January 30, 2003
im in my psych 271 lab right now. i really should be typing up my paper for psych 350. since it IS my next class. and im finished with my 271 assignments for the next week. or i should at least be studying for 270 cuz i dont understand the material. or study for my spanish quiz in a few hours. but whatever. i feel like ive been neglecting yalls. no actually, ive been neglecting my urge to post. ive been little miss grumpy with an attitude lately. so i think its about time to VENT.

there's this really super horrible bitch at work. chronic liar. obese (with the notion in her head that she's super-sexy) she's ALWAYS late for work (and im not sayin like 10 or 15 minutes... im talkin like 2 or 3 HOURS)... and that's if she even BOTHERS to come in. and when she does come in... she's standing at the register conjuring up stories of her not-so-great life. or creating rumors. or in a different department spreading rumors that she created about people in our department. bitch. and my manager LOVES to schedule us together. so im ALWAYS alone in my department. fuck that. im tired of it. so if im not smiling at work... you know EXACTLY why. im fucking tired of having to pull all the weight in the fucking hardest department in the store. and im the newest addition, so most of it ive had to learn on my own. FUCK THIS. just because my co-workers are incompetent, it shouldnt equal more work for me. so ive been slackin. puttin in just about the average amount of effort as everyone else. so at least its fair. they dont pay me enough to deal with this shit. and my job is to fucking help people find what they need and ring them up for it. never does it say that i have to be everyone's fucking MAID. its not my job to fucking clean up after cheap slobs who dont get the fucking concept of wearing the right size. IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS SHIT. my last day will be february 22nd. which means...

I GOTTA GET ON THE BALL OF FINDING A NEW JOB. meaning i gotta suck it up and brow-nose. and if it comes down to callin up old managers to see what's up. then so be it. id rather work at american eagle again than fucking deal with department store shoppin slobs.


January 27, 2002
holy crap its almost FEBRUARY. back in RBR. doin some late night studying. woopdeedoo. still havent caught up on my "dailies" (but at this point... they'd probably be considered bi-monthlies. cuz i havent checked em since december-ish) but alas... my sweetie patootie boyfriend is home in bed and not by my side. (its k. as long as i have sistas by my side then im coooo) but anyway. im still working at rob-may. i must be the most pathetic creature in the whole entire world.

we've been to D&B twice a week for the past three weeks. holy shit. that's why we're broke and alcoholic. i think that we're subliminally trying to fill the coffee void with alcohol. but it aint workin. but our wallets dont see the difference. cant tell yah if that's a good or a bad thing. but whatever.

some girl was tryin to act like she's got a shitload on her plate. (12 units. 30 hours of work per week. and a social life.) ....then she asked me what i did. k. um. 45+ hours per week. 17 units. social life. sorority. yeah. she just looked at me like i was crazy. actually, i think im crazy too. she woulda keeled over if i told her what classes i was taking. and my GPA goal. huh. that's funny. and even though i know that there are people have more on their plate than i do... shit. you gotta admit... it takes big balls to do what im doing.

k. i have A LOT of reading to do. academic. i WISH it was leisure. but whatever. sucks to be me.


01.23.03.a.few.minutes.later.
im still writing "02." damnit. this has got to STOP! haha. just kidding. i tried to crash psych 320. the professor said it was full. um. okay. he said that... and there were about 15 empty seats. what an ASS. but whatever. i guess ill just stick with psych 331. infant and child development. might as well get a head start on bein a momma. that, or it could be training for when i wanna become pledge momma. (but maybe i should try successfully crossing a lil sis first). but anyway....

i got a copy of my DEGREE AUDIT REPORT. yey! looks like im on time for the most part. hopefully by next semester my GPA will be back up. and i just have to discipline myself when it comes to getting my shit straight. but it looks like i have to give up a few dinero for books this semester... a majority of my professors this semester have chosen to have new editions of books as well as their own course readers. course readers are fuckin EXPENSIVE. next semester i think ill take a break from psych (cuz im taking 13 psych units this semester) and finish up my upper division GEs. spanish 102, english 360A and 360B, an explorations class (im thinking of taking another philosophy course). that's 13 units. okay. so maybe i have space for 2 more psych courses. one of them being psych 301. so 20 units next semester. meaning i only have to take 20 units next spring... and VIOLA! graduate in 4 years. YES! no 5 year plan for me! but sometime this semester, i have to start thinking about graduate school. sdsu grad school is out of the question. ive been looking over the available courses in the past two semesters, and it's just not cuttin it. sdsu's psych department has been cut DRASTICALLY. so at this point, i really need to start looking elsewhere if i wanna get my phD. (sdsu no longer offers the phD program in psych) im glad i have my sisters around to turn to for help in this subject matter.

well anyway... im not gonna bore you any longer with all of this tedious academic nonsense. im sure you all have graduation dates to worry about on your own. no need to burden you with mine. but just a word of advice kids... GET ON TRACK. and stay on top of your academics. otherwise, you'll just make it harder on yourself in the long run.

January 23, 2003
as far a material goes,the difficulty level seems reasonable. at this point, i have confidencein my abilities as a student. the material, forthe most part, is in my area of interest (with spanish being the exception). but GEs will kill yah. go figger. i really shoulda stuck with japanese when i had the chance to in high school. but go figger... i sacrificed long-term comfort for immediate gratification. i really need to start thinking ahead when it comes to these decisions.

OH! okay. remember how last time i posted i was watching a feature on sex differences in psychological development? (k. maybe not. but i was the last time i posted) well... surprise surprise... as soon as i signed online, my attention was diverted to the leisure task. conclusion:: the internet rots your brain. even moreso than television. STAY AWAY! unless it's for a functional purpose. in my current situation, i need to VENT (via posting) and find articles online. (can you believe i have 5 assignments due today?) BAH HUMBUG. shit. i need to sign off and find a class to crash right now. i cant have a 2 hour break.

oh. and those 5 assignments... i wish i could say that all i had to do was get the syllabus signed by my parents... but upper division isnt that easy....
read Szaz's article (7 pages) and write a one-page (minimum) critique [psych 350]
distribute and collect 5 college student surveys [psych 271]
input information of surveys in SPSS [psych 271]
pre-lab for tuesday's class [psych 271]
brief introduction of self in spanish (one page minimum) [spanish 101]

bah. i have a feeling it's gonna be a long semester. but i cant LAG this time. cuz my current CUM GPA is 2.92. NOT AT ALL ACCEPTABLE!!! i need to get a 4.0 for the next two semesters to get back on the deans list. FUCK ME. all this and im still working full time (45 hours... YEY)

oh shit! remind me that i have to call my big sis about tonight's event and type up an interview that was due at the end of last semester. HOLY CRAP. there's so much going on within the sorority! dunno if imma be able to go thru this again....


January 18, 2003
my body is SORE! but yesterday is well worth the pain. we started our day at 6am. yeap. early. packed up. got breakfast. and we were on our way. the drive up the mountain is BEAUTIFUL! we arrived at the Bear Mountain Resort shortly after 11am. (hey. we're filipino. that's what we do) got our lift tickets, and started off...

okay. it was my first time. i havent been in the snow for like EVER. 13 years? something like that. so yeah. i was freaked. if i hadn't invested so much money into the trip, i woulda chickened out.

first trip down. didnt eat shit. but i fell a lot on my ass. second trip was the same. third, i got better. and the fourth trip, we took the HIGHER lift up almost to the top. to the REAL snow. not ice. and can i tell yah? I CAN SNOWBOARD!!! yeyeyeeyye!!! i actually had control of my board and i flew down that slope like it was nothing. well no, i fell on my ass a couple of times... but whatever. at least i didnt make a fool out of myself. YEYEYEY! by the last run i was as good as brian was on his third snowboarding trip (if not better! haha. but SHHHH... dont say a thaaang. you know how mens can be.)

but anyway. im sore. im all bruised up from fallin on my ass and my hands & knees. just wanted to let yall know. GO SNOWBOARDING!!! its FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN! expensive... but worth it.

ooh! school starts in 3 days. oof. im sooo not ready.


January 15, 2003
i am a CAH girl. it's a hormone. look it up if you're interested. haha. which would explain a lot about my playmates ;) im watching something on Discovery about the differences between the sexes. not your usual birds and bees bit. explains it via physiological and psychological theories. FUN FUN FUN! further reinforcing my interest in psychiatry.

in light of recent events at the casa, ive been doing a lot of reflecting. im 21. im in my third year of college. im graduating in a year. and i have NOTHING. as in, i have no savings. im in DEBT up the ass. i have very little social stock to get me through life via the path that i would like to take. the only ties ive made and reinforced are those that are irrelevant to the field that i want to pursue. and my GPA has taken a serious NOSEDIVE. im getting myself NOWHERE. so ive decided to shake things up a bit. and i know i say that every month, then get lazy and get NOTHING accomplished. but this time, i actually have the support for it.

ive had MAAAAAD drama with my parents lately. but its my fault. because im screwing up. i know that now is the prime of my fun-life, but in reality, now is the time that i should be building the base for my future. and the way im livin it, im just making the foundation weaker and weaker. i dont wanna end up working for the rest of my life. i want to be able to enjoy life. and if it means making some sacrifices now, then so be it. guess we're not going to chicago this year. even if we had a plan to save up for it, it's a no go. my parents no longer approve. sucks to be me, but maybe its a blessing in disguise.

im lucky to have brian in my life. he's the perfect compliment to my personality and actions. he's the one person that hasnt bailed on me during my toughest days. like ive said before... what we have is unconditional.

wait... that last paragraph wasnt supposed to end up like that. i was supposed to talk about how we're saving up now. hahaha. we're OLD. the original plan was to deposit $75 from each of our paychecks into OUR savings account until may. that would total a cumulative amount of $1500 for our trip. which is supposed to cover plane tickets, hotel, food, and spending money. and we actually started. but since we're not going anymore, we've decided to continue saving up for our place. YES, we're actually gonna move in together. so we're savin up for the first n last month of rent plus a safety deposit. hopefully, we'll be out of our parents' houses by this coming fall. hopefully, ill have at least half of my debt paid off by then so that it wouldnt be such a burden.

anyway... i gotta get back to my show. i LOVE this stuff! go take a college level physiology class. IT'S WONDERFUL!

oh. and P.S. wish me luck snowboarding on friday. OOF! you know i have no sense of stability. im gonna eat shit so many times! hahah. good thing i have the weekend OFF! yeyeyeyey!

hrmmmm... maybe ill sit here online and catch up with the rest of your lives. tee hee. sorry guys. but slow internet and me just do not mix very well.


January 12, 2003
terribly sorry for the disappearance. in case you havent noticed, ive had better things to do. my mind has been clear of anything too traumatizing, so i havent felt the NEED to post. i think that ive finally gotten a grip on my sanity and that explains the lack of posts. (yeah right. i say that NOW, but once the semester starts up... you'll be BOMBARDED! what a fucking psycho)

if you're wondering what's up with the level head... im not exactly sure. its been crazy lately. ive been working 45 hours per week. my bros were here for a few weeks and most of my time was spent with them. but somehow, me and brian were still able to spend almost every waking moment together. hmm. that sounds a little clingy. yeah. it does. but it works for the both of us. neither one of us has ever had anything like this. its wonderful! although...
we watched JUST MARRIED last night... and it kinda freaked me out. i know that it's just a movie. and at this point, marriage is SOOOOO not a part of our conversations (well, kinda... but that's a different post). for those of you who havent watched yet, beware, cuz im about to kill the story for you.... k. so the couple in the movie had a relationship reminiscient of ours. spent every minute together. clingy. always lovey dovey. their romance lasted longer than a year until they were wed. and they didnt have a SINGLE fight. or argument. or drama. (or so the movie implied) they were perfect for each other. then they get married. go on their honeymoon, and all of a sudden, they hate each other. ugh. i dont know. i know ITS JUST A MOVIE. but still. its a scary thought. kinda makes me wanna pick a fight with him just so that we can say that we fought once. so that we're not that nauseating couple that everyone hates to see. well anyway... it had a happy ending. but still left me a little queasy.

yeah. but i bet you're wondering what's up with our marriage conversations. right? well. yeah. i guess you'll hear it now. the other day we went to mira mesa's local jewelry store to get his watch adjusted. so we were hangin out cuz we had nothing better to do and neither one of us are allowed to consume coffee for the entirety of january. (meaning that standing outside would be torture because the smell of coffee just wafts gently outside) so we hung out inside just talking about random things. then the little old lady calls us over to the counter because she wants to show us something. yeah. so she basically gave us a 15 minute class on diamonds. HANDS ON. (whoa. talk about bling bling!) showed us an 8-star diamond that just left us in AWE. a 3/4 carat diamond. for $6358. oh my goooodness. but that thang... WHOA. SOOO worth the money. which just kinda led to engagement ring conversation. (im serious. and this from the guy who was FREAKED every time the topic of commitment ever came up) lately we've been talkin about how our kids are gonna be like. (not OUR kids... like JOINT. but the kids that each of us envision [[separately]])

oh man. im getting the heeby jeebies just even thinking about it. ARGH! i dont know what it is. on one hand... im FREAKED that im even in this kind of a relationship. but i trust him so much with my heart. no doubts. no worries. and we're so in love. but the thought of marriage... just scares the hell out of me. i watch too much tv. and its killin the romantic in me. no. im just scared. that one day im gonna wake up and this is all gonna be gone. what we have is too good to be true. ive never ever EVER heard of any couple with a relationship like this. this is NOT normal. we should have had at least one dispute over ANYTHING by now. ive talked to him about it. and he agrees. but we're too happy with what we have that we have nothing to argue about.

but anyway... class starts in a week. we're hittin up big bear on friday. and im in DESPERATE need to find a REAL job. time to get on the ball mar! and i have A LOT of catching up to do on my reading. (sorry if i havent made any references to anyone online as of late. i just havent been able to make time for any recreational reading lately. dont worry. ill catch up. or call me or something and we'll catch up the old fashioned way)


January 4, 2003
im in the process of filing my FAFSA renewal. this year, im gonna get my shit straight. no more stressin on whether im gonna have the funds to go to school or not. and after chicago, im gonna start paying off my student loan. i dont want that shit haunting me 10 years after i graduate. the only debt that i wanna have when i go to my high school reunion is for my dope ass car and my phat ass pad. i gotta put in some kind of effort in order to stop LAGGIN. no really, i HAVE TO stop laggin this year. i have 3 semesters left and im outta here! and one semester left until i have to apply for grad school. oof!

so for the past two weeks, ive come in contact with many people from the past whom i havent seen in AGES. caught up with them as far as life and relationships. and you know what i found out? people settle too often and too quickly. im trying my best not to criticize their relationships, because for all i know, it could be the best damn sex they've ever had. or something. or maybe cupid's arrows landed in their corneas or something. (p.s. that last comment was not to imply that their partners were UGLY, it simply meant that love blinds you to many things)

and i know i speak ENTIRELY too much about relationships and i should probably stop blabbing about how happy me and brian are in our relationship... BUT... whatever. what we have is a kind of ideal in my eyes. what we have wont work for everyone, but people want different things out of and in relationships..... well... anyway.... let me get to blabbin....

different people need different things in relationships. it's their partner's responsibility to either fulfill that need, or let go so that need gets fulfilled in one way or another. you cant be selfish in a relationship. it's a two way street, unless its a pimp n hoe kinda thang. being in a relationship means that you are a part of something that's inevitably going to consume a great deal of your time. if you cant handle that kind of commitment, then dont commit. dont force yourself into it, and dont lead the other person on. its just wrong. and please be honest. if you know in your heart that it's not working out, why prolong it? if the relationship has given all that it has to give, and you're still pushing for more that it doesnt have, then its time to give up. if it aint love, then SCREW IT. if its just for sex, then please define it as so. FTFs just dirties the term. ugh. if you're not mature enough to admit that it's a FUCK-ONLY relationship, then maybe you're not mature enough to handle it.

and then there's the DRAMA.... face it... every couple will inevitably go through the occasional fight. or disagreement. and they'll fight. (hahha. we've gone 6 months of lovey-dovey honeymoon shit without ANY drama! yeyyeyey!) but it shouldnt be a daily thing. if you're constantly bickering about stupid little things, then it's time for a reality check. and if it's about the same damn thing, every single fucking time you both open your mouths, then its time to call it quits. staying in a relationship just for the sake of longevity is putting the both of you through torture. relationships are about being happy together and being able to share your lives. and eventually procreating and making more little happy beings. if you're not happy, you're just gonna make little unhappy babies. fuck that. there's already enough negativity in the world. we dont need you to make anymore disfunctional children. by all means... PLEASE break up or get fixed.

BLAH. it just bugs me to hear about people with HELLA relationship problems and they dont bother to do anything about it.

whatever. i know i shouldnt meddle. but im a psych major. that's what i do. bleh. and maybe its because ive LEARNED so much from what i have with brian. that its possible to be actually HAPPY and have someone love you UNCONDITIONALLY.


January 3, 2003
HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone. hopefully you're all safe. and if you're reading this right now, im assuming that you are. so good job! im proud of you. now you just have to follow through with your resolutions, and you're good to go for another year. so... are you ready for this one? aw hell. im still writing october on some of my checks. whoops. haha. the other day, i wrote in "99" as the year. dont know why. guess im just a little behind on the times.

BAH. forgive me because im GRUMPY. my hormones have been ALL WACK lately. guessin from the holiday stress. so i decided to call in sick at work today. ooooh. im bad. haha. that's like a first since i called in sick .... um.... at mervyns. like 3 years ago. hahahaha. but whatever. it was a beautiful day, my kuya's flight got cancelled, and it's my cousin's birthday. oh. and im "sick." *cough cough*

and p.s. i got the classes i needed. FINALLY got into my psych 270 class. after 3 fucking semesters of failing at crashing the course. yeyeyeyey! take THAT! damn freshmen. so for this semester... my schedule goes a little something like this....
psych 331 ::: 9:30-10:45
psych 271 ::: 11:00-11:50
psych 350 ::: 2:00-3:15
psych 361 ::: 3:30-4:45
psych 270 ::: 5:30-6:45
spanish 101 ::: 7:00-9:40
which makes me 7 units behind. cuz i have to take psych 350 over. cuz i got a C- in the class last semester. cuz i didnt take the final. oh well. fuck it. I GET TO TAKE STATS AND NEUROPSYCHOLOGY!!! yeyeyeyeye! haha. this semester is gonna be TOUGH. 45 hours at work per week. statistics. and neuropsychology. FUN FUN FUN! but if anything, it will be a great test of my mental strength, physical endurance, and relationship with brian. WHEW. wish me luck. cuz imma need it!

in other news, i posted some CHEEEEESE on blogspot if you're at all interested. probably not, but whatever. it's posted. if anything, if you're lookin for a way to purge all of that holiday weight, reading bri&mar cheese will get you gaggin n yakkin all over the place.