“Where are you?” Brian barked into the phone. He’d been up since seven waiting and pacing.

“I’m home,” came Kevin’s voice. “You sound happy this morning.”

“Sorry, I thought you were Anne.”

“She’s not home?”

“No.” Kevin could hear the disappointment in his cousin’s voice. He wasn’t going there. Their separations of late had really tried Brian’s patience and Kevin didn’t want to dredge it all up again.

“I just called to say there has been a change in plans. The car will be by to get you at five in the morning. We are shoving off at six.” Silence. “I hope she gets home soon Bri.”

“Yeah. Thanks. Six huh?” Brian shook his head. “Okay, see you in the morning.” He hung up and dropped the phone on the bed.

It would have to be an early night then. He cursed under his breath. How much more could he take, could they both take. He shuffled off to the shower hoping the warm water would soothe him, but it didn’t help his disposition. He checked the machine after his shower, nothing. Where was she? As if his thoughts summoned a response, the phone rang.

“Yes,” she could tell he was upset. “Tell me you’ve just arrived at the airport and on your way home.” He closed his eyes praying she would walk through the door in the next thirty minutes.

“No, I’m sorry Brian. We’re still fogged in, but as soon as it lifts we’ll take off.” She could see him pacing and running his hands through his curls.

“You do remember I’m leaving in the morning?” anger steeped in his voice.

“Yes I know but this was out of my control. I should be there sometime early this evening. We can still have a late supper and then…” He didn’t let her finish.

“Anne, I can’t take much more of this. We hardly see each other any more. We haven’t made love in a month and…”

“I know Bri, but I had this trip planned long before your dates were changed remember?” Dead silence was the only response. “It’s my job Brian, you know that. I love you and if there was any way for me to be there right now, you know I would.” Brian knew she meant it as he sat on the bed totally frustrated with the whole mess. He wanted her here and he would just have to be patient and believe that flight schedules and weather conditions would allow them at least a few hours before he was gone for three months.

“Brian, they’ve called my flight. I’ll call you when I land. I love you.”

“Love you too, “ he said absently.

“Hang in there baby. I’ll be home soon.”

“Yeah,” the line went dead and Brian dropped back onto the bed. So much for all the plans he had made. He was angry and disappointed and wanted to yell and scream and tell her to quit her damn job. She was his wife and he wanted her with him. But deep down he loved her and even though lately they spent more time apart than together, just the thought of not having her in his life was something Brian wasn’t sure he could live without.

They had been married three years. When Brian met her, her assignments had been small, afterthought commissions, to give her some experience. She had always dreamed of being a top notch photographer, working independently, shooting what she felt was worthy of film and offering her prints to the likes of Time, Life and even National Geographic. So slowly she built a portfolio and took whatever assignment she was given just to get experience. Once they were married, better offers started to come in and it wasn’t long before she was spending as much time on the road as Brian. Sometimes they were able to travel together or meet somewhere, but as her work and name became more prominent, they spent less and less time together. And the strain of the separation was beginning to take its toll. This wasn’t a marriage it wasn’t any thing. They had talked about starting a family, but Brian knew that there was no way they could bring a child into this life style. He didn’t want to admit it, but maybe it was time they take a long hard look at their marriage. He believed in their commitment and the thought of walking away saddened him. But this was no life either and it was time to face facts.

~*~*~*~

It was mid afternoon and Brian had been flipping channels for over an hour. The two large duffel bags sat on the floor near the closet, neither, of which was anywhere near packed. After Anne’s call he had fallen back asleep and woke at one. He threw on some sweats and flopped back in the bed. He wasn’t hungry. He wasn’t anything. He was lifeless and the thought of getting on a bus in the morning and traveling all over the country again did nothing to pick up his spirits. Usually he was anxious to get back on tour after a break, but not this time. His personal life was falling apart and he had no idea how to fix it. He understood her need to work and be her own person, it was what had drawn him to her to begin with. But now, her work seemed more important than their life together and Brian just couldn’t deal with it any more.

The images on the TV screen were a blur and he sat and absently pressed the remote buttons. Finally he turned it off. He grabbed the basketball and went out back. He needed a little physical activity to take his mind off his problems. There would be plenty of time to pack his bags and get ready for their three-month sojourn. Anne Marie Murphy sat in the terminal and sipped her coffee. She was a petite woman with a strong Irish temper and green eyes. She was her own person and definitely in charge of her life. She needed no man to take care of her and had shied away from any commitment in all her relationships. But something happened the night she met Brian at a press party. He intrigued her with his deep blue eyes and easy smile. She flirted with him all night until he finally came over to her. They spent the rest of the night together and he took her home depositing her at her front door and being every bit the gentleman he left. He was not your typical pop star but after their encounter she couldn’t get him out of her mind. They were thrown together quite by chance a week later and as soon as Brian spotted her he never left her side. They were opposites in temperament as Brian soon discovered. But in spite of it they fell in love and before she knew it they were planning a wedding. However when she told Brian that she would continue to use her professional name after they married, it had been their first argument and one that even three years later Brian would throw in her face when angry. She didn’t know what the big deal was, it was just a name. Why did she have to prove her love by changing her last name to his and besides she had built her reputation around that byline and didn’t want to give it up.

People moved quickly by as they made their way to make connections to their next flight. The weather had played havoc between the East and West Coast and the travelers looked harried and tired as they moved through the concourse. She had made it as far as Chicago, but it seemed like she would be here a while too. Traveling in winter was always an adventure and up until today, it never really bothered her. Her conversation with Brian had churned over and over in her head on the flight here. She knew he was upset and she was too. He had something special planned for today. He always did. It had become a ritual. And she really thought she would get back in time, but the weather had other ideas. She was exhausted having spent the entire night in the airport after her flight had been canceled the day before. She tried to sleep on the plane but Brian’s words just kept repeating over and over. He was right but as much as she loved him, she felt like they were drifting apart. The closeness they once shared wasn’t there any more. When it started she couldn’t say, it seemed that one day they stood before each other like two strangers sharing the same house but not knowing anything about the other person. If they didn’t find a way to bring back the love and intimacy they once shared, Anne knew that there would be nothing left. And Brian’s comments of late indicated he didn’t want to be involved in only a half marriage. The thought of separating brought tears to her eyes. She loved him and she would not give up on them yet.

She called the house but the machine answered. “Brian. Brian. If you are there please pick up.” Anne waited. The only sound was the static of the tape running. “I’m in Chicago and could be here a while. I love you Brian and I promise I will get home. Please, don’t be angry. I will make this up to you. I promise.” She disconnected the line and let the tears fall on her cheeks.

~*~*~*~

Brian rolled his tee shirts and boxers and packed them neatly in the bottom of the duffel bag. All his belongings were scattered on the bed as he methodically packed what he would need while he was gone. As he reached for his socks he noticed the framed photograph lying in amongst his things. He took a long hard look at the two people staring back at him. Where had they gone? That day had been the happiest in his life. He slumped to the floor and gazed at the woman dressed in white. She had looked so beautiful that day as they pledged their love to each other. How did things get so bad in such a short period of time? He’d made concessions and so did she, but even then there was guilt and recriminations on both sides as resentment set in. Brian knew Anne’s work was as important as his was and maybe at times even more important, but lately he was the one changing his schedule to suit her more and more. They were like ships passing in the night and he couldn’t live like this any more.

He longed to hold her body close to his and make slow sweet love to her like they used to. He couldn’t remember the last time they actually made love. Sex, that was different, that’s all they had lately. And the last time for that had been nearly a month ago. He remembered how he barely walked in the door and their hands were all over each other. They were like two rutting animals as they tore at each other’s clothes. They had scarcely eight hours and the whole encounter was purely physical as they sated their baser needs until they collapsed in a tangle of arms and legs and slept for a couple of hours until Anne left for an assignment. Not once during the entire night did either one of them say I love you. And yet he loved her more than anything.

He didn’t want them to become a statistic, but they were headed that way. Brian closed his eyes and remembered back to their honeymoon. They had made love on the beach in a secluded cove, both of them a bit apprehensive at the danger of being caught. Where had the spontaneity gone? That willingness to take a chance, the love they had for each other. He was lost in his thoughts when the phone rang.

“Hello.” His voice was barely a whisper.

“Hey sweetie,” Kristen said noticing the depressive sound of his voice.

“Hi Kris,” he said lethargically. “What’s going on. Why aren’t you and Kevin going at it?” He didn’t even smile at his comment.

“Don’t worry, he’s been begging, and if he would keep his hands to himself,” she slapped Kevin as he grabbed her butt, “he’ll get his soon.” Kevin dropped light kisses on her neck and she squirmed. “Have you eaten?”

“No, not hungry.” Brian sat looking at the wedding picture and then tossed it on the bed.

“Anne’s still not home, huh?”

“No. Last message was around three or so. She’s stuck in Chicago.” He let out a sigh and Kris could just see him wallowing in his own self pity.

“Come and have some dinner with us. There’s plenty. You shouldn’t be alone.”

“No. You two need this time.” He was jealous of his cousin. “I’ll see you guys in the morning.”

“Bri…”

“Goodbye Kristen.” He hung up and she shrugged at Kevin giving into his advances. Dinner would have to wait.

~*~*~*~

“Brian…” the phone went dead. He could be so stubborn. He wouldn’t listen. It wasn’t all her fault. If his damn starting dates hadn’t changed they would not be fighting like this right now. They had already planned for her to meet him in a couple of weeks anyway. She sat at the table just staring into space. She was now in Atlanta, close, but still not close enough. And the way her luck was running, she was going to be in the airport a good part of the night and Brian would sleep alone again.

Anne had never heard him talk to her the way he did just now. Her initial instinct was to just let him go. She didn’t need him if that’s the way he felt. She was a big girl and she could take care of herself. He was being unreasonable or was he. She was so confused. She loved her work, but she loved Brian too. And they had agreed to make this marriage work even though they both knew the traveling would be a problem. But as she had honed her craft, the assignments became more complex, requiring more and more of her time. In the last six months she had slept in a hotel bed more than her own and most times she was alone. They tried to be together, but it wasn’t working any more. If Brian was in California or Florida, she was in Washington or New York. She was tired of fighting all the time. Was the marriage worth salvaging? Could she walk away? She didn’t know. He told her she didn’t care anymore. But that was not true. She closed her eyes fighting back the tears threatening to fall. Why did she have to be the one to concede? Deep down inside she knew why. The idea had been bouncing around her head for a few months now but the fear of letting go of her independence scared her. But maybe it was time to take a long hard look at what she really wanted. Was she ready to walk away from the only man she would ever love?

~*~*~*~

He was wide-awake. It was 2:00 a.m. He had lashed out at her and now he regretted it. How could he do that, when he loved her more than his own life? It was probably just as well that she wouldn’t get home in time now. They both needed to cool off and step back and reassess their life. Maybe in a few weeks when she met him on the road, they could sit and talk sensibly and figure out what to do.

He got out of bed and went into the den and flipped on the TV. When he got to the weather channel they were reporting how the bizarre weather patterns of the past 24 hours had practically grounded all air travel. Most airports on the East Coast were closed till morning with Atlanta letting their last plane leave only 20 minutes ago before shutting down completely. Well any chance of Anne getting home now was lost. He turned off the TV and fell back on the sofa. He closed his eyes. He was exhausted and if he didn’t get some sleep he would be useless tomorrow night for their first show.

He missed holding Anne close to him while they slept. There was something about her warm body next to his that could soothe away all the anxiousness and relax him so he could sleep. Well, get used to it, he thought, because you just might be sleeping solo from now on.

~*~*~*~

The voice over the intercom caused her to stop in mid sentence. “I’ve got to go. It’s my flight.” She gathered her bags and took off down the concourse to the gate. “Sorry for waking you but you have no idea how much I appreciate this.”

“Uh huh,” came the groggy voice on the other end. “Can I go back to sleep now?”

“Sure. Thanks, Kevin.”

“No problem. Anything to help you two.” With that the line went dead and Anne ran to the gate.

Once settled and they were air born she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her hands began to shake a bit. She was scared. This was crazy, she had been on her own forever and she was scared. Her decision was so out of character and she worried how Brian would react. Their last words to each other had been far from loving; they had been downright hurtful. She yawned but couldn’t sleep as her thoughts stirred around in her head. Always one to have a back up plan just in case, this time she didn’t. She was flying without a parachute so to speak and everything could very well blow up in her face. The plane hit some turbulence and Anne clenched the arms of the seat. She hoped this flight wasn’t any indication of what would greet her in Orlando.

~*~*~*~

The ringing of the telephone woke Brian from a sound sleep having finally fallen asleep around three. He was sprawled across the bed with the sheet and blanket tangled around him as he grabbed for the phone.

“Yeah,” the word was muffled as he lay face down on the bed.

“You awake?” Kevin asked.

“Huh?” The phone slipped from Brian’s hands.

“Brian, you awake?” The voice was a bit louder this time.

“Geesh, what time is it?” He mumbled as he rolled over and peered at the clock on the bedside table.

“Four-thirty. You’ve got 30 minutes.”

“Oh man,” he sat up rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “I slept through the alarm. Thanks for the call.” He yawned into the phone.

“You okay, Brian?” Kevin was concerned that his marital woes would affect him while they were gone. Brian wasn’t very good about hiding his feelings. Well time would tell.

“I guess. I better get a quick shower. I’ll see you soon. Thanks again.” Kevin wanted to tell him it would all work out but decided to leave it alone. “Bye.” Brian hung up and shuffled off to the bathroom.

He arrived at the depot around 5:20 and Brian was grateful for the hot coffee and muffins that management always had for them. The driver took his bags to his bus as the group all gathered waiting for everyone to arrive.

Kevin seemed a bit on edge, more so than usual. His eyes kept darting over to where the buses were parked. Brian went over to him.

“You seem a bit more anxious than usual. What’s going on?” He took a drink of coffee letting it warm him. He could feel the caffeine starting to do its job too.

“Oh nothing, you know me, just making sure everyone is here so we can shove off on time.” He glanced back again as the driver gave him the okay sign. Brian turned around to see what was going on but Kevin took him by the arm and they started back to the rest of the group. “Let’s go get a second cup of coffee and muffin for the road.” Brian looked back but Kevin kept the tug on his arm.

After receiving last minutes instructions they started to board the buses and Nick tried to persuade Brian to join him for a while. “Come on Rok, you don’t want to be alone. We can keep each other company.”

“I think I’m going to try and sleep some more buddy. I only got about an hour or so last night. You know me, I need my beauty sleep.” Brian laughed off the comment and patted Nick’s back. “I’ll see you when we pull in. Okay?” He slowly walked to his bus knowing that sleep wouldn’t come easy even though he needed it badly.

Rick, his driver, was already in his seat when Brian entered the bus. “Well here we go again,” Brian said as he shook his hand. “Another 90 days of touring the good old U. S. of A.” Rick smiled and nodded.

This was the first time he had left on tour since his marriage that Anne wasn’t here to kiss him goodbye. He walked slowly to the back and opened the door to the sleeping compartment. Soft candlelight greeted him as he saw Anne sitting in the middle of the bed in the filmiest piece of nightwear he had ever seen. Her hair cascaded around her shoulders and her eyes just sparkled in the dim light. Her only movement was the soft rise and fall of her chest, which caused the transparent material to strain across the swell of her breasts. He stood speechless.

~*~*~*~

“Anne, what’s this all about? We’re pulling out now. We don’t have time for this.” His eyes never left her as his body responded to her near naked one. A flush of desire went through him and his initial reaction was to ravage her and satisfy the ache in his loins.

“I know Brian.” He reached for the intercom microphone to tell Rick to wait, but Anne wrenched it from his hand. They felt the bus jolt as it began to move and Brian landed on the bed next to her.

“We don’t have time to play games, Anne. Give me the mic.”

“I know we don’t. That is why I’m here. I’m done playing games and making promises I can’t keep.” She moved slightly and Brian caught a waft of her perfume. It was so subtle but so intoxicating. He moved off the bed to put some distance between them. As much as he wanted to take her in his arms and make love to her too much had been said in the last twenty-four hours to just ignore.

“Oh?” He raised his eyebrows slightly.

“That’s right. I can’t live like this any more than you can.” She sat perfectly still like a predator waiting for its prey.

“So then why are you here, practically naked I might add, if you don’t see any future for us.”

“I didn’t come here to fight with you Brian. I love you even though you don’t think I do.” He went to say something but she stopped him. “Let me finish, please. Since last night I’ve had a lot of time to think about us and our marriage, or what we were calling a marriage. I know I’m stubborn, and very independent and I’ve never needed or wanted anyone to take care of me. I felt it was a sign of weakness and that is why I shied away from making any commitment. But somehow you managed to love me in spite of it and tried very hard to understand and be good-natured about it.” Brian watched as she played with the small throw pillow. “But it was beginning to tear us apart. It wasn’t the traveling so much as my obstinacy. My need to be in control of my life. You know why we never really talked about starting a family?” He looked at her perplexed and shook his head. “It meant my giving up that independence I so treasured and I was afraid I would lose myself. As much as I loved you, and wanted your child, I didn’t want to just become your wife.” Brian came and sat down in front of her. Her eyes glistened as tears began to well in the corners.

“I…Anne, I…Oh God, I never wanted you to cease as a person. I said some terrible things to you last night and I’m sorry. I was angry and frustrated.” His thumb brushed her cheek and Anne felt those familiar stirrings that only Brian could evoke.

“We both did Brian, but it made me think about what I really want. I love my work but I love you and I can’t have both. Not the way it is right now anyway. Do you know that I spent more time in hotels in the last six months than I did at home?” He nodded his head knowing he had spent at least a third of that time with her. “So as I sat in the Atlanta airport after you hung up I took a long hard look at myself.” He had a queasy feeling that something bad was about to happen.

“Anne, look, we need to take some time and sit and really talk this all out. We can work something out. I know I said I some things last night that sounded like I was ready to call it quits, but we can try.” He held her hands as he spoke hoping his words would find a soft spot inside her. She handed him a piece of paper. “What’s this?” He looked at her and he thought he saw the flicker of a smile on her face. His heart began to beat a bit faster and he just knew it was over. He opened the paper and read the typed words slowly. “What does this mean?” He was so confused.

“It means just what it says, baby. I resigned from my job. I love you more and I realized I need to be with you. I want to try and have that baby we talked about and I will free lance while I travel with you.” Brian sat with his mouth open. “Baby, close you mouth, you’ll catch flies.” She chided him and leaned forward and pressed her lips softly to his.

“You’re not just saying this for me? I mean because if you are, it won’t work.” He searched her face for some sign of insincerity but there was none. “We are partners in this marriage Anne and I know I was wrong too. I know how much your career means to you and I don’t want to be the one to force you to have to choose between me and it.” He went to get off the bed when she took his arm and turned him back to her. The thin strap on her gown fell off her shoulders revealing her breasts. Brian sucked in his breath at the sight of her. “Don’t tease Anne, please.”

“I’m not teasing,” she kissed him slowly, “and you didn’t force me to make this decision. It has been plaguing me for months now.” She ran her hands under his shirt and lifted it over his head. “I love you and this is where I want to be.” She kissed him again letting her tongue play over his lips. He moaned and opened his mouth to receive her warm tongue. He held her close savoring the feel of her breasts against his chest. Anne unbuttoned his jeans and with her help he shrugged out of them. She pulled him to her and they fell back on the bed. Their kiss lasted forever.

“Anne,” Brian murmured against her lips, “you are sure?” She nodded.

“From now on my job is being Mrs. Brian Littrell and one of my first assignments is to make love to my husband.” She removed his boxers and he lifted the wispy veil covering her body. He moved over her and slid inside her. Anne arched into him and they both let out a groan of satisfaction. They made love languidly, bringing each other to the brink and then slowing down again. They rediscovered all those places that could bring such pleasure to each other and when they finally climaxed they collapsed in each other’s arms and slept.

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