July 29, 2000
Have you ever met a person that you connected with and understood every aspect of your personality? That has only happened to me three times in my entire life. First was Jeanelle Nicolas Ablola… my best friend… obviously. Then came Genaro Simbulan Beltran III. And now, Emil Jocson Balceta. The connection is weird. Like… at first theres nothing there, and after about a week of constantly talking to this person, conversation is no longer necessary. Okay… maybe it is necessary… only for the obvious reasons. But otherwise…. The same thoughts are in each others’ heads and with one look, both sides know exactly what’s going to happen, or what the other wants. TIIIIGHT! haha. I dunno… but those kinds of connections are uncanny… what a trip. And if you have ever had that kind of connection with someone, then you know what im talking about. Its just like… WOW!


July 30, 2000
Day two. whoa. i didnt get any kind of good sleep last nite. stayed on the phone most of the nite. fell asleep on genel. haha. i dunno. what a trip. and i was listening to Kai all nite. track 11. i dunno. i love that song. but maybe i shouldnt so much. because yeah. i need some hard core punk rock in my system so that i dont start turning into mush again. or maybe some kinda uh.. i dunno. something other than rap. im tired of that shallow shit. always rappin about all the benjamins and all their possessions and shit. UGGGHHH. makes me mad to hear that crap. at least with alternative and rock and stuff if you listen to the lyrics, they're deep. hardly any of this superficial crap. hm... okay.. my personal favorite, ORGY. heartbroken guys.. i dunno. i love the lyrics. jeanelle likes smashing pumpkins. i dunno... i guess i like them, but like... for the art... not really the message. cuz whoa... they know how to write. but when it comes down to it, they're jez too sentimental. and im trying to get away from all that rite now. TRYING. but i really cant. i just finished reading PAUL's site. whoa. how depressing. i dunno... man... that guy. it makes me feel bad. i jes wanna find that guy someone and make him happy. cuz i know where he's comin from. haha. back in the day i used to have a mad crush on my best friend (no, not jeanelle... herschel) and i always thought he felt the same way. so we would always talk and stuff, but for some reason he always talked about other chicks and stuff. i guess it was him jez being a friend, but it hurt. so i asked him out, and.... KABOOOM. broken heart. it was kinda easy to hide it... im pretty good about hiding my feelings... but still... OUCH. so paul man... i know how u feel. reality bites. dang. genel jez left my pad and it was like... i dunno. i was happy. not because he came to see me, or the fact that we didnt argue about anything, but it was the atmosphere. the air was a lot clearer. like he was finally beginning to accept that what we had is over. and it felt good that this guy that knows me so well can finally stop acting like my boyfriend/father/owner, and start being just a friend. and that's what i want. no more unneccessary drama, no more checking in, no more jealous rages... none of the bad stuff that a romantic relationship brought... just a pure friendship based on love. i guess thats what a perfect relationship is... love, trust and friendship. but once all of that possession crap gets in the way... its over. its all down hill from there. i guess that's what ill be looking for from now on.... a friend. a friend that wont trip about other guys, wont keep me on a leash, wont treat me as a possession, and can understand that ive been restricted all my life by my parents, my teachers and my friends... and that i need a lot of space to be able to be really happy... not content, not satisfied... but HAPPY. but stupid guys and their need to possess. SO ANYWAYS... the No Doubt concert is coming up... august 3rd. imma lost my concert virginity to them. wow. and its the same day as the AP english bonfire. so i dunno. i miss my corner people buddies. haha. all we did was create perverted little stories (which by the way can be found in the "funny stuff" section of this site) and talk about cars. but the rest of the class kinda snobbed me. was it cuz i was quiet? or was it cuz i was an ro dork and everyone else was popular and cool? i dunno.. whatever. the only year i miss in high school was freshman year. with my cg bros and sisters. a bond that will last forever. and that's about it. i occassionally miss chillin in the range with my ro buddies, but when i really think back... most of them were pretty fake. "friends forever" bullshit. a lot of people in high school werent really friends... jez chillin buddies. backstabbin shit talkers. but it was fun while it lasted... as long as you didnt analyze what we were doing or talking about, then it was all good. but once you start really thinking about what these people said, and how fake they acted... KABOOOM. harsh dose of reality.


July 29, 2000
First entry. WHOA. okay. i started this because i dunno. my way of venting and like.. yeah. haha. its nice that you guys actually care what im thinking about. REALLY? are you THAT curious about what goes on in my head? HAHA! So that means ur either the guy that's tryin to get to know me better, or jeanelle. HI BEST FRIEND! haha. okay enuf of the hello to internet land. so okay... im sposed to be at work today. at mervyns. like 7-11. actually my shift was like 2-6 but i was rollin pretzels at the time. and i was PLANNING to switch with "a friend" but her ass was never home. sheesh. thats PERFECT. so i jez called in. *cough cough* whatever. hah. i quit already. so who cares if i even show up. what are they gonna do? FIRE ME? RIIIIIGHT. so its jez like.. whatever. MAAAN. mervyn's doesnt even have that 2 week resignation notice. so like when people decide to quit... they jez stop showin up. HOW SAD. and mervyns doesnt learn. DUH! well yeah. that's my two cents. no, not really... but yeah. dangit. whatevers. maaaan. okay... work again... another story. cuz this girl jez PISSED ME OFF! man o man o man. okay... cuz its a saturday and i work in a freakin mall. and like yeah... i was freakin workin my ass off cuz like i HAD to cuz we were like HELLA busy today... and this chick... WHOA... WHAT A LAZY ASS! all chillin in the back makin me roll n bake n butter n drop dough and EVERYTHING. and all she did was bitch and moan about "oh where are those pretzels" WHY DONT U HELP ME LAZY ASS!UGHHHH! dammit... how the hell are you gonna be a fuckin lazy ass and bitch about someone laggin on gettin the shit with no one helpin em out? whaaaat. man o man o man. bitch. HA! das why i love workin with Courtney and Daphne... cool ass homies. always helpin out... we get everything done, no bitchin, no trippin.... and we can still goof off. hells yeah. Stupid guys... but i love those guys. hee hee. oh yeah... hi... im Peter. Nice to meet yah. whoa... hey.. lemme write about my babe. NEMO! haha. i dunno... some guy. trippin me out like crazy. like... we're jez like whoa. i dunno. its crazy. like.... we'll see things at the exact same time and comment on them at the same time.... and pick stuff up at the exact same time... and get ideas at the exact same time and like get the EXACT same ideas. i dunno. its like... WHOA. there's no other word that can describe it. we're jez mind twins or something. SOMETHING. but yeah. me and genel broke up exactly a week ago... so im not rushin anything. i dont wanna rush anything. genel was a spur of the moment kinda thing... kinda... and idunno... i didnt give myself any time to get all the crap outta my system. okay... you know how when you're single, you will always have the urge to flirt and make friends of the opposite sex. and then someone really cool comes along, but you dont wanna commit, but then again you dont wanna lose this person, but then if you lag on it, then you will.... so you commit... without getting all that flirting and messing around out of your system. ofcourse those urges and psychological needs have to be fulfilled right? and not with your bf/gf... but yeah. i did that. and i guess it took me two years to realize that i NEED to get all this flirting outta my system. i NEED to be with other guys and have fun with other people without getting restricted or having to check in all the time and having to divulge every little detail of the conversation/day/experience. sheesh. it gets really irritating after a while. because first its cute/nice that this person is lookin out for you.. but then after a while.. the leash gets shorter and shorter. then.. after a coupla years.. no freedom. and you know what happens after that.... okay.. maybe not. but with me.. after that leash got shorter, i had to get away. i mean there's love, and then there are possessions. i felt like a possession. NOT COOL. but yeah.. back to NEMO.... wow.... this guy makes me so happy. no... dont think it's like some kind of rebound thing. at least i dont think it is. but yeah.... WHOA. okay. i keep havin to remind myself that i jez got out of a really serious relationship really recently. and like... im still testing the waters. you know... see how it is first. i wanna be single again. nothing too dramatic. but nothing too scandalist either. u know? i dont wanna be a hoe-bag. and i dont wanna be all bla bla bla. i dunno how to explain it. but yeah. whoa. i dunno. okay. ill type when i CAN explain.