November 29, 2002
belated happy thanksgiving to everyone. i think i greeted my family. and that's about it. so sorry if you didnt receive a text or a phone call. dont feel bad. it's not you. it's me.

so what are you thankful for? ill tell you what im thankful for....
everything that i've experienced in life up to this point. my parents. my family. my sisters. brian. this house that i reside in. everything that God has blessed me with. the opportunities that ive had in life. my welfare. my health. the health of my loved ones. the well-being of my friends. fuel-efficient cars.

please excuse my absence. and complete lack of substance, presence, humor, etc. my hormones have been going haywire lately with the onset of my period. add to that the stress of tryin to keep my unemployment underwraps n my financial situation under control and my complete lack of self control, and you've got the end result right here. no sense of direction. no sense of control. no money. and zero concentration on important matters. seems to me, the only way out is to sit myself down and get my shit straight. with no distractions. (there's been a lot of them lately) but you know me... always an excuse to stay in motion. im heavy. so i get really caught up in my own inertia. needless to say, brian has had a handful this past week. he's been babyin me cuz i cant seem to take care of myself. dont know what's goin on. all i know is that it's got to STOP.

STOP THE MADNESS!!!

speakin of which, we woke up at 6am to catch the early bird sales. we were out n about before 7am. done shoppin at around noon. and yes, we actually SHOPPED. all that willpower we built up window shopping for the past couple of months had to be restrained. hey... it's the biggest shopping day of the year. ya cant waste those deals. at least im halfway done with my christmas shoppping. ill finish when i get a job. but first i gotta pay my bills. =P

so anyhow.... that's all for the update. oh yeah. real quick tho... we hit up that new casino (PALA). well it's not really new per se, but neither of us have been. i came up $25 and he came up $8.75 and drunk. hahah. good times. i think i need to gamble more often.

as if you cared, but me and the boyfriend have been doing really well. no drama as of yet. attempted, but no luck. it's a game. its fun. we've managed to become even clingy-er (if that was at all possible). doesnt sound healthy, but it is. he met my parents. and finally got the tour of my piggy little room. things are progressing well. and we're both happy.

i think ill stay cooped up in my little room tonight. lightning is scary.


November 27, 2002
the downside of being unemployed? IM BROKE! so off to the casino! haha. im starting to like being unemployed.

but only cuz im a lazy sack of shit. damnit. i need to get up off my ass and at least make an attempt to fill out a job application. i keep putting it off til the next day. but in this case.... today is full. i think ill look for a job on friday.


November 23, 2002
in a feeble attempt at straightening out my finances, i do a complete 180 and take a nosedive into debt. yeah. i spent pretty much EVERY fucking dime that i have in my bank account. no telling when ill be able to have ANY kind of income again. damnit. damnit damnit. i have NO self control. i need to stop being so damn impulsive. fuck the credit cards. someone needs to take my damn ATM card away from me.

all this, and formals is only 3 weeks away. err... maybe 2 weeks. 3 including this week. so yeah. that makes 3 weeks. im thinking that ill be employed again in 2. wont be paid for another 2 weeks. which means im basically FUCKED for formals. that, and all my bills. damnit damnit damnit. guess ill be askin the boyfriend for a little help. oh well. that's wunna the perks of our relationship... what's mine is his and what's his is mine. everything we have is shared between the two. ey... we're already plannin on christmas presents tagged "from Brian and Maria." why stop there?

yeah i know. sick sick sick. but maybe you're just jealous. cuz we found someone who we could be separate but together with. separate lives intertwined. it's beautiful.



prepare to get an earful. err... or at least a pageful. imma bitch and moan again.

as if my financial situation wasnt BAD ENOUGH. im now CURRENTLY UNEMPLOYED. after a WHOOOOOLE lotta bullshit at work, i had to quit effective yesterday morning. so i got my last paychecks. which BTW, im not expecting to last longer than this TUESDAY. which means that if i dont find a job QUICK, then my ass isnt gonna be able to pay for ANY bills. nonetheless get presents for formals. and expect my phone to be cut off. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK! im such an idiot. all this right before christmas. and im not about to ask my parents for money. i owe them a lot as it is. grrr. ive asked my lola for help. asked the pooh bear for help. just for a couple of weeks until i get back on my feet. but within that couple of weeks, i have 3 credit card payments, a phone bill, a car payment, and $100 in sorority dues DUE. damnit. and since i just recently sent out a bunch of checks that are scheduled to clear on monday evening, im basically FUCKED. i need a baller job NOW. and im getting lazy. THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR ME TO BE LAZY! im thinkin i need to start slangin cel phones again. and im planning to apply at the ballers club (aka Newgen). but thinkin long-term, i might wanna apply at a nationwide hotel for benefits when we hit up chicago, vegas n norcal. (oh wow. robin hood: men in tights just started playing on comedy central!) BAH. i need to get my shit straight. but i cant seem to find my work history. i HAVE it somewhere. including old supervisors' references and addresses to the places. grrr. im bout to tear my room apart to find that shit.

oh yeah. and did i forget to mention that i havent been to a SINGLE personality psych lecture? and i have an exam on tuesday. damnit damnit damnit. im LAGGIN!

and how long have i been tellin myself that i need to get my shit straight? FOREVER. and have i yet? NOPE. fuck me.


November 19, 2002
erik, i have no clue where all those people came from. all of a sudden they all wanna be cool like you and sign my book. i think its cuz they wanna see their names on front page too. HAH. whatever. i think you're mentioned more often in my journal than all the guys in my life COMBINED. see how special you are? and the whole FAP thaaaang.... yeah. i was unclicking all the nationalities (from when some fuckface was screwin with my account) and i guess i missed one. im not tryin to be like kristin kreuk or anything. that's not the case. bah. whatever. yeah. and the whole school thaaang... at this rate, i WILL be here for years. damnit! they offer like ZERO of the classes that i need to graduate. and i just found out that all the classes that im taking this semester arent counted as upper division cuz i was 4 units shy of being junior status at the beginning of the semester. damnit! and sorry you ate shit. but i can see you tumbling... ITS LIKE A CARTOON! only you could pull something like that off and come out without a scratch. hey, maybe that cute girl will think you're funny.

but anyway.... me n bri arent supposed to see each other on tuesdays cuz of our schedules. we always manage to, but today seems different. expect me to be grumpy.

other than that... i have no further announcements. 'sides... im late for class.


11.17.02.BAH!
this is retarded... how the hell are you gonna make certain courses REQUIRED for graduation, and then NOT OFFER THEM?!?! i need to take psych 388 & 326. but are they in the class schedule? nope. they're not just "only open to psych majors" they're not open at all. as in... they arent even being offered. stack on top of that the fact that the major is already fucking IMPACTED (as in.. there are WAAAY too many people tryin to be psych majors at sdsu) and they only open 4 sections (of a class of less than 40 people) of a REQUIRED course per semester. and damnit... i need that fucking class as a pre-req for most of my business psych classes... which i cant get into cuz all the fucking FRESHMEN have priority registering. damnit damnit damnit damnit. im never gonna fuckig graduate.

and speaking of registering... i have to register on december 30, 2002. at 3:15pm. i have WORK at 2pm. damnit damnit damnit damnit. and its not like i can come in late that day. cuz otherwise mark's gonna be there byhimself for 8 hours. damnit. which means im gonna get SHIT classes again. i got LUCKY this semester or something cuz they opened up new sections for the classes i wanted to take. UGH. but i just found out that i HAVE to take a foreign language. AAAAND i still have to take that damn writing course. damnit damnit damnit. i just wanna take my bio classes, take my psych classes, take my art and english classes, and get the fuck out of this school. but from the looks of things... with registration and the availability of classes.... i guess imma be l ike everyone else in my fucking age-group and be a super-senior. damnit damnit damnit! oh well. better than getting stuck at community. oh well. guess i have to make do. one summerschool session wont hurt.

on second thought... yes it will.

November 17, 2002
hey jer, heard you were at RBR. i arrived 30 minutes after you left. mikey is here now. errr... he just left anyway. but yeah. told you... HOME HOME HOME! this is me n the wifey's temporary home. anyway, hope your mom's surgery went well. my prayers are with her and your family.

well anyhow, formals is FAST approaching. so is christmas. and what monetary amount have i saved for presents this year? um. im giving a ballpark figure here but uh... just about NEGATIVE $200. and that's not including the $650 i owe my moms. and she's expectin me to pay her back so she can get presents. fuck me. that's a whole paycheck n then some. so it's either i pay NO bills and get my insurance, credit cards, water, phone, and electricity cut off, or not give presents this year. damnit. i dont know. maybe ill get a night job pimpin hoes or something. hey... i work downtown. it shouldnt be that hard. or maybe ill start slangin phones again.

i finally ran again tonight. after almost a one-week delay. but it felt good. too bad my diaphragm just kept crampin up. that sucked. did a few reps of ab work. but im still bloated as hell from all that water i drank yesterday. guess i wont be drinkin for a while. i hate that de-hydrated feeling. oh well. whatever. as long as i can still fit in a dress without all my flab hangin out, then im coo. otherwise, dont expect to see any pictures.

speaking of which, i finally updated my FAP picture. if you were wondering what i looked like now.... click THIS. no change. just the glasses. and ive cut back HELLA on the make-up. too much fuss for me. 'sides... brian already knows what i look like when i wake up in the morning. and i have no one to impress. so i could care less if im dazzling or not. not like i was before anyway. but yeah. okay. i should probably study now. isn't that why im here (RBR)?


November 16, 2002
i learned the hard way last night. that my tolerance has gone to SHIT. after work yesterday, we met up for dinner at Seau's last night. i had the intention of having one weak drink to prep for the party at Victor's that night. had a yagermeister. yeah. that fucked me up. i didnt realize that after such a long time of not consuming alcohol, your tolerance gradually decreases. UGH. so we were walking around mission valley and fashion valley while i was drunk. at least it wore off after a while. it took a long while, but at least it wore off before we got to Victors. so we get to Victor's... the VIP line is LONG AS HELL. but at least the 21+ line was shorter. ran into MAAAAD people from my past. as in ELEMENTARY-SCHOOL past. and on-line affairs. fun as hell. ran into my ghetto thugs from middle school. then people in high school. seeing people from the past is SOOO much funner drunk! but i only had a long island and a midori. but i was DRUNK. wasnt tipsy. wasnt faded. D-R-U-N-K. DRUNK. im such a pussy. must get tolerance back up before formals. but i put on 4 pounds in the process. or maybe it was the 2 gallons of water i drank today. alcohol dehydrates, you know. but last night, when i drove home... mind you that this was at 4 in the morning... i was STILL drunk. and we stopped drinking at midnight. holy shit i have no tolerance.

but anyhow... i just thought you missed me getting drunk. right dwin? haha!

p.s. my boyfriend says "HELLOOOOO!" and here are the stargazer lilies that he got me the night i became his girlfriend...



November 13, 2002
damnit erik. the "new attachment" doesnt mean i cant be your friend. damnit. we've been friends this whole time and ive had like 4 different "attachments." this one is no different. i bet you're just using my "new attachment" as an excuse not to hang out. and if that's the case... then you suck. BTW i saw randeeezy at RBR the other night. but i had my whack ass contacts on so i was hella blind. didnt wanna go up to a complete stranger and be like "hey. i dont know if you remember me, but i met you at erik's house. and i just wanted to say 'hi' okay. bye bye now." cuz you know... only weird people do that.

and DING... WHo the hell is your boyfriend? and how come I DONT KNOW ABOUT IT? and when did this happen? and damnit... DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT. can you leave an email address or something next time? or a cel phone number? and did you hear that RON IS ENGAGED to REENEE? damnit. you're one of the people that read but don't interact. grrrr. email me damnit.

hi jeff. you signed my guestbook too. i figgered i should write to you here too. WOOPEE! dont you just love the attention? yeah. we'll hang. you can catch me at RBR (sdsu) when im not at work. those are the only two places i EVER am.

hey jeR... FYI::: FON is performing on the 15th (this friday) at SOMA @ 730pm. and the 23rd at the Scene. how's it crackin BTW... reply via email or gbook please.

in other non-directed news... i didnt run today cuz i had to drive my mommy to the hospital. she's got strep throat. so i didnt get to see my hottie-with-the-body. its k. prolly better cuz ive got a new attachment now. bleh. but who said we couldnt be friends? haha. oh ye. BTW, i told my mommy about me n the bf tonight. she couldnt yell at me cuz she had strep. SCORE!

ack. im supposed to be studying. but there are sisters, bros, n old high school friends amidst the RBR pack. i must socialize. ...it's SOCIAL psych anyway. consider it field research. getting a firsthand look at how humans are social creatures. uh-hur hur hur. shut up.


November 12, 2002
geez. its been barely 24 hours, and RULE NUMBER ONE is already rearing its ugly head. dont get me wrong... i love the attention... its just a little distracting. signed on to FAP tonight with the intentions of replying to my ONE pen-pal that's stuck on a ship. and KABOOM. greeted w/ about 20+ new messages from different guys. um. okay. deleted about 19. replied to a couple that had more to say than "you're cute and i like your smile." opened my hotmail account. (p.s. erik... PLEASE do not sever any ties with me. you're my inspiration to keep this journal public!) and there are MORE messages from male callers waiting on a response. um. NO. sorry gentlemen, but im SPOKEN FOR. and can i just tell you... im scrubbed out... but seems like all eyes are on me. ew. maybe im just suffering from ego-edema. but sheesh. i know im not hallucinating.

so anyway... im surprised that people are surprised that we hooked up. i mean... HELLO... do they not talk to me or something? um. we spend practically every free moment together. we're on the phone when we're not together. and we make each other happy. uh.... call me retarded, but i think that's basis for a relationship. it just took us a while to be official. so you people need to stop droppin jaws, cuz this should be no surprise.

well, actually, i think people are just surprised that it took so long. or that we're just official NOW. everyone already assumed that we were together. =P oh well. whaaaatevers. what matters now is that... yeah. exaaaaactly.

poop poop. did i tell yah? im signed onto AIM right now. hahah. sorry you missed out erik.


November 11, 2002
hey erik... (im gonna write to you first, cuz otherwise imma forget and then have to write another post. =P im lazy remember?) so anyway... are you kidding me? im WAAAAYYYY too cool to squeeze you in while we're in the bay! j/k! hahah. BTW thanks for callin me an alkie last night. i had ONE drink damnit. so yeah. when we go up, ill give you a call and maybe you can be our tour guide... that is.. if you're not too busy (popular). so yeah. amsterdam? whoa nelly. haha. we'll see. but we're both broke status. and chicaaaago is gonna be kinda expensive. but ye. have fun. pothead.

so anyway... GUESS WHO HAS A BOYFRIEND!!!! haha. officially... i mean. ME! yeap! you're lookin at the new ms. brian's girlfriend. happened last night... err... technically it was the 11th. so keep that in mind when shoppin for our anniversary presents. haha j/k. sorry. it's been a long wait. a LOOOOONG wait. seee... now i dont feel so bad when people ask "so where's your boyfriend?" cuz i actually DO have one now. BTW, if you were wondering what took so long, his explanation was... "i wanted to wait it out for three months to see if there were still sparks flying. and there were. so i asked. sorry it took so long" if you were wondering what the 3-month point was, last night/today was the third monthaversary of our first kiss. so... ready for the story? err... the CHEEEEESE?

we made plans to have dinner on sunday night. just dinner. nothing special... we both had sunday night free, so we planned on spending it together. that's what we do... we spend our free time together. so after he got off work, i drove up to his house... rang the doorbell... and he opened the door. when he opened the door, he was kinda dressed up. i was in my usual jeans n a t-shirt n my chucks... so i was kinda taken by surprise. exchanged the usual hugs, n we strolled over to his car. he always opens the door for me, but this time... there were flowers waiting for me in my seat. lilies (stargazers).. how appropriate. left the house w/ the usual "where do you wanna eat" conversation. we hadn't even hit the 15 when he makes a sharp right and says "okay. we're eatin at islands." then he parks at Buca di Peppo. so in my head im goin "okay. where does he think he's parking." but went along for the ride. parked. left the car. he asks "so how long do you think the wait is?" cuz there's MAD people chillin outside waiting for tables. i reply "15 minutes" cuz it usually isnt a long wait for a party of 2. he goes "try ZERO." homeboy went and made reservations beforehand. nice. we ended up at the restaurant "where it all began" over the summer for jan's birthday. so we had dinner. tried to think of what to do afterwards, and came up with nothing. he apparently was "out of surprises." yeah. bullshit. after dinner we headed to PB bar n grill just for a coupla drinks. it's been a while... and i've never been there, so we just went to kill time. walked around mission beach for a few minutes to reminisce about all the times we were there before, and decided to call it a night. NAP TIME! haha. he was drivin, n he started takin the backroads.... with the excuse "it's a shortcut to home." n he played "first date" (182) on the way. we ended up at the cove... but on the way we saw TWO SHOOTING STARS. as if that wasnt enough, the sky was CLEAR, and it seemed like we could just reach up and grab the stars. at the cove, we just chilled a while. did a little reminiscing... that was the place of our first kiss... and we kinda re-enacted the whole thing. we went through the whole of that day... from the time that we had breakfast together up to the point when we first kissed. (8/10-8/11) three months exactly. then he goes "so can i just be cheese for two more minutes?" i dont remember the exact words, but it was along the lines of ... "i told myself that when i find someone that i could click with, and have no drama with, and just not argue with, i told myself that i would just grab hold of her, and never let go. that when i find that special lady, i knew that i would have to have her. so i was just kinda wondering... would you be that special lady in my life?" and i replied with a "yes please!" hugs all around... sparks flyin... and we probably caused more stars to shoot from the sky. the night was perfect. afterwards, we headed home. (BTW, when he said he was taking the shortcut home, he meant our house on prospect n la jolla), fell asleep in each others arms... and i came home 730am-ish.

yeah. so we're official now. i just cant seem to get the butterflies outta my stomach. or this huge smile i have plastered across my face. and i have a feeling that it will stay there for a long time. we've already passed the honeymoon phase... but still no drama. still no arguments. still havent run out of things to say.


November 10, 2002
OY! im so glad that round of midterms is OVER!!! yey me! i rocked the hell outta that physio exam. as far as the abnormalpsych one... eh. we'll see. but anyhow... social psych exam on thursday. sociology next week. then personality the week after. at least it's been spaced out. next round is FINALS. and im SET! woo! christmas is gonna be AWESOME! ALL the bros are gonna be down for two weeks. so it's gonna be me, my bros, n my brian. YEY! im excited.
january, we're plannin a trip up to big bear. then road trip up to the bay. in june we'll be in chicaaago (gotta say it with the accent people) for a week. spring break has been left undecided... but we'll see. hawaii maybe? haha. yeah right. NO ENDS. there's no way. but i might have some vacation/sick pay by then... WOO! but we'll see. maybe just spend a weekend in vegas or something. or maybe a coupla days during the week (cuz it's hellluva cheaper).
... the cool part is... i can see it all ACTUALLY HAPPENING. nice to have found someone who's on the same level as i am.

no more cheese. i was only supposed to go online to pay for my credit cards. whoops.


11.7.02.thanks.erik
thanks erik for that wonderful post! haha. made me chuckle. took my mind offa studying.
my big sis just got off the computer so i SWOOPED it up! oh man. we stayed in RBR til 230ish last night. got home. talked til 330. took a nap. he dropped me off at school. i went to RBR. studied. went to class. took my physio exam (BTW i did really well). lunch with Ro. and now im back in RBR. shit. ive been studying my ass off lately. its time for a break!
even tho i SHOULDNT be breaking right now. cuz i haven an exam in less than an hour. on top of that, i havent rehearsed my presentation. gggguuuhhh. im beat. mentally n physically DRAINED. (but emotionally... that's a different story)

but anyway.. what was my point again? oh yeah. THANKS ERIK! for gettin my mind offa studying. i needed that story of yours. entertaining. BAH.

damnit. im starting to despise this place. i cant wait til winter break. so i can just CHILL already. as much as i love learning all this... i cant stand the pressure of exams.

November 7, 2002
ive been considering going super-full-time. as in gung-ho in everything. im up for another promotion. meaning 45 hour (minimum) work weeks. next semester im planning to take at the least 19 units so i can high-tail it outta state and move on with my life. everything else has to go on the back-burner. including sisters and imaginary boys. aw hell... what can i say... sorry folks... but i think its time for me to move on. but you know me... ill always have time for the *special ones. haha. okay. i have no clue what the hell im talking about. its okay tho... you know... hahah.
but regardless of plans... i need to get a grip on my life. ive been getting more and more control. bri has been a tremendous help as far as my financial, emotional, and physical standing has gone. took my credit cards. monitors my spending as well as eating habits. he's always there to support me in everything i do. sounds like im letting him control my life... but it's not like that. he's more supportive than he is demanding. he knows that i can think for myself. he trusts my judgment, but is also there when i need the willpower. makes me study when i have to. everything balances out. cuz im there to support him. we both understand the concept of HE-WE-ME. both have excellent time management skills. what we have is everything positive about having a relationship. so its a good thing. being with him has helped me grow in every possible way. helped my realize my potential. and i think i do the same for him. all in all... very healthy. for the two of us.

had enough of US already? too bad. cuz you're just gonna get more and more of it. maybe seeing our relationship can help you with yours. or help you out of one. BLEH... nevermind. some people just dont know how to listen. remember folks... its never too late to get out of something that doesnt make you happy. strive for something better and that's what you'll get.


November 6, 2002
honey, im home! yeah. but we arrived here at the same time. why is it so crowded at our new place? i know why! cuz it's time for a round of upper division midterms. FUN FUN FUN! so all the upper-class (*ahem ahem* that's ME!) are here studying our asses off. the pledges have all gone to their houses to clean up after actives, so peace has finally set upon our home. haha. k. sorry. told you... we got a new place.... RBR. *yipes*

i spent yet another wednesday evening at The Athlete's Foot. hahaha. from 7ish til about 930ish. i got to stay after-hours and watch vanessa and bri close up shop. haha. i feel special. too bad you dont. *just kidding* we watched the simpsons and i studied on wunnatha couch thingies. see another second home? no. i dont think so. ill be happy when we actually go back to first home offa greenford.

so i ran again. by myself. at mission bay. in the dark. at least there were people there. among them.... a guy. that i saw last wednesday. hot body. the type i want. (no... not the type i want to have... the type of body i want my man to have.) dayum. he was followin me for a while. til i started my crunches n pushups. then he just kinda stood there for a while. i dont know what he was doing. not like i was watching or anything. so after i did my toning, i ran off back to my car so i could go to fashion valley. he followed soon after. i think ill talk to him next week. so i have a back-up running partnah. on wednesdays anyway.

anything else? oh yeah. ive got big news... concerning work.... but i dont wanna get my hopes up til something actually happens. everything's kinda up in the air... so i dont wanna jinx it like i always do.

p.s. half-asleep last night, i think i called him my bf. hmm. i dont remember much tho. so i coulda been dreaming.


11.04.02.home.from.work.
consider this my new home. err... remember how me and brian wanted to move in together? yeah. so we found a place. called the SDSU reserve book room. we're here more than we're at home. here as much as work. damnit. i've never studied this much in my life. something's wrong here. starbucks has served as home number 2. we needed a warmer place than the beach. somewhere indoors for the upcoming winter months.

WOOO!!! my rag has taken a surprisingly short route this month. it's not dragging on for it's usual 7 days n then some. it's only been 3 days and i have a feeling its not gonna stay around for much longer. woopeee!! no. you dont understand how excited that makes me. water weight gain is not my best friend.

aw shit. i need to go find an article for my presentation. disassociative disorder... aka... MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER. and why that one? it was either that, schizophrenia, or obsessive compulsive disorder. im too scared to do schizophrenia. it runs in my family and ive been exhibiting some symptoms. add to that an environment that can potentially trigger it... and it's bad news. im already prone to getting it... i just wanna stay ignorant if i do have it. *twitch twitch* and obsessive compulsive disorder... i have a mild case. err... and more info would just make me paranoid. disassociative... hmm... makes me wonder. but im pretty sure i dont have it. im as normal as they come remember? shut up.

ooh. so me and my bi-friend.... his new make-out buddy is this guy that hit on me a while back. they're both hot as hell. OOOHHHH. man. dirty thoughts running through my head. that would be uber-creepy tho. might... maybe.... damnnit. im such a perv.

November 4, 2002
brian's a dork. but HOT DAMN he's sexy!

it's been 4 hours since we got here. yeah. i know. i need to get my ass home so i can wake up early and go for a jog. but damnit... that CLIVE backpack is callin my name. i wanna buy it! please please please please please? ugh. damnit. but i just shelled out $216 for my insurance. and my car payment is due on sunday. fuck me now.


November 3, 2002
fuck. did i miss a day or something? i swear i didnt. but i guess i did. oh yeah. yesterday was saturday right? didnt i go online? ugh. i am SO the worst person to ask right now. all day ive been hyped up on caffeine, jamba juice, and chocolate. ate half a bag of hershey's minis today. oh geez. bouncin off the walls and then some. but surprise, surprise, im SOOOO out of it. i feel like an airhead. aw hell.. i've sounded like an airhead all day. it's the sugar. i swear. that, and my lack of iron. what can i say... you lose a massive amount of blood, all the iron you've been saving up goes down the drain with it (literally! hah!)

did i mention that i was in RBR? and there is virtually NO ONE that i know here? with the exception of mikey... who i've seen twice during the course of the day in different situations. and we called each other a few times today too. i dont remember why. but we carried a conversation. but yeah. he doesnt count. no sisters in here tonight. no frat boys. its just me, brian, and mikey. hmmm. the second round of midterms ended for everyone else on friday. that's why there hasnt been a whole lot of studying going on. but you know how my life is... shit's always goin on. so ofcourse... i have 2 exams this week. along with a 10 minute presentation on disassociative disorder that i've been putting off. shit. hey. do me a favor and remind me that usfc is having a party this friday. or imma forget.

well that paragraph was pointless. and it's been like that all day. i think it's cuz me and brian got off the phone last night/this morning at 330-am-ish. then my lola dragged my ass out of bed by 5am. fuck that. im beat. (p.s. it's 1142pm. and i had to work all day. woop dee doo!) but ye. it amazes me that bri and i (hey that rhymes!) can still manage to hold conversation for hours at a time. we shoulda run out of things to say and stories to tell by now. but we havent. that's fucking cool. and we still spend most of our time together. hahaha... jealous? i know i would be. well actually... id probably be more sickened than jealous. i'd probably shoot us. cuz we're mush. no. more like cheese. yeah. more cheese than mush. but anyway... you get the picture.

i think i figured out why i've been having those stupid emotional thaaaangs about mark. called... PMS. my best friend. haha! yeah. instead of getting super-bitchy when my rag is about to come... i get super-emotional. not so much.... but i get girlier than normal. you know what i mean homeslice? yeah. shut up. i've been on a sticker kick lately. buyin up all the stickers in my store. plastering em all over the inside of my car and whatever i can put stickers on. haha. i feel like im in elementary and we traded stickers. eep. whoa. brian showed me one of his quiz things for geography. geez. it looked like one of my quizzes back in 4th grade. see what community college does to you kids? so GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!! it's a trap i tell yah. A TRAP!

okay. im on crack. i need to peace the hell out. and mind you people.... what you see on this screen is just a pinch of how i've been all day. dude. problems.


November 1, 2002
oh wow. cant believe it's november already. where the hell did all my money go? i swear i told myself that id be out of debt by now. whatever. i need new tires. and a tranny flush. in about 6000 miles imma need a tune up. my baby needs some pampering. poor thing. me and bri have been abusin the hell outta our kids lately. and his kid is up for another few hundred miles tomorrow. (destination:: roscoe's in la brea)

i ran at mission bay tonight after work. damn it was cold. damn it was dark. and scary as hell. but i ran anyway. it gets addictive. now i remember why i used to run all the time. cuz it gives me a chance to collect my thoughts. to really get things into perspective. im one of those crazy people that talk to themselves while they run/walk. look for me downtown when im doing my bank run... you'll probably catch me talking to myself (loudly, too). but it's okay. it's therapy. there's the internet kind, and there's running. either or, i need to relieve myself. but DAMN it feels good to run. and hot damn it feels good to exercise. i almost forgot how it felt not being a fattie.

work is fun. i thought about quitting. financially, it would be the best way to go. but when it comes down to it, i love being at work. people always tell you to find a job that you love. and i have. it may not be the conventional way to go... but whatever. itll do until i have clientelle (psychology-wise).

um. yeah. my abercrombie limit went up again. damnit. i could use some new jeans too. maybe another long-sleeve shirt. and a beanie. a sweater couldnt hurt.

shit. here it goes again.