May 31, 2007
i stupidly clicked on October 2005 today. that was a huge mistake. =( It brought me back to a very unstable time of my life. yeah. the break-up month. the year i turned 24. and here i am... just a shave under 2 years later... in arizona. married. and it seems like all of that just didn't happen.

i'm still wondering how i got from there to here so quickly. i took my wedding ring off when i was reading through that month. what significance that has, i'm not really sure. but the words that i wrote at that time in my life really got to me. back whe my heart was sitting open-faced for most days of that month. the only reason i ever went back to pick it up was because of China. and it was because of China that my standards were flipped upside down. i never did figure out what happened to my heart at that point. all i know is all of a sudden i was in a relationship. and now... this.

i make it all sound so negative. but it's not. i'm just having a hard time dealing with the finality of my situation. i thought i would be happy... but i just don't feel complete. i dont know if that's something that is supposed to be consistent throughout life.... but there was a time when i knew how to feel complete. and now... i'm just searching again.

it might just be because i'm so far from home. it could be other things. i received an email from one of my baristas back home. she's miserable. i was her only friend in san diego. and now she just has her fiancee. it sucks because now i'm in the same position out here. as much as i like the people that i've met, i don't have any friends out here. just my husband.

i never thought i'd be that girl. nope. not ever.


May 28, 2007
so... on to another chapter of my life. I'm a married woman. i STILL can't believe it. it seem's so surreal to really have someone to call as my husband. yeesh. still getting used to the idea.

it's still hard getting used to not being able to call someone to go have lunch with me since it's been forever since our last time out. i've gotten used to the heat. i've gotten used to living outside of my parents' house. i've gotten used to being shuffled between stores. but this being married thing... i know is gonna take more than a while. and being so far from everyone is harder.

i just checked my email and there was an email from one of my sisters. she emailed her biological sister (who also happens to be a sister of aphig) to do her a favor. and it struck me.... a lot of the girls are taking a 3-week tour of Europe. as of now, they're in Barcelona!!! WOW!!! As much as i love staying put... i really wish i was there with them. that's a chance of a lifetime! and doing something like that with sisters is priceless. dude. i'm 25 and i've barely lived.

i really need to start living my life instead of just working through it. my mother instilled a worker's attitude in me for my children. but i don't have kids. so really, i should still be out there enjoying while i can.

ugh. one step too late, eh? now it's gotta be a joint effort if i wanna do this. it's hard to think for two when you're so used to being so independent.

in any case, i think i'm just getting flashbacks of the good ol days of pledging. it's been 6 years, can you believe it? and this journal... going on 7 years. you've pretty much been through all of my significant relationships.


May 25, 2007
gooooin to the courthouse and we're gonnnnaaaa get maaaaaarried!

oh gracious. here goes! wish us luck!


May 21, 2007
dude. DRAMA at my store. i don't even wanna get into it. but holy monkey... all this drama makes me feel home again! yay. and nay. all at the same time. =)

i needed a break from mock-interviewing myself and laundry. laundry is a lot harder to do when you have to lug 3 full loads of laundry 2 buildings down in arizona heat. yeesh. anyhoo... about the mock-interviewing... which, btw, i suck at.

apparently, my district is short 42 ASMs, and they're on the brink of being desperate. (if you ask me, if you have THAT many management positions to fill in a district that's been established for a good amount of time, you've passed "competitive" and are downright desperate). so I'm set to interview for a position on June 7th. at the time i was asked, i didn't realize that June 7th is in TWO WEEKS. oh crapola. so it's study time for me! yay and nay. i was kinda hoping that i would have a little bit more time. =T oh well. here's to hoping. =) salary, here i come!

yay, and nay. because now it will be even harder to be able to take my vacations. or come home as often as i would like. poopers. which means my trips home to see the padres are not guaranteed! baseball at petco park is a completely different experience than baseball at chase field. =( and the fans are just NOT THE SAME! all hail the padres, but jeez. i really like to watch them at Petco. poop.

i've been getting muchos messages from my partners back home. oh how i miss them! those kids were my life. i miss them more than the beach and the weather and the food. I MISS THEM MORE THAN THE FOOD! yes, i miss them that much. it's hard to be away. i'm still dealing with the homesickness when i come home to an empty apartment.

which brings me to another dilemma. my parents are coming this weekend. and not only are my roommates slobs, and potheads... my kitchen smells like grease, there are dirty socks everywhere, and the whole place looks like a really sad bachelor pad. at least our room isn't in such a rut (at least it smells good, it's clean, organized, and the bathtub isn't black), but it still lacks personality and furniture. yeesh. my dad is gonna be disappointed that his only little girl is living like this. but i know he's kinda glad that someone else is finally taking responsibility for me (har har).

in any case, i'd love to sit and chat a bit more, but i need to shower before my loads are done so i can make dinner.

mar became a little housewife. yikes.


May 18, 2007
SO my new store manager pulls me aside today to have a little chat. i thought i was in trouble. for what, i wouldn't know. but she wanted to talk to me because it was requested that i TRANSFER OUT of her store to a store that had a bigger need for me. i was bummed. because from my very first shift at that store, i felt the love. all the partners are superclose, and i clicked right away with all of them. Being that i was DREADING transferring in the first place (cuz i come from a close-knit store that is just absolutely fabulous), i was really hesitant on even trying to accept that any other store could have partners as wonderful as mine. but i was wrong. i love this store. and i've really grown attached to it, despite only having worked 3 shifts. but those three shifts has definitely made an impression on me, and i really don't want to leave. i was a perfect fit in that store. and for me to get pulled.... just sucks. granted that my new store will be closer to home, closer to where i would like to be, and does a higher volume, and i know that i'll definitely get promoted much faster... the environment and the partners at a store is definitely something worth being left behind (at least for a little bit) for. so i'm kind of at a stand still. my brain tells me to transfer. my heart tells me to stay. i'm not too sure what to do, so i guess i'll just wait it out and see. =/

pooper. i don't want to leave.


May 16, 2007
i'm all settled in phoenix. all my stuff is unpacked. i've worked at my new store for 2 days. i'm lovin my new partners. the only thing i'm trying to get used to is sleeping and the heat.

the sleeping part... i'm having trouble re-orienting myself. we sleep east/west, and i'm used to sleeping south/north. so sometimes i wake up on the floor sleeping south/north. it's no bueno. cuz that's how you end up waking up sore and disoriented.

and the HEAT!!!! holy crap. it hasn't been cooler than 98degrees outside. NINETY EIGHT!!!!! and this is the "mild" part of summer. come june/july/august, it's gonna be muggy, hotter, and stagnant. cheers to the desert!

i think the worst part has been the homesickness. just knowing that i can't see my mom every other day sucks. and being SO FAR just sucks. i know i'll get used to it... but it's definitely gonna take some time. =(

*kill me now!* and i don't know about my myspace. =( do i change my top 12? do i just add? i dunno. but yes, shoot me now! hahahaha i can't believe i started talking about myspace. i'm officially a turd.


May 1, 2007
i leave in less than 2 weeks. the next few days are already booked up. with family events. friend events. and just in general trying to spend time with the people that i love before i disappear for a longer amount of time. still terrified. but it's a good thing. half of me wants to never leave. but most of me is dying to grow up.

we've set the date for May 25th. my parents are flying out for the ceremony. May of 2008 we'll have the reception to celebrate with the people that we love.

there's still nagging at me at the back of my head. but i try to suppress it as much as possible. lately it's become louder and louder. maybe because my padres are losing. =(

in any case, everyone else has moved on with their lives. so it's time that i did the same.