Letters_From_Grandmother

10-7-00

“My Special Angel”,

I have been giving much thought to our time together and my heart is so full of love and thanksgiving.
You and your mommie worked so hard and long for your arrival but the moment when she held you in her arms was one of love, joy beyond all imagining, and the beginning of a mutual admiration society. It is a source of great joy that I have been privileged to watch and take part in.
I remember that day when I was bathing you and singing to you that you stopped breathing – I thought I would die – and I ran to your mom, breathing into your little mouth to get you to breathe. (looking back, was my singing that bad?) After you returned home from the hospital with the monitor that warned us when you stopped breathing, your mom and I practically knocked each other down at the door when the alarm would go off – for no reason. You were so beautiful and so special – I knew you were an angel so I began singing the song you have heard a million times.
Speaking of singing, I can see your lovely eyes rolling in your head when something you said would remind me of a song and I would burst out with a smile and love. Tristesse, Nancy Hayes called the other day to ask about you and she shared one of the moments she treasured about you and me. She said that as I held you on my knees, facing me, I sang to you with such love that she and Linda were amazed. She said that you just beamed – she didn’t know if your smile made my voice more beautiful or if my voice made your face beam like that. You were about 6 or 7 months old at that time.
Words seem so inadequate when one is trying to express the depth of emotions I feel. The many times we would walk around the block, hand in hand, until you would break loose to pick some wild flowers for me or to take back to your mother – or the times you and your mother came back from a walk with a rock or stone for me – you knew even when you were little how much I loved beautiful creations. Do you know that I still have many of these treasures?
Precious, there are so many moments – no hours – no years of our time together that I hold so close to my heart. Thank you for letting me be part of your growth into a lovely, very special young lady. Tristesse, I am so proud of you – proud of your kindness, your compassion, your tenderness, your patience, your courage, your strength, and your weakness. You are an example of all that we are asked to be for one another. Because of you, many lives have been touched in a way that will make the world a better place to live. You have touched more people in a positive way in your 14 years of living than most of us do in a long lifetime. Just think of the short time you have been at Bishop Kelley and the people whom you have touched – they are so much richer in spirit because of you, angel.
I have been amazed at your courage and strength trying to attend school during this last month. I would arrive early so you wouldn’t have to walk so far in that heat and as I sat there, thinking and praying, the children, or should I say adult children, would start to walk across the grass and many times I would ask, dear God, why not one of them instead of Tristesse? – of course, no answer came. Then I would see you with your arms full of books, putting one of those Doc Martens in front of the other, and somehow I knew that no one else could have dealt with this illness with such courage and strength.
Tristesse, my special angel, in the old days when I was wishing to save the whole world, I would have had platitudes galore to help you on your journey, full of scripture to let you know that no one travels one’s journey alone. Now, since I have had the wonderful joy of knowing you and watching you travel with such courage, I know that your spirituality is so far beyond mine that I will have to work even harder to be worthy of your love. You have never failed, precious one – not me, granddaddy, your mother and daddy or yourself. You have succeeded in being the best person I know. I am so grateful for you in my life, thank you.
If I could, I would make the world more beautiful for you, I would hold you in my arms and sing all the lullabyes and songs which I used to sing to you, I would take away all the pain and sorrow, I would gladly walk your journey for you, but I can’t. It is time for you to stop worrying about me, granddaddy, and all the others who love you. We will be OK because there is a SPECIAL ANGEL watching over us.

I will love you forever,
Grandmother