November 29, 2000
Energizer Bunny mode
what a day. can't say i accomplished a great deal, but i can for sure say that i worked my ass off today with an exceptionally low energy level. 3 cups of caffeinated coffee (large), 12 crab roll sushi, 2 bottles of water, 3 hours of sleep. after i woke up this morning at 5:30 am, i got up, went to school, went to class and couldnt exactly sleep because all of my classes dealt with review for finals. no sleep in class for maR today. then it was on to work from 2-10... actually, it was more like 1:30-10:30. to top it all off, WORK SUCKED! someone stole $20 from the cart, Jacob left me with shit, and my co-workers were lagging so much. then i couldnt find the keys, so i couldnt get the Z-reports, the registers kept beeping on me (malfunction... UGH), so my ass got out of there at 10:30. then i had to get gas. my car was already on empty with no reserves. i wasnt about to take my chances on the 54. this weekend i have to get my wheels rotated and get an oil change. and i have no idea where that money is coming from. my bills are piling up, and my 40 hours a week at $6 per hour is not cutting it. well, at least i'm in for a huge raise in january. hopefully, ill have at least $100 spending money in December while my bro is here. i dont want him paying for everything, and i'm not about to go "maribel" on genel.
for some reason, i've been socializing more with couples. the morse-alumni couples that work at plaza, the couples i met with nEmO, and couples i met from school. so today, i hooked up couples mucho grande.
on the up-side of today, my friend (whose name i really dont know, but he takes care of all of my cel phone needs =D) told me that MCI will be retracting the deposit they took, re-billing me (and billing me RIGHT) for the past two months, and everything should be peachy after that. in february i should be able to switch my service (gladly) to verizon wireless or Pac Bell. free mobile to mobile... better service, etc. etc. so i have a couple of months to decide whether i'd rather have mobile to mobile with my northside buds or my southside buds. but then, come to think of it, my southside buds dont really call me as much. oh yeah.. uno mucho... i saw leah today and we had a chat... her n jer didnt visit at work, but it probably woulda been better that they didnt today. ill just drop by danawoods sometime when im off. when exactly is that? friday and sunday. HOPEFULLY they'll be home. otherwise, ill give them a call.
i have so much more to bitch, whine, and complain about, but for now, this is enough venting. when i find some REAL time, i'll put in a nice LONGER maRfile entry. this is good for now. i still have about 3 days of this kind of schedule until i reach my stress capacity. oops.. forgot. i have two speeches coming up.. i should start memorizing and rehearsing. BLEH. i want a free holiday ball from jack in the box.
November 28, 2000
havent been able to update much because of work. since this damn promotion (even tho im grateful for it), i've been pulling 40 hour weeks plus a lot of overtime. at least im making bank, {not enough for all of my bills... but still}, but it's a lot of work. it's not exactly hard, but it's demanding and it's very time consuming. basically, my daily schedule consists of school and work immediately after, or work and school immediately after. 7 hours of school and 8+ hours at work. then i get sunday off. its not bad, but its not great either. finals are coming up and im not sure if my body and mind will be able to handle it.
on a much happier note, our IP reunion on saturday night couldn't be better. that was one of the foggiest days ever, but we still managed to stay together and have a blast. first time EVER we've had that much fun without any sort of drama. it makes me want to go back to high school and take back all of those times that we had drama within the group. man. without flakyRodel, everything was so much better. relations were so much easier, and everyone actually came because the "rodel-barrier" wasnt around. one of the best days of my life.
MCI is fucking up my credit. for anyone even CONSIDERING signing up for cellular service with MCI wireless or Allstate cellular... DONT. you get overcharged, they have crappy service, and it's all a bunch of lies. trust me... they hella messed up my credit.. by like over $1000 (ONE THOUSAND!) and ll i've gotten is a big ass headache and countless trips to my mci representative.
one day soon i'll post my dreams about my car. i wrote it down somewhere, but i forgot where, and it was in good detail that i can't really remember right now. ugh. but it was some... well... it was extraordinary at least.
this entry is kind of long. well, hope it makes up for the lack of updates that i have done. ill revamp as soon as i have time. hopefully by the time school is out. i get an extra 21 hours per week... maybe more because i dont have to be at the library as much. =)
one more thing.... i'm trying to decide whether i should take a bunch of GPA boosters next semester, or GE classes. see, if i take GE classes and get bad grades, it lessens the chances of me being accepted to CalPoly Pomona. if i take a bunch of GPA boosters (bowling, ballroom dance, music, etc.) then it will look bad on the "motivation" aspect of my application. i know i have a year and a half to get accepted, but still.
November 25, 2000
we're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oz! no, not really, but soon i'm off to see the buddies, with one big diff:: NO RODEL! no flaky ass big headed stinky little ugly whiner to fuck everything up like he always does. ahhh... sigh of relief. because for once, our group can finally have peace of mind that everything will be just fine. so i'm looking forward to tonite.
finals are coming up, and i have yet to fix my computer. i have a lot of work ahead of me, and most of my hours studying will be spent on the WebBook for psychology. then a few more hours researching for my term paper, then more typing it up, and then a little venting time on maRfiles. sorry crappy ass Compaq, but you're gonna die this month.
me n the hubby finally had a chance to kick it for the first time since.. wednesday. wednesday we did a lot of shopping and then i had to work and he helped me with some prep work. last night we watched "Miracles" with jackie chan. its a pretty good movie. well.. we never finished it because he had work early this morning, but at least we had some qualilty time together. and we did a little more shopping. basically, my account balance is $11.83 until payday on friday. its okay tho... i can live off of that for like 3 weeks. food? i've got pretzels thank you very much. gas? student loan gas card. that's all i need right? coffee? eh.. ill find loose change in my car somewhere. and that's about it. ill be fine. no more going out, no more shopping, and ill be okay until the 15th. =)
November 24, 2000
happy late Thanksgiving everyone. hope it was all good. hope you guys didnt turn into complete gluttons there. as for me, i had turkey 3 times.. almost 4. turkey with the family, turkey on the ship, turkey at the simbulan house, turkey again at home. holey geez. that's a lotta turkey and mashed potatoes. there's more? NOOOOOOO!
i think sean is starting to get really pissed at me. because he's starting to take extremes in our little wars. its no longer a joke when i poke fun at him or throw miscellaneous dough items at his little bald head. lately, he's been attacking with anger as opposed to attacking with laughter. so it's beginning to scare me because i dont know what that anger will become. it might end up as friction at the work place. that's never good.
November 21, 2000
It never ceases to amaze me how life can just be such a bitch one day, and then totally make up for it the next. and it's not like i'm over my bitterness about what has happened in the past, but in a way, it eases my pain. it's like when a cute little puppy dog has unknowingly chewed up your favorite toy. you're enraged one minute, but the second that you see that irresistable face trying to apologize by doing little favors for you, you can't help but to forgive that little bitch.
today i was promoted at work. I am now officially a crew leader. tomorrow night i'll be closing all by myself. they actually trust me to do the manager work... work other than labor. I HAVE POWER! no... i'm not gonna go there. i'm still gonna be the same girl i was the day before, except closing will be harder because i wont be doing any physical closing of the store. just back-room stuff. =T oh well. that's okay tho.
i've accomplished so much today at such a slow pace. everything's been pretty kick back. i love it, but i'm so not used to the slow pace. i had 8 hours of work, 3 hours in the library, an hour of errands, and i still had finished my RWS paper, finished all the prep work for wednesday, ate out with my parents, planned out next week and this weekend, outlined the work that needs to be done at the store tomorrow for friday, and managed to have a nice conversation with 4 very dear people to me. add to that my quickie-but-long contacts with a few buddies that i hardly get to see or coverse with, and all-in-all, today was a really good day. taking in the kind of work i got done, the interaction i had with my peoples, and the yummy food. mmMMM!
November 20, 2000
seems like forever since i've included or updated anything for real. instead of the quick dribble of a marfile that i bang out in a coupla seconds::provided that my server does not lag like a biatch. havent seen the hubby much lately either. its gotten so bad that my mommy's been asking why he doesnt come over anymore. "i have too much work to do mom. he cant see me because i dont have time for him." "that's not healthy cheng. you should let him visit you more." "i need to study mom. i cant concentrate when he's here and you wont let him upstairs." "that's because your room is too messy." "it's okay. he doesnt mind." add the fact that i've been crankier than PMS. too much stress. i need a time-stopper thing. or something that will give me more time. i dont have enough time for work and school and home and a boyfriend. something's gotta go. maybe just home. might as well. no. i need a place to sleep. work? no. i need money. the boyfriend? no. i need him. bleh. its okay. ill go find some dirt on father time. or something.
so i think andre is stalking me. no... i dunno. not exactly stalking, but i swear.. that guy is always where i am. or maybe it's because we've both accepted the Chula Vista Library as our third homes. well.. he's like my hand in the high-school cookie jar. my little son that im watching grow up and in a way following my footsteps. "aww... how cute... he's growing up into a man." haha. hopefully ill be accompanying him to this year's ASB Ball. that's only if he doesnt find someone else. so im the back-up... basically. i bet we'd have fun tho. we always have fun together.. cappin on each other and having fun with it. nothing personal. and we're both following the same lines in life and in mentalities. (oops i almost typed mentities) eh... in a way its cool, but i really dont wanna see him make the same mistakes as i did.. and right now he's on the verge of it. bla bla bla. no more andre talk for now.
i think i need to sleep. lack of rest makes maR a very cranky girl. caffeine makes maR a very hyper girl. i think caffeine is starting to take very similar effects on my legs and arms and legs. all jumpy. should i switch to decaf? naaaah. regular is just soooOOOOOOOOooo goood. thanks ken for reminding me of the beauty of coffee. YUM!
November 16, 2000
there are 72 hours (including friday) in this weekend. 13 hours will be spent at work. 7 hours will be spent at school. 2 hours will be spent in the bathroom. one will be spent in church. approximately 3 will be spent driving. 4 for hygiene. that leaves 42 hours for sleep, research, and typing up my 3 papers due on monday. that leaves 14 hours of composing and research for each paper... granted that i get NO sleep at all over the weekend. someone help me.
November 15, 2000
today is a 4. last week when i reviewed my schedule, i thought that this week would be easy. work would be okay because i thought i had time for it. but going over everything today, i realized that i am seriously lacking in time for my assignments. i have two big papers due next week, both need to consist of totally of researched content. combine that with a booked weekend, full time work and full time school, and that leaves me with vivarin and all week all-nighters.
November 13, 2000
so where exactly am i going with my life? i couldnt tell you that even if i wanted to. and i really do want to. all i know right now is that i know who i want to spend it with, where i wanna spend it, and how i wanna spend it. the who:: i know who i wanna marry {dur}, and that i would love it if my best friends stuck with me through everything... and not just college or that period after college, but through the entirety of my life. the where:: primarily live in san diego, preferably manila mesa or philippine hills. i gots to be where my peoples is. the how:: in comfort, leisure, and morally. i wanna travel and see everything, i wanna raise wonderful kids that will take after me n the hubby, and i never wanna have financial or marital problems.:: basically. so what path exactly am i taking towards it? right now, im seeing whats happening and evaluating everything around me. that will take some time, but that's what these precious college years are for. after the evaluating, ill put forth what has been brewing in my head, and everything should be all good. but ofcourse, as always, depending on the people around me. every situation depends on the circumstances and the people within it. so if i fail, its not my fault. not completely anyways. and besides, at least i would have learned a lesson. maybe i should take up logic. or philosophy. something that i enjoy. im still undecided major-wise because i have so many interests, but those interests lack depth. i spread myself out too thin (oh yeah, i started unconsciously dieting, yey!), so i have no specific field of expertise. too much general knowledge. trivia. that's not good.
i saw gee's new design at the mervyns in mira mesa. wow. looking good gerard. see, that's a sign of old age. i actually know personally people that have published works and kids and incomes and households to manage and are IN THE SAME AGE GROUP. see, once that starts happening, you know you're getting old. it's no longer a hook up for food at the mall, or burned CDs, but hook ups in the real world that will actually get you someplace. the cousin that can get you a job making 6 digits after graduating from college. the close friend that can get you a job at Disney not DisneyLAND or the Disney STORE, but actually animating and the finances and the whole business ordeal. finally in the mainstream of the Real World instead of the mainstream of consumer culture. someone fish me out for a while. i need a vacation.
November 12, 2000
i hate that dumb shit at Radio Shack. what a dumbass. i swear that guy... always looking for shortcuts. always screwing up the customer. and i wonder why i still go there. oh yeah. close. convenient. prayers that i dont get served by that jackass. argh. stupid guy.
sociology paper due tomorrow. wish me luck. no.. for reals... WISH ME LUCK! nEmO wished me luck on my midterm on friday and it did wonders for my psyche. so please... WISH ME LUCK! if you read this before its due. otherwise, wish me luck on my speech. HEE.
November 10, 2000
oh so satisfied
SCORE! i've actually gained a lot of confidence this week concerning my academic status. got a 98 on my in class essay that i thought i bombed. today, i finished my psych midterm in about 20 minutes and i knew almost everything on that exam. and i thought i would blow it. i did pretty good on my impromptu this morning in comm too. oooh. somebody get me some wawa cuz im on FIRE! wooo! trik. im not gonna get too ahead of myself now. there's still that soc paper due on monday and a speech outline with no topic. take it one step at a time and everything will be fine.
on the other hand... lemme jez say that I AM SOOOO GOOOD! haha... either that or im psychic. well... BOTH. hahah! if you dont understand what im getting at, then dont worry about it. thats for me to know and only me to know. maybe with the exception of my mind twin, but i doubt even he knows what the hell im talking about, referring to, or any kinds of messages im implying. in fact, i KNOW that no one else knows whats poppin in this little brain of mine. unless i tell someone... ill tell you later hon.
man... has someone ever made you feel special? like REALLY REALLY special... and it makes you feel all fuzzy inside and it makes you wanna scream out to the whole world how much this person loves you? and then... you come upon some information that makes you think otherwise. that actually makes you think the opposite. well... i kinda felt like that today. its just the little things that make me squirm. because i know that the greatest source of information are the tidbits and hidden messages that apparently look insignificant, but in reality, it screams out the underlying subconscious message. and this is what i base my wiseness on. my "damn im good"s on. cuz my perception of intents are so accurate that they scare me sometimes. but it sucks to see what people really think sometimes. when the facade is so perfect... and then the message so clearly screams at me that it is all a facade. this is why i do what i do. this is why i choose who i choose. this is why i am what i am. but that's not all that i am.....
November 8, 2000
i feel gross. my head's all stuffy, my throat feels like sand paper, my bladder feels like it needs to be emptied every half hour, im bleeding excessively *rag is heavy*, my fever is going up, im wearing thermals and two extra layers and i still feel like i've been eating too much ice cream, my fingers are all cut up from work, my hair is a mess because of that damn beanie,and im at school... what a great place to spread my germs. triaminic has helped a little. tylenol doesnt seem to be kicking in. cough drops just make me colder. and i look like an idiot all bundled up in the sun. man. i love this time of year... dont you? i hope someone out there feels sorry enough for me to take me in their arms, feed me soup, and sing me a little lullaby. then they can get started on my sociology paper, open the store for me tomorrow morning, take my psychology midterm, and by the weekend, i should be all fine and dandy.
i actually started christmas shopping early this year. i can cross off my mom, my cousin n her hubby, and my best friend off the list. those gifts are bought and hidden. HEE. im hoping to get half of my shopping done by the beginning of december. little by little, paycheck by paycheck, so that by the time my bro comes here... all those paychecks can just go towards going out and getting nice and plump for the holiday.
you guys really need to check out nEmO's new page. im so proud of that guy. re-directing and then FLASH. =) wow. how neat. i feel so behind. so primitive with my u-Publish 1-2-3 skills. argh. new layout... next semester. but first... my car seat covers, my bro's covers, Jesse's covers, and my dash. after that.... then the site. =) priority guys. come on now. you dont mind the gifs and images right?
November 6,2000
Academically, i always thought of myself as independent and resourceful. i never did need much assistance from teachers in order for me to understand the material. it helped when i listened, but generally, i could do it all on my own just by reading the text. so when i got to college, i figured:: read the book, take the test, get an A. i underestimated. A LOT. i find myself doing a lot better when i sit and listen to the lectures. no longer depending on my gift of natural knowledge.. or whatever you wanna call it, but actually depending on lectures to get a more in depth idea of the course material. or maybe... i'm just too lazy to read so i rely on the lectures to get me through it. yeah. i think it's the second one.
i havent gotten my computer back yet. something is seriously wrong with my compaq. but nEmO is planning to format my computer so it doesnt fuck up so much this time. hee hee... gee:: its the parallel all over again! haha. this stuff is CRAZY. but i love it.