September 29, 2001
prelude to 20
everything is gonna change when i hit the after-teens. my world will be completely turned upside down. so after the day, expect to read words that will not be ... well... me. AAGHHHHHHHH! well maybe that's a good thing.
i lost my left contact this morning. it happened somewhere between fetching something out of my car, eating those macadamia nuts, and rolling around on the couch trying to find a comfy spot to watch TV. i looked as hard as i could, but trying to find something already hard to find with one eye (or should i say 'aye') is difficult. arrghhhh mateee. it be hard to find the darn contact with only one workin' aye (uh hur hur hur. CORNY) it's $78 to reorder my left one. BAH. i think ill just wear glasses for a year.
hey i got invited to pledge Alpha Phi Gamma last night. and i didnt even get an envelope at first. *sniff sniff* so monday night, is our ... um... initiation(?). im so excited. ACK! im gonna be a sorority girl. (see, i told you the world was coming to an end). at least i get sisters again. sisters that are actually in san diego.
i missed class twice this week. my psych class on tuesday (when i was barfing) and my philosophy class yesterday. wanna know why i missed yesterday? to get my nails done. (aaahhh! the sky is falling! the sky is falling!) we were just gonna go over utalitarianism anyway. i read that already. there's not much to it. and those mexicans in my class woulda just made odd remarks that make no sense. and the professor woulda been trying to explain one point over and over again for those people that didnt understand. (speaking of philosophy, the other filipino guy in there works at abercrombie. i need a new job. maybe he can hook it up.)
oh yeah. i need a new job. 10-15 hours a week just aint gonna cut it if i wanna get myself outta debt. im thinking of applying at express, but the girl that always helps me said they're only accepting applications (translation: turn one in so it can get lost in the pile and we'll never call you). i know how it is. KFC is hiring. i still wanna learn the recipe for mashed potatoes and the 11 herbs and spices. subway is hiring too. i wanna learn how to make those too. and i think cold stone is hiring. and id like to learn how to make fresh ice cream. that would be bad ass. hmm. or new york and company. or millers. or i could just go back to mervyns (naaaahhhh). BAH. i just need a job close by. like how it was at plaza. booo. nm. maybe i should just sell phones again. i was making mucho mula back then.


9.27.01:same.chair.same.computer
i liked gerard's site. i liked will's site. i liked a lot of people's sites. i liked a lot of people's ideas. i liked a lot of people's layouts. i liked a lot of people's blogs. but did i steal their layouts? just because i get absolute zero traffic compared to them, did i blatantly copy and paste their comments, layouts, and other such personal and unique qualities onto my own site? did i try to pull their thoughts and words as my own? did i ever snap up what was theirs and flash it as something of mine because i thought it would bring in more traffic? ofcourse not. none of the above. and it's not because of my technological ineptitude.
i never understood why people could so easily mimick others of such originality and flair. just because they dont have a sense of their own damn personality, they go and steal someone else's. it makes no sense. and all for what? acceptance? glory? or maybe their network is so limited to sheep that follow them, and those sheep have no idea that who they are following is a complete fake.
these people bug the hell out of me. it's one thing to quote. it's another to pass it off as your own idea. it's one thing to link, and it's another to flat out cut and paste the layout. (ofcouse, some exclusion to the people that have easy1-2-3 layouts or ones with a set template [i.e. some blogger templates]) BAH. i have diluted the problem again. lemme start over.
copy cats SUCK. copy cats that try not to look like copy cats SUCK. copy cats that try not to look like copy cats but try to create a large network are STUPID. stupid because they think they're not gonna get caught. stupid because they fool themselves into thinking that whatever they copied came from within them. stupid because they have no mind of their own. stupid because they only know what they copy and dont know how to rationalize beyond that. stupid ... simply because they have no mind of their own.
some people just dont understand that when a person genuinely expresses their ideas, it comes from within. there was some stimulus and they produced a response based on what they felt inside. along with it, there are emotions attached. there are memories. something is implanted in this person's mind. implanted in their heart. whatever the inspiration, creative idea, or stimulus, it's a part of tha person. when someone goes and just COPIES it, trying to pass it off as their own, it takes away from the experience, of the ideas of the original person. how demeaning is it for a person to steal a part of you and not even feel the same as you? these copy cats flat out steal a part of somebody and turns it into something superficial. it's just there so they can look cool. or sound intelligent. or sound genuine.
it's all bullshit. and creative thinkers suffer for it. fucking typpies. fucking biters. develop a personality why dont you. develop some sort of fucking character of your own. use your fucking mind if you have one. and airheads, just go find a brain so you can finally have a mind. these people need to fucking THINK about what they are doing. but then again... if they were thinking, it wouldnt have happened in the first place. another endless loop.

September 27, 2001
how weird... when i tried to input text through ie on this mac, it wouldnt let me. but it lets me input text through netscape. how suck. cuz netscape sucks. boooo! and watch everything i write get deleted because of that little comment. booo x2!
yowsas. i think im regressing to my anti-social state at school. cuz im sitting in the computer lab doing absolutely nothing. weakness. yech. but anyhoo, when i get my "sisters" numbers, then ill do some calling. damn. i shoulda gone to abercrombie today to return those cords. (i was in a depressed state when i bought them, but they look almost exactly like my express cords, so i have to return one of them, but i wore my express cords a million times already. damn. that's $50 back in my pocket. wooo!)) end exclamation.
dum dee dum dee dum. im so bored. that's why you're bored reading this. CUZ IM BORED. damnit.


September 26, 2001
gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins. God gave me a warning tonight via bowel movements. i've been craving a 6" cold cut trio on white, extra mustard, all veggies except onions, w/ salt, pepper, oil n vinegar. so i got a footlong. and i ate the whole thing by myself. i only digested half of it. the other half just glided through the intestinal system and let itself out all brown and gucky. weird how it kept its shape through all that chewing. but that's disgusting. you dont wanna hear about that.
the rushees and i bonded like crazy glue at the interviews today. i guess the anticipation of being left in a room alone with 3 other actives was a scary thought. well not scary, perse, but kinda intimidating. afterwards, we had some homecooked adobo (care of pledge mommy gloria) and bonded. that was awesome to the fullest. (awesome to the fullest? how teeny bop is that?) but it was cool. invitational dinner is this friday night... in PQ... and that's when we find out whether the girls want us to pledge or not. damnit. it's just like tryouts all over again.
check out this test. take the test before reading the rest (it's only 18 questions) that was cool. the average score was 7. meaning people actually got really low scores and really high scores. i got a 10. which is okay. i guess those visits to UCSD, watching all those korean music videos, and Jet Li movies did pay off. HAH! not... really. =X


9.25.01looking.through.the.past
February 8, 2001
my books, notebooks, and backpack has hoards of flyers, invitations and information concerning Spring Rush 2001. i must have been approached by as many asian sororities as there are out there, and then some. as i flip through those colorful flyers, i see pictures of all of these girls sharing a tight, sisterly bond. and it makes me yearn for that. yeah, i have plenty of firends, but there is about a 10:1 ratio of guys to girls. that's why when a guy buddy asks me to hook him up, i can never hink of a friend-girl to fix him up with beacuse i completely lack in that department. ask james for a girl it sucks because when i really think about it, i have a ton of acquaintances that are girls, but not a lot of them can really be considered friends. if i cant even consider them friends, then where the hell are my sisters? damnit.
being the only girl in the family, i was raised in a household nurturing masculine traits. i was basically a tomboy while i was growing up. yeaht it was easy to get guy friends, but i was always o the outside of all of those girl circles. i've never had an ultra-girly bond with a group, or anyone at that., i've always wanted one, and i came close with CG. but... CG harbored manliness. BOO. so.. i yearn what i lack. typical human psychology. and i lack in girly skills. damnit. nevermind. im just babbling again.
i think it's time to fill the void.

September 25, 2001
i hate parking at state. it's just gotten a helluva lot worse in the past week. (well it's only been 2 days, but both days i was sooooo late for class) i think it's cuz it's 1st midterms week. so everybody that hasnt been attending started going to classs. oh well. it will soon be over. but im sicker than a freakin donkey right now and i dont feel like showing up earlier than usual just because a bunch of slackers decided they want out of this institution.
yikes! i saw greg n val last night at plaza. they invited me to their wedding in january. craaaazy shit to see your ex inviting you to his frickin wedding. and being wed to his rebound from you of all the people. eeek. but that's a long story.
*BARF* im so nauseaus it's not even funny. i had to hold off on barfing like a million times today. and dont get me started on my cramps or my fever. good lord, im gonna die
oh hey. did you know that something's up with my phone line? like my home phone line. i think the bees did some major damage to it a coupla days ago, cuz we havent been able to get a dial tone since. and it's pretty hard to get a repairman on the weekend. so that sucked. we resorted to using my cel as the house phone. on the one hand, no calls from telemarketers, on the other hand, i have no cel. and i feel naked as hell without it. errr. i wanna barf.


9.22.01an.hour.later
so im human. i need certain things beyond the bare necessities. i need love, acceptance, hope, companionship, and pride. just like most other human beings need. but unlike others, i also need reasons for almost every action and emotion i come across. i also react to situations in my own individual way. and i hate it when people don't understand my mode of thinking. but nevermind... i was just really peeved about what someone wrote... it sounded too much like they were targetting me. damnit i hate it when someone tries to stick up for stupid people. i just dont get why people back up shit like that, especially when i know they dont believe in that shit themselves.

9.22.01starry.night
it seems as if kenny is really getting into all of this fraternity shtoof. all day during his shift all he talked about was the frat/sorority crap. well not crap necessarily. but you know what i mean.
it was nice being an individual. if i start falling into that dark typpie side, slap me. i mean it. come over to my house, bug me at work, crash my classes... and slap the shit outta me. or at least slap some sense back in. cuz you know... pooping in my panties went out when i was 2..... LITERALLY! UH HURHURHUR!!!!
there's too much KFC and JIB in my system. after a withdrawal from junkfood, you REALLY start to feel it once you jump back into that routine of fastfood. getting your rag early doesnt help either. =X oops. have i said too much? TOOOO BAD!

September 22, 2001
last night's APhiG bonfire was coozy. we got to meet the bros from UCSD and the pomona girls came down. it was bigger than the beta mixer. and it was fun. but there were some ghetto guys there, supposedly they were gonna reserve the spot for tonight. but coming a night early, i dont understand. and these were guys that were the kind of people that ... well... people dont like. the ones that think they're all hard just because they're ghetto. even had those fobulous accents and the hoes to go with the group. the lows of society i tell yah. but other than that, it was cool. the girls were great, i got to know some of the rushees a little better. and i have somewhat of an idea who i want as my big sis. =)
towards the end of the night, some of the Saga boys (Cyrus, James, Karl, and Mike) came down to see what was going on. they didnt stay that long, but i think their stay there made pooh bear's time worth while. so that was good.
Karl asked me "are you rushing?" and i said yes. then he goes "YOU ARE? oh my God. you're the last person i ever expected to do that. it's the end of the world!" that statement alone made me question my actions. it made me rethink everything that i've been doing over the past week. then Laika chimed in and said "shhh! dont say that to her!" as if she really knew that it was very unlike me to be doing this. and i guess it is. letting myself go with the crowd. and most of all, falling into a stereotype that i've always been so harshly against. by the way, thanks Karl, for the input. i think your thoughts alone set me on the right track again. =)
oh yeaahhhhh!!!! i found the greatest radio station ever! FM 92.1 plays my kinda music. it was cool. i was just browsing the stations one day, and i hear Cake. and i was like WHOA! then the next day, i listened and i heard all of my favoritest songs. woop woop. no more blase 91X playing the same thing over and over and over and over again. damn clear channel stations.
ERIK! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU! well yeah. so IM me or stay online forever or something. i just need to talk to you.


9.20.01/15minuteslater
im HUNGRY. over the course of the past 3 days, i have had a tomato, half of a small chicken breast, 3 tbsp of rice, 5 sticks of gum, and 32 oz. of coffee. and some water. it's not that im trying to lose weight. i just havent had an apetite. oh wait. i went to dennys with the pooh bear on tuesday, so add 4 buffalo chicken strips, 4 fried shrimp w/ cocktail sauce, and 4 tbsp of mashed potatoes. hm. i guess im not malnutritioned after all. but ive got a maaaad craving for KFC popcorn chicken w/ mashed potatoes n gravy. but i have no time to eat today. and $2 which i need for soda later at work. well... i have 30 mins right now, buuuuut. dont wanna deal with parking again today. once is enough. plus i got to park next to the handy dandy type R conversion Si from Saga (aka buddy Adrian). there's a KFC/Taco Bell on campus, buuuut.... im not that hungry. it's pretty gross too. hmm. a baja chalupa sounds good right now. and i want sushi. fresh sushi. with some raw salmon. and soft rice. not that grocery store packaged crap with stale rice and no fish. or a tuna-stuffed tomato. the tuna on campus is goooood. damn. im hungry again.

September 20, 2001
tomorrow will be autumnal equinox. meaning that tomorrow the sun will be directly above the equator and we will have exactly 12 hours of dark and 12 hours of light. which also means starting from saturday, our days will be getting shorter and shorter. translation: i shouldnt have registered for an evening class this semester because it will be dark after class from now on. EEK! a word to the cautious: take evening classes during spring term:: you'll have more daylight that way.
isn't it great how geography applies to everything in our world? CHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ! i just got out of geography. can ya tell?
meez n elliot-one-eyed-rooster were sposed to chills today during my break. someone isnt answering their celly-cel. but he has verizon. =X what a BOOOOO!
ooh! last night was fun. it was the APhiG barbeque with the betas. i actually mingled! look at me! im a social butterfly! twitter twitter twitter among the folkies there were aaron aquino, brandOn, and mr. kenny from work. im guessing that we will both be dubbed "Mr. and Ms. American Eagle" at the end of Rush Week. better than "those two shy kids that were always together at the barbeque." and i met some chick from scripps ROTC. and expressed my ... um... utter hatred (to say the least) for their program. hahaha... she KNEW too. and she actually ADMITTED to me (cuz she was on ffdt) how they intentionally JACKED our routines because they wanted to win. SUCKA! YARGHHH!!! but im regressing. *INHAAAALE, EXHAAAALE* tomorrow night will be the open bonfire. and ive got the banig and beach chairs in my trunk boyeee. talk about fobulous.


9.18.01nitenite
tonight i actually had a good time. i said that i would base the remainder of rush week on the happenings of tonight. well tonight i actually didnt feel like an outcast. people talked to me. they were more open to me. maybe it was because yesterday i looked like some boujie little priss dressed all cosmo-ish. and i guess yesterday i didnt really look like i was having a great time. but can you blame me? i wasnt having a good time. well anyhoo, rochelle and i talked. i've never talked to her in the entirety of my high school life. we knew who each other was. i was very familiar with her cheerleader status. and im guessing she was familiar with my rotc status. but we were from two completely different worlds. and now our worlds have collided.
college. i guess it is where you have to try new things. so lemme get this straight... frosh year i experimented with love. this year i experiment with friends. let's make next year the carreer experiment. and senior year the wife experiment. but that's a little far-fetched. so let's live this one day at a time. or at least one semester at a time.
well now that i've gone through the icky shyness stage (well almost)... at least im beginning to feel more comfortable. now i just have to manage to get through the week's rush events. they keep saying "you dont have to be at all of the events", but that's just their ploy to see who is really down or not. we did that shit in ro too. and then there's interviews. ill just think of them as informal boards. csm/dpy cdr remember? but i think im coming off as a total ditz. and a total nervous case. i let some sarcasm slip a while ago. i dont know if that's good or not. but they laffed. but it was kinda sorta harsh. well not really. but sarah had to reassure the girl that i made the remark about. thats never good. but they laffed. bleh. i think im overanalyzing again. but whatever.
BLEH! i dont know what to do. i know i want sisters again. i know i want that bond again. as of now im not really sure if these are the right girls. i dont think any of them would sit through a whole weezer CD or through The Craft or would actually sit and read a blog. but they do get to the ultra girl in me. these girls.... shopping, hanging out, sister bond. that's what im missing out on. i've never had an adequate shopping partner.. except krystle.... but not one i could crack fob jokes with. and not one that would understand about my problems at home. or identity problems at that. i dunno. but that ultra girl in me is just pushing so hard for me to do this. then there's the other half, wondering if they'll accept that side... the side that cant tolerate excessive giggling, excessive ditziness, and general sheep mentality. hopefully i find a sis that is also a libra. so that i can have someone to help me maintain balance in life. in whatever im doing. a bunch of them are taurus'. libra n taurus have never been good together. so i dont know. eh.. we'll see. but i always say that dont i?
((ps sorry if i bounce back and forth, but some of this story was posted at my blogspot.))

September 18, 2001

i found out who it was that asked jasmin if i was her cousin in seattle. it was my old buddy noel from like waaaay back in aa days. so mystery solved. =P
im really considering pledging for alpha phi gamma. i went to the info night last night at the request of my old friend Jill. the concept of the whole thing is great. the night made me crave sisterhood again. i wish my sisters were still around like they were before, but people grow up and move away. too bad for that. so now, im sisterless once again. and as always, i've always craved a sense of belonging with females. it was hard being an only girl. and having to grow up with a bunch of guys. in turn, growing up, practically all of my good friends were males. then my colorguard sisters came along. that was the best... even tho we were man-ish, we were still sisters. and we had that bond. and now i'm craving that sort of bond again. and oh yeah, i also need friends. being a loner sucks nowadays. but my mommy said no. she said she'll be my best friend. all of a sudden i know how rodel feels. =P but im gonna try it out anyways. even if the girls dont make me feel as welcome. but last night i wasnt comfortable. today im in my scrubbadubs. so it should be much better. someone shelter me please. =(


September 16, 2001

check it out! i have a new web cam. wow. how late am i? yeow wells. the pooh is waiting for me downstairs. soooo. ill post more later. CHEEZ


September 15, 2001
i wrote some stuff the night of the thirteenth. but my computer crashed yet again. so it's gone. sucks. cuz that was free typing shit. i dont remember what i was talking about. i do remember typing something along the lines of "JERRY, i know i didnt call on your birthday, but i didnt forget that it was on sunday. happy belated birthday anyhow. one more year til twenties. yucks. hope you had some good fun." and "ERIK, i get that right-ass pain during class too." but i wrote something about it in your guestbook in apt107. err.
weezer n blink were postponed. good. gives me more time to get tix. sposed to go wif evan to blink. supposed to go wif evan to playboy party too. but parents suck sometimes. so do terrorists.
so they're telling us that we should try to continue with our everyday lives. here's my attempt at trying. kinda hard to push those events to the back of your mind. but let's see what happens.
hey im almost 20. october 1, 2001 at midnight to be exact. im thinking i should get the day off and cut class and celebrate or something. but that would be a complete waste of a day. nothing ever happens on my birthday. i'd probably sit around on my ass all day or something. or sleep. or a combination of the sort. in any case, there will not be any kind of celebration concerning my date of birth. bleh. like always. bleh.
jill asked me to pledge with her sorority. alpha phi gamma. i guess my avoidance of socializing with others is apparent. "oh look. mar's going to the library basement again." i never realized that my M.I.A. status ever got to anyone. she said it would be good for me to start doing other stuff other than school and work. to be more social. i guess it is. 2 years hiding in the library basement is never good for anyone. but at least i dont run into high school people that try to lower my mentality to typpie-status. a sorority will be good for me. i need to feel that sisterly bond again. just like colorguard. except this time i hope that my pledge sister wont be so quick to judge. and hopefully this time i get a pledge sister that would be more like myself. someone less selfish. but whatever. my mom doesnt want me to pledge because of the hazing. psshaw. i keep forgetting she never found out about the gauntlets and hell weeks and all that other shit that our moms n grammas put us through. hazing is nothing. hazing builds character. hazing is tradition. and tradition is good. besides... i need some friends at state. cuz my current friends are all at different schools. weak shit. BLEH!
i had another dream about erik. (rektmonkee erik) yeah erik, i had ANOTHER dream about you. meaning i had one before. this one was weird. i was in san francisco. and i was walking around central park. dont ask me how central park got in san francisco. so anyhoo, i was walking, and i saw erik. and we decided to go give blood together. there was a lot of other crap. but somehow in the end we ended up at a set in universal studios hollywood. then i woke up. that dream lasted all night long too. okay. and the first dream was about some party/club we were at. and it was at someone's apartment. and i fell asleep on the speaker. and when i woke up, erik made me hold scrambled eggs in my hands while he looked for a plate. that one lasted all night too. damn im screwy.


September 13, 2001
needless to say, i am as unhappy as the rest of you are. maybe moreso than others. yesterday i watched the world go on and hear everyone talking about this incident as if it was some big hollywood production. as if overnight something dramatic had happened and that, although it was of some concern to them, their lives were continuing as normal. something big had happened, but life goes on and they should only be concerned when something else happens. so they wait for war. listen in on the grapevine to see who was caught and who we are declaring war on. not even bothering to keep up to date... only caring if they are personally involved or not. or maybe it is only because i was majorly around self-centered people that just didnt give a damn until they were affected by it. as if their late paychecks or postponed flight was more important than the fact that thousands of families have been devastated by a loss of a parent or child or spouse. that New Yorkers CANT go on with their daily regimen because their city has been reduced to rubble. even if we are thousands upon thousands of miles away, the concern for others just doesnt seem like a factor here. san diego has been divided into those who care and those who only care because they are insignificantly affected by it. i watched my own cousin pass off this event because it didnt significantly affect him. all he could say was "see, now im glad i didnt join the navy." and he proceeded to raid my refridgerator and retreat to play video games in the other room... as if nothing had happened. as if his enjoyment was more important. and this as building 7 was collapsing before our eyes. as hundreds of people are running for their lives in the streets. there is a thin line between selfishness and trying to get your mind off of an event so as to relax a little. but it is a very distinct line. by crossing that line, you lose respect.
this is a time when you see the true images of people. in new york, a relatively dangerous city to live in and work, strangers were concerned about the well-being of their fellow citizens. helping others even when their own lives were in danger. going out of their way to make sure that everyone else was comfortable. having consideration for the others around them. and this, in a city that would otherwise be uncaring to those around them. and on the other side of the nation, there are barely any changes. people go on as they usually do. this major event is just a pebble in their path. and to others, it is just an excuse to release their anger. cab drivers and gas station people have been pulled out of their place and beaten as if they had a part in this terrorism. instead of uniting and helping each other get through this traumatic event, there are those anti-racially motivated people that use this tragedy as fuel to lash out against others.
i admit to having thoughts of hatred. that these bastards should all go to hell. that if i went to that country and started shooting people in the face, watching as they died in front of me, i would have no remorse. they deserve to go to hell. they deserve to lose what we have lost. but they deserve to suffer for eternity. and you know why? because they were celebrating that many of our citizens were killed. that national monuments were destroyed. they REJOICED that americans were devastated. not even savages would celebrate mass death. these people held parties. they ran through the streets declaring their happiness that so many people died. for that, they deserve to die. they deserve to feel as we feel. and when they are looking to us from hell, they will see us celebrating. they will see us celebrating because the world is left with less evil. less hatred. and for the handful there that actually cared about the lives we lost, for them, they will be saved. although their god has won this battle, our God will prevail. and our God will save the few of them that were human enough to care for a life lost. but the rest of them, let them die. let them suffer. let them burn for eternity for their sins.


September 11, 2001
(post script)
everybody saw it on the news at night. or maybe the only reason that they saw it was because it interrupted their daily TV-watching regimen. the so-called-breakig news that happened hours before they even realized it. they ddint see it live as it happened like i did. they didnt see the world trade center collapse as the news broadcaster was juggling his earpiece and microphone trying to keep up with the attacks that were happening right behind him.they didnt see their older brother fearing for his life because the place where he lives and works just so happens to be capital city. they didnt have to drive to school bawling like a littl baby as the news announcer on AM radio announced that BOTH world towers had just collapsed and that tens of thoughsands of people may be dead. they didnt hear the fear in their beloved's voice, knowing that he would be working in the heart of the military's largest naval base. that his father who shold have retired a year ago and was supposed to come home this weekend wont be coming home any time soon. they didnt cry thier way to class as others stared, not even realizing that the country had already declared war.
but then again, i wasnt in any of those planes that got hijacked for a kamikazi terrorist attack. i wasnt in either world trade tower. i am not a rescue worker that has to dig through hundreds of stories of rubble to try and find thousands of bodies. i am not ina hijacked plane that is about to be shot down by the government that is supposed to protect me. im not a new president that has to deal with my father's un-won war. im not gonna be called back early from leave to go fight in a war. there isnt even a chance of me going to war. and yet this day, which has barely even started, has already been incredibly devastating. can you imagine what it must feel like for the millions of people that have to experience this war first hand? the government officials whose lives are in danger anywhere they go. the rescue workers, knowing that millions of lives are dependent on how fast and how strong they are. the medics that have to work in those hospitals that wll soon be overcrowded with innocent, injured victims. the soldiers that must fight. the middle-easteners that will be attacked just because of their evil counterparts. and most of all, the millions of innocent poeple that live in metropolitan areas that have nowhere to go, because all flights throughout the nation have been halted, and there is a danger everywhere they turn. this is inescapable. remember in 1999 when they said that doomsday would come in november of the millenium? and the controversy whether the millenium was 2000 or 2001? i think its all figured out now.
but im sitting in the midst of over 200 students. all of which are oblivious to what is happening around them. the country is at war! i wish i could just stand up and yell it out to the entire lecture hall. but i cant. because otherwise class cannot resume. all i can do now is pray.
as many times that we have been to war in the past few decades, maybe even over the century, we have not had a war on our own land. New York will never be the same without the twin towers. the pentagon has been crippled. our open-flights, our FREEDOM to fliy anywhere in the country has been violated. this country will never be te same again. our open-society has left us vulnerabole to those that possess an incredible amount of hate inside. this means war. and we will never have our lives back.


September 6, 2001
at some point in time i somehow became Evan's knight in shining armor. this guy* is constantly calling me in despair. how he left his wallet. how his boyfriend is treating him like shit. how badly the shoot is going. how his roommate is being a bitch. all kinds of crap. and i cant do anything except sit there and listen and try to comfort him. have you ever tried to comfort a gay guy? its like trying to calm down a drama queen after a big break up. they are somehow more sensitive than girls. its weird. but ive had an earful tonight and he's calling his roommate. *whew* tomorrow will be a whole nother story.
well at least the second day of my T/TH classes were better. with the exception of the little tardiness episode that i had. i had to climb a frickin mountain to get to class. its an excuse. at least i didnt miss anything. and i found out that my *ahem* acquaintance *ahem* 'Cesar' is in the same art class as i am. so at least i have a study buddy in case of emergency. at the least i have someone to borrow the book from. and pooh bear's cousin Genesis is in my psych class this semester again. *awesome* so in any case, i might have a buddy there. and i think jason is in my psych class too. as for geography, diane whatchamacallit is in it. and becca from oral comm. we'll see how that figures out in the end. world history is a big bore. philosophy seems like it will be like dowler's class:: informative, stimulating and fun. so this semester should go smoothly. i dont see myself running to the dean asking for a withdrawal this semester. WOO! that's a step up.
i think greg is starting to feel sorry for me. i started out with 9 hours for next week, and i ended up with 23. its a good thing. and besides... i kick ass when it comes to sales and floorset. makes me wonder why i dont get promoted already. but maybe that's cuz my head is swelling. YIKES.
but no really... my head hurts like a bitch right now.


September 5, 2001
yes. it has been a while hasnt it? but at least this time stuff has actually been going on. too bad theres too much to write in such a short amount of time. (i have to pick up my lola in 5 minutes). maybe tomorrow during my break. or not. tonight i had the opportunity to sign on because my bro isnt home, i got out of school early, and i dont have anything to do until 5 minutes from now.
in summary, just so i remember what to write about later::: school opens. all lectures. kuya come home. universal studios. lavender. finished roll of film. world history. pre-mtv. 3hour nap in the library. school. waking up early. art teacher. evan. evan's friends. i think that's it. and LOOK! i have time for a blurb.
it seems to me like there are a few types of people when it comes to social stuff. there are the indies: the individuals that know what they like. that like what they see, hear, feel, taste... etc. just because they like it and it makes them happy. and then there are the wanna-be-indies:: the ones that fake liking certain things. and only like those certain things because they want to be "different." and their sole purpose in liking anything is because it makes them different. "because being different is cool." in any case, their wanting to be different is only a case of them wanting to be cool. and then there are the naturally cool, popular people:: you know them. i know them. they have a lot of friends. basically they are the MTV posterchildren. they're cool. they're in style. and this is what their lives are based around. they are cool. but they are looked down upon by the indies because they are followed by the crowd. but then... they are doing what they like because they like it... and even if they are being followed by the crowd, they didnt choose it to be like that. it just happened. they were being themselves. in a very wide view, they are too, indies. then there is the CROWD. the wanna-bes. the sick group that the market targets. the group that... nevermind. its just pathetic.


September 1, 2001
7 inches. it took almost a year to get it up to that length. after cutting it down at the appropriate stages. and today... when it hit 7 inches, CHOP!
i cut my hair. it was growing too fast. and i dont wanna get into that long hair rut again. having to grow it out just because its almost there. then not having the nerve to cut it because it took so long to get to that length. nooo thanks. i think ill just chop it now while i have the balls to do it. even tho it did come out kinda yucks. oh well. i have balls. thats all i need to know.