Chapter 17

I woke early Christmas morning snuggling into Brian's arms closely. The sun was just beginning to peek in through my curtains. I inhaled deeply and delighted in his scent. If I could wake up like this every morning I would be the happiest woman in the world. I snuggled in deeper and Brian groaned in his sleep. He sounded so content, at total peace with himself. I closed my eyes and imagined this being a permanent situation. I wanted that so badly but I didn't think either of us were truly ready for that yet.

I thought back to that Christmas morning 5 years ago, when we woke up in each others arms in front of the fire. I smiled at the recollection, it had always made me smile, even in my sad times when Brian was away. A lot of things had happened between us and we had a lot of debris to get through first. Slowly but surely it was happening. But one issue still loomed. One Brian was reluctant to discuss.

Brian moved in his sleep, wrapping his arms around me a little tighter. It felt comforting to be there so lovingly held. The bed was warm, his body beside mine warming me even further, in more ways than one. His breathing changed and I realised he was now awake. I looked up at him, his eyes still heavy with sleep, but shining with love. I planted a quick kiss on his lips. "Good Morning Brian. Merry Christmas."

"Ahhh, three weeks ago I never thought I would wake up on Christmas morning like this. This is so much better than it was going to be. Merry Christmas to you Beautiful."

I dropped my head feeling instant tears of emotion stinging them. I hadn't heard him call me that since he left, I never expected him to remember that name he had often called me.

"Sue?" he said softly. "What's wrong?" His voice was full of worry. One hot tear escaped my eyes as I looked up at him and concern quickly engulfed him. "Sue? What is it? Did I do something wrong?"

"You called me Beautiful." I sobbed.

"Yes, you are beautiful." He looked confused, not quite understanding what I meant or why it made me cry.

"You used to call me that." He didn't remember and fresh tears surfaced. "You don't remember?" I sniffed. Brian had the grace to look remorseful. "You don't do you?"

He pulled an agonised face. "No, I don't. But Sue, can I keep calling you that? It fits you so perfectly."

I looked up at him. I liked him calling me that. It made me feel so special to him. But he had forgotten. "Yes, I'd like that." I said to him quietly.

"I'm Sorry Sue. I really am. I didn't want to upset you like this Christmas morning. 5 Christmases ago we discovered our love for each other. This Christmas, we are rediscovering it. I don't want to upset you."

"I just hope this rediscovery lasts longer than the original one." I said, the cynical side of me surfacing.

"Sue." He pulled me closer. "Beautiful. This one will last forever." He lowered his lips to mine slowly tracing them with his tongue. "I promise you it will be forever."

He plunged his tongue into my mouth, seeking out mine hungrily. His lips were warm and soft pressing against mine and I wanted him so badly at that moment. I couldn't get enough of him, trying to press closer. I felt his growing desire, but I was powerless to stop him at that time. I knew I should, but it felt too good, I wanted it too much. Like a forbidden fruit.

His hand holding me close began to roam over my body. I shivered as he ran his fingers softly over my ribs, it tickled, but unleashed a desire I had never experienced before. When his hand cupped my breast I pushed myself into his touch, wanting to feel this, needing to feel this. I ached for his touch. It wasn't until I felt him lifting the t-shirt I had worn to bed that I pulled back.

"No Brian. Don't." I pleaded.

He pulled back, breathing heavy, slowly bringing it back to normal again. "I'm sorry Sue." He muttered.

"Don't keep apologising Brian. I was as much at fault as you were."

I could tell he was frustrated. He wanted me, and while that sent a thrill through me, it also scared me. Did he realise how scared I was to take that final step. Not only because it would be my first time, but also because my heart would not stand being broken again. As much as he claimed to say we were now forever, and as much as I wanted to believe him, I still had to be sure. 100% sure. I really don't think he understood.

He brushed the hair out of my face and smiled down at me. I loved it when he smiled at me like that. "It's okay Sue. Don't worry about it."

"I do worry. Do you understand why?"

"I think so. You aren't ready yet. You need time. I will give you as much time as you need."

"Thank you Brian," I said simply. I didn't know if he did understand. I looked up at him, gazing into his blue eyes. "You know I love you?"

He smiled. "Yeah, I know. And I love you. You know I am the happiest now than I have been for a long time." He was playing with the ends of my hair, curling it round and round his finger absently.

"Oh me too Brian. That goes without saying."

He sighed deeply. "You really waited for me? All that time I was gone?"

I thought before answering. "Not so much waited Brian, I thought I had truly lost you, even with your mom telling me you still loved me, I was scared someone else would come on the picture. So I resigned myself to not having you again. I wasn't waiting, just accepted it. But there was never going to be anyone else for me."

"You never had any other boyfriends?" he asked.

I looked away. "No, I never did. Jac and Kerry tried to get me to go out, but they were disasters. Every single date ended in some sort of disaster."

"I'm glad."

I hit him on the arm. "That's a bit selfish." I said laughing.

"I know. But at least it meant you were still here for me when I finally came to my senses. I could have lost you."

"What would you be doing now, if I hadn't come to Orlando?"

"Honest?" I nodded. He was shaking his head. "I don't know. I don't even know if I would have come home. Home reminded me of you too much. Mom was always reminding me how stupid I was for treating you like I did. I already knew it, but I didn't know how to fix it. You said you didn't want to see me anymore."

"I did didn't I? But that was a long time ago. You had a girlfriend then." I whispered.

He sighed again. "Sue. I know it will be difficult. Especially for you. But is there any chance we can forget those years? When we are old they will be but a small portion of our life. Right now it seems like forever, but in a lifetime, it is only moments."

I thought about what he said. It was true, but I still hurt. In years to come, if we were still together it would be only a millisecond of our life. But it was still too fresh. "I'll try Brian. I will. But every time I feel like I am relaxing, some fear comes over me. I still need some time. It's only been 3 weeks. You do understand that don't you?"

"Yeah, I do. And I deserve to wait. And I will wait. For as long as it takes." He told me kissing me on the top of my head. "How about now we get up for Christmas. It's getting late. We are all going to your place this year aren't we?"

"Sure are. I was helping mom with all the preparations until you arrived back here."

"I can't wait to see everyone again." Brian pulled me close again kissing me deeply. "Come on, I have something for you."

I smiled. "You do?"

"Sure I do, it's Christmas."

We got up and headed to our small Christmas Tree. Kerry had helped me decorate it before she flew out to spend the season with her family in New York. The lights on it still twinkled brightly until I flicked the switch off. Brian frowned, so I laughed and put the lights back on. He smiled his approval. I noticed the small gift under the tree that hadn't been there when I went to bed. Brian came up behind me and slipped his arms around my waist. "Oooh Looks like Santa has been here. I wonder what he brought."

He let me go and walked over, picking up the small brightly wrapped parcel. It looked suspiciously like jewellery and I smiled at the thought. He was always so good at picking jewellery as a gift for me. Or he had been. I looked at the bracelet on my arm, the one that he had given me and I always wore, and then looked back at him.

"Merry Christmas Beautiful." He said handing me the package.

"Thank you Brian." I said looking at it like it was a foreign object.

"Are you going to open it?" Brian asked after I stood for a while thinking about it. He put his hand on mine, "It won't bite."

I don't know why I was hesitating. Subconsciously I think it was another step to be taken toward total forgiveness and I was still scared to reach that yet. But this was just one more step. I had to take many steps.

I opened the package to reveal, as I expected, a jewellery box. It was a little bigger than the one I had received the last Christmas day we had spent together. I looked up at him. "Go on. Open it." Brian urged.

Inside lay a fine chained necklace with a heart shaped ruby . I looked down at my bracelet I had received so long ago and the chain matched perfectly. "You remembered that?" I asked him in amazement.

He smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I remember that. I had agonized over that gift for a long time. I wanted this to be matching. I want you to, I mean if you want to, wear it all the time."

"Oh I want to. Yes. Thank you Brian," I said throwing my arms around his neck. "I love it. Will you put it on me?"

"Gladly." He held the chain standing behind me. I pulled my hair away from my neck and Brian's hands came in front of me, making me shiver. He pulled the necklace into place and fastened the clasp. I closed my eyes enjoying the sensation, moaning when I felt Brian's lips on my neck. "Hmmm, you smell so good," he murmured. I leaned back into him, letting him slide his hands around my waist. His arms brushed the bottoms of my breasts and I ached for him, but I knew he wasn't doing it on purpose.

I turned in his arms and wrapped mine around his neck. "Thank you," I whispered before lifting my lips to his for a brief kiss.

" I have something else for you."

"More?"

"Uh huh, I'd give you the world if I could," he said passing me a smaller package to open. Again I hesitated before unwrapping it.

Inside this package was a ring. Not just any ring but a beautiful ruby, matching the necklace, with smaller diamonds on either side set on a gold band. It wasn't huge, just perfectly sized for the slender band. "Oh Brian, this is beautiful. I don't know what to say."

He kissed my forehead. "Don't say anything, just put it on."

I looked up at him, my heart swelling with love. "No, thank you is good. I love it Brian." I slipped the ring on my finger and was delighted to see it was a perfect fit. I looked at him questioningly. "How did you know?"

He grinned. "Jac helped. She 'borrowed' one of your rings for the size. I wanted it to be perfect for you." He pulled me into his arms and held me. "It feels so good to have you in my arms again. I didn't even fully know how much I missed you till now. Now I want to hold you in my arms forever," he told me tightening his arms around me. He buried his face in my hair, his lips searching for my neck. I arched my head up making his task easier. I moaned when he kissed me, my knees buckling. Brian sensed it and pulled me in tighter.

His lips moved upward, kissing my chin, bypassing my waiting lips. My eyes were closed, savouring the rampant desires surging through me. He kissed the tip of my nose moving to one closed eye and then the other. He kissed my cheeks, my forehead, and back down to my chin, driving me wild with desire for him. "Oh Brian," I moaned.

"Yes Beautiful." He whispered kissing my earlobe as he did sending shivers down my spine.

"Kiss me please." I whimpered this time. He obeyed and crushed his lips to mine. He pulled back slightly tracing my lips with his tongue, once, then again, before I let it in to mine. I swayed closer into his arms, mine creeping up around his neck holding him to me. I would forever be happy to kiss Brian, but I knew he wanted more, so it was unfair of me to keep doing this to him. I moved back slowly, planting small kisses on his face as I did. When I looked in his eyes, they were dazed with a look of longing. I had to quell the desire slightly.

"Brian."

"Hmmm?"

"I have a gift for you too."

"You do?" He asked quietly, his fingers in my hair. "When did you have time to shop?"

"When I came home. I hope you like it."

He kissed me again, he couldn't get enough and every little contact he had made him happy. "I'm sure I will. What ever it is."

I moved away to pull the package out from under the tree. Brian whistled at me as I bent over and I turned to give him a seductive grin. I was getting slowly better at this I thought. I stood in front of him holding the gift. I had taken a full two days to decide what to get Brian. What do you get someone who could almost get himself anything he wanted.

I handed it to Brian, leaning in to kiss him and whisper Merry Christmas to him. He tore the package open, unlike me, to reveal yet another jewellery box. He flipped the lid to find a gold watch.

"Sue. You shouldn't have got me something so expensive."

"I wanted to Brian. Look at it." I said pointing to the face. "It has dual time, you can know what time it is in two places."

The smile on his face grew. "So I will always know what time it is where you are?" I nodded. "I love it Sue. I'll always know when you are up, when you are working, when it is dinner time, when you are sleeping, and everything. Even when we are apart I will know what you would be doing by looking at my watch." He put the watch on his arm and I was relieved to see he wasn't wearing one, but I was sure he had many. He kissed me again, "Thank you Sue. I will wear it always."

"I guess we better get ready to go out then hey?"

"Yes, we better. But first come here." He said pulling me into his arms. "I love you Sue. This time, this is the first of many more Christmases to come."

I smiled at him. He remembered what he had said that last Christmas together. Even back then I had wondered if it was true. This time I was beginning believe there was a chance.

Chapter 18
Index

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