02.27.06
so i just finished my "Starbucks Experience" class. and a coffee tasting. and i'm friggin WIRED. you should see some of the messages i sent out. holy freakin crap i think i'm gonna scare people with the shit i wrote. not that i'm psychotic or anything. but the comments were just kind of everywhere on the board. hahahhaha. i'm on crack. because that wasn't even funny and i friggin laughed my ass off for no reason.... then again... it was "hahahhaah." as in ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-period. so not really.
mar is cracked out on caffeine. don't listen to her. dum dee dum dee dum. too much coffee (black, no cream, no sugar. ack!) makes mar a freakin weirdo.
and how random.. that my Boudins guy was in my class! hahah! Mark is a freakin starbucks partner now too! hahahahah! the mission/fashion valley employee pool is a freakin small world! or maybe mar just knows too many freakin people. i should just stop talking to people.
nah. that would just be depressing.
someone asked me to send them a "sexy" picture.
i sent them a picture of my Psych Degree from SDSU. because i think that's sexy.
my court date for the DUI is on 3/22/06!!! Wish me luck, folks. and please pray for me!!!
mar needs to go for a jog to burn off this energy.
see kids? this is why you shouldn't do drugs.
February 27, 2006
(((a summary of date w/ NemoClone)))
you know it's bad when you need a drink after going out for drinks. strike 1: scraped the bumper driving out of the driveway (poor car). translation: bad driver. Strike 2: not using a seatbelt... AT ALL. translation: lack of sense of responsibility. Strike 3: driving drunk. p.s. this is only a major strike because of the combination of strikes 1&2. you can't be a bad driver, not wear your seatbelt, drink more than your date (on your FIRST date, nonetheless), then drive drunk. that's just not cool.
eh. there goes the back of my head sayin "i told you so." oh well. at least i gave it a shot. now i know better. the original is still the best.
and stupid China is still infesting my head. argh.
BUT ANYWAY....
this weekend was supposed to be my 3day weekend. and after this past week of packing and class and work and drinking... i NEEDED a weekend off. but ofcourse... i had to work at starbucks. woop dee doo. i shouldnt complain. they've only been 5 hour shifts. but still. i'm supposed to be relaxing and cleaning my room. damnit. oh well. whatever.
the people at my store are friggin cool as hell. they're all NEUROTIC. we've got the crazy store manager that is never around, the cracked out ASM, the uber-bitter shift supervisors (all of them) and the weirdo kiddies. it's an interesting bunch. you should come visit me and join the fun.
and did i mention? i'm giving up alcohol for lent. yeap. you heard right. I'M GIVING UP ALCOHOL FOR LENT.!!!! i can do it. i know you don't believe me. but i swear to you that i can.
last year i gave up espresso... and i pulled that one off. and we all know how addicted i was to espresso. =)
and if anything... i can still drink on SUNDAYS!!! hahahah! cuz during lent, sundays are considered "Days of Rest" from your personal sacrifice. Lent is only 40 days and 40 nights of personal sacrifice, and if you look at your calendar, the days from ash wednesday and easter are more than 40 days. because sundays don't count. so technically, i can still drink on sundays. i'm gonna TRY not to... but if it comes down to it... i'm allowed to. guilt free. sucka.
so... what are YOUUUUU giving up?
February 26, 2006
post script
friday night was pretty interesting. roll call: mar, ha, melanie, gina, justin, nora, nikki, ricky, kevin, then mel's friends: brian, mike, and ryan. so it was a married couple, a gay couple, a couple on the verge of breaking up, and then the "asian couple." if you saw our group, you would be VERY confused.
but surprisingly, it was fucking HILARIOUS!!!! between the dancing with queers and the dancing with the hubbies and the sandwiches, and the shots, and the drinks, and the bathroom breaks, and the dance breaks, and the breaking off, and the running up and down the street and the HUMONGOUS pizza and the hotel room and the party crashers and the hide-n-seek and the falling off the bed and the freezing cold and the strangers in the pizza shop, and the pizza guy, and the pizzas in the trunk and the bike store and the running across the streets, and the trying to get to ralphs on time and the closed 7-11 and the miming through the window and the farting and the non-barfing and the piggy back rides and the sidewalk sitting and the dairy queen..... FUCKIN-A. that was GOOOOD times. and i never expected to have that much fun with that group of people. but it was one of my favorite times out. i dont think i've been out with a group that large without it being DRAMA. but it was drama-free. and SOOOO fucking fun. its fun to party with the mga puti. pre-partying and partying and after-partying... good times. LOTSA alcohol. man that was good.
February 23, 2006
p.s. i have a post ready and waiting to be typed. i'll give you a heads up as soon as i have the time to post it. til then... you just gotta know... that date was just... actually... i have no words. i guess you'll just have to wait.
i'm SO FUCKING BEAT.
SUNDAY: white party. didnt arrive home til 3:30ish? 4ish?
MONDAY: work. 9-6
TUESDAY: work 8-5 (tons of heavy lifting/scanning/drama!); class 6-10(torture!!!); NemoClone date 10-1230ish (ugh)
WEDNESDAY: work 8-5 (more heavy lifting/scanning/drama); melissa party 6-1am-ish (booze, booze, and more booze)
TODAY: work 8-5 (even more heavy lifting/scanning/DRAMA); class 6-10 (which i still haven't done hw for)
i'm supposed to party with the girls tonight. yeah. NO. it ain't happening. there's no way. my body just HURTS and i need to do laundry. and i haven't seen my parents in God knows how long (since about Sunday afternoon). so after class tonight, i'm determined to get some productive work done. (hooray for me!)
ugh. but i'm not looking forward to work tomorrow: work 8-5 MORE heavy lifting/scanning/drama. fuckin-A. at least i get the weekend off (aside from the working at starbucks all weekend.)
and even more GREATLY WONDERFUL AWESOME BLOSSOM NEWS: i still don't know when my "release date" is for RobMay. which means i can't even start SERIOUSLY looking for a grown-up job because i can't give them a start date. RobMay is pulling some bullshit about how they have no clue what's going on and blablablablablabla. BULLSHIT. i've been told that we would be "released" in March, then i heard in mid-April, then i heard that it could even be in JULY. i know i shouldnt complain, cuz i'm getting paid more than i normally do, and especially for (usually) standing around and talking shit with people. but still... i need to get on with my life already.
ugh. i should really ditch class tonight. i didnt do the homework anyway.
February 20, 2006
at work i received a text from China that read: "k. ttul. i'm gonna take a nap. wish you were here layin with me" what a fuckface.
stupid boys and their games.
this is my karma coming back to bite me in the ass.
in other news: i'm not sure whether or not i have a job after tomorrow. GREAT. ooh fucking RAH.
and i forgot one of the highlights of last night: and ROTC REUNION. fucking Billy. Yes, you heard right. Billy (Pledge Bro/Cadet Club Committee/Kearny High Drill Team CMDR) decided to round up people that went to Spring Camp with us in our senior year of high school and take pictures, hang out, THE WORKS. it was pretty cool, despite the nerdiness of it all.
i have a date with NemoClone tomorrow night. drinks at D&B. nice. let the drunk out early. whatever. it's just drinks.
February 20, 2006
Post script: written in bed at 3:13am
and the award goes to: ME! for: getting ready for a theme party in 5 minutes! (yes, you read right... FIVE MINUTES!!!) ... still lookin cute and makin the guy that made her feel like crap... FELL LIKE CRAP! (more on that later)
the boys of Victory Entertainment had their "Whiteline" party tonight at House of Blues. the sisters called, told me to wear all white and to be in college area in half an hour. i had nothing better to do, so i grabbed the first white top, white bottom and sweater i saw, grabbed my clutch, and was out the door. an hour later were were in the VIP line. 5 minutes later we were being ushered into the club (just like old times! sweet!)
...and then my heart began to pound. there HE was. at the bar. lookin GOOOOOOOD. China. yeap. the phone-taggin-nap-takin-jager-stealin man himself. MOTHER EFFER, i wanted to just LEAVE... but 2 shots of jager squashed that feeling. i was there to have fun, damnit. so i grabbed my girls and we were dancin in a hot minute. go figure... of all 3 dance floors, he had to be in our favorite. oh well. i didnt care. I WANTED TO DANCE!!!
every so often, i would glance over and he would be staring in my direction. then again. then again. and again. and again. after a while i got sick of it. so i just danced. turns out, (my sisterse were facing his direction) he never took his eyes off of me. HAH! take that, bitch. yes, dear, stare all you want, but i'm not coming over. fuckface.
i received a barrage of texts tonight. good to know that he regrets letting me slip away. let him chew on that for a bit. tee fucking hee.
i'd start on the story about NemoClone, but it's late. i'm tired. and my feet smell. time to clean myself. g'nite folks.
UPDATE:::: Click here for NEMOCLONE post
February 17, 2006
note to self: sleeping on right side will give you nightmares. stop it, fucker. i'm tired of waking up every 5 minutes terrified and paranoid. sleep on your LEFT.
today i have my official "interview" at Starbucks. holy crap i can't believe i'm really gonna be a partner. for those that care and would like to come visit, i'll be at Fenton Parkway (the Ikea/Costco center in the valley). fo sho i'll hook it up. breezies.
....helps that it's China's local starbucks. would like to see him again. what a uberflaugen. as much as i want to not like him for the shit that he pulled... i do miss that apartment.
p.s. he's my Berger. Bri is my Aidan. Emo is my Big. if you don't understand, then you needs to watch it in syndication. fool.
in any case, i have laundry to do. for my interview in 2 hours. and my meeting in one hour. and work in 4 hours. and partying for Jo's 23rd in 12 hours.
BTW. deco's again tonight. come one, come all. cuz last week's showing was just a big fat disappointment. had to resort to best friend all over again.
p.s. i think i have a problem.
February 16, 2006
for those who i would care to know, you already know what happened. stupid fuckface Brian. all that confusion/hurt/pain just turned into anger. why the hell should a mistake that HE made cause me to second guess myself? that's a load of bullshit. that was completely uncalled for, and i don't want to deal with any mixed emotions. i was being SOOOOO strong, and then *KABOOM* that dickwad had to screw with my zen.
it's not that i'm not happy that he's in my life. i am VERY happy that we've remained friends. but dude... lets just keep it that way. for now at least. until all that shit has settled.
i'm tryin to deal. and i'm dealin. i'm on different hormones these days (i mean that literally. new BCs) so my body is still tryin to get a hang of it all. the queasiness and the headaches isn't really helping, either.
OOH. on a completely different note: class on tuesday night, our "professor" handed out stiff paper so we could make placecards for ourselves. PLACECARDS!!!! cuz we're all in kindergarten. then she proceeded to teach us how to read the index and the table of contents. and then she explained what KEY TERMS are. no... she didn't explain the ACTUAL key terms... she DEFINED key terms!!! holy crap. i was DYING. she honestly believes that she's teaching a bunch of 5 year olds. and the icing on the cake? she's a marketing prof, but she doesnt like/care to view/understand mass media advertising. hm. there's a kicker.
whatever. we can't all be giants.
and i had a great valentines, BTW. it was just me, and charlie and the chocolate factory the WHOOOOOOLE day.
Good Morning Starshine! the Earth says HELLOOOO!
02.13.06
i am SO fucking bored, it's ridiculous. i actually spent a couple of hours on myspace. (yes, the world has come to a freakin end. happy?) and i upgraded my phone, my service plan, and i can finally freakin join the rest of this world in this tech revolution. or whatever the hell you wanna call it.
but no flip phone for mar. ick. my neck no likey the flippy flippy. it too fragile.
erik, you're an alkie. and i'm jealous.
Melissa came to visit me at work today. i decided to throw her a party at Gina & Erica's place. i still have to clear it with them... but whatever. they'll have the freakin party. i need a good night of drinking, damnit. (you know... cuz i dont drink enough as it is. uh hur) so wednesday night. party at G&E's. 8ish. call me for details. it should be a pretty chill shindig.
i think i'm just doing everything i can to avoid typing up/sending my resume. being grown is scary.
speaking of bein grown... i'll be workin at starbucks pretty soon. yippee. hooray for liquid diets! (booze and caffeine. the perfect combo for a heart attack/brain malfunction.)
February 13, 2006
i keep forgetting that LP has a girlfriend. he needs to stop hollerin then. damnit. don't wanna fuck up my karma, now. but damnit, i want a valentine!
"Helloooo, Matilde, I was at a DAY spa, okay?!? D-A-I-Y-E day.
hahhahahahah! I love Zoolander.
lunch with Brian today felt so natural. not awkward at all. which makes me wonder sometimes. but naaaaah. no use backsteppin, right?
February 12, 2006
be proud of me. i opted to stay home and miss out on a good party last night. (actually, 2 parties, but that's not the point here). after playing taxi for my family, i was supposed to head on over to Vinhman's hasta la vista party, a la Robinson's May. i spent most of the evening trying to find a ride home, but to no avail. so it was either: a) go the party, and not drink; b) drive my damn self and have my usual mar-fun; or c)be smart n safe n stay home on a full moon. to those that know, i haven't taken my lesson lightly. no more drinking and driving for mar.... even though i know myself, there's no point in running a risk. especially under the circumstances.
people tell me it wasn't such a great party anyway. but then again, I wasn't there to make it a party ba-doom-dsssshhhh. 'sides... there were people there that i would rather not see in a social scene. who knows what kind of drama they're brewin in their heads. and we all know mar doesnt want any of that. one more month to stick it out and i'm outta here. kinda sad that i didnt take advantage of vinhman's newfound single status... and i'm sure i coulda gotten him piss drunk and take advantage. hhaha. nah. aint worth the trouble.
'sides... LP's been hella jockin as of late. he's a little short for my taste, but with a background like his, i'd be willin to give it a try.
gave out a fake number the other night. tangent: sorry Bigs, but partying with Alan-twin and Sandee was good times. wish you were there. he was a BAD dancer. and his nose was HUGE. i coulda been mean and brush him off. but that would just be mean. and if i ever see him again, i can play the "sorry, i was a little drunk, so i couldnt type my number right." card. he doesn't know me or my tolerance. it's an easy lie to pull off. not that i'd ever see him again.
all in all.... mar had a good weekend. how was yours?
02.07.06
markku is no longer with boobastank. =( my hubby dougieDoug wrote a long post about how sad it is. it makes me sad to hear him so sad. i love my hubby so much it hurts. even if he is a stubborn, hardheaded, dickfaced capricorn.
February 7, 2006
geez. i didnt realize that the culmination of UGLY people in san diego all go to city college. sorry, i'm such a snob. Tonight was a culture shock. I've been so used to the sdsu community... with lots of bubbly, beautiful, tan, gorgeous, and muscular people walkin around campus. everyone is coordinated. everyone is presentable, even when they're walkin around in jammies. tonight... i saw the ugly side of san diego. ick. i feel like such a reject!
darn. and i was so excited to start school again. hopefully, the people at Mesa are a little bit more attractive.
but i did manage to make a friend. her name is angie, and she goes to sdsu. go figure! hahah. she was probably as shocked as i was about all the uglies. we bonded over the outrageous price of the textbook for the class. holy jeepers i havent bought a textbook in YEARS! when did a 100-level class require a $170 textbook?!?! that makes no sense to me. so hopefully they'll have it at the RBR at sdsu. here's to hopin.
anyhoo... Dibs still hasnt called. i give up. he better fucking bring me flowers on friday before he kidnaps me. can you tell i'm seriously PMSing?
and yes, today i was a fat cow again. lunch consisted of a slice of pizza and a hot dog from costco. this after cheetos, a muffin, a giant cookie, a protein bar, coffee, tea, and an energy drink. yeap. and dinner was cheetos, chow mein, half a steak, a BOX of chocolate, and a pepsi. YUM. my poo is gonna stink.
02.06.06
my first day of class is tomorrow. i'm excited. i have so much to do i'm gonna pee in my pants!
what a fat cow I am.
8am: 3 ferrero rocher.
9am: a bowl of oatmeal + Hi-C.
10am: a b-a-n-a-n-a + energy drink + bag of cheetos.
11am: a bag of cheetos y limon.
12pm: a hostess cupcake + blended mocha + shot of espresso.
2pm: energy drink + 2 ghirardelli squares.
4pm: kfc twister + caramel apple empanada.
6pm: kfc twister.
8pm: ghirardelli hot fudge sundae
i see dibs on friday. which means i'll be extra-pimply and extra fat. YUM! he'll LOOOOOOOOVE that!
February 6, 2006
not that i care, but who won the superbowl?
last night was spent with a random arrangement of co-workers. aside from last night, you would never see that group interacting the way we were. that was strange. and apparently, despite all the crap i've been through with these people, they now only know me for one phrase. "DRINK BITCH!
these people are so sheltered. IT WAS HER 21ST BIRTHDAY!! the sole purpose of which is to get her completely hammered, barf her brains out, and take a whole day recovering from it. and that's not gonna happen by itself. you need people to INSTIGATE (hence, instamar). she had it EASY. she only had one of me to make her and her friends drink. i had all of old school AphiG breathin down my neck to finish drinks and take shots. and they weren't yummy (i had some Beautifuls, some 3 wise men, a mind eraser, and other random shots. ick.) so if i had to tell her to DRINK BITCH!, it was completely out of love. and that bitch wouldnt drink cuz her friends weren't drinking. so ofcourse, the "DRINK BITCH!" went to her friends too.
and maybe that's why brian's friends are scared to hang out with me around alcohol. OH WELL.
i had a dream about China. He called me. we met up. and hung out. the ball was in my court. we were in la jolla somewhere and i was taking a tv broadcasting class. we rented out a house above the cove. he told me he missed me. i called him a whore. Maybe It's You played and he told me the song was for me. I told him 'no' cuz that was already dedicated to me by another person. we went to cuddle. but i left cuz i had to pee. there was a used condom in the toilet. then i woke up.
translation of the dream: mar needs to get laid.
February 4, 2006
it's 7:25 on a saturday evening and the only time i've left my house is to get carne asada chips from the taco shop down the street. i've attempted to clean my room, but to no avail. (but at least i made some space at the top of my closet to store more SHOES! and managed to cover myself with a thick layer of dust) i've half-assed my resume. and i've watched a total of 4 movies on television (The Wedding Planner, The American President, A Walk to Remember, & Dogma). I woke up at 8am this morning. I should have gotten more done today.
the jury is still up on whether or not mar will be resuming her partying ways in the next couple of weeks. but rush is coming to a close, which means... HOORAY FOR SISTERHOODS! and with National Conference in san diego this year... this will be interesting. So on top of pledging Xi [Pledge] Class, we will also be hosting/planning Alpha Phi Gamma's National Conference. WOOHOO! locals... get ready for some hotties! our Arizona and ChiCAHgo girls are super hotties (cuz i'm sure u already know our SD n CPU girls are hotties too). anyhoo. the point is... sorority fun ahead!
i'm finding it hard to concentrate being covered in dust. i need to shower. i disgust me. it's been 12 hours.
ooh! we have a potluck tomorrow. i'm bringing pancit. which means... i'm COOKING it too! this will be my first crack at it all on my own. i'll let you know how it goes. wish me luck. if anything, i'll just fake it and buy some. i'm serving it to a bunch of white people and a couple of mexicans. they wont know the difference.
and after much research and debate... my money shall go to Rick Mueller, ESQ.
please keep praying. and i'll buy you lunch. (just make sure to tell me)
February 3, 2006
last night, everyone and their fucking mothers went out to party. except for mar. mar isn't allowed out anymore because she's a paranoid schizoid. jan and sandee rode in the same car? that's a crack up. my big bro actually called and wanted to go drinking. sisters sisters galore blowin up my text messages. the gals from work want to see the mar show.
and mar knocked the fuck out at 10:47pm. and my mother tucked my tired ass in. yes. you heard right.
my apologies to those that i havent called back. i've been screening my calls, because: 1)i dont think people understand the gravity of my situation. yes, i screwed up royally and things will get better with time. yes, it could have been much worse. yes, i'm safe, alive, and didn't hurt anyone. but the financial burden and the psychological state that i've incurred can't be erased after 5 days of a positive attitude. and 2)i have no minutes, and i'm tired of explaining what happened. frankly, i just want this problem to go away and pretend that it never happened. i'll take my lesson, but please take away the consequences.
i've been trying my best to be a trooper. and have been pretty successful at keeping the terrible thoughts at bay and putting on a happy face. but seriously, i can only be so sunshine-y before the hurt starts gurgling up and i start foaming at the mouth and the tears to start pouring. this was a TRAUMATIC experience, damnit. i'm still human, remember? so if i cry, then fucking let me cry. if i dont want to fucking go out dancing/drinking/galavanting, then please understand WHY.
geez. after i put on the happy face, everyone seems to have forgotten what happened. what, just because i'm trying to be positive about the situation, all of a sudden it no longer happened and i no longer have to deal with the consequences? no. i dont think so. they're still there. i just choose not to let it eat me alive and fall into a depression. because that will get me NOWHERE. but just because i'm not falling apart anymore, it's not a greenlight for people to start falling off the face of the planet.
i'm just upset because i have noone to hold me. i'm so used to having someone that not having someone to call to just sleep with me (SLEEP, not FUCK) for a couple of nights makes me feel lonely. i just want someone to hold me, damnit. and sorry folks, but brian is out of the question. it would be nice, but it would make things too weird. but it would be nice.
February 3, 2006
post script: writte at work at 10:45am
the last time something this traumatic happened to me, I lost my virginity. now i find myself single, and without a booty call. UGH. i need a boyfriend NOW! no. i just need a reassuring shoulder and someone to hold me all night. no sex required. but it would be nice.
ice cream, brownies, pizza, greasy burgers, and all things unhealthy/yummy/satisfying just isn't cutting it anymore. in any case, at least this whole ordeal has given me a new perspective on things. i see materialistic things as a percentage of my attorneys fees per month. as with nights out and drinks.
i need an outlet. and my usual outlet left a bad taste in my mouth.
February 2, 2006
post script: written at work during a LONG, boring shift
my doctor gave me one of the biggest scares of my life yesterday. Last week, I had my annual girly-physical (had to get the woohoo down there checked out). my doctor assured me that everything looks fine, and that my ovaries felt nice and healthy. the only abnormality was that my uterus was at a strange angle. so she took a culture of cells, and i requested some blood work to check for any "strangeness." after looking over my file, she assured me that things looked fine. if there are any abnormalities or anything STD-related shows up, then she WOULD CALL ME. if everything is normal and healthy, all i had to do was sit back and wait for my results to be mailed out to me.
yesterday, my doctor called me at work. regarding my blood work. and she kept me on hold for a few minutes. left on hold to think about everything that could be wrong with my blood work, and how to tell my parents that i have some sort of disease. and holy shit, i'd have to call all my partners to let them know too. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! so it's not enough that i just got a DUI, i have to fucking have HIV too??!?!?! then my doctor picked up. and told me that she was in the office on her day off because she received the results of my blood work early. and to let me know that EVERYTHING CAME BACK FINE. I'M NORMAL. I'M HEALTHY. HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!! that scared me half to death. apparently, she knew how paranoid i've been about my blood work, so as soon as it came in, she wanted to call to reassure me that i'm FINE and healthy. *WHEW* but seriously, i would've been okay if she just mailed my results.
February 1, 2006
post script: written in bed at 10:35pm
eagerly anticipating a phone call from a certain drill instructor. we shall refer to him as "Dibs." he hasn't called. i dont know if the number has been pased along. it may be his work schedule (16 hour days, brutha). or maybe he just lost interest? it's like anticipating a first date. what to wear? how to smell? how far to take the jokes? drinks? heels? but i guess we'll have to get past the first call before we get to the first date, correct?
we have a scheduled reunion (per le group) in Rosarito in a couple of weeks. but i think i'm going to be a no-show. for good reasons: 1) i'm TERRIFIED of mexico. i get enough crap getting into bars because my ID picture looks like a little asian boy. and me not being a citizen, i mighe never be able to return to my wonderful San Diego. or get deported. both of which give me nightmares. 2) i'll be on my period that weekend. i dont think being at a resort for a weekend with a potential suitor while i'm bloated, hormonal, leaking, and low-tolerance(d) and having to leave for the restroom every 5 minutes would be such a great idea. yeah. and no hot-tub action for mar.
i dont even know why i'm overthinking this. i need to quit with the military boys (now granted, 2 of them have been officers... but still). i think i've only dated/hung out with one civilian since the breakup. and he ended up being a DUD. scratch that... Dookie was civilian too... then again... he was a DUD too. bleh.
but Dibs is different. he already knows what he wants in life. errr... in general at least. but that's more than what i've encountered lately. at least with this guy, he's actually lookig foward to the getting-down-on-one-knee bit. but i'm gettin WAAAAAAY too ahead of myself.
oh well. on to more important things. but remind me to tell you about the lawyer hunt and the HIV scare. fun times.
(02.03.06:: 2249: Dibs never got my number. Jam's holdin back cuz of all my drama. jerk.)