March 31, 2009
wow. So that had to be one of the best weekends ever! <3 Brian and Mike came to Phoenix for the last weekend of spring training. So not only did we WIN all 3 games, but I had my best friend, my other best friend, and the best boyfriend ever all in one place <3 And they all got along swimmingly! <3 Lots and lots and lots of fun! Sometime on Friday night, we had to pick up Erica Bear at the airport because she was stranded by her family. A few beers at Buffalo later and we were all gravy and the jokes kept on comin! Oh man that was super good times! Exactly the reason why we need to move back home! Then Saturday at the game, a wonderful nap, and great times at westgate with Cindy and David <3 all the best things about Phoenix and San diego rolled into one! I was the happiest thing ever! Then a random night at the drive thru of Whataburger and food poisoning the next day.

I know it makes no sense. But there was just so much that happened this weekend and so much fun and great times that I don't think it will fade from my memory <3 All I know is that this weekend solidified the fact that Nick makes me that much happier, and it really does show. <3


March 22, 2009
I have to work in an hour. Been up all day. But a 2 hour nap with my Nickie and everything is just peaches <3

So this new relationship, right? It's all-consuming but it's not. Like... BECAUSE we started out really hanging out as friends first as our other friends slowly started to ditch us. And then the "WE" just sort of fell into place. It's absofreakinlutely amazing beyond belief. Like... this is the stuff that dreams and movies and books are based on. Notice how i said "based on" and not "made of"? Because that's what it is. Cindy mentioned how we kind of just talk at the same time. But we don't notice because we're so in sync that it just kind of happens. That we hear each other. It kind of feels like everything I'm thinking in my head he says outloud, and the other way around. So when we're talking simultaneously, it just feels like how it is when you're thinking one thing but something totally different and irrelevant is coming out of your mouth. It's funny because we can be having 2 different conversations with each other at the same time. Sounds weird? I guess you would have to sit there and just listen to the banter to really understand what I'm talking about. Apparently, it's a bit confusing. But it makes complete sense in our little world.

Everything is perfect except for one thing. Well.. just a couple, I suppose. And the sucky sucky sucky part is that it's something that's so important to the both of us. The fact that we can't tell either of our parents is just killing me. Like the people I want to tell the most is my family and his family. BEcause we're in the same boat... that we're both close to our families and keeping this a secret from them just sucks really bad. I want to share with them how incredibly happy he makes me. Like... seriously... my life took a 180 on the happiness scale when we started this whole thing. I went from being miserable and not believing in real love to THIS. This incredible, unbelievable relationship. Like seriously... if I were single, we'd probably be married right now. LOL ^_^ probably not. we won't go into that in this episode tho.

although.... I'm sure we'll have a majority of the wedding planned before we even get engaged ^_^ LOL! it's this weird thing that we have. Cuz no secrets, right? So when crazy thoughts like how we picture certain things about our wedding decide to pop into our crazy heads, we tell the other person. So far we have the song we're gonna have our first dance to, the color scheme, and the wedding party picked out. Dude. insanity, i tell yah. Oh. and part of the honeymoon was planned during drunk/sleepy talk tonight. wonderful.

not even officially divorced and already planning a wedding. CRAZY PANTS! hahahahahhahaha! no really. this is ridiculous. the we-monster is freakin nuts.

and mar has a potty mouth. Stupid SD pitching. killing me! KILLING ME!!!!


March 19, 2009
I just finished writing a recommendation letter for one of my supervisors to be accepted in a Teach for America program. YIKES!! See... the not-so-fun part is that I know she's crazy. But she doesn't know that I know she's crazy. I don't think she understands the level of trust that the other partners in the store has in me, and that they do confide their fears, concerns, and overall dissatisfaction that they have with her. Sucks, huh? And seriously.... in all honesty, I think the only way that she would be able to succeed in that program is by making sure that she has absolutely nothing else going on in her life and that she is on her meds at all times. Sad, huh? Well.... but good for her for trying. And if she does get accepted to the program, then good for her. If not... then.... well... it just wasn't meant to be, I suppose.

Not much else going on in life. Baseball is almost in full swing, but my favorite players aren't playing because they're all playing in the WBC. Which I would like to follow, but I don't have cable so it sucks. =P

i guess everyone underestimated the baseball fan in me. I would too, because I haven't been a fan for very long. And i'm not gonna fake the funk. It's kinda pointless to. But really... I'm superduper excited!!!! Last year I started following stats and it was awesome! But this year... this budding romance is kinda distracting. So we'll see what happens, eh?

I'm still a little upset that there's a good chance that Nick won't be able to go to opening day with me. SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!!! I shouldn't be upset because of our situation. And I really don't want him to lie to his parents for something this big.... BUT IT'S OPENING DAY!!!! That's like.... well... have you ever watched Fever Pitch?!??!?! It's like that. Like... it's a huge deal! Especially now that Brian is bringing Joanna. Like... if it was me and brian like it has been every other year, then I'd be okay. But this is gonna be a group thing... and I really want Nick to meet her too so that it squashes any of her insecurities... and I just want to be able to share something this special with him. Like... it's a big deal to me. And as much as i try to play it down... I think he knows that I really can't accept "no" as an answer. I want him to be there. I need him to be there. And yes, there are other Opening Days, but this would just get the season started in the right direction. It's like getting married in church. (okay, you might not get that.... but if I said that to him, he would understand exactly what I mean.)


March 16, 2009
Hooray for impulse buys, yes? Yesterday morning I decided to buy a new monitor as opposed to a new TV. I figured that it would just be too much of a hassle to keep plugging and unplugging stuff around just to watch baseball online. And that if I really really really needed a new TV, that my little brother would hold my hand through the whole thing. And I really shouldn't be spending the money right now. With the economy and all (watch as i roll my eyes). No seriously. Like really... so i just got a new monitor and it's a little hard to get used to not sitting so close to the thing. I'm gonna go blinder than I already am. If that's at all possible.

OH. BTW, bought the moo cow (its a gateway... ballin on a budget) on one of my many breaks today. =P

Anyhoo... i could talk about work but I wont. Could talk about Nick, but I won't. Could talk about a lot of other stuff... but it seems like all the venting and such has found different outlets these days. At first I thought it was because I was spending so much time with Nick that I just couldn't get on the computer and write it all out. But then I really thought about it... and it seems like I'm getting it all out the healthier way, i suppose. By actually telling the people that I need to tell instead it letting it sit inside me, blurt it all out on here, and have it go away that way. hrmm.... maybe mar is finally growing up?!?!?!

I say maybe because it's probably a No. You know this. Mar's never gonna grow up. Maybe do grown up things and act like it every now and then and make grown up decisions. But... I doubt that I will ever really be a fully functioning adult in an adult world. I will always be the one in the group that needs to be looked out for because she might get lost in the crowd. Or be the one that looks both ways and then looks for a hand to hold before crossing the street. Or the one that will always be partying with 20 year olds. =P The weird old fart in the middle of the college crowd. LAME.


March 12, 2009
So I've been kinda pre-occupied lately. Playing house with Nickie-poo <3 It's been a good run. Always spending time together and loving every second of it! ^_^ It's nice to come home to him. Dinner was started the other night. Before that I came home to an empty sink and the trash taken out. He's WONDERFUL!!! And the best part of it all is that we're in this crazy hazy daze and there's really no end in sight. It seems so effortless. Like... we can spend days and days and days together and still have fun doing what we're doing <3

Makes you a little sick to your stomach, huh? I would too. It gets a little obnoxious at times. We get so absorbed in our own little world and it doesn't matter what else is happening around us. But at the same time, everything is happening around us and it just brings us closer together to be able to talk about it all and involve each other. So I'm trying to be more productive when he's around. Trying to get work done and not be so distracted. It's HARD!!! (in case you haven't heard, he's superduper hot)

In other news, HotCop has been sniffing around. I'm seriously on a mission to get Kelsey a piece of that. It just frustrates me to see her have no balls. And she really believes that she's out there and she's so not! =( So him and her has got to happen even if i have to club her over the head and drag her out. Ridiculous, I tell yah. Absofreakinlutely ridiculous what I do for my partners. =P

But if everyone can be this happy as WE the we-monster are... then it would just be a glorious world!!!

heehee... and you should see our wine list and my fridge full of bottles. Crazy alcoholics ^_^


March 3, 2009
Tomorrow is his birthday. Gonna be 27. I remember how 6 years ago we were anxiously waiting for his 21st birthday. Waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. Well... actually... I guess that was 7 years ago. Because we turned 20 together. hmmm.... those were the days when communication was overrated and secrets were the norm.

That came up as an issue. Because the mar was on a good one last night. Remember how I said I shouldn't drink if I don't eat all day? Yeah. Still a rule I tend to break. =P But one of my partners turned 21 and a majority of my store was there. So we all got drunk. We all had a good time. And seriously... that was probably a bad move. We'll see what happens, tho.

Anyhoo... drunk mar drunk dialed Brian last night because I was freaking out about stupid commitment stuff again. Stupid stupid stupid! Looking too far ahead again. UGH. A consequence of being old, I suppose. Whatever. So ofcourse Nick was a little upset (well... might be a strong word) because I blew it up into this whole big thing and then turned to Brian for advice instead of turning to him about it.

I dunno why I do it. Habit? I guess. Brian has always been there for me. He's my best friend. He's great at slapping me in the face. Great at reading what I really feel. Great at knowing exactly what I want before I even know it. So maybe I'm looking to him for guidance because I know he probably knows what's best for me and knows which direction I should be headed? I'm not really sure. Maybe it's the whole self-sabotage thing again.

And ofcourse Nick wants to be that person for me. And as much as I want him to be.... Brian has always been that for me. And a huge part of me doesn't want that to change. But maybe it should? I'm scared of taking this huge leap with Nick. Like... HUGE. And I really don't want that connection with Brian to end. Because then what? Then what happens if we don't work out? Then who do I have left?

I guess that's looking too far ahead again. =/ But the one thing I'm sure of is that Brian and I are gonna grow old together. Simple as that. And as screwy as the relationship we have is... it is what it is. And it's something that anyone that dates either of us will have to understand.

Two roads diverge in a yellow wood...