out as gibberish)) and i have a boyfriend. and i have no balls. whatever. he's still hot. so anyway... what was i talking about? that's a nice beanie. fuck me. i need to sleep.

sweetie, can we go home now? blanket is tired.


December 4, 2002
yey me. finished a whole 8 hours of work today. im a workin giiiirrrl again. woop dee doo. they stuck me in womens fragrances. damnit. so if i start sounding nasal, it's cuz ive been inhaling toxins for 40 hours a week around hoity-toity middle aged bargain hunters listening to elevator music. i have a feeling it's gonna be a long december. but whatever. it's an income for now. i scored another interview today. scheduled for monday. yey me. oh man. you should see me. in my square-toe boots and my stretchy pants and BLOUSE. good grief. i feel like an old fart.

so listen... im just taking a quick break right now. ive been reading and studying my ass off for the past few days. the only time that ive gotten to spend with brian is when we're doing homework (he's workin on the computer right behind me) or SLEEPING. not exactly couple kind of stuff... but it's okay. cuz we're both being productive and spending time together. two birds with one stone. keeps us both on track with school and work too. keepin each other in check as far as academics goes. im not lettin him fail any of his classes this semester (or drop any of them) and he's not lettin me fall beneath my standards. good shit. it's nice to have a partner to support you.

ooh. got sidetracked. what i was TRYIN (unsuccessfully) to tell you was that i have 2 papers due tomorrow. i just tackled 500 pages of reading within the past 4 days. and im well on my way of re-attaining my status as insomniac. sleep only comes in the arms of my sweetie. so forgive me for not making sense. ive been tryin to get myself back on track remember?

ah. what do you care. you LIKE it when im down and out. gives you something interesting to read. .... well in that case.... screw you. asshole.

hah. just kidding. im just a little cranky. we woke up at 530am this morning after coming home at midnight from my sorority activity and him from the gym. and you know how we are... chatty chatty chatty. so we didnt fall asleep til late. but i love fallin asleep in his arms. (ooh! i got butterflies) and its been work and studying ever since. so im cranky. expect me to be until the end of finals. or til formals.

k. now click a link. any link. *WHOOSH*


12.02.02.later.on.in.the.night.
i should wait like 15 minutes to post this so i can put up a new date header. but whatever. im tired of learning about PEE. one of the ugly aspects of bio. it's cool n all to learn about how your body works... but its not a cool thing to think about when you're sittin on the can and tracking the movement of ions and hormones in your body. i was sittin there tryin to pee in peace and all i could think about was about how good it felt to relax my external sphincter muscle. hesitating to say... but i actually looked at the color of my pee to see whether i was hypo/hyper/ or iso osmotic.

well anyway... doop dee doo dee doo. i got sick of feeling sorry for myself. so i woke up this morning, got my lazy ass out of bed, and started looking for a job. as in... i actually filled out a couple of applications. i need an income damnit. and wherever it may come from... im SOOO not caring right now. so i got hired on at Robinson's May in fashion valley as a full time seasonal employee. i start tomorrow. the HR lady looked over my application and offered me a position within 10 minutes of my entrance. didnt even have to interview. woop dee doo. prospective at Bank of America in mission valley. im thinking i wanna work at either a bank or a hotel starting january. but ill bite my tongue for now. no telling how lazy im gonna get.

then i went for a nice LOOONG run in mission bay. i really needed that reflection time. and the exercise. ive been keeping up with my toning exercises... but ive been HELLA laggin on aerobics. i need to step up my routine a bit. necessary for my sanity... you understand.

called up my older brother to catch up. he'll be in vegas this week, and i just wanted to make sure everything was going well with him. he's planning to move back to the west coast next may. and im planning to move in with him (LA area). which means i gotta transfer. err... then maybe not. commuting doesnt sound very nice right now. but at least we got to catch up. it's gonna be a good christmas. ive been reinforcing my ties with the bros as of late. tryin to figger out who's gettin what for christmas. and what we're gonna do for 2 weeks while the faraway bros are in SD.

caught up with the sisters today too. had a "sisterhood" at momma glo's apartment. watched our formals video. and caught up with the pledges. i miss those girls. i need to reconnect with all my sisters. but in due time. formals is right around the corner, and there isnt anything better than a bunch of drunk sorority girls to remember why i love them so much.

and the day ends here. back at school. im halfway done with my Bio review. gotta finish up on my sociology reading (its k. only 250 pages to go. but it's an interesting book so i should be done by late wednesday). then type up my bio paper.

im proud of myself. im getting my shit straight. slowly but surely. but im gettin there. thanks for your concern.

December 2, 2002
what a bunch of sick fucks. why is it that the number one search for this page is "prom tipsy pee video"???? sick sick sick.

anyway... i wrote a little story. but a little hesitant on whether to post it or not.


12.01.02.damnit.
what the hell is it with people who dont know how to handle relationships? okay. i know that this may not be the best time to start goin off into some weird shpiel. but i just have to.
what can i say... what is it with couples and DRAMA!?!?! and the fact that most of them dont fess up to it. go off into how wonderful their significant other is to the world. how they do this and that. and cuz she/he does this and that for them. how wonderful it is to be together. blah blah blah blah blah. and then you find out that they break up because it was all DRAMA. and when did all this drama occur? may i ask? huh.
i guess im seeing it from the perspective of someone in a happy relationship. sorry. but we dont fight. sorry. but we dont argue. sorry, but whatever differences we have, we've always managed to fulfill each others' needs.
i guess its cuz everyone out there just wants to SETTLE. and the fact that society deems a "normal healthy relationship" one that has the couple arguing at least twice a week doesnt help. you dont need to argue. and if you're arguing THAT much about NONSENSE... and in most cases... it's about the same damn thing every time you fight... it aint worth it. trust me... you can find better sex elsewhere. why stay in a relationship that binds you to be and act like someone you're not? tellin ya... aint worthit. everything that you've "invested" in the relationship.... just LEAVE IT. just cuz you've invested that much, doesnt mean that it's gonna make anything better in the long run. and the fact that he/she makes you happy "for the most part," it's temporary and sporatic.
so what if you're hoppin from relationship to relationship? if you dont find happiness with one person, what's wrong with finding it with someone else? it's a hell of a lot better than restricting yourself to one person that you know will make your life inevitably miserable. and staying single? for what? single time is just the time in between relationships. face it people... unless you have some sort of phobia of people... you're bound to be in a relationship at some point in your life. go ahead and be single. aint nothin wrong with it. but there's nothing wrong with being a part of a happy couple either. if you dont wanna commit, then dont commit. just dont throw a hissy-fit about people that do. you find your happiness in being out there and having the freedom to do as you please. i find my happiness in being out there and having the freedom to do as i please... and having someone to come home to that i know will accept me for everything i do, have done, and will be. it's nice to have someone that um (loves) you unconditionally. and supports you. and helps you through your tough times. it doesnt mean you're dependent upon it. but having that support is a tremendous help.
life will toss you an incredible amount of opportunities. TAKE THEM. and if they dont lead you to the place where you want to be, then toss it. life will bring you more. but what's wrong with taking chances? it's better than living a life constantly asking yourself "what if." cuz you know that if you dont ask that one girl for her number THAT night, you just never know when you'll see her again. you know that at the end of the semester, that hot guy that you've been adoring from afar wont be in your next 8am class. and that hottie that you see strollin past your store for each of your shifts... just might end up being the one person that could make you happy. you just never know.
.... i didnt... but look how happy i am with brian.

December 1, 2002
damnit. it's been over a week. i gotta get off my ass and work already.

hey jer, i finally got your vmail last night. WHOOPS. sorry. i dont like checking my vmail. but thanks for the greeting. and BTW, "please take me home" could that be simple plan (my alien)? err... a blink song comes to mind too. just wondering. hope your turkey day went well... err.. as well. =P ur workin at newgen now right? been thinkin of applying. but im having a relapse of senioritis.

i didnt know that RBR was closed on saturday. so i strolled up in herrre yesterday. parked. walked to aztec center, and some random guy came up to me and told me that the library was closed. damnit damnit damnit damnit. it was cool tho. he was cute. tall. was there to study. von zipper glasses. hurley shirt. billabong shorts. with some DVSs. and was courteous enough to inform me of the closure. if i wasnt spoken for, i woulda talked him up a little more. (p.s. we walked to our cars together. he has a cute little BMW. 3 series) haha. yeah right. me of little balls. i SOOO would not have asked him for his number.

i had a short story brewin in my head for you guys. slight deviation from the usual bitch&moan. buuuut. i got lazy and stayed in bed all day waiting for my sweetie to get off work so we could go work on our papers together. watched the charger game. it was a good game. so it wasnt a COMPLETE waste of time.

p.s. i think ill start making it to the 10am mass. the 1130 choir is really buggin me with the new versions of my favorite songs. buggin buggin buggin. i like going to church for the readings and the sermon. not really into the choir tryin to exploit themselves.