July 15, 2005
it seems like i've been in love a MILLION times. then i though tabout it, and really... it's only been about 3 times....GENUINE times, anyhow. they say you only get three great loves in your life... so here's to hoping that it's not true. ...then again... who really knows, cuz i love the person i love now.

LOVE #1. this is my re-curring love. i always fall in and out with it. and i love having it as a rebound. my FIRST LOVE was with The Idea of Love. there was Joseph Christopher. and Frederik. and Mark. and Simon. and Doug. i thought i was really in love with the person, but it was more of the idea and the possibilities that i fell in love with. close, but no cigar.

LOVE #2. obvious. isn't it. there was the long-term Genaro. that was an adventure. and that also taught me a LOT. so many lessons, and i have you to thank for keeping them here. that was a long, drawn out process. and i'm happy to have had the opportunity to have felt that kind of happiness and pain all in one.

and LOVE #3. my brian paul. amazing. drama. past, future, and present. it's like we have our own theme music. and i (genuinely) love him.

but then... there were the others. erik... you know that ILYBINILWY!!! and ronnie... ditto.


July 13, 2005
i fell upon some news the other day. i'm not really sure how i'm supposed to read it. actually... i know how i'm SUPPOSED to react/feel/read into it. but that's just not how it feels. because I'M the one that was supposed to be strong and not care. i'm the one that's supposed to be happy about it... now that it's FINALLY left in the past.

but. you know me. i just can't let it be NORMAL. i have to let it get to me NOW... now that it's not supposed to matter. now that it's finally supposed to be over and done with and buried under some other bullshit. but now this other bullshit is just making it harder to forget.

i don't think i've ever had this much to think about over nothing. seriously... i've dealt with so much shit. i've let so much crap roll off my shoulder. and this... of all things... is the one that bothers me. UGH. i dont get it.

p.s. clap for me. i'm taking 2 classes in the fall (possibly 3). hooray! i'm not gonna be stupid anymore!


July 10, 2005
when everything is wrong
I'll come talk to you
you make things alright
when I'm feeling blue

you are such a blessing
and I won't be messing
with the one thing that brings light
to all my darkness

you're my best friend
and I love you
and I love you
yes I do

there is no other one
who can take your place
I feel happy inside
when I see your face

I hope you believe me
'cause I speak sincerely
and I mean it when I tell you
that I need you

you're my best friend
and I love you
and I love you
yes I do

I'm here right beside you
I will never leave you
and I feel the pain you feel
when you start crying

you're my best friend
and I love you
and I love you
yes I do
the weeeez.my.best.friend.


July 9, 2005
geez. 24 is just around the corner. and already i feel like i should be collecting social security. when was the last time i went out and felt young? um. try.. i dont really remember. yes, it was THAT long ago. i think this relationship is sending me to the retirement home fast. today we took an evening walk to starbucks and the bookstore. WOW. what a GREAT saturday night. and if you dont sense the sarcasm, i suggest you read back a couple of years so you get a feel for me.

whoa. i just invited you to molest me. that can't be good.

it's okay. countdown to our roadtrip up and down the california coast. this should be interesting.


July 8, 2005
hahaha! look what I found!!!



July 2, 2005
it really is july. holy crap.

i had the most vivid dream last night. it was pretty funny. kind of alice-in-wonderland-esque. except this was along the california coast. fun times. and i even got a few bunnies from the hyatt.

anyhoo, i've got some songs to download and some chicken to eat. so...

C-I-A-B-A-double T-A ciabatta, PEACE OUT!